Redeemed from the Pit of Bulimia®

Testimony from a Reader - to God Be the Glory

2012-01-18T13:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Marie,

Your book is so great and God is using it in a mighty way in my life. Although it has been 25 years since I used/practiced/was trapped by bulemia, (I am 45 now) I have still never had freedom with food. For me, the battle of what to eat, what not to eat, how much to eat was swirling around in my head daily....all day. God started to show me several years ago how this is bondage and He intends freedom. This was no doubt blocking the freedom and also stifling fruit from mu life that could be glorifying Him.

Through this last summer (2011) this trouble with food and my self image reached an all time breaking point. I felt hopeless and frustrated - failures more and more frequent and more extreme, "success" in this area less and less frequent and less "successful". I have been using food as an emotional "security blanket" for as long as I can remember. As life goes on, I have used it more and more and can see this noose was getting tighter and tighter. I started attending and following the program of Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) in September. I've learned a great deal about myself and my issues with food from these few months and even many logistical things about planning and volume, etc. about food. But, from the start several things about this approach that I could not feel settled with. I kept feeling like God was definitely with me and helping me, I continued to feel called to freedom with Him - not with a program.

So, in November I googled something like "freedom beyond Food Addiction" and up popped your book - I ordered it right away and have had it ether in hand or close by ever since. There are more words underlined than not, there are pages turned down and notes covering the back cover and blank last page and in many margins. Thank you for writing it....thank you for all the time and research you have done to share all of this. Today I'll be calling the dear woman who has been voluntarily sponsoring me in this program to let her know I feel called to face this daily, hourly, by minute with God and am not going to continue "in program".

I live in ______ . (zip code xxxxx). I wish you lived here - I would love to meet you and ask you a million questions about your life and story. It is amazing the fire God set ablaze in you to learn about Him and his word. Thank you for sharing so much. Through you, God has given me much hope and direction.

700 Club Interview up

2012-01-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

The 700 Club has finished production on my testimony/interview, and has included the broadcast on their website (Eventually there should be a link to my book there, as well, once the text transcript is up):

Permalink to Broadcast

A few thoughts on the broadcast.

First, it's important that the viewer understand that this was a very brief, summarized paraphrase of both my testimony (see page on this blog), and the interview itself. I actually was interviewed for over an hour, and I understand the limitations of shaving it down into four minutes. However, besides a few errors in the "summarization" they made of my testimony (it was 17 years, not 10; the bulimia was at it's worst in high school not college; but these details don't really change the overall intent), I was less than thrilled with a few other things.

First, they completely left out my discussion of how I became a Christian, and eliminated all discussion of my relationship with Christ. It almost sounded as if I had been brought up in a Christian home; married a Christian right out of college; and continued (or immediately started) attending church. Nothing could be further from the truth. While they mis-pronounced my husband's name, a much more significant Name was omitted entirely -- that of Jesus Christ!! The whole POINT of a testimony is to glorify HIM, and I discussed the Person and work of Christ at length in this interview. Unfortunately, none of that made it in.

Nowhere was the Gospel presented, although we talked at length about justification and sanctification during the taping.

I specifically asked that the Healing Room Ministries (a doctrinally-aberrational group) not be used. They mentioned it anyway.

As a biblical counselor, I was extremely disappointed that my entire explanation of renewing the mind, repentance and how to overcome life-dominating sin was left out. Roughly three quarters of the piece focused on my childhood and youth, but little time was given to the answer to addiction. Also disappointing is the fact that NO MENTION was made of my book, "Redeemed from the Pit."

Well, you win some and you lose some; but I do pray that God somehow uses it anyway.

Book Signing Today! Press release here...

2011-12-10T04:22:00.000-08:00

Below is the press release run in my local newspaper about today's book signing:

Christian Author to Discuss Eating Disorders

LEOMINSTER -- Do you or a loved one struggle with anorexia or bulimia? Author and Christian counselor Marie Notcheva of Rutland will be holding a book signing at Morningstar Christian Bookstore, 375 Harvard St., from 4 5o 6 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 10.

Her book, "Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders," was released by Calvary Press earlier this month. Well-known author and counselor Martha Peace wrote the foreword of the book, which has been endorsed by Olympic diving champion Laura Wilkinson and many experts in the biblical counseling field.

A graduate of Jay Adams' Institute for Nouthetic Studies and member of Heritage Bible Chapel of Princeton, Marie specializes in counseling women with eating disorders. Her ministry began online several years ago, as women from around the world began emailing her for help. Having battled an eating disorder for many years, Marie found answers to what had become a life-dominating sin within the pages of the Bible. Her faith in God enabled her to turn her life around and later reach out to others struggling with the same shameful secret. In September, The 700 Club filmed an interview with Marie.

"Redeemed from the Pit" is the first book of its kind, in that it treats eating disorders as learned behaviors which, with God's help, can be unlearned. It is already being used in Christian counseling centers and residential rehab facilities. Jocelyn Wallace, executive director of Vision of Hope (Faith Ministries) in LaFayette, Ind., lauds the experience and deep theological exposition Marie uses, as well as the book's easy readability. http://www.sentinelandenterprise.com/community/ci_19447028#ixzz1g8LzV3lw

Interview with Ashlie Kyles of Bella Ministries

2011-12-01T03:51:00.000-08:00

Link to Bellanomics here

HAVE YOU FALLEN INTO THE PIT? HERE'S HOPE!

In September, I had the opportunity to do a Q&A with Marie Notcheva, the author of "Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders". She has been studying Biblical Counseling since 2009,and is near the completion of the certification process with the NANC (National Association of Nouthetic Counselors). She counsels Christian women in person, and occasionally by e-mail, who struggle with anorexia, bulimia, and food-related bondages. Please take a moment to learn more about her ministry...

Q: What was the inspiration for starting this organization?

A: I was anorexic and bulimic for 17 years. God graciously granted me repentance and freedom. I began writing about my journey, in the hopes it would help others with similar struggles.

Q: Who can benefit from you or the use of your organization?

A: Christian women struggling with eating disorders, as well as counselors and those close to them trying to help according to biblical principles. My book goes into what the Bible says about life-dominating sin in general, as well as what God expects us to do (and how to renew our mind) as He frees us. Many people do not think of eating disordered behavior as being sinful, but God wants us to walk in freedom and holiness!

Q: What programs, products or services do you offer to the community?

A: My book, which was forewarded by bestselling author and speaker Martha Peace, can be purchased at http://www.calvarypress.com/home.asp I also blog at: http://redeemedfromthepit.blogspot.com/ I counsel (free of charge) under the authority of my local church in Massachusetts.

Q: What advice would you offer to someone interested in starting or getting involved with your type of business/organization?

A: Biblical counselors are desperately needed in this age of man-centered thinking and Godless psychology (and "Christian" programs that are based on psychological counseling constructs). Study and do the training necessary to minister the Scriptures to hurting people! If your church does not offer a biblical counseling program, suggest starting one.

Q: Where are your services offered (local, national, international)?

A: My book is available for order online. I counsel in Massachusetts, but I have received e-mails from women all over the world. I respond to each one personally and refer her to a local biblical counselor in her area (where possible).

Q: What else would you like us to know about you or your organization?

A: My testimony and an interview with me about how I overcame eating disorders in God's strength will appear on The 700 Club within a few months. Through speaking and writing, I hope to be a blessing and a light to those struggling in the pit of anorexia and bulimia. You are not alone!

Bellanomics, LLC personally thanks Marie Notcheva for taking the time out to answer a few questions. You can read here for the publisher's description of Marie's book, including the foreword written by Martha Peace: http://www.calvarypress.com/home.asp.

Endless Attempts to Fill the God-Shaped Void: "Drunkorexia"

2011-11-26T07:50:00.000-08:00

In my book, "Redeemed from the Pit", I mistakenly identified C.S. Lewis as the originator of the quote "Inside every person, there is a God-shaped vacuum". (I have since learned that it was Blaise Pascal.) Regardless of who first said it, the validity of this statement is continuously borne out in the fallen world around us.

This week, I was notified of the following article, which discusses the campus trend of "drunkorexia" (the practice of deliberately getting intoxicated on an empty stomach, or habitually abusing alcohol while starving one's self of food.) This is not a new practice - forgoing food in favor of liquor is actually an old trick -- everyone knows that alcohol is absorbed more quickly when there is no food in the stomach. I just didn't realize it had a name. (Nor is it limited to college campuses - women long beyond university with both eating disorders and alcohol dependency regularly do this.)

The onlinecollege.org article begins:

At first, "drunkorexia" may sound like kind of a funny word, jokingly made up to describe a situation in which college students and others forgo food in order to be able to afford more alcohol and feel higher effects of alcohol on an empty stomach. But what some may brush off as crazy college-kid behavior is actually a serious problem that can have highly damaging consequences both in long- and short-term health. Of course, that hasn't stopped college students from engaging in this unhealthy trend, and a study at the University of Missouri-Columbia indicated that one in six students had practiced drunkorexia within the last year. Typically, drunkorexia is done by women; the study showed that three out of four drunkorexia respondents were female.

(Continue reading here.)

As I have often noted, eating disorders and drunkenness tend to go hand-in-hand. From a biblical perspective of human behavior, this should not surprise us: "lusts of the flesh" take many forms, and when one is weak in this area, self-control and moderation tend to break down in multiple ways. Additionally, as I point out in Chapter one of my own book, eating disorders engender so much shame and self-loathing that we often gravitate to alcohol as an anesthesia. When in the depths of bulimarexia and drunkenness myself, I used to rationalize that if something made me feel better [alcohol], even for a little while, I would happily use it.

Of course, no number of bottles will ever take the pain and shame away. (Just ask Amy Winehouse.) Only Jesus Christ can do that.

Starving yourself thin will never make you happy, improve your relationships, or, MOST importantly, meet your TRUE needs - forgiveness and intimacy with your Saviour. Seeking solace in alcohol compounds the problem, of course; but the fact that so many seek to fill this God-shaped void with poison testifies to how deep our human need is for God.

Whether you know Hi now or not, you will never be satisfied or find joy in anything less. You weren't designed to.

Feedback from a Physician

2011-11-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

Since the release of my book, "Redeemed from the Pit", I have held book-signings twice at my church here in Massachusetts and our pastor of discipleship and counseling has highly recommended it to our congregation. Yesterday, he noted from the pulpit that not much literature has been written on eating disorders from a biblical perspective, but that I "hit it right on the head" in my book.

Such glowing endorsements from pastors and NANC counselors are very encouraging, but one note-worthy conversation I had last week happened to be with an Elder of our church. He is also a physician.

This gentleman pulled me aside the first week my book was promoted, and confided that he'd really like to sit down with me and talk about this topic, which is of personal interest to him. Now in his fifties, when Dr. D was in university, his sister passed away due to complications arising from her anorexia. I knew that he had lost a sister to an eating disorder, and since as an Elder he does some counseling in our church it was encouraging to me that he'd take interest in my book.

"You know, the medical community really dislikes seeing this [eating disorders], because they really don't know what to do with it," he confided. He nodded knowingly when I mentioned the utter uselessness of anti-depressants to treat eating disorders, and admitted that physicians all know anorexia and bulimia are not diseases....but simply are at a loss, as medical professionals, as to what to do. "You almost have to "treat"the whole family," he reflected, and we discussed Martha Peace's workshop on counseling anorexics and the importance of family involvement.

Hearing a physician validate what I've been saying all along - that eating disorders are learned, sinful behaviors (which can therefore be overcome in the power of the Gospel), and not organic diseases (leaving the medical community at a loss) was interesting. It should only be a matter of time before Christian doctors, like him, send their patients to biblical counselors for help, rather than psychiatrists!

Counseling Anorexic Girls - From NANC 2011

2011-11-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

Last month, I attended the NANC Conference in Walnut Creek, California, at which Martha Peace taught an excellent workshop entitled "Counseling as if a Life Depended on It: Counselees with Anorexia". In her lecture, Martha highlighted the need for a physician's involvement because of the medically fragile condition of the anorexic; the reality of both a spiritual (eternal soul-threatening) emergency and the physical one; and how family members may be involved in a helpful way.

Any woman repenting from an eating disorder needs help from those closest to her. As God transforms her mind and thinking, it is necessary for family members (mothers especially) to know how to give the right kind of "support" and reinforce biblical attitudes (and right behaviors). Martha demonstrated how an anorexic counselee would be instructed to keep a "self-talk" log, contrasting sinful, obsessive and self-oriented thoughts with biblical replacements which focus on loving God and others. For example, an eating-disordered girl will typically fret, "Everyone is watching me! Why can't they leave me alone?!" The "put-on" thought to replace this might be, "Everyone is not watching me, and those that are, love me very much. I don't blame them for being worried."

Naturally, mealtimes are very tension-fraught in households where someone is battling an eating disorder. One question Martha often fields from concerned mothers is, "What should we do if our daughter just sits and stares at her food?" Discomfort often leads parents to excuse, ignore, or over-react (crying; begging) to their daughters' willful starvation. Instead, Martha counsels parents to remain calm, speak to her very calmly and give her hope. They might express something along the lines of, "I know this is very hard for you but the Lord will help you, and I want you to pick up your fork and take a bite of potatoes. Ask the Lord to help you. We are going to pray for you right now and then we are going to continue to eat our meal." Then, she counsels, turn the focus of dinner conversation to something else - the matter has been dealt with compassionately, biblically, and lovingly - but without dwelling on it or focusing excessive attention on the young woman or her battle.

While Martha made many good points and gave helpful advice on giving homework, making agendas and how to approach the Gospel with the counselee, I particularly liked this discussion of parental involvement and thought it was especially practical. An eating disorder, like any other type of addiction (life-dominating sin), affects every member of the family. I especially like her suggestion of praying and bringing God into what is so clearly a spiritual battle - right there at the dinner table. Having "fought" this lonely battle privately for years, I can tell you that having a compassionate, godly parent offering hope during the scariest moment would have made a world of difference. A loving family praying over a frightened young woman as she faces her fear is far more effective than "talk therapy" and secular "coping strategies". The Bible has much to say about dealing with fear, and the fact that God is FOR us and not against. Reinforcing these truths is the best "support" a young woman could receive.

"It is Finished"

2011-11-01T03:54:00.000-07:00

"Redeemed from the Pit" has finally arrived.

I received my author's copies yesterday, and those of you who have requested review copies from the publisher should be seeing them soon. I have been told that those who placed orders have begun receiving them in the mail yesterday.

You may order directly from Calvary Press, or Amazon.com for your copy, and may God bless you as you take this journey!

"Redeemed From The Pit" Now Available to Order!

2011-09-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

Calvary Press has just released my book, "Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders" under their new imprint, Interior Publications. It is available for sale on the Calvary Press website, and within a few days will be available through their vendors (including Amazon.com). Just in time to promote at the NANC Conference, I am pleased to see the results of the last several years' work come to fruition at long last. Below is the publisher's description, and the Foreword, written by Martha Peace:

NEW! Check out our eBooks for download!
HAVE YOU FALLEN INTO THE PIT? HERE'S HOPE! REDEEMED FROM THE PIT by Marie Notcheva • Up to 3% of ALL adolescents in the United States have symptoms of bulimia. • 5-15% of ALL adult women show the same signs.

NEW! Check out our eBooks for download!

HAVE YOU FALLEN INTO THE PIT?

HERE'S HOPE!

REDEEMED FROM THE PIT
by Marie Notcheva

• Up to 3% of ALL adolescents in the United States have symptoms of bulimia.
• 5-15% of ALL adult women show the same signs.

Are you one (or do you know someone) of the literally thousands who suffer from an eating disorder, most likely bulimia? Do you see yourself as fat and unattractive? Do you feel as though you don’t “fit in” and suffer from periods of deep depression? Has binging on food and then purging become a daily part of your routine?

HERE IS HOPE!
Drawing from her own experiences with the disorder, author Marie Notcheva shows you how to overcome this life-destroying habit. No, not by some contrived “self help” system—but by the power of the Lord Jesus Christ! Notcheva believes that the person suffering from an eating disorder is not a victim of a “disease”; it is not something that has befallen them or has been thrust upon them. Rather, the bulimic became so by a series of choices. They chose to feel a certain way about themselves. They chose to start on a path of behavior that leads to a destructive habit.

Likewise, those suffering from bulimia can start making correct choices. They can make the choice to believe that their behavior is sin, not a disease. They can believe that the Bible is the Word of God, and that by trusting in the sacrifice of Christ for sinners, they can have new life—and that they can have victory, not only over bulimia, but over the greatest threat of all: eternal destruction.

This book may indeed prove to be a “life saver” to many. It will certainly give tremendous hope to all who read it.

FOREWARD BY MARTHA PEACE

Since Mother Eve fell into sin, almost all women, Christians or not, have desired to be beautiful. Different cultures, over time, have defined beautiful in different ways. Remember the bee-hive hairdos of the 1960's? Ancient Roman women thought that beautiful, too! Well, the bee-hive went out and thin came in.

Today, we are greatly influenced by the media to think that the only truly beautiful women are thin; very thin. We want to look like the movie stars, news anchors, and models that are almost always super-slim. I once heard about a movie star who on a very long air flight refused all the meals. On occasion, however, she would become so hungry she would insist on something to eat, eat two bites, and refuse the rest. She was thin and she was beautiful, but I wonder if her almost-starvation diet was worth it in the long run. She struggles with anorexia. Another may not starve herself; in fact, she may often be gluttonous, but maintains her weight by throwing up after the meal. Sometimes her compulsion is repeated several times per day. She struggles with bulimia.

It was forty-plus years ago in nursing school that I learned about eating disorders. As I recall, it was the first time I knew that eating disorders existed. Both were said to be psychiatric diseases and both, especially anorexia, were difficult to treat. What must have been rare back in the 1960's is now, for many, a common practice. The quest for beauty which likely began with Mother Eve has not gone away. It is still labeled a psychiatric disease and anyone struggling with an eating disorder knows what Marie Notcheva means about being in the "pit" and "in bondage."

Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders is a gift from God to those struggling and to those helping someone struggling with an eating disorder. This book maintains a high view of God and an accurate view of man. It is written in an engaging style and entwined within it is Notcheva's own personal struggle and how God granted her repentance and real freedom. As a biblical counselor to women, I am looking forward to using this book to help others. Read it prayerfully and thoughtfully. You, too, can, by God's grace, be truly redeemed from the pit!

Martha Peace Biblical Counselor and Author of The Excellent Wife

Price: $21.99
ISBN: 978-1-879737-78-5

"Redeemed from the Pit" About to Go Live...

2011-09-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

This week, I received the cover of my book from the publisher:

The book will be "live" within the next couple weeks for purchase on Calvary Press' website: http://www.calvarypress.com/home.asp

Devotional from Barb Winters: "Tortilla Chip Revelation"

2011-09-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

Worship the Lord your God, and his blessings will be on your food and water. Exodus 23:25 NIV

I almost ate a tortilla chip from my daughter's plate.

"So what?" you may ask.

God gave me a directive: Eat a special diet for one week. The simple act of reaching for the chip indicated I was on auto-pilot. My routine was second nature. I thought little before popping my favorite foods into my mouth.

God gave the Israelites a directive before reaching the Promised Land: Do not bow down before their (the enemies') gods or worship them or follow their practices. You must demolish them and break their sacred stones to pieces. Had I fallen before my god? Had food crept in and become a god in my life without my realization?

Misleading influences casually slip through the cracks into our lives - a television commercial for Pizza Hut, a church potluck with Mabel's famous chocolate pie, a candy bar fundraiser for the local sports team. Before we know it, we're knee deep in extra calories and foods to which God previously said, "No." We are in enemy territory worshiping their gods.

We can allow our focus to shift from God to food, succumb to the world's way of thinking, and begin justifying improper eating habits. However, our justifications are invalid. And this path leads to destruction - physically and spiritually.

Pause and evaluate God's directive for you in the area of eating. If you find yourself in the position of justifying improper eating habits, demolish those beliefs. Take captive your thoughts, and replace them

with truth.

God's directive to the Israelites came with a promise. If they worshiped God, and God alone, He would bless their food and water. This principle is true for us. When we worship God, He will direct our eating and, subsequently, bless our food and water.

Lord, I desire to worship You, and You alone. Show me if I justify eating improperly. Take my thoughts captive and speak truth into my life.

Barbara Winters and her husband, Don, have four children, Kevin, JT, Kenneth, and Melinda. Barbara home schools her children and encourages her husband in his pastorate position. Barbara writes a column on the characteristics of God for Lucid Magazine atwww.lucidmagazine.com, has several articles available for purchase at Churchmouse Publications, and writes two blogs: http://foodliesandtruth.blogspot.com/

http://thefatherheartofgod.blogspot.com/

Read Barbara's devotions.

Sobering Reality

2011-09-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I did an interview and shooting sequence with The 700 Club about my repentance and transformation from anorexia and bulimia 8 years ago. (More on that in another post...I'm very glad I did it, and hope God uses it to touch someone's life.)

Just now, however, my thoughts are going back 6 years in time, to the very first woman I shared my story with...a lady named Lori, who was then beginning her 20th year in the grips of bulimia. Well below a normal weight, she was carrying a child and was frightened of how her eating disorder would harm the baby.

She delivered a 3-pound baby boy, 10 weeks prematurely. Fortunately, he had no major complications, but, despite her desire to turn around, her eating disorder and excessive drinking continued unabated. She lost her health, her teeth, and her marriage to bulimia.

Today I learned that Lori has died.

I had shared the Gospel with her several times, and she claimed to be regenerate. I hope against hope that Lori was not deceived, although she was in much deception and there was no fruit in her life. In 2009, one of the last e-mails she wrote to me included this excerpt:

I know that this bondage I am in is a demon. Ed has gotten me no where in life. Just more problems. I am scared about all this kidney stuff going on. Dr. told me that if I don't start dialysis, that I won't even make it to a transplant. That is scary to hear. Ed has gotten a LITTLE bit better. Since I have been in ***, I have put on 10 lbs, so that is something to say. The thought pattern is still there though. Can't seem to shake that.

2 weeks ago, I had a prayer group pray over me at my church. Then, the week after that, the same ladies, plus 5 other people, plus the priest all met to do a prayer/healing service just for me. They prayed over me for an hour. I have to get my blood drawn once a week, plus get a procreate shot once a week. Well, 2 days after they prayed over me, my blood levels were significantly better!!!!!!!!! I'm not out of the woods, but there was a drastic improvement. I am not expecting a miracle healing from God. i will take whatever He gives me. Like the priest said.......don't have any expectations on what kind of healing I will have. I just opened my heart to Him and let Him do the rest.

I annoint myself everyday with Holy Oil that my mom got from Lourdes France. Also I have some Holy Oil from St. Perrigren. I use both of these daily on my kidney's. I swear, God is keeping me safe thru all of this.

This was after several YEARS of evangelism and counsel from me, both via phone and e-mail. My heart is broken for a life so young, so full of promise, utterly destroyed.

Lori did not really think her bulimia would kill her. She always believed that if she could get a little more clever; keep it in check "just a little bit more", she'd be okay. Or at least get people off her back. Ultimately, her organs gave out and so did her strength.

Please realize, if you are in this situation, there is STILL HOPE for you. God's transforming power and gracious gift of repentance are always freely available - you need to start TODAY. Are you whole-hearted in your determination to walk away from bulimia? E-mail me if you want to talk more.

C.S. Lewis, Bulimia, and Pornography

2011-09-12T04:21:00.000-07:00

Great post from Brad Hambrick and shared by the Biblical Counseling Coalition....apparently I'm not the first to draw the parallel between lust and eating disorders. Whenever we seek pleasure for pleasure's sake, we are operating outside of God's will...and will wind up emptier and more despairing than before.

“The Christian attitude does not mean that there is anything wrong about sexual pleasure, any more than about the pleasure of eating. It means that you must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself, any more than you ought to get the pleasures of taste without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again (p.105).” -- Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

This quote alludes to a connection between bulimia (the desire for food but not calories; chewing but not digesting) and pornography (the desire for closeness but not vulnerability; having but not belonging). But as the parallel is developed, it should be construed as the male (lust) and female (body image) version of the same problem. In recent years the struggles of men with eating disorders and women with pornography have both risen significantly.

Read the whole post here:

C.S. Lewis, Bulimia, and Pornography

Are You Blaming Your Sin on a "Disease"? (Tim Conway)

2011-09-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

He's right.

Updates and recent developments...

2011-09-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

Apologies for my online absence of late. I returned from Albania two weeks ago, yet am still easing back into the flow of studying, NANC writing and counseling preparation. I am in the final course ("Casebook Studies") with the Institute for Nouthetic Studies, after which I will submit my completed NANC exam and begin supervised counseling. Yay!

Speaking of NANC, the annual conference is fast approaching. My friend Martha Peace is teaching a workshop on counseling anorexia, and I am very much hoping my book will be out by then....the publisher received the galleys just over a week ago, so we shall soon see.

Next Thursday, Sept. 15, The 700 Club is coming to my home to interview me and film my testimony. I am excited, but nervous at the same time! Hopefully by the time the show airs, my book will be out and viewers struggling with bulimia, binge-eating or anorexia will have that as a resource to turn to. God uses the weak and foolish things of this world...myself included.

Interestingly, while I was in Albania (as a camp counselor at a Christian youth camp), the subject of my counseling and writing came up. One of my British counterparts was interested in counseling, and mentioned to me that a young relative of hers struggled with an eating disorder. While I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, I WAS shocked when the girls told me that many of their peers in Albania struggle with weight and body-image issues. I suppose the struggles teenaged girls face are somewhat similar throughout the world; and, in Europe, young women tend to be exceptionally thin...which provides additional pressure to those who are not so naturally. One of the girls asked me, "Is is possible for your book to be translated into Albanian? This would be very helpful to the girls here..." Hmm...guess there's nothing truly new under the sun.

Prepare for Temptation! (From Wayne Mack)

2011-08-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

Dear readers: tomorrow, 8/12/11, I will be leaving for a short-term missions trip in Albania, and will not have e-mail, internet or cellphone access. If you send me an e-mail or leave a comment, it may not be answered or moderated until after I return to the US on 8/24/11. In the meantime, read the following from Wayne Mack on implementing biblical instruction, and formulate a "plan of attack" for beating bulimia and overeating! Deciding how to handle temptation before it comes is half the battle.

"A plan for biblical response to temptation might include the following items:

1) recognize and acknowledge in the earliest stages of temptation that you are being tempted;

2) quickly ask God for His help to resist;

3) if possible, remove yourself immediately from the source of temptation;

4) identify the unbiblical desire that would be served by yielding to the temptation;

5) quote and meditate on appropriate Scripture;

6) remind yourself of God's presence, power, and promises;

7) reflect on the purpose of Christ's death;

8) mentally and verbally make a commitment to do the godly thing;

9) get busy with a mind-engaging, godly activity;

10) call a godly friend and ask for help;

11) repeat key aspects of this temptation plan until the power of the temptation is reduced.

The planning phase of the implementation process should also include strategies for dealing with failure. Since change is usually a process rather than an event, people often experience setbacks in their efforts to become more godly. Yet this frequently takes people by surprise, and because they have come to counseling with unrealistic expectations (that progress will be swift, easy and continuous), they become discouraged by the struggles and failures. When this happens, they tend to think that no progress has been made, that counseling is useless, and that they have not, cannot, and will not ever change."

- Wayne Mack, "Counseling: How to Counsel Biblically", (with John Macarthur), pp. 195-6.

I want you all to see the error of that way of thinking when you fail, even though you may have repented of the bulimic behavior again, and again...and AGAIN. The key is in humbling yourself (yes, once again) before the Lord in repentance, and when you get up off your knees, stepping out anew in obedience. This commitment to change is the only way out of the pit - repentance is an ongoing lifestyle; not a one-time quick fix!

Please keep me in prayer while I'm in Albania...and for my family as well (hopefully I've got them trained well enough to survive without me for 12 days!)

Confronting Doubts: "Does God Really Love Me?"

2011-08-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

"Faith hangs on to Christ in the dark, it holds to a silent Christ, it holds to a refusing Christ, it holds to a rebuking Christ, and it will not let him go. Faith is the great holdfast that hooks a soul on to the Saviour.

Faith is thus powerful because of its effects. Faith enlightens, enlivens and strengthens. It is written of some of old that "They looked unto him, and were lightened." Faith shed a light upon many things, and lets us see that even if Christ has a frown on his face, he has love in his heart. Faith looks right into the heart of Christ, and helps us to perceive that he cannot mean anything but mercy to a seeking soul."
-- Charles Spurgeon

Have you ever asked God if He really loves you, or pleaded with Him for His affection? The following is an open letter to those of you who doubt, amended from a personal note I just sent to someone who is struggling:

"Dear Fellow Sojourner,

Believe it or not, I do understand what you mean and the doubts you are having about God's dealings with you and questioning whether He really cares or even if He loves you. Although I have not personally experienced what you are, I DO know the feelings and am all too familiar with the doubts. I want to be careful here not to sound like “Job’s friends” – although honestly, your situation reminds me of Job! – because that does no one any good.

I deliberately will not quote you the verses or pull out catch-all platitudes about Christ dying for the world (and of course I do NOT mean to diminish the Atonement one bit; but that is what people generally remind you of when you doubt God’s love.) I know EXACTLY what you mean when you write about knowing Christ loves the world; but what about you personally? One verse I would point out to you, however, is Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me," (emphasis mine), wherein Paul was making the point He loved [Paul] and gave Himself up for [Paul]. Who, of course, was a murduring Pharisee and all that; but you get the idea.

And of course, there ARE Scriptural statements to the effect that God’s love is infinite, faithful and PERSONAL to the believer (you) – Matt. 10:31; Luke 12:7; Hebrews 13:5 (the “you” is singular in the original), as well as the Psalms, which cover every range of human emotion. However, you are obviously intelligent and don’t need the references or a Bible lesson. Just thought I’d remind you anyway, though, because His Word IS Truth.

Regarding God’s nature, I know you wonder if He really cares because of all the pain and suffering you see all around you. I need not “defend” Him or say He always keeps His promises (in the way we expect, at least – I admit I also struggle with the exact meaning of Matthew 6, especially vs. 31-32: "So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.") My guess is that is something like a Proverb – to be understood as a general rule, but NOT a guaranteed absolute. (I.E. “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” – it’s a general principle; not a guarantee. IF you do this – you may expect THAT.)

This promise doesn’t change the fact that there are millions of suffering, starving Christians whose daily bread is NOT provided….as a result of man’s sin. God knows/sees it; He COULD prevent it, but He does not. That’s where we get into the issue of His sovereignty, and we have to admit that we just don’t know. We DO know, if we believe the Scripture to be infallible, that A) He is good; and B)ultimately justice will be served and all wrongs will be righted. Beyond that, we can only speculate (and often that gets us in trouble when we do.) But we know that He is good, and does NOT enjoy torturing His slaves…even though it may feel that way sometimes. I’ve often wondered, for example, how miscarriages and stillbirth fits into His sovereign plan. Again, not that I’ve experienced that personally, but I’ve known many women who have and as a mom, I can only imagine the agony and grief.

What I keep coming back to as I turn this around in my mind (extreme suffering and God’s goodness)is this: we can’t say Jesus didn’t warn us. Count the cost; some of us will be persecuted; put to death. He offered NO promises about our comfort or emotional needs; He only said “in this life you will have many troubles; take heart; I have overcome the world.” We need to live with an eternal perspective, as hard as that can be sometimes. Jesus knew so well what it is to be rejected and despised (and still does…everything from people taking His Name in vain to Monty Python movies mocking Him, and worse). When you love someone, you make yourself vulnerable to them, and that is what God has done with us. We grieve Him when we are faithless - blowing off prayer time with Him; gossiping about one another; fighting with our spouses. Yet HE remains faithful.

This is what it means that He was “touched with our infirmaties” and “sympathetic to our weaknesses”. They’re not just words; He really understands (and cares.) Look at Paul (and the Apostles – close, intimate friends of Jesus during His earthy ministry). Paul got the stuffings beaten out of him on a regular basis; got run out of town more than once; was slandered and maligned (even by other “Christians”); was abandoned by friends; and was finally executed on trumped-up charges. He sure wasn’t getting his “emotional needs met” or his “love cup” filled! Jesus Himself was verbally tormented throughout most of His ministry, but He rested in the love of the Father (as did Paul).

Not preaching you a sermon, but just putting some thoughts out there. I’ve often thought of those first century Christians, and what a raw deal some of them got…like Perpetua, and the other martyrs under Nero and Dormitius (the ones who never actually had the pleasure of meeting and fellowshiping with Christ, yet they were still called to suffer and die for him.) Some of them lost everything – like Perpetua’s nursing infant; her marriage; her home and possessions. Even in recent history though, I think in some ways folks who’ve been called as martyrs or have been imprisoned in some ways find it easier to stand strong than some (like yourself, and many others who are just worn down by the day-to-day torment and disillusionment.)

I read Richard Wurmbrand’s “Tortured for Christ” a few years ago (founder of Voice of the Martyrs – he was in a Romanian prison for years) and I was gob-smacked. Honestly, I wouldn’t last 5 minutes in a Communist prison! But in his story and so many others like his, it’s just so “clear” to the ones suffering for their faith what they’re doing and why they’re there suffering (for Christ’s glory). Obviously, that has to be our goal and over-arching purpose, too, but it’s harder to “see” the purpose in what seems like needless, pointless suffering. And THAT is why it can become so much harder to believe that God really loves you personally. If you were in a Communist prison being beaten and starved because you were a Christian, you would no doubt have faith in His love (although technically your circumstances would be worse). That is why it is so important (even now) to continue to walk by faith and not sight, and to continue to put faith in what (intellectually) you know is true.

I truly believe that convincing people God doesn’t love them personally (or at least getting them to doubt it) is one of Satan’s biggest strategic weapons. How I wish sometimes that I could just see Jesus; have an audience with Him – even Skype Him – and all my doubts would be forever erased. But you know what He said to Thomas about those who have not seen being blessed…yet we have believed. Don’t stop seeking Him in the Scriptures, because God WILL use that to encourage you personally (often when you least expect it.) Have you ever been reading the Word, and something seems to “leap off the page”, and straight into your heart? His Spirit illuminates truth when and as we need it…personally.

The historical reality of the Cross should never leave us cold, but sometimes it does (if we are truthful). This is the dynamic of sin-stained human emotions. God gave them to us for a reason, and He designed us to feel deeply, yearn for Him, and want to be loved. He gave us that need to come to Him with that longing – even (and especially) when we don’t “feel” anything.

Be encouraged - He is still that friend who "sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Don’t give up, please – and don’t abandon the Church, either. It’s especially important to be in fellowship and support during these “desert” times – a lone sheep, as you know, is more vulnerable prey.

In Him,

Marie

Quotable Quotes - Read 'em & Be Blessed

2011-07-29T05:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers:

Yesterday, I passed the three-quarters mark on the written NANC exam and completed my second-to-last course with the Institute for Nouthetic Studies. Two weeks from today, I will be leaving for Albania and am trying to get as much done beforehand (on the preliminary stages of certification) as possible. Early next week, I will be doing a radio interview with "Iron Sharpens Iron" on my book....heard from the publisher and we are ready to start some early publicity....so watch this space!

All that to say, between work, study, writing, and helping my kids set up a lemonade stand this week I have not found time to write a proper blog post specific to eating disorders. However, I have come across several edifying and true quotations in the last 24 hours which I would like to share with you. Think upon these things as you continue to let God transform you by the power of His Word and the Holy Spirit.

On depression:

"Elijah was too hard a worker to become depressed, and those who attempt to excuse their depression on the basis that even a mighty man of God like him got depressed, are missing the point. It wasn’t depression, but disappointment that you see haunting this man. Things didn’t go as he had expected—as he had planned—and he didn’t like it.
That’s the problem with many of us as well. When God doesn’t do things our way, we quit, give up, or try to go our own way. To not be disappointed (when, for instance, the election of a candidate that we had not supported takes place) is the danger for many today. Let’s listen to the story of Elijah anew—and rejoice when God chooses to work in His own quiet manner, rather than in some spectacular way that we might have chosen. He’s still on the throne!"

- Jay Adams, quoted on his blog here

On shame:

"Any place in your life where you still feel shame is a place where you haven't connected the dots to your justification. If there is a place in your life where you still hide, don't want people to know you, are afraid of what others might think if they see you for what you are, what they would think if they really knew you...then that's a place where you have not yet rested in this truth: You are more sinful and flawed than you ever believed but more loved and welcomed then you dare hope."

-Elyse Fitzpatrick, on Facebook yesterday (Amen, sister!)

On the temptation to see our sin as "sickness":

"Unfortunately, when people believe that the nature of their problem is psychological, rather than spiritual, several things can happen: (1) in their attempt to resolve their difficulties, they bypass Christ and the Bible and look primarily (sometimes exclusively) to drugs or the ideas and concepts of secularistic psychology for solutions; (2) they begin to think of Christ as a cosmic psychologist whose primary purpose for coming was to fix their psychological problems, help build their self-esteem, deliver them from codependency, or meet their ego needs; (3) they lose hope and descend into despair because many of these psychological labels carry with them the idea of fixedness (this is what I am and it cannot be changed); or (4) they become discouraged because these unbiblical labels subtly or overtly encourage people to think that the primary solution to their difficulties is humanistic in nature. They must do it on their own (they can and must change themselves) or others, preferably experts, must do it for them.....On the other hand, hopefulness blossoms when people begin to realize that their problems are basically spiritual: they are somehow linked to sin. Indeed, acknowledging that personal and interpersonal problems are related to sin [one's own or another] is truly good news, because then there is plenty of hope. Why? Because the primary reason Christ came into the world was to deliver us from the penalty and ruling power of sin (and, eventually, from the presence and possibility of sin).

The clear Bible message is this: (1) Jesus is "the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world" (John 1:29); (2) "[This] is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" (1 Tim. 1:15); (3) "You shall call His name Jesus, for it is He who will save His people from their sins" (Matt. 1:21); and (4) He "gave Himself for us that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds" (Titus 2:14)."

- Wayne Mack, "Instilling Hope in the Counselee", Counseling: How to Counsel Biblically (with John Macarthur), p. 126-7. [] brackets mine.

Part II - Guest Post from Susan Lawrence's "Pure Emotion"

2011-07-21T05:20:00.000-07:00

Thanks to those who participated in the give-away last week! I sent out three books yesterday, and have a couple more to give out, so it's not too late to enter. Just mention this blog on your own, link back, and send me your address (by e-mail). If you don't have a blogspot, Facebook is fine. :) As you work through the study, you might want to review it online or post about something in it which has inspired you (I'm sure Susan will appreciate the comments!)

Here is Part II of her excerpt:

The Emotional Experience

Part 2

When I was in high school, someone gave me a pin-on button that said “Moody, but cute.” I liked the cute part. But moody? I was a happy-go-lucky person. Or so I thought. When I started thinking about it, I had to admit…yep, I’m moody, too. In fact, I was more certain of my moodiness than my cuteness! I guess I didn’t notice my moodiness much because it was just the way I experienced life – different emotions for different moments. My emotions made sense to me. In fact, they helped me make sense of the world. Taking a step back, I decided I had a lot to learn because, to be quite honest, my emotions weren’t always appropriate. They often poked out all over the place, spearing the people around me.

I learned early that being emotional was “normal.” I don’t know if it was because I was raised in a family of girls (and I was the youngest), but emotions were expected and accepted. Well, perhaps not always accepted, but the variety of emotions didn’t seem to take anyone by surprise. If the emotion was negative, the offender was often ignored. I remember many pity parties the family refused to join in. Oh, not necessarily my own (although I had my fair share!).

And then there have been my aha emotional moments, particularly when my emotions haven’t matched someone else’s in a situation – whether the intensity or the emotion itself differed. One person was angry while I was joyful. I was frustrated when someone else was peaceful. The differences in and of themselves caused tension at times. Like when my family was on vacation in Florida…

I was around five years old and heard my parents talking about a toll bridge. Except I didn’t hear “toll bridge.” I heard “troll bridge” – and I was scared.

Being scared quickly escalated to petrified when my sisters – on either side of me in the backseat – began sharing troll stories. I was scared enough just thinking of the trolls in Three Billy Goats Gruff, and those were drawings. When my sisters started describing the menacing, vengeful trolls of their twisted imaginations, I couldn’t take it any longer. We had to cross the toll bridge, but I didn’t have to look. I crouched on the floorboard and tried to slide as far under the seat as possible.

The trolls didn’t get me, and my now apparent fear got my mom’s attention. She reprimanded my sisters, but it didn’t do much good. They’d seen the fear in my eyes, and they were going to carry this as far as they could.

Each night in the hotel, two of us would share a bed, Mom and Dad would get a bed, and the other girl slept on a rollaway bed. I loved the rollaway bed, so I looked forward to my nights. As we approached the hotel later in the toll bridge day, whichever sister had the rollaway assignment for the night asked if I wanted to trade nights. Of course, I did! At least something was going right in my day.

I should have known. My sister didn’t offer to exchange nights out of the goodness of her heart. It was a conspiracy to torment me. You see, the rollaway would be placed in the open space by the balcony overlooking the ocean. A beautiful view – until my sisters started sharing stories of how the trolls trudged out of the ocean every evening looking for little girls to eat and how trolls ate the first girl they saw, which would obviously be the one closest to the ocean. I think they also told me something twisted like the only way the troll wouldn’t get me is if I was really still and didn’t say anything about being scared. A slick way to get me not to tell Mom and Dad I was terrified!

I remember what that room looked like in the light and in the dark, what the crashing waves sounded like, and what my sisters’ occasional muffled giggles sounded like. I didn’t know if I would survive the night, but of course, I did. I don’t know if Mom or Dad put a stop to the torment or not, but I don’t remember any more nights of terror. The next day wasn’t as scary in the daylight, and I enjoyed beach time.

A half dozen years later, I opened a gift from my sisters. It was an ugly troll. Very funny. What did I learn about emotions? First, they can be stirred up even when imagination doesn’t match reality. Second, my emotions don’t always match someone else’s in the same situation. Third, our emotional responses can make us vulnerable.

What about you? What’s one experience you recall that taught you something about emotions?

I’m going to assume we have something in common. Do you, like me, want God to work through you? I so often cry out with that desire. But I have to constantly remind myself that in order for God to work through me, I have to be willing to allow him to work in me. He’s changing me from the inside out. And it’s not easy for me to allow him to change me.

Which do you typically choose – the hard or the easy? I want to assure you that right doesn’t always mean easy. I’m not suggesting you choose the hard way just to take the hard way. You need to seek and choose God’s way, but if you assume God’s way is going to be easy, you’re in for a surprise. I have good news for you, though. God can ordain the hard of life, too. I encourage you not to assume that you can discern based on your personal experiences of difficulty, struggle, peace or ease.

We often ask ourselves and others “What do I feel?”

I’ve asked this question many times, and while I don’t think the question in and of itself is bad – I’ve learned a lot about myself and others by answering it. We can get caught up in the emotion itself without moving beyond the emotion. The emotion becomes the end result instead of a hint of what’s going on or what should happen next. So, let’s go one step forward and regularly ask ourselves another question:

“Where am I and where am I headed? Is it where God wants me to go?”

Sometimes, you might feel paralyzed, as if you have no idea where you’re headed or if it’s where God wants you to go. Revisit the emotion and measure it against who you know God to be. Rest on the truth of his words and his character. Let that determine if the direction that emotion usually leads you (or perhaps the place it causes you to camp) is a direction or place God would want you to go.

As you consider “Where am I and where am I headed? Is it where God wants me to go?”, I encourage you to read Psalm 139. Here’s a sample of verses:

“You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them. Where can I go to get away from your Spirit? Where can I run from you? If I rise with the sun in the east and settle in the west beyond the sea, even there you would guide me. With your right hand you would hold me. I could say, ‘The darkness will hide me. Let the light around me turn into night.’ But even the darkness is not dark to you. The night is as light as the day; darkness and light are the same to you.” (verses 2,7,9-12)

So…what will you put your whole heart into today for God?

Today’s blog is adapted from the Pure Emotion women’s Bible study.

Susan Lawrence is passionate about equipping and encouraging women through writing and speaking. She’s the author of two Bible studies, Pure Purpose and Pure Emotion. She loves dark chocolate and long walks, especially when her toes are in sand! Check out Susan’s words of encouragement and send her a note at http://www.purepurposebook.wordpress.com./. You can also connect on at www.facebook.com/PurePurpose or www.twitter/susanhlawrence.

Free Giveaway: "Pure Purpose" Bible Studies by Susan Lawrence

2011-07-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

Author and speaker Susan H. Lawrence is a gifted writer of women's Bible studies, two of which are entitled "Pure Purpose" and "Pure Emotion". She has graciously sent me several copies of each, and I would like to make them available to YOU - free of charge - for your own spiritual growth and edification.

You're probably wondering, "Why would Marie do this, and what does this have to do with overcoming an eating disorder?"

Well, I'll tell you why. Are you serious about growing in your relationship with God? You need to dig into His Word - daily. Struggling with life-dominating sin is a symptom of lack of intimacy and joy in your Father. He helps you by re-igniting the flame, but you must do your part as well in seeking Him daily. As I have always said on this blog, in counseling, and in my own book, If you are serious about change, you must spend time with God. Scripture is the only way in which He speaks and reveals Himself directly to us. There are a number of good resources available which you could use to assist you in gleaning truth from God's Word (some of which I've reviewed on this blog), so when one comes around that speaks so specifically to women as Susan's does, I'm all too happy to recommend it.

This isn't about the food. In fact, addictions are hardly about the drug of choice. They are means of escaping pain - behaviors that have evolved from unbiblical responses to life's problems. Re-connecting with God through deliberately disciplining yourself to meet with Him daily (and be spiritually fed by Him) is the only way to experience true, lasting joy and contentment. How you approach your time in the Word is up to you. What matters is that you DO approach it!

"Pure Purpose" is a 10-week study Susan has written which covers aspects of our reason for existence (to love, serve, honor and glorify God). Having a high view of God and His exhortation to service, compassion, humility, obedience, and discipline helps the reader shift her focus from herself (inward) to God and others (outward). The study gives "feet" to one's faith: moving beyond theology, how do we "walk out" these virtues we are told to "put on" (Eph. 4:24)?

"Pure Emotion" is also a 10-week workbook which deals with the emotional pitfalls we women are particularly prone to, and how to re-direct our emotions biblically. Susan covers sinful emotions such as fear, jealousy, anger, anxiety and frustration; juxtaposing the unbiblical response to the obedient one. She also discusses peace, joy, and how to be emotionally "pure" - in other words, how to sanctify our emotions. The ultimate goal? Being transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2) so that we more closely resemble the character of Christ (2 Cor. 3:18).

Below is Part 1 of 2 excerpts from "Pure Emotion". To win a copy of either study (a $24.00 value!), here's what you do:

1.) Mention "Redeemed from the Pit" in a blog post.

2.) Link to my blog.

3.) Leave me a comment here telling me when you've done so (and which study you'd like).

That's it! The first four people to do so will receive a free, $24.00 Bible study to help their walk with the Lord. (For more information about Susan and a link to her ministry site, scroll down.)

*******************************************************************

The Emotional Experience

Part 1

In preparation for writing the Pure Emotion Bible study for women, I asked hundreds of women about factors that affect emotions. Women were asked if factors such as finances, uncertainty, weather, music and more had positive effects, negative effects or no effect at all. Not a single of the factors listed was identified by a single woman as having no effect.

We’re emotional beings. The people and situations surrounding us impact our emotional responses. We’re drawn to some situations because we experience them as positive, and we avoid negative experiences. It’s like cleaning your closet. Keep what you like and what feels good. Get rid of the things you’re tired of or don’t fit well.

What about those negative emotions do we want to toss away? Why do we see them as negative, and should we always avoid them?

First, the messages we’ve paired with some emotions are devastating to us. Consider the messages you’ve stored about fear. Jealousy. Anger. Anxiety. Guilt. Whether or not the messages we attach to emotional experiences are true, they wash over us as we experience similar emotional experiences. What voice interrupts you in the midst of your emotions?

• When you’re rejected by a close family member, do you feel worthless?

• When you’re anxious about a test result, do you feel incapable of proceeding?
• When you’re fearful, do you feel victimized?

Not all messages that accompany our emotions are inaccurate. God can speak to us in all times, and God is an emotional God. Emotions saturate Scripture. God is an emotional God but not in the same way we talk about an emotional woman or emotional person. However, he’s certainly aware of our runaway emotions. We can’t escape from God’s presence. And if we let him, God will replace the untruthful emotional messages with truthful messages reflecting his character, will, and commands.

Another reason we experience emotions negatively is we can feel victimized by our emotions. Emotions can make us feel as if we’re on a board game. Perhaps you know some of the rules.

1. Your move is dependent on others’ moves. (Your emotions are responses to others.)
2. Only one person can occupy a space at one time. (Your emotions prohibit you from some experiences.)
3. You’ll incur penalties for landing on certain spaces. (Some of your emotions will only end in trouble.)
4. Where you land is determined by the roll of a die. (You don’t have control over your emotions.)
5. You might need to go back several spaces. (Your emotions can get you stuck.)

We also use emotions to mask other emotions. And we try to replace negative with positive emotions, but the truth is – negative emotions can be energizing. We might not like them. We might complain about them. But we’d rather feel something than nothing. Negative emotions are often more intense than positive emotions. We’re energized and consumed by them…and less willing to give them up.

We want something to change, but we’re not willing to be changed.
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.”

I want God to work through me, but I have to constantly remind myself that in order for God to work through me, I have to be willing to allow him to work in me. He’s changing me from the inside out. And it’s not easy for me to allow him to change me.

God didn’t mess up his design of you. He’s not capable of messing up. He created you in his image. He has a plan for your life. He even knew what mistakes you’d make throughout your life, and he still loves you and wants nothing more than to be in an ever-deepening relationship with you. He will pursue you, tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear, and knocking on the door of your heart so that your daily life – including your decisions, attitudes, and yes, emotions – are impacted in the purity of who he created you to be and the everyday messiness of living on earth as you move ever closer to eternity – with God or without him.

If our emotions aren’t reflecting the character of God, we’re probably distorting something and need to get back on track. Our anger doesn’t reflect his anger. Our jealousy doesn’t reflect his jealousy. Our guilt doesn’t reflect his guilt. But we can grow closer to God, getting to know him better, and committing to reflecting him more and more on a daily basis. That’s what the journey of Pure Emotion – the emotional experience – is all about.

Susan Lawrence is passionate about equipping and encouraging women through writing and speaking. She’s the author of two Bible studies, Pure Purpose and Pure Emotion. She loves dark chocolate and long walks, especially when her toes are in sand! Check out Susan’s words of encouragement and send her a note at http://www.purepurposebook.wordpress.com./. You can also connect on at www.facebook.com/PurePurpose or www.twitter/susanhlawrence.

Testimony from a Soul Set Free by Christ

2011-07-14T17:43:00.000-07:00

Dear readers: following is the story of a young woman who was granted repentance from her eating disorder. After putting her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, she was able - in His strength - to walk away from the deadly snare of bulimia. She was just baptized this past Sunday. To God be the glory! Visit her blog at: http://sweetlybrokenblog.blogspot.com/

On November 15, 2007 I found myself alone in my room contemplating the unimaginable. After a 12-year battle with bulimia and anorexia, I was left defeated and hopeless. I was done living my life prisoner to an eating disorder and wanted to end it all. As I held a bottle of pills in my hand, I thought for sure this was the answer to my pain. I would just go into nothingness, I thought. I didn't believe in God at that time. After all, if there was a God why would He let me suffer so much?

Any time I denied God I would recall my "Divine Intervention." My eating disorder started when I was 16. At 24, I decided I needed help. Still living at home with my parents, they never knew about my problem and I knew I needed to tell them. I sat on the couch with my confession on the tip of my tongue, but the words wouldn't come. I tried several nights in a row. I had lost my voice.

Finally, after another failed attempt, I went down to my room, fell on my knees and cried out to God. "God, I need your help! I can't tell them on my own. You've seen my try. Please show them. I'll even leave a book out on eating disorders for them to find."

I never did get that book out of my closet, but God heard me.

The next day my mom confronted me. She asked me if I had an eating disorder. Shocked, I told her I did and asked how she knew.

My mom was doing laundry when she heard a crash in my room. She went in to see what it was and found that the rod in my closet had collapsed. She decided to fix it and started pulling clothes, shoes, and books out of my closet. She found the book, the very one I told God I'd leave out!

God answered my prayer with no help from me.

I did get into therapy, but it didn't help. Each year I grew sicker and farther away from God.

But, despite my resistance to God, I believe he had his hand on my all along. I see this in some of the dangerous things I did, like abusing my thyroid meds to lose weight. I did it for so long I ended up with an irregular heartbeat. Doctors told me I was a heart attack waiting to happen. This still didn't stop me.

I imagine God holding my heart in the palm of his hand during those difficult times. He wouldn't let me go.

So, on that day I held the bottle of pills and considered ending my life, those memories made me wonder about God.

I thought of my friend Michelle, who years earlier told me with confidence that if she died right then she'd go to heaven. I knew Jesus had changed her life. I saw it. I wondered how and why?

A spark of divine curiosity entered my soul. A wonder to know God and a desire to seek Him.

I put down the pills, told my husband, and ended up spending 4 months in different hospitals and programs. During that time I chased after God, in all the wrong places at first-like Buddhism and (the Oprah-endorsed) "The Secret." Although those things made me feel a little better, they didn't change me. I could never get a handle on the eating disorder.

So one day in March 2008, while watching a movie on Buddha, my thoughts kept going to Jesus. I remember thinking "OK God, I want to change completely. I'm done living my life like this. I'll give this Jesus guy a try." I was truly genuine when I said it and an indescribable, perfect peace washed over me. I was also filled with a huge desire to know Jesus and I read the Bible (and understood it for the first time!) and read anything Christian I could find.

God needed me to surrender 100% to Him. I believe that is why I needed to be so badly broken. I couldn't have been freed from my eating disorder without Christ. I know this because I tried everything-therapy, meds, groups, programs, hospitals. But the moment I accepted Christ my life did a 180. I had freedom.

What my life is like today.

It's hard for me to even recognize the person I just told you about. My life is so different today! I once abused food as a way to cope with the world, now I use God to help me cope! I love learning about Christ and being in God's word. I cherish being among a body believers at CCC. God has blessed me with this church! God has also blessed me with my wonderful husband and a happy 9 mo old baby boy!

I just want to thank God for saving me! There is no place too deep or too dark that God can't reach! Thank you to everyone at Tues night bible study for helping me to continue to grow. Thanks to my husband for sticking by me; my parents and family/friends for always listening. Thanks to my in-law for being godly examples. And thank you Michelle, for boldly sharing the gospel with me.

*read at my baptism on 7.10.2011

How to Spot an Eating Disorder...and Apply Biblical Solutions

2011-06-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

Dr. Richard K. Thomas, NANC Fellow and President of Mt. Carmel Ministries, just gave me a great idea.

He posted the link to an article written by Dr. Mehmet Oz, entitled "How to Spot an Eating Disorder in Teens", an excellent descriptive summary of eating disorder symptoms. He then suggested that a biblical counselor might go one better by "lay[ing] alongside each of them biblical solutions for lasting change." (Is Dr. Oz the Oprah guy? I don't watch TV but that name sounds familiar).

I said to myself, "Self, that really is an excellent idea for a blog post! So much better than that scathing review of Rx Nation I was planning to write, discussing the evils of Prozac and unmasking the corruption between the FDA Advisory Board and the big drug companies. Yes, this will be a much more edifying experience, indeed."

I am sure that much more could be said from a biblical perspective on each of the characteristics Oz lists, but I will try and give succinct principles and possible approaches the biblical counselor might use. (For the sake of brevity, I will not quote entire verses and passages, but would encourage the counselee to simply look up each reference.) Do read Dr. Oz's article first; quotes from his article are indented below.

Oz lists the following signs (or symptoms) as indicative of a possible eating disorder:

Excessive concern about one body part: If he or she talks about one body part that seems just fine to most other folks around them, it could be a sign of an obsession that may manifest itself in the teen controlling their nutrition in unhealthy ways. While everybody’s perceptions about what’s normal are different, it’s okay to use the ‘reasonable standard’ here—that’s because those with eating disorders tend not to see their bodies in ways that most others do. A preoccupation with appearance or body weight that gets in the way of daily life is a good tip-off that she has crossed from more than just a healthy, teen-like concern about appearance.

This fixation indicates an obvious misunderstanding of God's definition of beauty. She must be reminded that God, who sovereignly created her the way she is for His own purposes, does not judge or rank by outward, physical appearances as humans do (1 Sam. 16:7). His definition of beauty is what she must learn to embrace (Proverbs 31:30; 1 Peter 3:4-5; Acts 9:36).

One of the manifestations of pride is being overly-self critical and self-deprecating. This keeps one's focus inward on self, rather than on pleasing God and living for His glory. The counselee needs to be reminded that she was made in God's image, and by extension, is to be conformed increasingly to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). To do this, she must learn to renew her mind with the Word of God (Romans 12:2). As she "puts off" the idolatrous preoccupation with her body, she will "put on" the "gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4) of a woman set on following God.

Another passage to discuss with her would be Colossians 3:1-3, which instructs believers to "set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." If her mind is obsessed and preoccupied with her physical flaws, (real or imagined), is it set on "things above"? Finally, she must be taught to shift her focus from self to serving others. This pleases God and will bring her true joy, if her motive is love for Christ.

Unusual eating rituals: This can include rearranging food on the plate, excessive chewing, eating food in a certain order, or having to measure all food consumed. While being smart about healthy food choices is key to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, overly ritualistic behaviors may be a sign that someone is crossing the line between health-conscious and dangerous.

I would first try to learn the counselee's thinking behind the rituals or habits. Just as in counseling a person with an obsession or compulsion, I would want to know: "What are you afraid of?" Once we can learn the counselee's thinking behind the "rituals", we can consider how it differs from biblical truth. For example, if she cuts her peas in half and eats them individually, she may feel that this gives her a measure of "control", which she fears losing. My next question would then be, "How does God's sovereignity fit into this?" Dr. Robert D. Smith writes: "...the person is living by the security of [her] feelings, which [she] cannot make secure. [Her goal must be changed to a biblical goal, and [she] must live by that rather than by her own security checks." ("Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference", p. 359).

Rather than going directly into a discussion of Christian liberty in what may be eaten (Mark 7:19; Acts 10:10-15; Tim. 4:4), I would focus on the fears and false beliefs underlying the rituals. When behavior is unbiblical, the behavior is not the problem - the heart is (Matt. 15:18-19; James 1:14-15). What preconditioning factors have contributed to the counselee's current deception and habits/rituals? The biblical view of man provides us the guideline for 'normal' (ie God-honoring) behavior, and change in thinking and behavior is accomplished through the put off/put on principle of Ephesians 4.

Changes in posture: Those who have eating disorders will often try to hide their appearance (the sudden and extreme weight losses) by wearing baggier clothes or hunching over. They do this to cover their tracks, so that adults can’t see these body changes and get a clue about their eating-related behavior changes.

Excessive solo behavior: When someone makes a point of trying to eat alone or taking time right after a meal, it may be a sign that she is really restricting the amount she eats or bingeing and/or purging afterwards. It is important to remember that behaviors do help define eating disorders, but the root of the problems has to do more with the feelings and thoughts that the person has about his or her body.

These two warning signs really go together, because they are different symptoms with a common denominator: calculated deception. The Bible has much to say about lying, deceitfulness, covering over one's sin, and attempting to portray one's self in a false light (which is what eating disordered women do). Psalm 51 speaks directly to the spiritual consequences of "covering one's tracks" - enormous guilt produced by the original behavior is compounded by the shame of concealing it. David will do anything for relief - which ultimately leads him to do the one thing God requires: confess his sin and repent.

Other passages which speak to the seriousness of deceit include many Proverbs and Psalms, including Proverbs 14:8, 20:17 and 26:24. The solution is straight-forward, although not easy: "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." (Ephesians 4:25). Women enslaved to anorexic or bulimic behaviors attempt to deceive those around them for two basic reasons: shame (they know the behavior is wrong) and pride (a desire for the admiration of others, while concealing the secret to their slimness.) "I must look better than my sisters," she thinks, which gives way to a form of self-induced legalism ("I can never eat sweets.") When she breaks one of her rules, she gives in to self-indulgence ("I failed, so I might as well give up") and often binges. This "failure" must be hidden from others at all costs. The counselee needs to be taught humble reliance and confession of sin. Once she has learned this and to use the resources God has provided (counseling; accountability), she will be able to rejoice in God's grace and love. In this way, she will be transformed -- and no longer feel the need to "hide".

Increasing self-consciousness: Eating disorders seem to burrow into the brains of their victims, take over their thoughts and grow stronger every day. They build a “fat box,” where every comment, every situation, is filtered through the box and distorted, so that it comes out as a criticism or demand. “You look great today” becomes “You usually look fat.” “You look so healthy” becomes “You’re eating too much.” “I love your hair” becomes “I can’t find anything nice to say about the rest of you.”

"Fear of man" is the biblical term for "self-consciousness". It is the opposite of humility - which has been defined as "thinking of one's self less; not thinking less of one's self." Dr. Oz correctly points out that the eating disorder has "burrowed into the brain" of the counselee (although she is not a "victim"). Therefore, she will have to learn how to "take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). Eating disorders are learned behaviors, which can be unlearned. Wanting to be thin so badly that she is willing to sin (by abusing her body) is idolatry. Putting opinions of others (actual or perceived) above God's priorities (holiness; serving Him) is fear of man. If she allows these comments to affect her to the point where she sins, she fears and respects people more than God (Proverbs 29:25).

The eating-disordered woman may, indeed, have been hurt by other people's sins, but as long as she remains feelings-oriented rather than fact-oriented she will not have the mind of Christ (Romans 15:5). Will she choose to believe what God says - that she was chosen in Christ from the foundation of the world and declared righteous because of His perfect life, death and resurrection on her behalf; or, will she judge her own inherent "righteousness" according to the world's standards? The goal to which we must point her is to seek each day to glorify God with her life - whether she feels like it or not (as Jay Adams is so fond of saying).

Yoplait Commercials Encouraging Eating Disorders?

2011-06-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

To their credit, Yoplait immediately pulled the ad after NEDA voiced concerns. (You can read the entire article here.)

Although it kills me to admit it, I actually agree - whole-heartedly - with the NEDA this time! President Lynn Grefe voiced the concerns well: "...what they saw wasn't a woman making a healthy food choice, but one who was caught up in a compensatory exchange about food. "This felt like a 20-second look at the mind of somebody with an eating disorder," she pointed out.

You be the judge:

While I wouldn't go so far as to say that a commercial by itself triggers an eating disorder, this sort of obsessing about food, calories, and thinness should never be portrayed as normal, desirable, or heroic. I say that, of course, from the world-view of a biblical counselor: we are to "set [our] minds on things above, not on earthly things" (such as calories in cheesecake!). No woman struggling against the bondage of eating disordered behavior (or thinking), Christian or non, should have to see this unhealthy and vain thinking thrust in her face, with the underlying message being "This is normal, positive, and desirable."

My advice to the young lady would be: "Just eat the cheesecake and get back to work. That's what your boss is paying you for" (Colossians 3:23).

Guest Post: Stephanie's Transformation - Free in Christ from Anorexia

2011-06-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

This week, I am writing the theology section of the NANC exam and don't have a lot of extra time to blog. However, there are several amazing stories in my inbox which I would like to share with you. One young woman has recently come to Christ, repenting of her addictions and just beginning her Christian walk. Another is beginning to make strides in seeing her food obsession as sin, and wrote to thank me for my counsel and encouragement. Stephanie, (below) is sharing what Christ has done and continues to do in her life. Stephanie used to be enslaved to anorexia. Thanks to God's loving-kindness and patience, she was able to be transformed in her mind and spirit and now lives for God. With the help of the loving nouthetic counselors God brought into her life at Vision of Hope (a NANC-affiliated biblical counseling center in Indiana), she is now free and is able to use her testimony of God's faithfulness to encourage others. I hope her story blesses you.
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My name is Stephanie. I am twenty-nine years old and I struggled with anorexia form the age of twelve until about two years ago. I struggled growing up, trying to fit in as part of a small community where most people strove to look perfect, thin, and to “have it all together.“ I also believe the anorexia was affected by abuse I’d suffered in the past.

I don’t want to go into any details about my particular eating disordered behaviors except to say that they completely dominated my existence. I had no time, energy, or love for anything or anyone else. My life was me, me, me. Starving and losing weight was my way of life. If the scale read a low number, or I could fit into a certain size of jeans, it meant I was okay, I was accepted, and I was safe. It meant that I could control my life and keep myself from getting hurt in any way. Of course, I had to isolate myself so much in the lies I was living that by the time I was full-blown into the eating disorder, I had no true friends. I was hospitalized several times and told, “Stephanie, you may as well get used to dealing with this--anorexia is a lifelong struggle, something you’ll never fully overcome.” Even my Christian friends would tell me that.

What a hopeless way to think! I knew there had to be a better way, and I knew I needed to find the truth about all of this. I was blessed to have some amazing Christian women come alongside me and help me search the Scriptures for truth that was lasting truth--God’s truth.

I’d believed in Jesus for a long time…I did grow up in a church, but I didn’t fully understand God or God’s character…..I didn’t KNOW him as my Savior, my Provider, my Protector, and someone who LOVED me more than I could ever understand. I saw God as just having another set of rules I could never perfectly follow.

What I’m learning now is this: My life is not just mine to live. I have a purpose--and it is to glory God and enjoy Him forever! I have a Savior who has done what all those doctors told me could never be done--He set me free from anorexia and showed me a new way to live. He loves me SO much--way too much to let me stay far from Him and in a life consumed with lies. I can choose to obey what my sinful mind tells me is okay….I can skip this meal…..or lie about that one…..OR I can choose to follow God’s Word, which tells me, “Do you not know that your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).”

Do you get that? God bought you with a price! You are of value to Him. You are worth too much to Him for Him to let you continue in a sin that could ultimately destroy your body, your mind, and your relationships with God and others.

God also wants me to love and serve others, even those who have hurt me (Luke 6:27-36). I cannot truly and fully love others if I am spending all my time obsessing about food, my weight, and looking a certain way. And I certainly cannot really love others and serve them when my body is broken down and unhealthy.

I realized that the main lie in the middle of my anorexia was that it would keep me safe. Safe physically, safe from disapproval, safe from abuse. And lies, they are! The eating disorder did not keep me safe from any of these things. In fact, it put my life in danger. It gave me more anxiety. It alienated me from everyone around me. And it kept me from serving the Lord with my whole heart. I was too busy serving myself, though I didn’t see it that way at that time. I was living in life-dominating sin.

God is slowly teaching me more and more about who He is, and I’m realizing that I want to love and obey Him--and not like a “set of rules I have to follow perfectly“--but obedience out of a heart that loves Him and values Him more than anything else in this temporary life.

I am purposefully studying God’s character--His love, His goodness, His sovereignty. I want to be able to obey him in all areas of my life--not just in the way I care for the body He’s given me, but the way I reach out to love and serve others, and the way I live every minute of my life.

If you’re struggling with any kind of eating disorder, please remember these things. God is good. He is merciful. He is love. He stands ready to help you through this. And it is not a life sentence. There is TRUE FREEDOM from eating disorders.

My Article in "Christeenianity Magazine"

2011-06-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

This month's issue of "Christeenianity" magazine features the original testimony I wrote in 2004, after God granted me repentance and completely freed me from eating disordered behavior and thoughts. They also included a nice plug for my upcoming book, "Redeemed from the Pit", and the glowing endorsement Olympic gold medalist Laura Wilkinson wrote about it. You can check it out here (go under Magazine tab on the right; the June issue on the drop-down menu is dedicated completely to eating disorders).

It's refreshing to see a Christian publication covering the subject from a biblical perspective. The issue features testimonies from former ED suffererers (like mine and Stephanie's - see p. 28,) proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that complete transformation from this life-sucking pattern is truly possible in Christ!

Elyse Fitzpatrick on Bulimia and Overeating ("Women Helping Women")

2011-05-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

The required reading for the biblical counseling course I am currently taking, "Counseling Women", is the nearly 600-page tome "Women Helping Women: a Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face", co-authored by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Carol Cornish. This is a practical, Christ-centered book that addresses many issues - from counseling mothers of children with learning disabilities to those with addictions - but for the purposes of this blog, I would like to zero in on Chapter 16: "Counseling Women for Overeating and Bulimia".

Elyse Fitzpatrick has written much on the subject of eating disorders before, and has counseled many women to victory throughout her ministry. In reading this resource, I was encouraged yet again to see that I am far from the only one writing about bulimia from an exclusively, unapologetically biblical point of view. Elyse lays out the principles given in God's Word on food and eating at the begining of the chapter, affirming that God created food for nourishment and pleasure (Psalm 104:14-15; Acts 14:17). She also points out the biblical mandate of thanksgiving, and condemnation of asceticism (1 Timothy 4:3-5).

It is when we fail to regulate legitimate physical needs and pleasure under His guidance that we get into trouble. Declaring independance from God's commands - rebellion - takes several forms in individuals with sinful eating problems:

- using food to declare independance

- satiating own uncontrollable desires for pleasure (being unable to stop)

- frequently worrying about food and drink (violation of Matt. 6:31)

- failure to prioritize (seeking to fulfill desires before His kingdom and righteousness)

This type of backwards-thinking lets greedy desires grow unchecked, which is idolatry (Col. 3:5). Elyse notes that when sinful eating habits become a life-dominating pattern, the one enslaved is "worshipping" the false gods of Taste, Pleasure, and Self-Sufficiency. The antidote to this struggle with greed and the flesh is, of course, to remind the counselee (or one's self) that she is not alone in her struggle with greed (1 Cor. 10:13) as she learns to recognize this heart issue.

These self-centered desires must be replaced with biblical, God-honoring motives for change. Elyse lists (and elaborates on) five ways Christian women struggling with disordered eating must learn to think about their bodies:

1.) Being Conformed to the Image of Christ. Dress size is unimportant to God. Having our old nature fully transformed is His priority, and it must be ours, as well (Romans 8:28-29).

2.) Everything is to be for the Glory and Pleasure of God. Obedience by glorifying Him with our eating habits must be primarily for His sake; not ours alone. (1 Cor. 10:31).

3.) Your Body is the Holy Spirit's Home. We belong to Him, body and soul, and need to be good stewards. (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

4.) All of Life is His. No activity is morally neutral - not even eating. Avoid the temptation of separating life into the sacred and secular - even the most mundane activities are either acts of worship or irreverance. (Romans 14:23).

5.) He Redeemed You from Slavery. Don't jump back into the pit (Romans 6:12-13). Elyse writes,

"As you begin to develop correct motives, you must remember that although these habits seem overpowering at times, you can change because of the work of Christ. Remember that one of the results of the work of the Holy Spirit is "self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23)."

To help spot motivating factors of excessive or out-of-control eating, Elyse recommends recording every instance of undisciplined eating and the emotional dynamics involved. This helps counselor and counselee identify problem patterns and "triggers" to which Scriptural principles can then be applied (lies confronted with the Truth from God's Word; using the "put off/put on" dynamic to overcome temptation when it hits). Elyse fully acknowledges how compelling the binge is:

"As she begins the binge she may not even taste the food. She may not consciously think about what she is doing as she crams food into her mouth. She may lose track of time and how much she has consumed. She may sit in front of the television and concentrate on some meaningless program while she shovels in baked potatoes, cartons of ice cream, boxes of cereal, or bags of cookies. She will experience a certain pleasure (euphoria) from eating. The pleasure is not simply from the taste or texture of the food, or the chemical reaction of raised blood sugar levels, but it is an experienced release and calm that comes after a hurried and frantic self-indulgence....Make no mistake - this compulsion to binge is as strong as any faced by the habitual heavy drinker."

She is right...that is EXACTLY what a binge feels like. I would add, however, that the compulsion feels even stronger than that of a heavy drinker. (Christ granted me repentance from both life-dominating sins. Bulimia was definitely harder.)

As difficult as total restoration is, Elyse gives biblical hope that it IS indeed possible. Once the heart's sinful desires have been identified and rejected, additional spiritual disciplines Elyse recommends include reading, memorizing and meditating on Scripture; daily prayer; deliberate thankfulness; and moderate exercise in conjunction with controlled eating. With the accountability provided by the biblical counselor, she may then begin to focus on the changes God wants her to make (goal-setting).

It's Not Glamorous!

An interesting note Elyse made is one that I have also often expressed:

"Bulimia and its sufferers have received a lot of press lately, especially high-profile celebrities such as Princess Diana and Jane Fonda. As the behaviors and dangers of bulimia are glamorized by models and ballerinas who confess they have used these procedures to control their weight, many young women will try it out for themselves. Talking about it, "educating" the public, ironically will probably cause more young women to experiment with it. Since it seems popular to be bulimic now, we will see more and more of it in our counseling rooms. We need firm, clear, biblical answers that speak to the heart."

I cannot say 'Amen!' loudly enough! ("Women Helping Women" was published in 1997, in case you were wondering.) Elyse's words have proven prophetic: I cannot tell you how many girls and women I have counseled who got the idea from "The Dr. Phil Show", "Oprah Winfrey" or some other such program designed to "raise awareness" of dia-bulimia and so forth. (I myself first read about bulimia in a pre-teen girls' magazine back in 1982, and I decided to try it.) I am convinced this subtle glamorization (or at the very least, sensationalizing) of "cutting" and bulimic behaviors is a big part of the reason why they are so prevalent today.

Elyse also pin-points the problem with "labels" for behaviors such as bulimia in biblical counseling. Because it tends to promote the "disease model", a counselee may make the mistake of thinking she has a "disease".

"I have bulimia," may be used by some people in the same way as, "I have diabetes." Instead of saying, "I practice behaviors of bulimia," which is more accurate, she speaks about her bad habits as though they were something over which she has no control."

This is true, although for simplicity and clarity's sake, even we biblical counselors tend to simply use the terms "anorexic" and "bulimic" as they defione counselees with a certain pattern of behavior. Since we only counsel Christians, (with a potential counselee who is unsaved, we can only evangelize and pray), we generally assume the counselee realizes the behavior is sinful and this is the reason she has sought counsel. After a brief synopsis of the differences between somatic problems or organic abnormalities which impair physiological functioning and eating disordered behavior, Elyse continues:

"Presently in the U.S. there are many behaviors which are being popularly classified as diseases. Behaviors such as alcoholism, anorexia, and bulimia are thought to be real diseases by the general populace. True, there are certain physiological effects of continually practicing bulimic behaviors, but there are no known chemical agents, genes, viruses, or bacteria that cause this behavior. My point is this: Bulimia is not a disease. It is a behavior. The label "bulimic" tends to cloud this issue."

I would also add that the 'chemical imbalance' theory has been disproven since this book was written, as well. There are real chemical imbalances, but when they are identified, they are given names (such as hypothyroidism; diabetes melitus; etc.)

Other problems with labeling one a 'bulimic' include the tendency for a counselee to believe God needs to "heal" her for change to occur; believing one has an excuse for her behavior; and the tendency to turn one's eyes from the truth (one is a sinner) to a deceiving, yet more palatable, euphemism (one has a 'disease').

After outlining these hard truths, Elyse turns to the biblical solutions for overcoming compulsions (which she describes as "greedy habits".) One rebellious motive in bulimia is pride: a desire for the appearance of surface perfection. A woman practicing bulimia hides the consequence of a binge by purging; she is pursuing thinness by self-destructive means. She might give in to binges because of her own self-imposed legalism (such as a woman who goes home and binges after eating a peice of candy at work.) She has broken her own self-imposed rule ("Thou shalt not eat sweets") and feels like she has blown it; she needs to do penance by self-abasement. Elyse juxtaposes this dynamic with a God-honoring response: humble reliance and confession of sin; desire to love and serve God and others for His glory. Worship of a "perfect body" must be replaced by worship of the Living God and obedience to His commands through the empowerment of His Spirit. Elyse emphasizes repentance rather than penance. Bulimics tend toward the latter, indicating a misunderstanding of grace.

Progressive sanctification (being totally transformed inwardly as our behavior glorifies God more and more outwardly) requires diligence. "Putting off" ingrained habits of gluttony and purging and "putting on" thankfulness, trust, joy in the Lord and resisting temptation (no matter how strong) is absolutely possible for anyone who is in Christ. Elyse gives a detailed agenda and steps to take in counseling (including accountability) to help a woman honor God in this area of her life.

This book (and this chapter especially) is extremely practical, theologically sound and helpful for anyone struggling in her walk with Christ, including with addictive sins such as bulimia and binge-eating. (There is an additional chapter which deals with addictions more generally). Although it is written primarily to biblical counselors, if you yourself are struggling with bulimia or another eating disorder it would be an extremely helpful resource for you, as well. After all, the Holy Spirit is our Counselor, and His Word is the source of all counseling truth! All the authors have done is systematize what God has said about proper use of food in the larger context of glorifying Him in all things, and outline His principles for holiness. This is a truly helpful and edifying book.

Responding to Feelings Biblically (Cravings and "Withdrawal")

2011-05-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

It goes without saying that it is exceptionally difficult to overcome bulimic behavior and the out-of-control, obsessive thoughts that accompany binges and the pre-binge, planning stage. Unlike someone with an alcohol problem, whose "cravings" and strongest temptation to drink might be limited to Friday or Saturday nights, bulimia tends to cause entrenched thoughts about food and eating during nearly every waking moment.

Even after we've confessed this as sin and recognized Christ as the answer to overcoming the eating disorder, the feelings (of panic; of temptation; loss of control; guilt)are very real. How are we to respond to our feelings biblically in these situations?

First of all, even in the midst of temptation (to use food as "comfort" or tool to avoid pain), the Christian bulimic must remember what her goal should be. Her focus should not be on how she feels, but on pleasing God. Rather than using food as a drug to "stuff" those feelings and minimize them, the biblical goal is to provide victory (abstain from using food in an ungodly way) when feelings make it difficult. The "victory cry" of Romans 8:35 affirms that failure is not inevitable, even in difficult circumstances and intense temptation: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

Rather than focusing on our feelings (or obsessing over entries in a "food journal",) we need to remember that the most satisfying thing in life is not feeling good; better; or being able to consume unlimited supplies of food - knowing that only guilt and despair will follow the binge - but in pleasing God. (See 2 Corinthians 5:9 and James 1:25). Of course, knowing and meditating on these verses does not mean that the anxious thoughts and cravings will immediately be removed, but having an eternal perspective means the bulimic will not be controlled by them (1 Cor. 10:13; Galatians 5:16).

Also, someone who is accustomed to being "feelings-driven" can learn to turn her attention from her feelings to how she may best serve the Lord. Concentrate on serving your family and others (without putting yourself in the way of unnecessary temptations, such as baking for the church bake sale!). This is not a distraction tactic, it is a deliberate choice to obey the Lord's command to look not only to one's own interests (or feelings), but firstly to the interests of others (Phil. 2:4).

The more we deliberately turn our attention from our feelings and cravings to how we may best please God, the less significant those feelings become (and consequently, the eating disordered-individual is no longer ruled by them.) Whether stuck in an eating disorder or any other habitual sin, shifting our focus from ourselves to God and learning to deal with emotions biblically is a necessary first step.

Counselor, Beware!

2011-05-05T18:24:00.000-07:00

How NOT to counsel a bulimic Christian:

"Secular counselors advise you to only be supportive and not confront any sin. They claim that the depressed person is already feeling so guilty about many areas of [her] life, that dealing with sin will only make it worse. Of course this view ignores the very purpose of Christ's life, death, and resurrection. Following this advice allows the counselee to believe there really are no answers and takes away any hope he has to solve his problems.

The biblically victorious solution is to deal with sin through repentance and forgiveness, and then begin to deal with life from a biblical perspective. Rather than a further piling on of more guilt, it is removed through the cross of Christ. Then the spiral can be reversed. This gives a counselee great hope for the future, no matter how [she] feels. Being merely supportive encourages the person to continue in [her] miserable condition.

Just being supportive and failing to give one biblical answers for sin issues and [her] hopeless view of [her] life actually removes biblical hope. When real hope is gone, the person gets deeper and deeper into despair, concluding that there are no answers and that life is not worth living...Medications may change the feelings, but they do not deal with the real issues. Only the principles given to us by the Creator of life will really help a person change [her] actions." -- Dr. Robert D. Smith, M.D. (quoted from "The Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference", pp. 213-214

Trip to Greenville, South Carolina

2011-04-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

Joseph Bianchi of Calvary Press, left; and Donn Arms of INS and

NANC, right

Last week, I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Jay Adams, the founder of the modern biblical counseling movement, in his home church of Redeemer Presbyterian in Moore, South Carolina. Our family celebrated Palm Sunday there, on our way to Florida for vacation. It was also a pleasure meeting his son-in-law, Bill Slattery, who is the senior pastor and also a NANC Fellow; and Donn Arms, the Executive Director of the Institute for Nouthetic Studies (the program under which I am working towards a certificate in biblical counseling). I had met Pastors Bill and Donn at last year's NANC conference - their faces were very familiar to me, as they are instructors of the distance courses I am taking.

Donn's advice and lectures, in particular, have been very helpful to me in my writing. He questioned my (over)use of the term "idolatry" in discussing bulimia very early on, and so I was able to clarify (and qualify) what, exactly, I meant by that in my book. Donn's committment to biblical accuracy and precision of wording has served me well in defining helpful counseling constructs. In simple language, he's helped me overcome any hesitancy to call sin "sin" - and to boldly address repentance in a practical way.

I was also very excited to meet the man who signed me on as a writer - Joseph M. Bianchi, the President and CEO of Calvary Press Publishing! Although he has moved "Redeemed from the Pit" up in the publishing queue, feeling its message was important and relevent enough to warrant expediation, we still do not have an exact release date as there are several projects ahead of mine at Calvary Press. When I know more, I'll share.

Meeting the publisher! :)

It was a fun and interesting morning, chatting about the publishing process and current happenings in evangelicalism and the biblical counseling world with these two gentlemen. Their wives, who I also met, are lovely and also great fun to talk with. I am hoping my book will be out in time for the NANC annual conference in California this October, but it's all in God's timing.....I am far too Calvinistic to worry about stuff I can't control. The word, I believe, is "sovereignity". His timing is always perfect.

An Encouragement on this Resurrection Sunday...

2011-04-24T14:18:00.000-07:00

This morning, I received the following note in my inbox:

Sister,

I read your story on ChristianStoriesOnline. I was looking for a testimonial on bulimics whose closest family and friends don't even know about their disorder (like myself, all through my post-anorexia years in high school and college, before Jesus started wrecking my life for the better... or before I started letting Him ;). I'm writing a paper for my psych class I'm taking right now.

I just wanted to know that I was encouraged and enheartened to hear the way our Lord has delivered and healed you and walked with you and held your heart through your years of struggle. Reading large parts of your story sounded so much like my story... I was encouraged that I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS! It is by His grace that I am alive today, and by His power and love that I have experienced all the deliverance and healing that I have, and I still am amazed by the joy of His love, even in the hard times.

I just wanted to thank you for your boldness in sharing your story. And your honesty about everything, as well as the truth that the battle will wage on and there will be times of struggle, as long as we are on this earth. But praise God, we have no shame or guilt in Him! You know the depth of meaning that has for us -- I was crippled by shame over my disorder for so many years -- but He looks on us and sees Jesus's righteousness. We are dearly loved daughters of the Creator of All, and in His hands, there is nothing to fear, only love to accept and life to surrender.

I hope your Easter is a joyous reminder of the gift we have in Him. He is risen! And we are being made new.

Grace and Peace,

"C"

Repentance and trusting in Christ to change us (which presupposes a committment to obey Him), truly is the key to victory over this sin of bulimia. Praise God for the captives He is setting free, such as this writer!

Lies We Believe and Truth That Sets Us Free - Part II

2011-04-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Part 2 of Barb Winters' "Lies We Believe and Truth That Sets Us Free"

I'm so thankful to Barb Winters for her excellent contribution to this site - this is the conclusion of her article on repenting of food addiction and renewing the mind. Well done!

Is it Sin?

For years I knew I could eat better, but had not contemplated the possibility that my actions were wrong. Two separate events helped me connect the dots. First, a friend casually mentioned that sugar could be addictive. I made a mental note, but chose not to ponder too long on the statement.

Then, several years later, I was reading Dr. Neil T. Anderson’s Discipleship Counseling when it all came together. “All people with addictive behaviors lie to both themselves and others. . . .The dysfunctional use of substances such as alcohol, drugs (either street or prescriptive), nicotine, caffeine and food becomes a means of coping and escape for them and usually controls their time, money and relationships.” The word food sort of jumped off the page at me. Dr. Anderson included food in a list of addictive substances. I asked myself, Can some eating habits be labeled as substance abuse?

Remember our definition of food: “Substances that people, animals, and plants eat to stay alive and grow.” If food is a substance, is eating improperly substance abuse? Back to my dictionary. Abuse is “wrong or harmful use of something . . . .” So, if we use food for any other motive than what God intended, we are abusing it. And, ultimately, we are abusing God’s temple.

We are able to move forward once the realization of this truth sinks in.

Victory

We find victory over sinful behaviors through God’s word and his power. “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5).

It is not just a matter of recognizing lies exist. We must identify them, confess, and replace them with truth. Replacing the lies with truth benefits us most in the long run.

Let me give you an example. Some days my thoughts look like this: Good morning, Lord. . . . I need to brush my teeth. Can I have ice cream for breakfast? No, that’s ridiculous. Oatmeal is a healthy start to the day. . . . What kind of ice cream do we have? Oh, yeah. Bunny Tracks. . . . Father, help me teach my children well, today. . . . Lunch was good. Is it too early for ice cream? I better wait ‘til the children go to bed. Otherwise, they will want some. I’ll eat an apple. . . . Is it 8:00 yet? That ice cream was so good last night. I can’t wait. . . . I need to finish the laundry. Oh, I can taste the creaminess of the vanilla ice cream with the crunch of chocolate chunks. . . . I made it. It’s eight and the children are upstairs. I can sit down and enjoy my much deserved bowl of ice cream while relaxing.

Identify the Lies

In this example, my thoughts are not being controlled by the Spirit. One of the fruits of the spirit is self-control or a controlled self—controlled by the Holy Spirit. To escape from this bondage, I take the time to identify the lies I believe. Here are two: Ice cream is good, and I deserve it.

Repent

I don’t want to debate the nutritional value of ice cream with you. That’s not the point. The point is I am allowing what I perceive to be “good” to control my thoughts. That is the sin. I must repent. “. . . God’s kindness leads you toward repentance” (Rom. 2:4). Repentance includes agreeing with God I am wrong and turning from that sin.

Replace Lies with Truth

But, I can’t stop there. If I do not replace the lies with truth, I leave myself open for Satan to get a foothold. In this instance, what is truth? “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good” (Psalm 107:1). God is good! And, if God is good, he will not steer me in the wrong direction. He will steer me toward what is good.

“The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11). “Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits . . . who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s” (Psalm 103:2, 5).

Now that I have located verses to dispel the lie, every time this thought pops into my mind, “Oh, I really want that because it is soooo good,” I stop and evaluate whether God has established that item as good for me. Then, if he has not, I replace the thought with a previously mentioned verse.

Let’s move on to the second lie – I deserve it. “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life” (Rom. 6:23). Truthfully, I deserve hell. Anything above that is a free gift of God. Remembering that helps me keep the proper perspective.

Idolatry

One last thought. Anything that takes the place of God is an idol. If your thoughts are wandering toward an idol in your life, here are a few verses to help reel them back in. “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). “Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life” (Jude 21). God’s love through Jesus Christ compels us to listen and obey Him. We are freed from sins and rest in His goodness only through His grace.

Do you think improper eating can be labeled as substance abuse?

Has food been an idol in your life?

Have you experienced victory in this area? If not, do you believe you can experience victory?

Barbara Winters and her husband, Don, have four children, Kevin, JT, Kenneth, and Melinda. Barbara home schools her children and encourages her husband in his pastorate position. Barbara writes a column on the characteristics of God for Lucid Magazine at www.lucidmagazine.com, has several articles available for purchase at Churchmouse Publications, and writes a blog exploring lies and truth related to food issues at http://foodliesandtruth.blogspot.com/. Stop by her blog and say hello.

Superb Series on Gluttony and Body Image from Faith Biblical Counseling

2011-04-12T15:24:00.000-07:00

Faith Biblical Counseling (where Vision of Hope is, LaFayette, IN) has posted an excellent, Scripturally-sound discussion on the idolatry of "body-worship" and the sin of gluttony. (Would we expect anything less than excellence in biblical counseling from Faith Baptist?)

I am very excited about this series, as it offers true hope and help to a spiritual problem plaguing so many. Unafraid to call sin "sin" and avoid the psycho-babble heresies so prominent today, biblical counselor Rob Green tells it like it is in three parts:

Food, the Body and Idolatry (Part 1)
Gluttony: Finding Joy and Satisfaction in Food (Part 2)
Body Image: Finding Joy in Having the Right Measurements (Part 3)

Go read it and be edified!

Guest Blogger: Barb Winters

2011-04-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

Barb Winters has a great blog, "Food: Lies We Believe and Truth that Sets Us Free". I met her last month through a Christian women's blogging community, and really appreciate her edifying, encouraging and biblically-sound writing. Below is the first in a two-part series she wrote on how we rationalize unhealthy eating habits.
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Hello, my name is Barb and I am a reformed (almost) junk food junkie. Honestly. I was the child my parents took a picture of under the sign “Won’t Eat Vegetables” at the amusement park. Of course, at that time I didn’t eat anything. But I changed. I evolved. I grew. To love potato chips, Diet Pepsi, pizza, and . . . ice cream! In college, I thought the food groups were Pizza Hut, Monical’s Pizza and Domino’s.

Since then—twenty plus years have passed—my eating habits have fluctuated; but eventually I accepted I had an unhealthy relationship with food. So I embarked on a quest to decipher why I couldn’t maintain a healthy lifestyle.

I know I’m not alone. Many people I converse with about food will admit to some sort of problem. Some laugh it off . . . and some cry. But it is obvious that an escalating problem in today’s society of plenty is how we deal with food. Our minds reel with questions: What should I eat? What shouldn’t I eat? How much should I eat? Why should I eat that? Why shouldn’t I eat that? We meditate on it. We mull it over. We munch on it (pun intended). We toss the questions around until we feel as if we are on a merry-go-round with no off button. The thoughts consume us. And we feel as if there is no place to hide.

During my quest, God disclosed to me many eating issues go deeper than just making wrong choices. Lies we believe affect these choices. Lies we decide to believe. Rationalizations. Justifications. Validations. Excuses. Thought patterns. Things Satan whispers in our ears until we don’t need him to whisper them anymore . . . because we believe them and tell them to ourselves.

So instead of discussing which diet is best or how many hours of exercise will counteract the effects of the piece of pie we just ate, I want to look at the purpose of food and how we have twisted that purpose by believing lies. I want to identify the lies so we can replace them with truth.

Food Defined

What is the definition of “food”? What is its purpose? Until a few years ago I never stopped to ponder these questions. But since we deal with food on a regular basis (that’s an understatement), we should answer these questions. Here are my initial thoughts:

Food can be . . .

• a comforter

• something to keep my mouth and hands busy

• the satisfier of my cravings

• what I use to keep my stomach from talking to me

• an outlet for my creativity

• a necessary evil (having to think about and plan three meals a day can be mentally exhausting)

• something we fellowship around

How do you define food?

My Scholastic Children’s Dictionary defines food as, “Substances that people, animals, and plants eat to stay alive and grow.” Hmmm. Really? Substances? Sounds boring and unappetizing. It contains no depth, no enjoyment. I wonder what my husband would think if tomorrow he asked, “What’s for dinner?”

And I responded, with a lilt in my voice like all good wives have, “Substances, dear.”

I prefer a definition I heard at a conference: fuel for our bodies. Again, not very appetizing (the smell of gas fumes comes to mind). However, this definition helps me maintain the right perspective on the purpose of food. When I think of fuel, I think of something that provides energy to keep going. I am compelled to ask: What is the best fuel for our bodies? To take that one step further, we are told in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (for those in Christ). Therefore, the real question is: What is the best fuel for God’s temple?

Motivation

The living God dwells within these bodies He created. Why would we poison them? Why would we load them with substances that are harmful and contrary to what God desires?

Because we believe lies and rationalizations like:

• I deserve this reward for doing well.

• I can eat as much as I want if it’s healthy.

• My eating habits have nothing to do with God.

• I’ll miss out on something good if I don’t eat this.

• One won’t hurt.

• It’s a time of celebration/special occasion. /It’s a party. /I’m on vacation.

• It’s too hard/too time-consuming/too expensive to eat properly.

• I’ll start my diet tomorrow.

• Eating this will relieve stress.

• This food will make me happy/give me comfort.

• If I turn it over to God, I’ll never enjoy food again/I’ll never be able to eat this again.

• I’m in PMS.

• I’ll exercise it off.

• I’ve already ruined my diet today.

And the list goes on.

What lies/rationalizations do you tell yourself to justify eating improperly?

Barbara Winters and her husband, Don, have four children, Kevin, JT, Kenneth, and Melinda. Barbara home schools her children and encourages her husband in his pastorate position. Barbara writes a column on the characteristics of God for Lucid Magazine at www.lucidmagazine.com, has several articles available for purchase at Churchmouse Publications, and writes a blog exploring lies and truth related to food issues at http://foodliesandtruth.blogspot.com/. Stop by her blog and say hello.

Beyond Freedom from Food Addiction – Living for the Glory of God (Part 3 of 3)

2011-04-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

Conclusion of the 3-Part series I wrote for Barb Winters' blog, "Food: Lies We Believe and Truth that Sets Us Free".

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This is Part 3 in a series by guest blogger Marie Notcheva. To read Part 1 click here. To read Part 2 click here.

What is the Antidote?

Overcoming food-related struggles and obsessive thinking about food, weight and appearance is notoriously difficult. Nevertheless, full and permanent victory is possible, and it all begins by being “brainwashed.” Surprised? No, Scripture doesn’t send us to a hypnotist to deal with sin; rather, we are instructed to“be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). This is an ongoing, life-long process which all begins with saturating ourselves in the Word of God. As we study and meditate on what God’s thoughts, desires and priorities are, gradually we internalize them and they become our own. If your mind is “set on the things above” (Col. 3:2), it will be preoccupied less and less with food. When we learn to live with an eternal perspective, the “drugs” and other means we use to gain pleasure fade in importance. Addictions are broken only when we begin to truly see the all-surpassing beauty and magnificence of the Lord Jesus Christ. Simply put, Jesus must become more beautiful, more satisfying, more desirable and more fulfilling than our addiction. As C.S. Lewis put it, we are too easily satisfied – making mud pies in a slum when a “holiday” at the seaside awaits.

Repentance is a continual lifestyle. Whether our “pet sin” is adultery or food addiction, humbling ourselves at the foot of the Cross is not a one-time deal – we need His grace daily in order to “press on” and “put on” holiness. This cycle of confession of sin, repentance, receiving mercy, allowing God to change us with His grace, and gradually being transformed into the likeness of His Son is what theologians call “progressive sanctification”. While we’ll never be perfect this side of eternity, we can certainly experience significant victory over “pet sins”.

Far from being the final word, repentance is just the first step in our journey out of the pit of food addiction. Discipline and perseverance are the two qualities God wants to cultivate in us, and constitute what biblical counseling pioneer Jay Adams calls “the secret of godliness”. “Train yourselves to be godly,” Paul warns in 1 Timothy 4:7. “But wait a minute,” you might ask. “Isn’t this ‘works-righteousness’?” Actually, no. While God completely forgives and washes us clean the moment we turn to Christ (justification), He then equips us and develops fruit in our lives so that we may obey and serve Him (sanctification).

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and discipline is a necessary part of our growth as believers. Without it, we run out of steam and learn to live by our feelings. When fighting food-related issues, this can be deadly! Eating is something we all do every day (which is perhaps why eating disorders seem more difficult to many than other addictions), and so we must constantly be on our guard. We do this by hiding the Word of God in our hearts (Psalm 119:11) and yielding to the Spirit (Romans 8:5). Discipline is something we train ourselves to do, whether we feel like it or not. If we are not consistently in His Word, which is our life-line, we will find ourselves slipping.

Lastly, don’t be tempted to think that victory over an area of besetting sin in your life will be easy, or come immediately. This is where many give up. They expect God to wave a magic wand over them, in effect, and take away all temptation. He has left temptation there for a reason – to build your character, and grow you into the person He wants you to be, even through your weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). Perseverance in your walk with Christ is so crucial. If you feel you fail and have turned back to the food again, it is vital that you get back up and shake it off. The Apostle Peter, a man who experienced the exhilarating highs of spiritual victory and the devastating lows of failure, wrote this on the importance of persevering: “For this very reason, [God’s promise of godliness] make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.” (2 Peter 1:5-7).

As you continue to draw near to God by studying His Word, worshiping Him, and fellowshiping with other Christians, He will purify your desires, goals and cravings. You will find your deepest satisfaction comes from communion with Him, and although you will still stumble at times, you will be able to come back with confidence more readily because of His grace. The change in your “relationship” with food will be to demote it permanantly to a back-seat role in your life. However, this is only a fringe benefit to the only relationship that matters – the one you have with Christ. When living to please and glorify Him becomes your driving life’s passion, all other lesser goals will fall into their rightful place. The end result? A maturing, dynamic faith and a testimony of victory over vice.

Beyond Freedom from Food Addiction – Living for the Glory of God (Part 2 of 3)

2011-03-29T17:51:00.000-07:00

Barb Winters, blogger of "Food: Lies We Believe and Truth that Sets Us Free" published Part II of my 3-part article on moving beyond simply food addiction into a life lived with the glory of God at the center. (See Part I below this entry). Next week, in the conclusion, we'll focus on the solution and how to renew our minds with the Word.
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What Hinders You?

If you struggle with over-eating, preoccupation with your weight and/or food, or a tendency to use food for emotional reasons, you probably realize very well that this is outside of God’s will for your life. You may even recognize that you are engaged in a spiritual battle (Eph. 6:12). You’ve read passages warning believers not to be “mastered by anything” but rather to “be self-controlled and alert” (1 Cor. 6:12; 1 Peter 5:8). And yet, as common as “food abuse” is, in the day-to-day we tend to think of it as a “common vice.” Unlike full-blown eating disorders, which are so clearly problematic that psychiatrists consider anorexia and bulimia “mental illnesses,” binge eating, emotional eating, and habitual eating fall under what author Jerry Bridges would term “respectable sins” because they are so prevalent in our society. This helps us rationalize these behaviors when temptation hits.

Is this your mindset? If so, know that you are not alone. It may help you to know that if you are bingeing or just eating out of habit, it is not a physical hunger you are trying to fill. Trying to “fill the void” with food is futile, so allow God to show you what it is you are seeking when you turn to it for satisfaction instead of to Him. Unless you see this temptation as a spiritual battle, you will not be prepared to fight it with the “shield of faith” and the “sword of the Spirit” (God’s Word).

Another hindrance to overcoming unhealthy eating habits is shame. Winston Smith, a CCEF counselor, recently wrote an excellent article on how shame over our sin keeps Christians from turning to the Cross – the very place we need to go! He writes,

“I’m sure Peter, like most of us, would rather figure out some way of cleaning himself. At least part of us would find prideful satisfaction in being able to take care of our own mess. But another sizeable part would like to avoid having another, especially Jesus, see our filth. And the thought of Jesus having to touch it . . . well, that makes us just want to say no.”

There is something about mis-using food that makes us want to run and hide. Among eating disordered patients, anorexia is “the goal” they all want to attain. No one aspires to be bulimic. Why? We see it as more “shameful” – bulimia, like binge eating, represents a loss of self-control. And it is shameful – as is all other sin. When we believe the lie that one sin is more abhorrent to God than another, we deceive ourselves that we are not worthy of His grace (no one is, but He grants it because He is gracious). Hiding in the shadows not only delays and complicates repentance, it is an affront to God’s character. We dishonor Him when we ignore or doubt His mercy, which is new every morning (Lam. 3:23).

Whatever the depth of your struggle, there is grace when you fail. God is waiting for you to get up, seek Him, and continue walking with Him by faith. You may think you are a disappointment to God, but think about it: He is omniscient. He already knew you were going to do “that”, and has already dealt with your sin. The way out is to accept grace, and keep “pressing on.”

Beyond Freedom from Food Addiction - Living for the Glory of God (Part 1 of 3)

2011-03-25T05:10:00.000-07:00

I blogged the following series for Barb Winters last week, and she posted Part 1 over at her blog, "Food Lies We Believe and the Truth that Sets us Free" a few days ago. (Link to Part 1 is here). Here is the introductory entry, on having the right goal and priority in our hearts as we turn away from addiction:

Beyond Freedom from Food Addiction – Living for the Glory of God (Part 1 of 3)

In December 2003, God impressed the words “Live up to what you’ve already attained!” (Philippians 3:16) very strongly on my heart. At the time, He was granting me repentance from a long-standing eating disorder, and, as any Christian stuck in life-dominating sin would be, I was thoroughly miserable. That misery began to change to hope as I pondered the implication of that verse: what have I already attained? In context, Paul is talking about the believer’s secure position by knowing Christ. Since we are free from the Law, he reasons, we have now only to “press on to take hold of” what Christ has already attained for us: the “righteousness that comes from God” (v. 9). Although I had been a Christian for 13 years, I now began pondering what my position in Christ actually meant, practically speaking. Although I was not acting “righteous”, slowly I began to see that because of my union with Him, I was not, in reality, a slave to sin. My salvation already secured, God had declared me a member of His family and a co-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17). Now, He was encouraging me to act like it. Live up to what you already are, I told myself, because of Christ. He made it possible.

One of the lies we are prone to believe, whether we struggle with “food addiction” or another sin, is that we cannot change. The habit has enslaved us, we believe; it is impossible to change on our own. (And indeed it is, apart from the Holy Spirit). It becomes all too easy to forget that we are no longer slaves to sin, and that God calls and equips us to become in practice what we already are in standing before Him.

Let’s examine our true purpose in life; some obstacles as we strive to overcome our love-hate relationship with food; and finally, how to deal with these snares biblically.

What Is Your Goal?

Recently, an old friend of mine stated that Weight Watchers is helping her with her life goal: changing her relationship with food. This is a worthy endeavor, and we know that we need to restore food to its appropriate, life-giving place in our lives. For those of us who are in Christ, however, this must never be our primary goal. Our purpose in life is to love, worship and bring glory to God. Three times in the book of Ephesians, Paul exhorted us to “live to the praise of His glory” (Eph. 1:6, 12, 14). Whenever another all-consuming purpose takes center stage in our hearts, (even if it’s a good thing), it’s called an “idol.”

I have seen this reversal of priorities repeatedly when counseling eating disordered women. During the years I was enslaved to bulimia, I was guilty of it myself. I desperately wanted to be free of the food-obsession that plagued my every waking moment, and devised countless tactics and diets in attempt to stave off the behavior. At the same time, however, I was terrified of gaining weight. Overcoming bulimia, without gaining weight, had become my idol. My “practical theology” was messed up – fitting into size 2 jeans was more important to me than my relationship with Christ. Needless to say, my “relationship with food” never changed – because my focus was misplaced.

We need to fix our eyes on Jesus, the “author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2). When we do that, He brings the conviction and encouragement needed to re-order every area of our lives, including unhealthy eating patterns. Does your happiness and joy in Christ depend on how much you weigh? If so, you are focusing on the wrong “relationship.” If pleasing and honoring God is our goal (rather than losing weight or thinking less about food), we find ourselves less tempted to use the food as a counterfeit comfort and we experience victory in this area (however gradually it may come). When counseling bulimic women, I notice many of them want to keep a food journal. I discourage this practice, as I don’t feel it is helpful and puts too much attention on the food itself (although for anorexic patients, a record of food intake may be necessary for nutritionists or physicians). My counsel (and experience) is that spending that time in the Word of God or a Bible study is far more helpful than keeping a food journal. Our gaze needs to be directed upward to the Cross, rather than inward on self.

In Christian weight loss circles or recovery groups, much is made of the reference to eating and drinking in 1 Corinthians 10:31: “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” However, to fixate solely on those two activities and to build a “program” around them is to miss Paul’s point. The emphasis is on “whatever” you do – it should all be done with the end goal of glorifying God (making His Name known and exalting Him by living in joyful obedience). Fixing individual areas of our life that give us problems must never be our primary goal. Living a life that is pleasing to God, out of sheer gratitude for the grace He has lavished on us, should be our desire.

Marie Notcheva is a Christian author from Massachusetts, who is working towards certification as a biblical counselor. Her book, "Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage or Eating Disorders" will be published by Calvary Press later this year. Her work has appeared in The Guardian Modern Reformation, Baystate Parent, and several other publications. She blogs at http://redeemedfromthepit.blogspot.com//.

Testimony of a Beautiful, Broken and Yearning Soul

2011-03-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Today, I'd like to share with you a beautifully written, autobiographical account from a high school student. A gifted writer, "Jennifer" (not her real name) has been a Christian since childhood. I have corresponded with her for some time, and she loves the Lord Jesus Christ with all her heart and soul. Jennifer is also blessed to be a part of a Gospel-preaching church with a network of friends and family who are strong believers.

Jennifer also struggles with bulimia. With an insight I wish I'd had at her age (my eating disorder started when I was 15, long before I knew the Lord,) she writes powerfully and reveals the raw, painful struggle that continues to battle within her, even though she belongs to Christ.

With her permission, I am sharing her story here as it is a very poignant and true-to-life glimpse into the temptation and snare of an eating disorder. We are all familiar with Paul's lament in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do," as well as the rest of the chapter, dealing with the hatred (yet battle) of sin that sometimes grips every believer. No one knows better than a bulimic that the moment we turn to Christ, while all of our sin is forgiven, in practice it does not vanish overnight. As I wrote to Jennifer, "Even though we are regenerate (have been given a new spirit) at the moment of conversion, not everything immediately becomes blue skies and fluffy clouds!"

I hope her essay blesses and encourages you:
20 March 2011
There has been only one significant event during my lifetime within my memory frame, and that is because it has taken over my life and mind since three years ago when it first began. On and off since February 18, 2008, I have been bound by chains. My journey through this world thus far has already proved painful, exhausting, and captive - but most of all, blessed.

I am not going to give you a sob story, because I have none. I have never experienced what the law constitutes as abuse in any way. My parents are still alive. We have an average amount of money and have never been significantly lacking. I got picked on sporadically in elementary school, but nothing I would ever refer to as bullying. I’ve had injuries and health problems here and there, but never anything too serious. My only explanation is this: sin tears apart lives.

To start off, I have always hated myself. That has been my natural mentality since I was a preschooler. No matter how many people tell me how loved I am, how many times I ruminate and reflect on myself and point out my positive attributes, or how many truths I find in God’s word, I have never been able to get past this belief. It has by far been the most misleading and detrimental part of my life.

Fast forward to seventh grade. Depression. Confusion. A strong sense of feeling trapped with seemingly no cause. I am an innocent twelve year old girl attending Springhouse Middle School. I am a Christian. My parents are divorced, but it’s been that way since I was three. My mom is getting remarried, but I’ve wanted her to do so for years. I have the occasional fights with my dad, but that can only be expected at this age. I have friends and a social life. I am an avid athlete. Nothing wrong here.

So why would this girl living this life rapidly and suddenly develop an eating disorder?

To be honest, I don’t know. The media? I doubt it. Bad body image? Sure. Chemical imbalances? Probably. “Personal strangeness,” as Marya Hornbacher says? I wouldn’t be surprised. Trust issues? Of course. A desire to be in control, a splitting of the mind? Definitely. Without a single doubt in my mind I know it is some sort of a spiritual problem. But that’s about all I can say. I don’t think these kinds of things can ever be fully explained.

Secrets. Lies. Despair. I need to be heard. I need to be wanted. I need to be hugged.

I lay sleepless. Tossing. Head pounding. Fingers swollen, throat puffed up like a bullfrog. The light flipped off, the dark and the racing thoughts flooded in. The fears. The prayers. (Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia)

I’ll spare the details for now, but three years ago I began violently destructing my body. It wasn’t long before I was forced to reveal my struggles to my parents and enter treatment. I was there for three months, made some progress, and surrendered to God’s will over a year later. At the time, I thought I was promising never to act on that particular sin again. How unrealistic and naive a promise that was.

It was not until many months later that I learned the true meaning of surrender – to give my entire life to God, and to trust Him with it. To show God that I love Him more than anything in this world and that I want to live my life completely for Him, but that I recognize that I will fail, and will not carry out my wishes to the full extent... yet I also know that I am completely covered with the blood of Jesus Christ, and there is power in His blood (Following me?).

That, too, though, is a hard act to follow. I dug into His word. I prayed without ceasing. I made awesome friends and did awesome things. I felt peace and transformation for the first time in my life. But my predictions were correct. I was about an inch away from complete freedom before I sprinted a mile backwards. Crashed and burned. Relapsed.

One may ask once more, why? Again, I’m not quite sure. I was stressed. I had a tremendous amount of pressure on me. I was scared. So I destroyed God’s temple. I know, there is a gap between the cause and effect. I’m still in the process of bridging it.

But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned to a pillar of salt. So it goes. People aren’t supposed to look back. I’m certainly not going to do it anymore. (Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five)

So today I am telling a story that is not yet over. I am back in treatment again and struggling with this daily. If you want to call me messed up, go ahead. If you think I’m beautiful, you can say that too. Both are accurate. I’m a beautiful mess, perhaps. Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

A year’s worth of tears is flowing down my cheeks because I am finally feeling my emotions. I am looking people in the eyes and loving them for who God made them to be. I am beginning to observe the world around me and take it for what it is. I receive a long and comforting hug from Alyssa Romisher in the dining room of the Renfrew Center after once again struggling to finish my meal, failing, and being asked to drink two Ensure supplements. “I know you’re trying really hard, and I’m proud of you. It will get easier; I promise. I love you.”

It is worth it. It’s a fight. It’s exhausting, but it is a fight I believe in. I cannot believe, anymore, in the fight between body and soul. If I do it will kill me. If I do, I will have taken the easy way out. I know for a fact sickness is easier. But health is more interesting. (Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia, p. 280)

And I am so humbled.
No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. (Isaiah 62:4)

Top 10 Myths About Eating Disorders - Courtesy of Radiology Technician Schools

2011-03-09T04:31:00.000-08:00

This morning, Christine Seivers, the content manager for Radiology Technician Schools blog, contacted me with an excellent article about eating disorders her site had published. I find it to be well-written and informative, and so at her request I am happy to share it with you. Do check out the original article here, which also contains an embedded video, "How Can Bulimia Make Someone Gain Weight?"

As this article comes from the medical community and not the biblical counseling world, take careful note of the fact it cites the disproven theory that eating disorders are genetic (more to come this week on the 'chemical imbalance' hypothesis rejected by physicians).

Here is the article:

"Eating disorders are becoming increasingly common in Western societies. Despite educators' efforts to create greater awareness of anorexia and bulimia, there still remains a great deal of misunderstanding and misinformation surrounding the facts and consequences of the disorders. In order to get to the root of the problem, more people need to recognize the symptoms, victims, and treatments. That involves dispelling false notions and pervasive societal myths.

1.Eating Disorders Are Limited to Women: Although eating disorders are most prevalent in women, men are in no way immune to them. Men, one million of them in 2005, relentlessly tried to perfect their body image by excessively working out, eating less, or even throwing up their food after a large meal. According to The Wall Street Journal, many men are no longer acting as caretakers in a relationship — a greater number of women than men are excelling in both university education and the work force. With higher salaries and higher education, many women no longer find themselves financially dependent on men. In fact, they are often earning more than their male counterparts. Sometimes men try to compensate for this role reversal by perfecting their bodies. A muscular, slim man can definitely symbolize dominance and overall strength.

2.People with Eating Disorders Always Look Underweight: As described by Womenshealth.gov, an online resource provided by the US Department of Health and Human Services, many bulimics are normal weight. In fact, some may even look chubby or a bit overweight. In addition to bulimics, those men and women that exercise excessively and count every single calorie may not look emaciated. The media often only shows the most extreme cases of anorexia nervosa in television and movies. There are some signs that you can look for in bulimics, such as: swollen cheeks, overtly clear teeth, and broken blood vessels in the eyes. However, these symptoms are not always obvious.

3. Hollywood and Vogue are Responsible for Eating Disorders: True: Constant exposure to images of overtly thin supermodels and actors can affect how we view our own bodies. False: These images are the leading cause of eating disorders. This is a common misconception. Parents often blame skinny celebrities for inspiring anorexia or bulimia; however, there are many other factors that contribute to eating disorders. Many women and men starve themselves or purge after eating as a result of psychological disorders, including (but not limited to): Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder, Depression, and Bipolar Disorder.

4. Eating Disorders Are Hereditary: Currently, scientists are actively trying to find out if eating disorders have genetic causes. Although they have found some correlations, correlation does not imply causation. Eating disorders do not necessarily have to be genetically predetermined. Your environment can affect your eating habits and self-image as well. For example, perhaps your mom is obsessed with being unnaturally thin. It may not pass on to you genetically, but it could pass on to you because of your constant exposure to her ideas and unreal image. At the same time, don't assume that just because your sister is bulimic or anorexic, you will be too. There could be a variety of contributing factors to her disorder!

5. Dieting Will Lead to Anorexia: Many people believe dieting is a gateway habit to future anorexia or bulimia. However, eating disorders are NOT just related to concerns about eating healthy or losing a few pounds. These disorders stem from an extreme obsession with losing weight. If your mind is consistently counting calories (all day long), that would be symptomatic of anorexia. Other symptoms include lying about your food intake and constantly feeling overweight (even though you are not). If dieting always lead to anorexia, we would have many more people with eating disorders. You should not let your weight and eating habits consume you, but still be health conscious about your food intake. Moderation is essential to leading a healthy lifestyle.

6. People with Eating Disorders Do Not Eat: Although people with anorexia may not eat very much, they usually do consume at least a small amount of food during the day. Otherwise, they would appear to be emaciated at a much quicker pace. Adolescents who suffer from anorexia may just eat one really small meal in front of others. Or, anorexics may also be bulimic. They may try to please friends and family members by eating large quantities at dinner or lunch. Afterward, in order to get rid of calories, they may make themselves vomit.

7. Bulimics Only Vomit to Get Rid of Extra Calories: Many parents and friends are unaware of another common tactic bulimics use to lose weight: Laxatives. Taking laxative pills help people lose weight initially.They usually get rid of water weight. However, consistent use of these diuretics can lead to a dangerous addiction. Constant abuse leaves users feeling extremely fat and bloated every time they eat. As soon as they finish eating, they have to take pills to get rid of their meal. Celebrities like Janet Jackson have admitted to abusing these pills. This can lead to extreme dehydration and internal bleeding.

8. Bulimics Purge Everything They Eat: Because vomiting after eating only gets rid of 50% of the calories, bulimics often gain weight from their destructive cycles of purging. In fact, many bulimics who use laxatives only get rid of ten percent of their calorie intake. Those that suffer from this eating disorder believe they are getting rid of everything when they purge. They often overeat during meal times, usually 5 to 6 times more than their normal intake. Furthermore, as the video demonstrates, when your body gets used to purging, you will only lose about twenty to thirty percent of your calorie intake.

9. People Cannot die from Bulimia: Although there are many unfortunate media stories describing deaths from anorexia nervosa, there is little information about deaths from bulimia. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, a person with bulimia can be at high risk for sudden death. Purging can be extremely destructive on the heart. It can also cause electrolyte imbalances. The New York Times article reports that bulimia can definitely result in death. Fortunately, Melissa Avrin's mom is adding to the short list of movies focusing on bulimia.

10. Eating Disorders Start at Adolescence: Eating disorders are becoming increasingly prevalent in children. As in adult eating disorders, similar factors can contribute to the same disorders in children. These factors can be environmental, psychological, and/or biological. Mothers seem to have a huge impact on young girls with eating disorders. The Agras, Hammar, and McNicolas study demonstrates that mothers with eating disorders interact differently with their children than mothers without them. Early on, they are less likely to feed their children (a normal amount) during early development stages."

Linkback: http://radiologytechnicianschools.net/10-most-pervasive-myths-about-eating-disorders/

"What About People on Meds?"

2011-03-05T06:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

Recently, a friend of mine from church e-mailed me the following question:

Hey Marie,

I was wondering if in your NANC training you ever get to the point when you have to encourage someone to stop taking drugs. How do you do that? I know it is probably a long answer but I would love to know!

I thought it was a good question, and quite possibly one which some of you readers are wondering about, as well, so I am posting my entire answer to her below. Anti-depressant medications are routinely prescribed in the treatment of eating disorders, so this is an ethical question related to my ministry. Since writing this reply, I've gotten much deeper into my current course of "Medical Issues in Counseling" and find that I've portrayed the position accurately.

My response:

"Well, first I should clarify that I am not under NANC, but rather INS (Institute for Nouthetic Studies). It's the same exact position, theology & theory, though...but the difference is if you want to get the NANC certification (after completing the INS' 185 hours of coursework), you still have to then take the NANC exam and do your 50 hours of supervised counseling under your local church. I would expect that question then becomes a big one, because so many peeps are on so many meds. (Interestingly, my next course, which should arrive any day now, is Medical Issues - and I am SURE that question will be covered in much more depth!)

From what I understand, a NANC counselor does not/cannot advise a counselee to stop taking her physician prescribed meds. They have to qualify counsel with "I am not a physician", and if you think about it, it would be a HUGE liability risk to come out and tell a counselee to stop taking them. Some actions are described as "painting a big bulls-eye on the door of the church" (lawsuits). Also, as you know yourself, going off psychotropics and SSRI meds cold-turkey can be dangerous; the body grows physically dependent on them. I am honestly not sure if a NANC counselor can even encourage the counselee to "wean" herself off of them, and while it's great if they do, that MUST always be done under a doctor's supervision.

Now, that said, suppose a person were asking the NANC counselor hypothetically about the usefullness of drugs for what is assumed to be a "chemical imbalance". Depression is the usual issue....did you know, that after marriage problems, depression is the biggest thing you see in nouthetic counseling? It's also the hardest to counsel - because peeps come in armed to the teeth with "information" they've "learned" about depression. When working on my book, I discovered that now top-flight psychiatrists and researchers are admitting the chemical imbalance theory is unproven. It was a myth all along.

If asked, I imagine a NANC counselor could certainly point these facts out (having the research info right there in front of you doesn't hurt - "The Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference" is required reading for my course, and I also recommend Tyler & Grady's "When Sin is Called Sickness"). But making the argument that depresion etc. is not an organic disease (and therefore meds don't work; they ONLY TREAT THE SYMPTOMS) is one thing; telling someone they should stop a Rx they are already on is quite another.

As you know, the "counseling" I do is infomal - generally women seek me out after finding me online. I have never shied away from telling them straight-up that drugs are totally ineffective at treating eating disorders; that's a pretty easy one to prove. If they've contacted me, they've already read at leasts ome of my writing and know where I stand on that issue, anyway. However, what I have found is that (in the case of eating disorders), women prefer to take meds because they want to convince themselves it is still a "disease". If they realize the drugs don't help, on some level they are admitting it's not a physical disease that they have...but a spiritual one (sin). Many Christians just don't want to go there. (Which is probably most of the attacks I've gotten on my blog are from professing Christians -- NOT atheists).

It's a hard thing to face that you are in sin, and as long as you hang on to the meds and the illusion that you are "suffering from a 'mental illness'", you can deny to yourself that bulimia (or whatever) is a sin against a holy God. It takes time for the Holy Spirit to gently lead someone to that realization. Once they get there, though, NOW real change can begin. I have never seen a truly repentant women want to keep on claiming it's a "mental illness" card - so the drugs become a non-issue (although withdrawal may be another story).

So basically, my approach would not be first and foremost to focus on "stopping the drugs". It would be to help the person understand what God's Word says, and what it implies about her behavior (or depression). Once she is open to let God work in her heart and she is renewing her mind, the drugs can be seen for what they are -- a chemical answer to a spiritual solution. Then it's up to her. But to directly tell a counselee she should stop whatever she's on would be dangerous - for the counselor; for the church; and possibly for the counselee. I would not hesitate to advise against STARTING them, though. And from what I've seen just in my work as a medical interpreter, doctors push antidepressants like lemon drops. It's crazy!!! An elderly woman having a melancholy day? "I'm going to recommmend a psych consult...I think you should take something." An immigrant with an unemployed husband and health problems? "I'm going to increase your Celexa dosage." I could go on all day....but the point is, doctors will deliberately put patients on antidepressants to make them dependent; now the healthcare system is getting $$ for the rest of his/her life. (Nearly half of the $$ supporting the pharmecuetical industry is from antidepressants, according to one instructor). So there is a definite agenda there...and while I wouldn't think twice about explaining this to a counselee, you can't overstep your bounds by advising them against what their doctor is doing. Although I don't think a NANC counselor would agree to counsel someone who's also seeing a psychiatrist."

Paul Washer on Depression ("What Have You Learned from Jay Adams?")

2011-02-26T10:42:00.000-08:00

Paul Washer is a humble, godly, passionate steward of the Gospel whose preaching God has used repeatedly to convict and encourage me. In a brief clip here, he tells the truth about the biblical means of dealing with depression (a battle he has fought in his own life). HT: Puritan Fellowship

Why I Won't be Wearing a Ribbon this Week

2011-02-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

A number of years ago, participants in medical support groups began wearing ribbons to show support for themselves and other sufferers of their illnesses. The pink ribbon representing breast cancer, for example, is instantly recognizable and has helped, by its association, to raise millions of dollars for cancer research. Not to be left behind, those with behavioral addictions and psycho-somatic conditions later got on the bandwagon and developed ribbons of their own. (How wearing a ribbon helps someone with a non-biological illness, by any vague definition of "support", I am not clear).

Apparently, several years ago an online eating disorder directory declared the week of February 20-26 "National Eating Disorder Awareness Week" and exhorts those with EDs, loved ones of those with EDs, or those who used to have EDs to wear a periwinkle ribbon. The goal of this is two-fold: 1) To increase public "awareness" of eating disorders; and 2) to "support" those suffering.

Why is this unnecessary, and counter-productive?

1) The public is already well aware of what eating disorders are. The average American woman born after 1970 can recite the statistics by heart. An event like this only causes the public at large to become more callous to EDs, which are already household words. I remember in the early 1980's, when bulimia became extremely common and over-exposed by the media, a journalist snapping, "If I hear one more word about eating disorders, I'm going to have a serious case of indigestion!"

2) "Supporting" someone who is in an unhealthy, dangerous and sinful lifestyle is actually the least loving and most unhelpful thing one can do. Eating disorder sufferers do not need "support" so much as they need godly counsel and accountability, with change and renewal of the mind as the ultimate goal. "Support" makes one comfortable and complacent in one's behavior; true counsel seeks to correct and help someone develop new patterns of godly discipline.

I realize this is a sensitive subject, and I do not wish to criticize anyone who chooses to participate in the "Awareness Week" or wear a ribbon for any reason. I am simply stating my reasons why I choose not to, and explaining why this type of activity (which inadvertently glorifies the eating disorder and makes "heroes" out of those practicing anorexia and bulimia) is an unbiblical approach to a spiritual problem.

According to the web page, NEDA's Mission Statement is as follows:

Our aim of NEDAwareness Week is to ultimately prevent eating disorders and body image issues while reducing the stigma surrounding eating disorders and improving access to treatment. Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses — not choices — and it’s important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder.

I see both good and bad in this Mission Statement. Of course we want to "prevent" eating disorders (if such a thing were possible -- one can no more change another's behavior than regenerate another's soul). The logic completely breaks down, however, between the first and second sentence: while NEDA claims (erroneously) that eating disorders are "illnesses", and not choices, it nevertheless wishes to "reduce the stigma" surrounding them. The fallacy of this statement is obvious -- if eating disorders were, in fact, diseases or 'illnesses', (which by definition have an organic, physical cause), why is there a "stigma" surrounding them?

If I have the flu, am I "stigmatized" because I allowed the influenza virus to enter my body? Or suppose I am diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy -- a genetic condition. Shall I be "stigmatized" because of my faulty gene pool? Of course not! The word "stigma" is used here as a stand-in for "shame". If someone were suffering from an actual illness, why should he or she be ashamed? Could it just be....because intuitively the founders here realize, that on it's root level, anorexia and bulimia WAS a choice, and the behavior IS ungodly?

I realize that this web page, and most like it, was written from a secular, worldly perspective and not a biblical worldview. I also understand that as a Christian, I cannot hold unbelievers (particularly those in the psych fields) to biblical standards. Yet when I first began doing research in this field, one of the first things that struck me so sharply was the inconsistency (and hypocrisy) with which the "Medical Model" is applied to addictions (aka 'life-dominating sins'). If we are going to draw attention to the presumed heroism of those with eating disorders by wearing a ribbon, why are we not likewise celebrating those who struggle with shoplifting ('kleptomania')? After all, it's a "medical condition". And why not wear a ribbon to raise awareness of adultery ("sexual addiction") or pedophilia? Both of these perversions are classified as "illnesses" by the DSM-IV.

Does Wearing a Ribbon/Celebrating NEDA Awareness Week Glorify God?

As a Christian (who was actively anorexic and bulimic for nearly two decades), my answer to this is an unequivocal "No, it does not." Why not?

1.) NEDA Awareness Week glorifies eating disorders (however inadvertently) in the name of "raising awareness". Those of us who are in Christ are instructed to have one, central, driving purpose in life: to glorify God.

2) It also glorifies individuals with eating disorders. I spent only a few minutes on their site, but noticed the same tendency most similar sites have: making heroes out of those with (or recovered from) eating disorders. This is more dangerous than you may realize: turning anorexic or bulimic girls into suffering martyrs (as I have seen the media do) almost guarantees that they will not change their behavior. One young lady I know was featured on a television documentary for her struggle with anorexia, and thus procured many "fans". A professing strong Christian, several years later, she still claims to be "struggling against this disease", but the thousands of Facebook pictures she posts of herself tell another story. So much adulation has been poured on Kylie that her "disease" has become her "identity" -- she no longer sees it as wrong. Those leaving comments telling her how "beautiful" and "gorgeous" she looks in her emaciated Facebook photos are not helping matters. Whether we have repented of anorexia or bulimia or are still stuck in this lifestyle, we are not suffering heroes to be idolized, ladies. We are sinners in desperate need of a Savior.

3) WWJD? Would Jesus have you wear a periwinkle ribbon to call attention to your eating disorder battle? Or, is it just possible that He would put His arms around you, remind you of His great love, and offer you the gift of repentance once again? In the Bible we see a pattern - the Lord Jesus lovingly confronting individual sin; then pointing the person to His Father. We need more "God Awareness"; not "Eating Disorder Awareness". And we definitely don't need "Self Awareness" -- as much as the eating disordered woman craves attention, we've already seen our true selves, and it ain't pretty!

4) Wearing the ribbon perpetuates the myth that eating disorders are physical diseases. Neither anorexia nor bulimia meet any of the criteria of the medical definition of 'disease':

"When an organic cause is found, it is given a medical disease label or diagnosis. ...the diagnosis is based on some specific demonstrated problem in various bodily functions. This physical malfunction is found by examining the body and its functions by means of various objective laboratory tests. The conclusion that something is wrong with the body is based on information obtained from these tests. Specific diagnoses each describe a disease in the body. There is damage to some body tissue that can be demonstrated by objective laboratory tests. The tissue damage is producing the behavior in each diagnosis. People with organic causes for abnormal behavior are given a diagnosis based on changes in the body, rather than on descriptions of behavior."

("The Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference", Dr. Robert D. Smith, MD, pp. 80-81; emphasis mine).

5. It plays into the "victim" mentality already so prevalent in our society. Ladies, if you are stuck in the pit of an eating disorder, you need help. You need grace. You need forgiveness (so freely available through Christ's atoneing work on the Cross), and you need to repent. You need godly counsel and accountability; compassion and encouragement. And you need to be honest with yourself: you are not a victim. Nor are you a hero. When I interpret at the hospital for cancer patients receiving chemotherapy, I hope and pray that the money raised from pink-ribbon proceeds someday helps these victims of cancer. Please, please, out of love and respect for cancer victims and their families, let's not even attempt to put ourselves in the same category. An eating disorder is not something that you "contracted" or that just happened to you...as hard as it is to hear that. The first step in my own transformation (or 'recovery', if you prefer) was recognizing my own responsibility in becoming an out-of-control bulimic and shedding the "victim" identity. Only then can true change begin!

To anyone who may be participating in this "NEDA" event or feel it would be helpful to her, I do not wish to sound unduly harsh. However, I would encourage you to ask yourself this: "Who, or what, is glorified by this ribbon? Is the Name of Christ lifted up, or am I seeking vindication for my own lifestyle? Do I long to change my behavior, and walk free? Will NEDA help me to do that, or will Christ?"

I love you, and more importantly, so does God. He can and will set you free, if you turn to Him.

Upcoming "Hope for the Hurting" Conference - Lafayette, Indiana

2011-02-16T08:38:00.000-08:00

Are you suffering? Need to make changes? Registration just opened for this year's "Hope for the Hurting" biblical counseling conference in July. Held on the grounds of Faith Baptist church, next to Vision of Hope's residential treatment center in Lafayette, Indiana, this conference speaks directly to the underlying pain and struggle that women with eating disorders encounter (as well as those with other life-dominating sin).

Since quite a few of my readers are studying (or are interested in) biblical counseling, I recommend this conference not only to those currently in the process of repenting from eating disorders, but also to those who would minister to them. The conference, which runs July 21-23, 2011, features Senior Pastor of Faith Baptist and NANC Fellow Steve Viars; Executive Director of Vision of Hope Jocelyn Wallace; author Amy Baker; and some of the Vision of Hope staff, among others. The conference info page mentions that a limited number of private, one-on-one counseling sessions will be available. The conference description says:

A Conference for Those Who Are Hurting

At one time or another every human being will endure periods of intense suffering. It is common to the human condition. However, something so common to each of us has the potential to completely derail us, devastate us, and potentially ruin us unless we understand how to Biblically respond to it. God’s word has so much to say about how we should think about and respond to pain.

See rest of information and registration page here.

If you are anywhere in the area or can avail yourself of this truly Christ-centered conference, I strongly recommend you do so. On a personal/ministry note, I have decided that if my book has been published by July, I will go myself (otherwise, it will be hard to justify the expense of travel). Currently, "Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders" is in the capable hands of my publisher at Calvary Press. I received the foreward early last week; all endorsements are in and the final copy is edited and ready to go. Although I have not yet heard when the book will be released, the project is now out of my hands and I trust God to bring it to fruition in His perfect timing! When I have a date for publication, I will share.....but in the meantime, do avail yourself of this wonderful opportunity if you can!

P.S. The Indianapolis airport is incredibly easy to drive in and out of. It's right in the middle of a cornfield. So don't let the fear of driving in a new place put you off - they really couldn't have made it any easier.

Hope to see some of you in Indiana........

Disappointment in Course (or, At Least there's a Market for My Book!)

2011-02-09T10:41:00.000-08:00

Nothing. In over 600 pages,
there's NOTHING HERE!

It was with great anticipation that I looked forward to the arrival of my current course in the biblical counseling tract I'm taking, "Medical Issues in Counseling 1 and 2". The course syllabus promised a 12-lecture course dealing with "specific medical issues i.e. anorexia, bulimia..."(sic) among other things.

Even though I have spent the last several years researching, writing and informally counseling women with eating disorders, according to biblical principles - to the best of my knowledge -naturally I was quite eager to see what the "experts" had written about this pervasive subject afflicting millions of Christian women. I was greatly looking forward to learning how top biblical counselors approach the whole subject of food addiction, bulimia in particular.

The 12 DVD set just arrived in the mail, along with the required text: "The Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference" (a $40 book, by the way). Including appendices, this tome is nearly 500 pages. IT DOES NOT CONTAIN ONE SINGLE WORD ABOUT ANOREXIA, BULIMIA, OR EATING DISORDERS. Neither do the more than 100-pages of lecture notes provided with the video lectures. (There is, however, an entire lecture devoted to "sleep disorders"). If anorexia and/or bulimia are even touched on at all in the lectures, the subject must have been so parenthetical as to not even warrant mention in the lecture outlines.

I am deeply disappointed, to say the least. My only explanation for this is that these books/lectures are written by men, and eating disorders tend to be a female-problem. (In biblical counseling, men counsel men and women counsel women, unlike in the psych fields). Broadly speaking, biblical counseling tends to be a very male-dominated field (and I say that as a complementarian...I strongly uphold male leadership in the Church); but more than half of Christian counselees are women. How could such a huge issue as eating disorders be so completely overlooked in a course like this? Especially when it is listed, on the course syllabus, as being included? If, after I have viewed all of the lectures it turns out that anorexia or bulimia was discussed, I'll write a retraction. But based on this (very expensive) material, there's nothing there.

I suppose there's one positive way of looking at this oversight: there's a definite market for my book! There is virtually nothing, written from a purely biblical perspective, on the subject of eating disorders.

Well...that's about to change. As soon as the publisher gives me an approximate publication date, I'll share and let you know how you can pre-order "Redeemed from the Pit".

Interview with Former Anorexic, Michelle Myers

2011-01-26T04:49:00.000-08:00

Michelle today

Yesterday, Lucy Ann Moll interviewed pastor's wife and author of "The Look the Kills" Michelle Myers on her radio show "The Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors". This is the same show on which I was interviewed last month, and Michelle talks about her battle with anorexia and obsessive exercising which started her freshman year of college.

Although I have not yet read her book, I appreciate her standpoint and willingness to give God all the glory for her transformation! As Lucy points out at the beginning of the show, motivation is what determines whether a goal of weight-loss is sinful or not. Valuing the opinions of people, or growing in Christ - what will rule you?

Although anorexia is much less common than bulimia, it is a dangerous obsession which still controls many Christian women. Listen to Michelle's interview here, and be edified:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2011/01/25/sisterhood-of-beautiful-warriors

As an epilogue, Michelle is now completely free of her eating disorder, is walking with Christ, and is six months pregnant. Praise God for her testimony!

Do You REALLY Believe Jesus Loves You?

2011-01-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the CCEF team re-posted this excellent essay from Dr. Ed Welch, a biblical counselor who specializes in helping people with depression and addiction (he has written several fine books on both). At the risk of sounding patronizing, I really, really appreciate Dr. Welch's writing, and I am sure my readers would be as blessed as I was by this piece. I have quoted Welch many times in the past (including in my book, which went to the publisher's yesterday!), because he just seems to get it. He has an insight into the deepest, most hidden parts of the wounded Christian's soul that eclipses most people.

I honestly don't know his personal background, but it sounds as if he understands perfectly the struggle many of us have to really, truly believe we are loved by our Lord. (Yes; I said "we" because I still struggle with this insecurity, and constantly ask the Lord for assurance. He is consistently faithful to provide it, including through the edifying writing of folks like Welch).

It may sound like an over-simplification, but I really think that if we grasped and really believed just how deeply we are loved by God, it would be MUCH easier to stop sinning. Not just the life-dominating sins like bulimia; but the habitual, don't-think-about-it-'til-I'm-in-the-middle-of-it ones, as well. Why would it be easier? Well, because when we give in to sin, we believe a lie. We temporarily believe, even if we know we're wrong, that what we're tempted to do will provide us with more satisfaction than Christ. If we trusted that His way is always best, all of the time, and He loves us so much that nothing else matters, sin would cease to lose it's appeal.

But we live in a fallen world, and as of yet, our faith is still imperfect. He understands this, and patiently guides us - through His Word - into the Truth that we really are His beloved possession. Let that sink in deep, and please read Dr. Welch's article below. (Or go directly to CCEF's blog and read it there). Be blessed!
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Depression’s Odd Filter

Ed Welch

Someone says to you, “I love you.”

You hear . . . nothing. Actually you hear something. You hear a little voice in your brain that says, “I’m worthless. You’re only saying you love me because you think you have to.”

Somehow, from the mouths of other people to your ear, all words of blessing and encouragement get tumbled upside down and backward and confirm your suspicions about yourself. You are an abject failure. Unloved. Unlovable. And everyone knows it.

There are hundreds of variations.

“You look nice today.”

Push it through the filter of depression and you get, “Not true. I know I am ugly.”

Or, “You seem to be feeling a little better today.”

This means, “Oh, you don’t want to talk to me anymore.”

This is your brain on depression. And we could add, it is your brain on shame.

If this internal circuitry reversed every word, a loved one could say, “You are really such a jerk,” and you would hear, “I love you.” But it doesn’t work that way. Depression (or shame) corrupts every blessing and leaves the curses in their untouched, pristine form.

You might want to take a few minutes and identify this dastardly filter.

What kind words have other people said to you? What did you actually hear after your depressive, inner-translator did a number on it?

That was a warm-up. Now on to something more lethal.

God says, “I love you.”

You hear, “God loves some people but he could never love me.”

Notice that you didn’t hear, “I don’t love you.” That would be your inner filter doing its usual electronic voodoo and reversing any blessing. With this one, you don’t even feel worthy to hear anything personal from the Lord. So what came out the other side was your own voice, not God’s!

Do you think that, maybe, your wiring is completely messed up and you aren’t hearing God accurately?

“I love you,” becomes “God could never love me.” If someone else did that you would tell her she was crazy. But, somehow, for you, it makes perfect sense.

Is it possible that you are mis-hearing?

How convenient it would be if you could simply say, “Oh, now I get it. It was just a little misunderstanding. God, thank you for clearing that one up. I feel much better now. Now I know that you love me.” But life doesn’t work that way. Instead, against all the evidence, such as the sacrificial death of Jesus on your behalf, and his willingness to tell you, over and over, that he loves you, you stick with what you think you heard, as if the problem was hard-wired.

But we are people who believe that the Spirit has been given and he is much more powerful than we think. He can even open our ears so we can hear, even ears that are mis-wired.

The Spirit does his work, in part, by giving you less confidence in the distortions you believe.

Have you ever said, “Lord, I heard wrong”?

Let’s say you go into the presence of a king – a powerful king. He tells you that he is pleased to put you under his protection. He invites you to live in the castle itself. You respond by fortifying your little shack, which stands a couple miles away.

Here is what you are saying to the king:

You aren’t trustworthy. I don’t believe you really want to invite me into your protection.

You aren’t powerful. I am safer outside the castle grounds. I am safer in my shack.

You are mis-hearing his invitation and proclaiming your independence.

But human beings are intended to live life with humility, first before our King, then before others. Sometimes, because you believe his words are too good to be true, you reject what he says and you trust in yourself. At those times, the way ahead is clear – confess to the king that you didn’t really believe what he said. You could call it repentance. You could call it your entrance back to sanity. Only those who walk humbly before the Lord can truly hear.

Be sure to say it: “Lord, I heard wrong. Help me to hear you correctly.”

And once your ears are open you will hear plenty. For example, take a look at the letter we call 1 John. John, who knew Jesus and lived alongside him, was getting up in years, which meant that he was going to stay on message: Jesus loves, not because we are lovable but because he loves, and he will always love first and love most. Then, as one who knew Jesus’ style well, since Jesus didn’t say “I love you” once but said it over and over, John was happy to repeat himself.

But those reversing filters can quickly return.

Jesus says, “I love you.”

To which your inner voice says, “Not me, I’m not lovable.”

Jesus responds, “But I do love you, not because you are lovable (nobody is) but because I love you.”

Pause on this one. Jesus loves you because he is love (1 John 4:8). He loves you because of who he is, not because of who you are. If you feel unlovable – and who doesn’t – that makes his love for you all the more amazing. The evidence of his love? It is much more than Jesus saying, “I feel all gushy about you.” Instead, “this is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10). And, if he died on your behalf, he certainly isn’t going to leave you on you own now.

You have to know that Jesus is not like a mere mortal. In human relationships, our love is way too dependent on how the other person is loveable. When you love others, they love you. When you don’t, they don’t. Jesus, however, is not like other people. When our love for him wavers, he loves us. Therein lies the fatal flaw in your hearing.

So you have your work cut out for you. All new wiring. Get rid of the tangled mess by confessing that you don’t hear, and replace it with a very simple connection: God says it, I believe it. If you want to check to make sure the system is working order, keep track of your relationships with other people. If you turn away from people because you believe you are worthless, then get back to your rewiring. If you notice, even for a minute, that you are facing outward, toward other people, and showing interest in them – showing love – then sit back and enjoy the fine workmanship. And truly hear.

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Dealing With Shame and Letting Christ Heal You

2011-01-08T13:31:00.000-08:00

My Dear Readers:

AS I type this, I am elbow-deep in last minute revisions to chapter 11 of my book (ironically enough, the chapter is about a godly response to abuse suffered in the past). There is a correlation between abuse and addictive, self-destructive behaviors such as anorexia and bulimia, and while it is not an exact "cause-and-effect" situation, it deserves some discussion.

One common denominator between bad things done to us (abuse) and bad things we've done (bulimia, for example) is shame. Even after we know we've been forgiven, this feeling of self-indictment is hard to shake, even in the light of the Gospel.

I would like to direct you all to two posts written this week by Dr. Laura Hendrickson, writer and NANC counselor extraordinaire: "He Heals the Brokenhearted" (how shame affects us) and "The Cure for Shame: Resting in my True Identity". What Laura shared there, and the biblical solution, is much more articulately presented than I am capable of doing at the moment. Please, ladies, go read her posts and then spend some time thanking your Saviour Who has removed all your shame...and loves you.

She and I had a brief dialogue after I was blessed by her first post (yes; I still struggle with shame and believing Christ loves me -- and it has NOTHING to do with my past eating disorder history). I share this with you as you may recognize some of these though patterns in yourself; shame and allowing ourselves to trust in God's gentle and gracious character is something many of us struggle with - it is not unique to eating disordered ladies, although you may well experience it. Rather than re-hash everything we said, here are my comments and Laura's response (below). I hope that you will be edified by knowing that even we counselors, who are given the staggering priviledge of pointing others to the Great Physician, battle the same feelings and doubts.

Laura,

Sometimes God answers a doubt/insecurity we have in an unequivocably clear way. This shame struggle I have been having is something that Christ has been recently opening my eyes to, and He has used the writing of other biblical counselors like yourself in addition to the Word. Most recently, CCEF's counselor Winston Smith posted a 2-part article on the interplay between shame and pride that keeps us running from Christ instead of TO him (this is really excellent: http://www.ccef.org/node/910).

As I did when I read your post above, I immediately thanked God because it spoke DIRECTLY to my own inner experience. I know the verses that speak to His removing our shame along with our guilt, but why do I still duck my head and hear the whisper "He doesn't like me" when certain memories flash? Why do I find myself whispering apologies to God for sin repented of over a decade ago? It's one thing to realize you are forgiven. It's another to not remember the past with shame. It still makes me shrink from His touch.

And then, as you said - Duh! - I realize the answer is still, always and ever, prayer - to the one Who redeemed me.

I did not divulge all of the more graphic details of my childhood abuse in my book, because someone (a NANC counselor, no less) made me feel even more ashamed. She greatly hurt me by saying "You got off easy". (While the most painful abuse was the constant verbal humiliation, I was molested by two immediate family members. No one else knows this. You don't say "incest" aloud in church...but it still causes shame). Even more so now.

I wish there were some magic "formula" that would change the way I feel inside; not just the doctrinal knowledge that I can share with other people. To be a truly effective counselor, I will have to truly be able to walk free of this shame that you describe, and really, truly believe that I can live beloved and unashamed before God. Posts like yours help, because you not only point back to the Bible and the Truth we should all internalize, but you also emphathize in a personal way because you walk through the same thing. You and Winston really seem to "get" it, and that compassion is what really helps get through to the hearts of those who struggle with shame. So, THANK YOU!

And her response:

Hi Marie!

Thanks for the link to Winston's article. It's a wonderful, succinct statement of a very important truth. I would argue, however, that we're all proud, certainly, but this isn't the biggest thing that keeps us survivors from calling out to the Lord. I think rather, that it's a pervasive attitude of mistrust, which results in a tendency to rely on my own resources (eating behaviors, cutting, masturbation, etc, etc) rather than crying out to God. And BTW, this is a natural human response. Our precious Lord, who loves us so much, knows our frame and isn't surprised that those of us who've experienced terrible things struggle with trust.

I don't believe that you have to conquer shame to be an effective counselor. I haven't, and I'm am. Paul tells us that God ministered far more powerfully through his weakness than his strength (2 Corinthians 12:9,10). It's recorded for our benefit, and I believe that we can have the same experience of God's power as we minister through our weakness as Paul did.

I'm going to keep on saying "Incest," "Rape," "Domestic Violence," "Molestation," and "Child Abuse" in church, because the church needs to hear it, and suffering women need to be comforted even more. I'm so sorry to hear about the woman who shamed you for your suffering. I've experienced some similar things in the past. So many don't understand. This is why I'm speaking out about these great evils--because they need to understand.

For more on relying on your own resources, see my post, Self Comfort or God's Comfort?

Please stay tuned, Marie. There is gospel truth that is a powerful weapon against the whispers of the enemy, that say things like that God is disappointed in us. My next post will address this very issue.

I'm praying for you.

Love,

Laura

Relapses, even in Eating Disorders, are Part of the (Christian) Life

2011-01-04T18:34:00.000-08:00

The other night it dawned on me that there is a subject I have not written much about in regards to overcoming anorexia or bulimia. Because my book, "Redeemed from the Pit" is not an autobiography (although I do include my testimony), relapse into bingeing and purging while on the road to transformation is not a subject I developed too deeply, because I assumed that the reader would understand that the principles of repentance apply whether it is the first or 1,000th time you bring your sin before God.

However, I have been thinking about the dynamic of relapse in the larger picture of the Christian life (the sin-repent-accept forgiveness-sin again pattern). I realized the propensity for a repenting bulimic to fall back into her old snare of turning to food is very real, at least for the first few months. The process of transformation is a cooperative effort between God's grace and our responsibility, and we often stumble and fall along the way.

The other night, I was chatting with a young friend who had a great few months of new found joy in the Lord, but lately has fallen back into the bulimia. What I've sensed from her (although I'd not want to put words in her mouth) is that her struggle with food is a near-hopeless one. She perhaps feels, at least for the time being, that it's hopeless. Bulimia wins.

Well, a situation is never hopeless to him who believes; and there is no believer outside the grace of God. Victory is possible; but let's leave that aside for the moment. I have written so much for so long about the reality of total, permanent victory over eating disorders that one might be forgiven for thinking my own transformation (recovery, if you prefer) was instantaneous or somehow supernatural. True, biblical change is always supernatural in the sense that God's Word is living and active, and the Word and the Spirit effect change in a believer; but there was nothing mystical, magical, immediate or fail-proof about it.

As I explained to this young lady, when I initially repented of the bulimia and was prayed over, I went about 6 days without falling into a binge episode again. I quickly re-grouped and continued to do well (prior to that, I had been bingeing and purging every day for 17 years). I did, however, completely relapse into the bulimia about 2-21/2 months after my initial decision to walk away from it. In February 2004, I vaguely remember eating the pepperoni pizza at my daughter's 7th birthday party....and a full-scale binge resulted. And then another. The details are fuzzy, but that month I nearly lost all I had worked for.

However, as February became March, I reminded myself: "Look, if God was with me then, He's with me now. If, in His strength, I could resist the "urge to purge" for 6, 8 days at a time, why can't I do that again?" I repented, and rather than give in to a downward spiral of self-pity, I got back up and continued where I had left off. Each time you resist temptation instead of giving in to the sin, you are stronger against the next "attack". That's true of bulimia and it's true of sin in general. Standing firm against the "lusts of the flesh" strengthens your inner man. You truly are in a spiritual battle.

The reasons WHY we may relapse after we choose to let God change our thinking and behavior may be many, but focusing on the reasons for our failure really isn't important....it's more important to focus on the SOLUTION. The way we respond when we fail and relapse is extremely important. The "whys" don't matter nearly so much as the "what next?" Although we can't assume everyone who relapses is sinning high-handedly (being apathetic to the fact she is in sin; not really caring anymore) sometimes, if we honestly examine ourselves, we have become indifferent to the seriousness of our sin. It's not all that unusual for someone to repent of her addiction when her life has become unmanageable, and as soon as she feels more "in control" to re-adopt her anorexic or bulimic behavior. This is remorse, and not true repentance. Does this describe your heart condition? Sometimes, you might not even want to give up your eating disorder all that much, even though you understand intellectually how dangerous and ungodly it is.

I wrote:

If you don’t want to, you don’t want to. But when I was struggling with this [double-mindedness], I realized that by willfully continuing on in it, I was essentially saying to Jesus, “Thanks very much for dying for me; that scourging must have been a real bitch...but I think I’ll just do what I want and keep sinning. I don’t want to think about what my sin cost You.”

Sometimes, we resist conviction because we are afraid it will hurt too much. Conviction is the "constructive criticism" the Holy Spirit uses to call us back into fellowship with Jesus. It's a merciful, necessary first step to repentance - which is the door to freedom.

Other times, we truly are broken over our sin and don't understand why we've dived head-long back into it. But as we contemplate our misery, we stay away from the Cross because of our shame. As CCEF counselor Winston Smith wrote, "We don't want anyone - especially Jesus - to touch our guilt". (See Smith's excellent, edifying, 2-part series on shame "Do You Want to Say No to Jesus' Touch?" and "Pointing the Shamed to Christ - Feet First").

While we know His seeing, touching, and cleansing our stain is the only way we can be free - forgiven, and walking in the full knowledge of how loved we are - shame before His holiness and "do it yourself" pride keep us stuck in the pit of relapse longer than necessary. Trying to "fix" ourselves without throwing ourselves on His mercy is legalism, and is bound to fail and lead to despair. The bottom line to a relapse: GET UP. Go back to the Throne of Grace, the same source of mercy you found when you first set out on this walk. Christ's mercies are new every morning, and He has promised never, ever to turn away the contrite heart that seeks Him.

Even seven times in the same day.

When I get discouraged over repeated sin patterns in my life, I think back to the time I "fell off the wagon" as a repentant, but still weak, bulimic back in early 2004. If I had given up, would I still be alive today? Even more, I turn to the biblical examples of men and women who loved God, but messed up, and were forgiven. Guess what? After they were forgiven, they messed up again. And again. The Apostles, in case you hadn't noticed, were not exactly perfect. My favorite Apostolic homeboy, Simon Peter, seemed to have learned his lesson in John 21 (when Jesus reinstated him after his painful denial). End of story, right? Wrong! In Galatians 2, we learn that Paul much later had to correct Peter for his hypocrisy. Even after spending three years with the Lord, these saints didn't always act like it - which is why their stories, warts and all, remain for our edification.

The Reformers wrote of the Christian life being one of continual repentance and renewal. This is true in both "respectable" sins (of course, we know there aren't any, really) and major failings, like relapses. Just because you have fallen into a relapse doesn't mean it's the end, or you'll never be free of bulimia, or that God's done with you yet. He has great plans for you, but you cannot fulfill them with your head over a toilet. If you do not feel repentant but rather are numb, apathetic, or even rebellious, admit that to God. He already knows anyway. It is often the case, when we relapse into addiction, that we can only pray a "help me want to want to" prayer, and this is an honest cry that God will answer. His love for you is intense, gentle, and burdened for your well-being.

Do not put it off another day; run to Him!

Can I Be Saved If I Am Living in Constant, Secret Sin? | CCEF

2010-12-30T10:31:00.000-08:00

This is a question I get from many, MANY bulimics: "Can I truly be saved/can I lose my salvation if I am secretly bingeing and purging?"

CCEF counselor David Powlinson carefully and compassionately answers this nuanced question, sent to him by a young man struggling with secret sexual sin. Scenarios and details of sin differ; human nature and the solution to sin found in the Person and work of Jesus Christ remain the same:

Can I Be Saved If I Am Living in Constant, Secret Sin? CCEF

Will You Be Attending Jesus' Birthday Party?

2010-12-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

The title of this post is inspired by an "event invitation" I received a few weeks ago on Facebook. For those of you not familiar with its interface, Facebook has many special interest "groups" which can plan "events", either cyber or real-time, and send out "invitations". This can actually be useful when planning a high school class reunion party, as guests RSVP online. This particular cyber-invitation, to "Jesus' Birthday Party", came from a Christian group committed to getting 1 million "fans".

Nothing wrong with that, I suppose; although in the greater scheme of things, I don't see how getting 1,000,000 people to click a button is going to evangelize unbelievers or edify Christians. However, the very philosophy behind the "invitation" intrigued me, and I'd like to share it with you as encouragement.

As I type these words, it is just past noon on Christmas Eve, 2010. My daughters are in the kitchen baking cookies; my husband has just assembled the doll carriage and Razor Scooter which "Santa" will leave under the tree tonight; and the boys are playing. Thanks to a certain Jewish oncologist, I am enjoying the first Christmas Eve in 5 years I have not had to work, and as the stuffed grape leaves and soup are all prepared, I am sitting here blogging....church is five hours off. All of these fun, relaxing activities (well, except for blogging), evoke anticipation - the expectation of something special. Of course, we as believers celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ - all of these festive touches (even the presents "Santa" leaves for the little ones) are sidebar niceties to the real event. Our five-year-old gets much more excited about Jesus than Santa Claus - the fact that he leaves presents is just icing on the cake for her...a mere party favor at Jesus' birthday celebration.

Some people celebrate "Christmas", but want to leave Christ out of it. In essence, they want to come to the party, but ignore the guest of honor. This is how the world, by and large, celebrates Christmas. But think about that....isn't that what we do, when we get so wrapped up in holiday preparations and anxiety that we lose sight of Him? For me, my prayer life often suffers this time of year because of the painful emotions "seasonal depression" I still struggle against. I still find it impossible to be joyful on demand. It makes me feel as if I'm "missing the party", because I can't seem to get in that joyful, celebratory mood that I ought. And yet, I love Jesus and want to honor Him by being at His party and glorifying Him. To have a morose or dismal attitude is to show ingratitude and rebuff the One Who gave us everything - the whole meaning of Christmas is bound up in Christ's purpose for coming to earth. The manger was eclipsed by the shadow of the cross.

If you are still in the grips of an eating disorder, this battle may be even more intense for you. You wish to be at the party, celebrating and worshipping Jesus, but fellowship (either with family or church) has the added obstacle of food addiction for you. You may be feeling isolated or alienated; ashamed because of this struggle. How can you be carefree and enjoy the Guest of Honor while the connotations of the holiday pose so much temptation to you? You may stay home from the party entirely, because you feel you simply "cannot do it" - and yet you know that if you did, you would be spurning the very One Who requests your presence.

There was a time when I couldn't have imagined a holiday without alcohol. And yet, when I began to walk through those moments of temptation in a deliberate, conscious awareness of Christ's presence and approval, the temptation faded. He was there with me, even though I could not see Him or "sense" Him, I chose to walk by faith. The same, believe it or not, applies to food addiction. No matter what is on the table, you don't have to "abstain" (restrict) or binge/purge. While you know intellectually you are no longer a slave to sin, in the face of holiday temptation, this knowledge may seem like nothing more than a pious platitude. However, think about tonight and tomorrow as Jesus' Birthday Party. You are an invited guest, along with ALL of His friends and all the host of heaven. If this party were literally taking place within the courts of heaven, and you were seated at the table with the King, would your focus be on the food?

Really, now.

I promise you that if you really consider the meaning of what, and Whom we are celebrating, you will have a new perspective. Go to the party. Honor Him with your presence. Praise Him for Who He is. And remember that He is right there next to you, fellowshipping with you and the other spiritual brothers and sisters He's blessed you with so abundantly. Enjoy Him, enjoy His people, and have a blessed and joyful Christmas!

Just Did a Radio Interview about my Book...

2010-12-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

Lucy Ann Moll, host of "Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors" radio show, just interviewed me today and we talked about my book...the biblical solution to eating disorders....what repentance is....and why you need to learn to hate your sin to walk in true victory:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2010/12/07/sisterhood-of-beautiful-warriors

I was pretty nervous...hopefully it didn't seem too obvious! I really hope I spoke the truth only, and that God was somehow glorified in what I said.

Fear of Man Around the Holidays

2010-12-05T04:56:00.000-08:00

Last week, I interpreted for a jury trial out of state. As I stood next to the witness stand, dutifully interpreting every sentence the prosecuting and defense attorneys asked of the witness, in the back of my mind I was worrying what the members of the jury were thinking of me. Did they think my skirt was goofy? Were my bangs uneven? Could they tell I have an accent in Bulgarian?

As you can see, insecurity (what the Bible calls "fear of man") takes many forms. Even though I haven't struggled with food addiction or drowning my feelings in alcohol in seven years, like all people, I still have to guard against this sin daily.

This is a difficult season for anorexics and bulimics for many reasons, not the least of which is worrying about "what other people think". This year, I counseled a young lady well on her way to overcoming anorexia and bulimia who struggled with the fact that her own immediate family members "watch" her when she eats dinner. In the case of someone still in the throes of an eating disorder, multiply that anxiety about tenfold! Unfortunately, the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays do tend to create as much stress and anxiety as they do joy, peace and goodwill for anorexics and bulimics. Part of this comes from the "food-centric" way we celebrate; another reason arises from tense interpersonal relationships with family members.

Broadly speaking, unresolved anger, bitterness, hurt, and unforgiveness will contribute to someone continuing on in addictive patterns. If I am holding a grudge against my mother, and I must see her socially for several hours, it will be more difficult to refrain from my old crutch: stuffing my angry, distrustful feelings with food - and then vomiting those spiteful feelings away. Sometimes family can stir up negative memories and emotions we would rather leave behind us.

Another way insecurity rears its ugly head is worrying about our appearance - specifically, about our weight. As we surrender this idol to God and we learn to eat in a God-glorifying way, we gain weight. It's healthy, necessary, and inevitable. However, we often are tempted to take our eyes off of what our Heavenly Father thinks, and obsess about the attention we believe our weight is drawing from others (although positive). I remember when I was first acheiving a healthy weight, feeling embarrassed and even a bit violated when relatives would comment on how "good I looked since I'd gained weight".

It is bound to happen, but if you are in Christ, He has promised "never to leave [you] nor forsake [you]". (Hebrews 13:5). The antidote to fear of man is not to focus on own assets or attributes; it is to cultivate a heart of thanksgiving to the Father. Regularly praise Him for Who He is, and what He has done in your life.

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

When we get caught up in this all-too-human tendency to obsess over other people's opinions, compare ourselves with others, or become so concerned with how others view us, we need to remember the message of the Gospel and how to apply it. The Gospel is the Person and work of Christ; all that Jesus was, is, and shall ever be; all He has done and will do. This is important to get straight in our minds, because many Christians tend to see the Gospel as only having application for salvation. Until you are rightly affected by the Gospel in your day-to-day life, you will not be rightly motivated to live for the Lord Jesus Christ.

He has promised us His eternal friendship (John 15:15) and an Advocate with the Father (John 14:16;26). Repeatedly in the Gospels He exhorts us to live for an audience of One: God Himself (Luke 12:4-6). Stop dwelling on what others can do to you (or think of you), and imerse yourself in the Truth of His Word. He will dwell in your heart through faith this holiday season, (Eph. 3:17) and fill you with His peace and joy if you allow Him to. Pray your way through all stressful family situations, and remember that He had them too (John 7:3-9) and understands the pain.

Beware of Soothing Words that Don't Line up with God's!

2010-11-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

Psycho-babble and the Bible Don't Mix.

Many of today’s popular Bible teachers equate sinful patterns with not loving one’s self enough, or having shaky self-esteem. In one recent women’s Bible study, the following “conditions” were listed as being rooted in insecurity: jealousy; envy; promiscuity; manipulation; and unbelief. By contrast, the Bible uses the term “sin” for each of these tendencies and links them to pride.

Scripture warns repeatedly against a prideful spirit – the fruits of pride are innumerable and poisonous. Insidious forms of pride fuel both anorexia and bulimia. As a Christian anorexic or bulimic, the guilt and shame you feel over your behavior is instinctive. Even if you are unaware that your weight (and/or food) have become idols, you carry a general realization that you are doing something wrong. No one needs to tell you that your eating disorder is not within God’s will for your life, regardless of how you may have attempted to privately justify it. The Holy Spirit will only let you get away with that for so long. Still, it cannot be emphasized enough that His conviction of rebellion against God is merciful, not condemning. The correct response is to repent of this idol and turn away from the behavior, ultimately being freed from guilt and shame. God will help you and subsequently renew your mind. Sometimes, however, Christian counselors will inadvertently short-circuit the Holy Spirit’s work by telling the client she is carrying “false guilt” or suggesting that spiritual conditions are “diseases”.

In “The Zippered Heart: Healing for the Secrets We Hide Inside,” Christian psychologist and Women of Faith author Marilyn Meberg writes about a bulimic pastor’s wife who hid her secret from those around her, finally seeking inpatient treatment at a Christian facility.

“One of the biggest changes in Becky’s thinking was to realize that she didn’t deserve to wear the shame banner. Her depression had an environmental root; it was not a sin and it was not her fault. Her challenge was to face her issues and be healed from them. Her bulimia was not a sin either. It was one of the many expressions of all the childhood pain she had never resolved. At Remuda that process of understanding and healing began.” (Emphasis mine).

While I appreciate the compassion and loving concern that Meberg brings into her counseling, I believe she is doing women a grave disservice by telling them their bulimia is not a sin (elsewhere in the book she denies that masturbation is always sinful). God extends grace to us, as we must to each other. The erring brother (or sister) must be restored gently, (Galatians 6:1), but she must be restored. A Christian unable to stop destroying the tissues of her God-given body by self-starvation or purging needs a renewed mind, not soothing words.

When I first read the above-paragraph in 2001, I was shocked. Still stuck in the bondage of bulimia myself and despairing of ever overcoming it, these words were exactly what my itching ears wanted to hear. Unfortunately, they were not what I needed to hear – I needed hope that I could repent and be forgiven. I needed to know that I could confess my bulimia as sin, fully repent of it, and walk away clean and forgiven. Although I had tried before, I needed to know that I could try again – and that God would grant me the gift of true repentance. I knew that as sweet and sincere a Christian as Ms. Meberg may be, on this issue she was off base. I began reading the Bible again.

How Ms. Meberg knew that the woman’s depression “had an environmental root” escapes me. As a born-again believer, she must have known her bulimia was a sin (hence the “shame banner”); therefore, is it not logical to conclude she was depressed over her inability to overcome this sin? The way to be free from this shame is by turning away from sin and to Christ. There are no shortcuts around it – as long as we choose to stay in our sin, we will be carrying this sense of shame. Unfortunately, in their zeal to make Christians “feel good” about themselves, some counselors re-name sinful behaviors “issues” and talk about “understanding” and “healing” rather than repentance. God is clear in His Word: if we repent, He will heal us Himself (Isaiah 53:4; 2 Chronicles 7:14). As Charles Spurgeon put it, until we have felt the noose of sin around our necks, we will not weep with joy when Christ cuts the rope.

True repentance is a gift, and yields lasting freedom and joy. Praise God for His mercy and long-suffering character!

A 13-Year-Old's Synopsis

2010-11-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had a lengthy discussion with the author editing my book on the content and format of one of its chapters, "What About Counseling?" I had originally devoted three chapters in the manuscript to discussion of the hollow, deceptive philosophy of behavioral psychology; the atheist roots of psychoanalysis; and the influence of Freud, Skinner and Maslow in contemporary addiction therapy.

"Whoa!" said she. ("Whoa!" is, according to Jay Adams, the most important word in biblical counseling). "Let the Bible speak for itself," she counseled. "You need to spend more time showing the reader what the answer is from Scripture; how GOD is going to help them, than on all these other things." She was right, of course. I condensed my warning about contemporary psych-based treatment down into one chapter, and augmented it by a thorough expanation of why counseling from the Bible alone is more helpful in bringing about true transformation. No rabbit trails (no matter how fascinating) allowed.

It was still too "heavy". She told me to use more Scripture, quote Reformers and other writers less than I quote Christ, and above all "stop writing like a PhD - you're going to lose your audience." Good point. She instructed me to strive for a seventh grade reading level, which was excellent advice, as not every Christian lady struggling with an eating disorder has been to Bible college (or graduate school). My assignment? To re-write, and have several ladies read it and comment on clarity and "flow".

I enlisted my 8th-grade daughter's help. Valentina is a bright kid, but she's never been to seminary - nor has she studied psychology (although I suspect that is coming, as she is a public school student. Sigh). I do feel that my mission has been accomplished....having never yet looked at my book, or really knowing my thesis, she not only appeared to "get the point", but was able to articulate it well, too:

I think the author’s main point was to talk about Biblical counseling vs. the therapy or psycology that the world today uses in order to get rid of peoples’ problems. She was saying that you can’t deal with the addiction yourself, and the Biblical counselor can’t either, because he/she isn’t God. Only God can help you, and you have to repent from your sin in order to change. It’s not like God is just going to change you in one day. You have to work too, although only God can heal you from your addiction. However, the counselor is there to guide you and help you understand the Bible.

3. What do you remember BEST about the chapter? In other words, when you finished reading, what stood out in your mind the most?

When I finished reading the chapter, I remembered when you talked about how addictioons ARE NOT diseases, but they are sins, and we are sinners. People today try to blame everthing and anything on somebody else, because they are to prideful to admit that the addiction is their fault. So, they blame it on their childhood or genes in their body which obviously aren’t the reasons to an addiction.

Well put. Maybe I should just have her write this book.

Cycle of Failure - Will You Run FROM the Cross, or TO the Cross?

2010-10-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

Marie,

I have gotten away from eating as I should. I seem to be in the pit again, and don't know how to get started. I feel like an alcholic who has fallen off. The guilt is incredible, and weighing me down again of failing. How do I get back to God, and walk in forgiveness when I cant even forgive myself.

What am I doing that I can not walk in freedom in this. I know that you were healed in about 6 months. I keep sinning, but do not know how to stop, I have a few good days, then I blow it, and never get back up- at least not for a while.

I want to be free of this, but don't know how to begin again, once I 've failed, or been in a cycle of failure...

This letter is typical of many e-mails I receive from Christian ladies struggling with binge eating and bulimia. My response:

There is definitely a way out of this, but it sounds almost as if you have run out of hope! Don't!! Hey, about failure - I want to share with you one thing that I've learned...that failure that keeps you in defeat and makes you essentially run from God (rather than towards Him, as He continually says "Come to Me"), is that worldly sorry (remorse rather than repentance).

It's what Judas did! That hit me today when I was driving to work; Judas and Peter both betrayed Jesus. They both were ashamed and felt guilt weighing them down. So, what was the difference? Judas ran AWAY from Him; ultimately self-destructing out of shame and misery. If he had truly repented, he would have gone to Christ - while He was on the Cross, even - and confronted the full horror of his sin. He would have been forgiven, even then.
Now, contrast that with Peter. We really don't know the exact details or time of when Peter repented; but we know that he did because he's with the other Apostles Sunday morning (they were all hiding out together); he's there in the Upper Room when Jesus appeared to them, and obviously he had become "right with God" before John 21's beachside picnic, because he jumped right out of the boat to swim to Jesus (and of course Jesus reinstated him in a sense; the past was finally laid to rest).

Sure, what these guys did seems way more dramatic than your struggle with eating, but there's a principle to be applied there: don't let the guilt of your sin drive you further down into defeat, or away from Christ. Don't believe the lie that it's too late or futile to repent. That's pride, and it cost Judas his very soul. Be like Peter -- by no means perfect, but willing to humble himself before his best Friend and confess that he needed Him.

You don't need to "forgive yourself". Just confess and repent of this sin, and trust that God has forgiven and cleansed you - because He has promised to (1 John 1:9) and God cannot lie (Titus 1:2).

Yes, it seems like you have all the right books, but any truth contained within them is not making its way down to your heart. It sounds from your note as if you are not spending much time renewing your mind in the Word, either...and subsequently your prayer life has suffered. I don't want to give you another book to read, but in Jay Adams' "Godliness Through Discipline" he explains biblically how we cannot expect to grow in sanctification without a measure of discipline. For a bulimic or habitual overeater in the process of transformation, that would include considering ahead of time (before you are in the middle of temptation) what you are going to eat, and how much. Prayerfully consider what your weaknesses are ("binge triggers"), and where and what circumstances are most likely to set you off.

Don't eliminate all carbohydrates, as that will cause cravings also, but avoid those sugary/fatty things that you are most likely to binge on. The One Who is in you is stronger than the one who is in the world...remember that prayer fortifies you, and being in Christ means that you are no longer a slave to sin. The only way to begin again is by repentance...it's not a one-time event. Tomorrow is a new day. Get out of that kitchen once you have finished a reasonable, healthy meal, and go spend time with God! That was a BIG factor in my breaking free - realizing where my idol was, and that Christ was far more beautiful than any temporary satisfaction that "idol" could offer.

Let me know how this week goes! Go back to God, humble yourself (again), and ask for His help. Establish an eating plan and prayer time, and stick to it. Discipline is key to growth (Proverbs 15:32).

In Him,
Marie

Encouraging Feedback from Group

2010-10-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had the priviledge of speaking to a "Thin Within" group about my testimony, and I was able to share some insights about food addiction. I received the following e-mail from the facilitator, which really encouraged me:

Hi Marie,

Thank you so much for coming on Monday and sharing your testimony. You were amazingly calm, poised and clear! Your words were obviously well thought out and none of the awkwardness of the written word came through as you talked with us. :)

I would bet that your words will reach more than just those sitting in the room. I know I personally really appreciated what you had to say. A few things struck me in relation to my own struggle with food, sin, food filling the void, etc. 6 months ! In 6 months you were transformed through the renewing of your mind to a place of freedom from food. How many of us have struggled a lifetime? But freedom in Christ is really attainable. (I just quickly checked out the blogspot - your answer to "practically turning" from sin once confessed is excellent and applicable to the "typical" overeater.) Also, interesting is that this Thin Within session is laid out to be just short of 6 months! :)

The other thing that struck me was, in the end who cares what I weigh. If I am being obedient and turning to Christ every step of the way to freedom, then weight will come off and I will be where I will be. Up until now, I still had a goal - I would like to lose 20 pounds and then when I get there, assume I will work hard to maintain that goal. But I don't want that any more. I'm not opposed to knowing what I weigh and using that as part of my testimony, but I don't want a goal in terms of pounds. Freedom is such a better choice!

Thanks again,
"J"

Identifying Your Idols (NANC Conference 2010)

2010-10-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

Last week, I attended NANC's Annual Conference in LaFayette, Indiana. As many of you may know, NANC stands for the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors and is the certifying/supervisory organization for biblical counselors in the United States and about a dozen other countries. This conference was extremely edifying and useful to me for several reasons. I was able to meet and talk with Martha Peace, Dr. Mark Shaw, and Jocelyn Wallace - who have been extremely helpful in the process of publishing my book, and have offered endorsements. Secondly, the general session speakers, particularly Al Mohler (who I can only describe as "scary smart"), gave inspirational messages about counseling for the glory of God and helped me revive my own relationship with Christ. Lastly, and most germane to the reason for attending, several of the five workshops I attended directly dealt with counseling ladies with bulimia.

The first evening of the conference, I attended a session taught by Jocelyn Wallace, Executive Director at Vision of Hope - the long-term residential facility located on the campus of Faith Ministries (where the conference was being held - I later was able to tour the home). Jocelyn was and continues to be very helpful to me in writing "Redeemed from the Pit", and an interview she granted earlier this year provides much of the information on residential counseling for eating disordered ladies in chapter 9. Her workshop was entitled "Helping Addicts Learn to Identify Their Idols", and she opened with the bottom-line premise that each one of us needs to embrace: the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Someone with a life-dominating sin ("addiction") such as bulimia has learned to use tools to acheive a counterfeit satisfaction or happiness, rather than seeking God as the source of her joy and peace. The eating disordered individual, as is the case with other addicts, will use different means to acheive her goal - to avoid pain/confrontation; not be miserable; to be thin at all costs. Jeremiah 2 describes these "broken cisterns" as hopeless and futile; but when trapped in the bondage of addiction, this idolatrous pursuit turns into the downward spiral described in Romans chapter1. As the "worship" of this idol progresses, sinful actions ==> become sinful habits ==> become life-dominating (see Romans 7:14-25).

As Jocelyn pointed out, basic discipleship is necessary until a counselee understands and grasps the basic premise of the Gospel. (See my review of Elyse Fitzpatrick's "Because He Loves Me"). Trying to change behavior is futile until she really trusts in Christ as her Savior and has become broken. Brokenness means giving up the fight (for her own idol); not trying to win or acheive satisfaction apart from God anymore; yeilding in submission and humility to God's will. Once she embraces her true purpose - to glorify God and seek her satisfaction in Him - she is then in a position to choose the path of righteousness (1 Peter 2:9; 12; Psalm 23:6). Jocelyn cited an analogy from the book "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" as useful for struggling counselees - the repentant bulimic (or other addict) is like the little lamb with the broken leg, being carried by the Good Shepherd. In her brokenness, she learns to trust the Good Shepherd and not leave His side. From this place of trust, she will learn to continue walking by His side, even blindfolded, with her hand in His.

Once the bulimic is able to begin examining the lies she believes, James 4:1-10 is useful to illustrate a simple progression: what I want in my heart ==> what I do; this controls how I feel. Repentance, defined as 'turning and walking in the opposite direction', means that one will no longer turn to idols anymore to serve one's self. God alone can be served froma heart of joy and gratitude that is singular in purpose - to love and glorify God. Lies are replaced with the truth as the counselee researches what God says about the idols she realizes are present in her life. She is then taught how to build up walls of protection against temptation to return to that idol, and/or radical amputation of her access to the tools used to serve that idol.

For example, Stuart Scott described the following incident in his workshop, "Helping Counselees Mortify Sin in Their Lives". He and his wife were joint-counseling a young bulimic woman, who seemed to "talk a good talk". Something seemed a bit "off", and Scott's wife asked the young lady if they might go through her purse. Immediately uncomfortable, the counselee bristled but finally consented. Her purse was filled with laxatives, enemas and diet pills. "Radical amputation" (Matthew 5:30) in this case, of course, would include throwing away all of the "purge paraphanelia" one would use, as well as seeking accountability.

Throughout the counseling process, godly tools are introduced to take the place of wicked tools and the idols are compared to the One True God. Over and over, these idols are shown to be worthless.

Living each day to glorify God - with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength - is infinitely better than wallowing in the muck and mire of an eating disorder, ladies. Trust me: Jocelyn is right. These idols of self, thinness, avoidance of discomfort, vanity and attention are just not worth it. Do not forfeit true fellowship with Christ for the deceit of temporary, empty "satisfaction".

"How Do I Change When I Have an Eating Disorder?"

2010-09-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

This morning I received the following question from a young lady who deeply and passionately loves the Lord Jesus, yet struggles to repent of anorexia. I am often asked this question in one way or another, and so I will post my response to her, in its entirety, below. She writes:

Hi Marie,
I know this is a really basic question, but once you saw your eating disorder as a sin and repented and died to self so Christ can live in you, how then did you actions change, did it happen all at once or was it still a process over time?

My response:

Well, first of all, to really understand what repentance is and how to implement biblical change (of the heart, which affects our actions), we have to realize that AS we confess something as sin (agree with God), concurrently our actions will change. Yes, it's a process in the sense we are NOT perfected overnight (sanctification is progressive), but neither are we honoring God if we sit back, take a passive role in our sanctification, and expect Him to mysteriously change us. There is an interplay between God's sovereign power (the Holy Spirit convicts and encourages the believer towards holiness) and our responsibility (we must actively work against sin in our lives). The two go together.

Let me give you an illustration of how this might look in the life of someone struggling with the sin of drunkenness. This was, in fact, a sin in my own life, which I turned away from at the same time as bulimia. Since alcohol is a more "black and white" issue than food addiction, it might help to clarify the principle.

If a Christian is enslaved to alcohol, the Holy Spirit convicts him that he is in sin. He does this through the Word of God, and impresses that drunkeness is disobedience to Him. The Christian agrees with God, gets on his knees, and begs God to grant him repentance. His sin is forgiven, Christ has paid it in full! Weak though He is, the Christian wants to honor God by his actions, and so he resolves to stop drinking. This is true repentance; he does not try to rationalize his drinking or strike bargains with God: 'I'll drink in moderation; I'll only have one on Friday nights.' He recognizes that he, personally, has become enslaved by this particular "lust of the flesh" and must forsake it.

Now, when he gets up off his knees, what must he do?

The next evening comes. He is tempted to drink. Does he say to himself, "Well, I'm the same man I was last night (true) with the same desire for a whiskey (also true). Since I still have this temptation, I may as well give in to it....clearly, Christ hasn't changed my heart yet. When He does, I'll just "yield" to Him and let Him have His way....but since I'm still weak, I'll just go have a drink. Anyway, I'm 'powerless' over this addiction. I cannot resist, so I'll just 'let go and let God'. When HE wants me to stop drinking, HE'll deliver me supernaturally!"

If this is the believer's understanding of repentance and he gives in to his temptation, goes down to the bar and gets drunk, he's going to wake up even more miserable than the day before. Plus, his faith in God and His power to save and sanctify will be even further eroded -- because He was not walking by the Spirit and determining in his heart to obey Christ's clear command.

What should he have done (besides pray and seek forgiveness)? Well, obviously he must not have any alcohol in the house. Leaving himself a constant temptation will make obedience harder. He, like all believers, "is called to holiness, and created in Christ Jesus to do good works" (Eph. 2:10). Secondly, he ought to identify those places and times of temptation to drink excessively, and plan to avoid them. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you," (James 4:7). As he begins each day, he should "put on the full armor of God so that he can take his stand against the devil's schemes," (Eph. 6:11; emphasis mine). Putting on that spiritual armor starts as he reads the Bible, prays and asks God to renew his mind, but it doesn't stop there. How does he "take a stand against the devil's schemes" (temptation to sin by getting drunk)? By actively resisting it.

In John 14:15 and 14:21, the Lord Jesus Christ affirms that if we truly love Him, our actions will show it. Now, love for God is not defined by actions, (in other words, you could do 'good' things, but not necessarily love the Lord), but if our devotion to God is sincere, that will affect the way we act. If my kids love me, they will obey me. If our Christian repenting of drunkeness truly loves the Lord, he will obey Him - by making those tough lifestyle changes. Besides 'cutting off' the alcohol, it would be wise for him to tell a Christian brother of his struggle and commitment to sobriety ("confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed"; James 5:16). Accountabilty is often an important part of repenting from a life-dominating sin. By extension, seeking biblical counsel from an appropriate counselor or pastor may also be a part, but again, the counselor cannot change the individual. Doing the hard work of biblical change comes out of a pure desire for holiness, and is something that each person individually must walk out.

How, then, do we apply this to eating disorders?

Well, we certainly don't have to whomp up any warm, loving feelings towards God in order to desire to repent. He has graciously granted us conviction, and in His kindness is leading us to repentance (Romans 2:4). The change in heart attitude towards the sin of anorexia or bulimia should, ideally, go hand-in-hand with changes in behavior. This is true repentance, and although a child of God may fall many times, there is going to be an overall tendency of change and more healthful behavior (whether resisting the urge to binge or faithfully eating and digesting meals) as one walks in obedience.

The process might look like this:

1.) Conviction ==> hatred of sin

2.) Prayerful determination to forsake it (end cycle of binge/purge; stop starving one's self) (Phil. 3:19)

3.) Renewal of mind (rejection of idolatry/obsession with food) WHILE re-establishing healthy eating habits (Romans 12:2; 1 Cor. 6:19)

Naturally, one must faithfully stay in the Word (prayerfully read the Bible daily) to truly be transformed and have the mind of Christ; the verses I cited above are only examples and are by no means the final word or "magic verse" that will combat eating disorders!

True, biblical submission entails a very real and active committment to DO the things we know are pleasing to God -- whether it be throw away drug paraphanelia, avoid the bar, eat a nutritious meal, or abstain from a fat and sugar-laden binge. We turn TO Him in the moment of temptation, asking for His supernatural strength and to give us a holy hatred for our sin; but we simultaneously turn FROM the sinful behavior as an act of the will.

When I was still struggling with the temptation of bulimia, not only did I avoid going into Dunkin Donuts or McDonald's; I'd catch myself as soon as the thoughts of planning my next binge entered my mind (2 Cor. 10:5) and reject it. Before eating (remember, eating disorders are harder to overcome than other addictions because we MUST eat to live); I would plan what, realistically, I ought to eat for nourishment and how much. Seeking the Holy Spirit's help, I would then discipline myself to stick to that plan, so that I would not spiral into "binge mode". See? Thoughts, prayer and action all go together. You cannot isolate repentance from obedience.

Many Christians have a skewed view of sanctification, thinking that if they just "yield" or "submit" to Christ, He will automatically change them. Of course, we should be living lives of surrender and constantly be yielded to His will - that is the picture of joyful obedience - but it is by no means a passive process. We must take an active role in our sanctification and practice discipline (1 Cor. 9) if we are to bring about changes that are pleasing to God. See "Godliness Through Discipline" by Jay Adams for a more thorough discussion of what this looks like when the rubber hits the road. Praise God for His Spirit within you, Who "works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Phil. 2:13)!

"To repent is not to stay in the pig trough and carry on indulging in sin." -- Pastor Kevin Williams
For an excellent discussion of what biblical repentance is and isn't, listen to Williams' sermon "A Biblical Definition of Repentance".

Kristie's Testimony - Free in Christ!

2010-09-17T05:17:00.000-07:00

An online friend of mine suffered for several years from an eating disorder called "orthorexia". Like anorexia and bulimia, orthorexia starts as an unhealthy obsession with food, and became life-threatening. As Kristie says in her interview, God had a plan for her life and was able to miraculously restore relationships and her health.

Interesting in Part II (below) to hear a medical doctor admit eating disorders are not "medical disorders", but rather behaviors:

Psalm 103, which Kristie read with new eyes in the hospital, became her life verse:

"Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD,O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things" - Psalm 103

I completely agree with Rachel Ray and the doctor's "common-sense", all things in moderation approach. Let our minds be set on things above; not obsessing over food labels!

Verbal Cruelty and the Balm of the Good News

2010-09-08T08:48:00.000-07:00

Next month, Dr. Laura Hendrickson, trained as a psychiatrist and now serving as a nouthetic counselor, will be presneting a workshop at the annual NANC Conference entitled "Counseling Women Who Binge and Purge". Needless to say, this is one of the six conferences I have registered for at the conference, and am looking forward to meeting her.

Dr. Laura herself is an abuse survivor. Those of us who have experienced deep pain and wounding at the hands of others are often able to better identify and feel compassion for those we counsel - and see what is behind the irrational self-abuse counselees practice. Recently, Dr. Laura posted an excellent entry on verbal abuse - what is the driving force behind mocking, sarcasm, and cruel joking at the expense of others. Shouldn't we, who have "been there", know better? Why do we cut others down? She writes:

Those of us who've been hurt are sometimes the first to hurt others in similar ways. It seems as though this shouldn't happen, yet it does. Why?

Many of us who've survived painful experiences struggle constantly with feelings of inferiority. Some of us were told repeatedly that we were of no value to the ones we loved. Others were treated by others in ways that told us that we had no value. Our memories of mistreatment send us powerful messages about our inadequacy and inferiority--messages we hope aren't true, but fear that they are.

"Cutting" and Bulimia: Striking Similarities

2010-09-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

It is with interest that I just read Mark Shaw's booklet, "Hope and Help for Self-Injurers and Cutters" (Focus Publishing), as very little has been written about this growing phenomenon from a truly biblical perspective. Shaw, who is the author of "The Heart of Addiction", condenses extensive research into the physiological and emotional drives behind this maladaptive behavior into 29 pages of scriptural exhortation. This booklet is extremely helpful both to "cutters" who want to understand and break this dangerous habit, and to Christian counselors who are perplexed by "cutting".

While many young people involved in the stereotypical "emo" lifestyle may experiment with self-harm either for attention or to deal with very real pain, the fact is that "cutting" does become a very real addiction...very much like eating disorders. In fact, the reason for my research stems from the high correlation between "cutting" and bulimia. Many bulimics who have written me for counsel (especially from the under-30 generation) are also "cutting". In the 1980's, when I was a teenaged anorexic/bulimic, "cutting" was unheard of. Now, partly due to the media and perhaps the sub-culture, it has become a self-destructive addiction for increasing numbers of young people.

Shaw explains the physiology of "cutting", and why it becomes so difficult to stop:

"The pain signal sent to the brain causes a pain relief response in the body. Natural pain relievers produce pleasure in the brain and body. An unpleasant action produces a pleasant feeling in a short amount of time. "Cutting" can be addictive because the endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin that are released by the body can feel similar to a drug rush, although to a lesser degree. Chemically, these neurotransmitters are very similar to many prescription pain killers."

Similar to the "endorphin rush" that follows a purge and generates an artificial sense of calmness, the chemistry behind the behavior produces a certain response.

After citing specific Old Testament passages that forbid cutting and other forms of self-mutilation (see Leviticus 19:20; 21:5 and Deuteronomy 14:1-2); I previously blogged about cutting in the New Testament here), Shaw illustrates seven ways in which modern-day "cutters" are imitating the idolatrous pagans who "cut" themselves ritualistically:

1. “Cutters” of today are responsible for their actions just as the pagans were for their actions.

2. “Cutters” are grieving that they are not getting what they want. God’s people have the hope of eternal life and must not allow their focus to be upon receiving satisfaction in this world alone.

3. The severe, strong emotions experienced by the “cutter” of today are very similar to those felt by grieving pagans as they experienced terrible, final, and traumatic loss of a loved one. Remember that those strong emotions are preceded by negative thoughts about God or about the person who offends and hurts the “cutter.” (MY NOTE: Or both – often Christians with addictions, like cutting, are angry at God because He “allowed” the abuse to happen).

4. “Cutting” is often planned in advance of the actual cut. The “cutter” places a knife or sharp object in a drawer in her bedroom with the intention of using it later if the desire to cut arises.

5. The “cutter” and the grieving pagan have lost control and cried until there are no more tears left. All of this occurs with no real resolution: the pagan’s deceased loved one did not return to life as a result of the idolatrous ritual the pagan performed nor does the “cutter” resolve the hurt in a biblical manner (Luke 17:3-10) with the person who hurt her.

6. Some “cutters” want to be discovered because they desire attention or are crying out for help.

7. “Cutting” oneself produces blood for both the ancient, grieving pagan and the modern “cutter”.

Reading this list (and the elaborations under each point) really clarified the connection between bulimia and "cutting" to me. The rage, pain, and shame felt are "transferred" to the cut - and then "released" physically. This is very much analogous to what the bulimic does when she vomits - she is attempting to "purge" herself of both the self-indulgence (the food consumed) and the negative emotions.

The cycle a "cutter" follows and the self-reliant reasoning behind it is similar to the bulimic's. The answer to the problem, of course remains the same. Rather than taking refuge in the temporary "rush" of self-injury, the "buzz" of drunkenness or the "high" of a binge, God wants the person enslaved by addictive sin to turn to Him for comfort and encouragement. This is a key factor in resisting the temptation of an eating disorder, and the importance of accountability is just as real to the "cutter" as to the bulimic.

Describing a counseling scenario of an adult "cutter", Shaw writes:

At first, Pam did not want to think of it as "grief" but she took the wrong that she perceived to have experienced at the hand of her parents as a serious oppression that caused deep distress and mental anguish to her 'teenage world'. Just as the 'cutters' who grieved over the death of a loved one in biblical days, Pam felt a type of grief: intense emotional pain that caused her to mourn the deep injustice she felt inside.

The pain is real, and just as is the case with eating disordered women, there is a high correlation of abuse among "cutters". The answer to dealing with this pain, however, must be firmly rooted in Scripture in order for the "cutter", like the bulimic, find true and lasting freedom. Internalizing anger (justified or not) leads to bitterness, which only further fuels the addiction. Just as is the case in overcoming eating disorders, biblical confrontation and forgiveness of abusers plays an important part in the restoration of a "cutter".

As I do in my own book, "Redeemed from the Pit", Mr. Shaw makes the case that "cutting" is a sin because it offends a holy God (and violates 1 Corinthians 6:19-20): "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." As I did recently, Shaw countered the oft-thrown criticism that calling these attitudes and behaviors 'sin' is harsh, or that it is preferable to think of "cutting" as being a 'mental illness'. Citing 1 John 1:9-10, he reminds the reader that in Christ, the sinner is forgiven (including the sin of self-injury). This should give the addict great hope, because A) the guilt associated with the life-dominating sin is also resolved; and B) by acknowledging her sin, the "cutter" is now free to experience the forgiveness and encouragement of a loving God.

As is the case with eating disorders, repentance from "cutting" must follow certain steps:

- "Putting off" the sinful behavior and habitual, idolatrous thoughts (Ephesians 4:22; Colossians 2:11);
- Renewal of the mind (Romans 12:2; see also my posts on the importance of renewing the mind here);
- "Putting on" new, God-honoring behaviors and thoughts (Romans 13:12). Often, addicts will inadvertently replace one self-destructive habit with another one. For this reason and in order to have the mind of Christ about her situation, the "cutter" must rely on consistent, deliberate Scripture reading in order to become more like Christ. Sanctification, which is the goal of all biblical counseling, does not happen automatically or passively.

Much like her eating-disordered counterpart, a "cutter" is stuck in a deadly, seductive cycle of trying to solve her problems and ease her inner torment by means apart from God. The addiction, whether purging or "cutting", will ultimately only bring more misery and alienation from God and others. By recognizing the futility in self-harm and seeing the compassion of the Father, both bulimics and "cutters" can find true hope, genuine renewal in heart and mind, and a permanently changed life.

Those Who Hunger: The Daniel Fast and You

2010-08-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

Folks, I just found a great online resource for you as you fight the good fight of faith against your eating disorders. A Christian blogger names Kristen Feola has a page (has writen a book, too) about the biblical principle of a "Daniel Fast" and how to practice this form of abstinence as a spiritual discipline. Her blog, "Those Who Hunger", contains many, many recipes, and is nutritionally very sound.

I recommend this site to all of you still struggling, whether your fight is against anorexia or you are still in the early stages of battling bulimia. What makes this blog's approach so good is that the focus is where it belongs - on Christ, and growing closer to Him - and not on the food itself. It is not a "diet"; nor is it a meal plan. It is not a magic "Six Steps to Self-Improvement" program. Kristen cites appropriate Scripture, points people towards the Word of God as they choose to "simplify" their eating for a season, and has a daily devotional for her readers.

Why am I recommending a page about "fasting" to my eating-disordered readers? Remember, this is NOT a complete food fast; it is a "Daniel Fast". This practice is taken from Daniel's abstainance from the Babalonian king's "choice food" for spiritual reasons. Bringing discipline and self-control into your eating habits (honoring God with your body; 1 Corinthians 6:20) is a spiritual matter. Being constantly in prayer, humble before our God, is the goal of any fast - it affords an opportunity to draw nearer to Him. Kristen writes:

A 21-day partial fast based upon Daniel's own experiences as recorded in the Bible. The purpose is to restrict commonly enjoyed foods as an act of worship and consecration to God. Someone who chooses to undergo a Daniel Fast demonstrates a physical commitment that reflects a deep spiritual desire for a more intimate relationship with the Lord.

On one occasion, Daniel was greatly concerned for his people and sought the Lord's wisdom during a 3-week time of prayer and fasting. Daniel 10:2-3 says, "At that time I, Daniel, mourned for three weeks. I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips." The meaning of "choice food" is not clear; however, most commentaries conclude that he ate no bread or sweets. The Message translation sums up Daniel's eating habits during that time: "I ate only plain and simple food."

The intention of today's Daniel Fast is not to duplicate exactly what Daniel did but the spirit in which he did it. Daniel's passion for the Lord caused him to hunger and thirst for spiritual food rather than physical food, which should be the desire for anyone doing the Daniel Fast.

Additionally, I really recommend the recipes and guidelines she gives (on what to eat) as being very appropriate during the "abstinence phase" or "re-feeding phase" for bulimics and anorexics. You will not be overwhelmed with the heavy, fatty or rich foods that often trigger a binge; nor is sugar allowed on this fast (which is chemically addictive and a known binge-trigger). Of course, those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that I am certainly not a "food legalist" - there are no "good foods" or "bad foods" and I believe that everything can be enjoyed in moderation - but in my experience, the more simply and "abstinently" you eat in the early days of your repentance from food addiction, the less tempted you will be to purge. Following the guidelines on this site (with special emphasis on prayer and Scripture study) will surely be beneficial to any recovering food addict.

Zondervan's synopsis says of the book:

"The Ultimate Guide to the Daniel Fast offers practical encouragement for doing the Daniel Fast, a 21-day fast from foods like sugar and meat, so you can spend less time thinking about what to eat and more time focusing on the Lord. You will discover that “to fast” means “to feast” on the only thing that truly nourishes - the powerful Word of God."

(Emphasis mine). I always recommend that ladies, in addition to seeking biblical counseling, meet with a nutritionist wherever possible. Distance or money may prevent some of you from doing that. I am happy to offer whatever doctrinal counsel I can, but I am not nearly as inclined to provide specific "food guidelines" as some others are (I'd much rather study systematic theology than cook, anyway). So I am very glad to recommend a site to you which provides both practical eating advice with Scriptural encouragement! Do NOT, however, get so caught up in "doing the fast" and obsessing over the recipes that you lose sight of the main point - drawing nearer to God. Be blessed by it, and be sure and let the author know if you find something helpful on her site.

What Makes Anorexia a "Harder Case"?

2010-08-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, I was chatting with Martha Peace, who is working closely with me on my book and discussing revisions with me as we go. I very much consider her a mentor, and the depth of her experience in the biblical counseling field helps me to learn about how to best minister to young Christian ladies. (Not to mention, as a bestselling author, her writing suggestions are much appreciated)!

During the course of conversation, she mentioned a book she and several other recognized biblical counselors, including the brilliant Stuart Scott, are compiling on hard counseling cases. The topic on which Martha will write, for her contribution to the anthology, is anorexia nervosa. (Needless to say, I am looking forward to the book's release - I want to be as well-prepared as possible when I am a fully-certified NANC counselor).

Now, bulimia is quite a bit more common than anorexia, but this project is to zero in on the toughest cases of all.

This got me to thinking: why is it, exactly, that anorexics are more difficult counseling cases than bulimics? This was not a subject I got into in my own book - I did not focus on the differences too much between the two disorders, but rather dealt primarily with the root sins contributing to both behaviors. Moreover, most anorexics end up becoming bulimic at some point, anyway...it is much harder to continue to starve than it is to give in to the urge to eat, and then purge as an "escape hatch".

However, there are women who maintain anorexia long-term without ever giving in to bulimia. I have known of women to go well over a decade as anorexics, while their body tissues slowly disintegrate, still pursuing that elusive "thinness". This scenario is much rarer than the more common one: a low-to-average weight woman who binges and purges in secret, or an overweight lady who habitually overeats and cannot seem to moderate her eating habits.

What is it about anorexia that makes it harder to counsel? Here is my theory (and it is just that; my somewhat-educated opinion): the level of self-delusion in anorexia is deeper.

A bulimic knows that what she is doing is wrong. She feels shame constantly, even when she has been purging for so long her conscience is desensitized. Even before she seeks counseling, inwardly, she knows it is sinful to gorge and vomit up food. She knows the risks of laxative abuse, and is filled with disgust and self-loathing. She wants to stop the binge/purge cycle, but on the other hand is conflicted: 1) the frenzied act of eating/purging retains some sort of "reward" to her that she is reluctant to give up; B) she is deathly afraid of gaining weight. As with her anorexic sister, the bulimic has made weight her idol. Nevertheless, she rarely has any delusions that bingeing and purging is anything less than sinfully self-destructive.

The anorexic Christian, on the other hand, is less likely to really see her self-starvation as wrong. Anorexia seems the more "noble, stoic" of the two eating disorders -- after all, it takes enormous willpower to consistently refuse food. The anorexic is typically very proud of "overcoming" her baser human instinct - the need to eat for survival - and sees herself as of stronger, more self-controlled stock than other women. She has never eaten food only to "get rid of it"; what's the problem? she may reason.

Add to this the grossly distorted body image more common to anorexics, and you would have a hard time convinvcing them that they need to gain weight. I remember when I was anorexic in 11th grade, looking in the mirror (at 5'5" and 90 lbs.) and seeing a normal-weight girl. Interestingly, in photographs of myself I saw how emaciated I was; but anorexics do not see themselves realistically in "real time". For this reason, I highly recommend meeting with a nutritionist as well as a biblical counselor during the re-feeding process. A nutritionist provides an objective, science-based eating plan according to biological, nutritional needs. In my experience, this was helpful in giving me the confidence to eat nutritionally-balanced, if small, meals and to gain weight without freaking out.

A third reason anorexics may present tougher counseling cases than bulimics is the connection between asceticism and "religion". I use " " around the term 'religion' to distinguish this way of thinking from true, biblical Christianity. The ascetics were an ancient group that believed in subjugating the body (believing all matter to be evil, like the Gnostics) in an attempt to reach a higher level of 'spirituality'. This way of thinking was also rampant in Medieval Catholicism (see my post on 'holy anorexia' and the contemplative nuns of the Middle Ages) where flagellants and penitents would beat, starve, and sleep-deprive their bodies mercilessly as "penance".

The notion of "penance" is antithecal to the Gospel, which teaches repentance. Repentance is godly sorrow over sin; trusting in Christ's finished work on the Cross as atonement; and dependance on Him to turn away from the sin. Penance, on the other hand, is self-inflicted punishment or man's attempt to "make it up to God" by performing some act. This is the height of pride (thinking that we can add something to our redemption, on top of Christ's sacrifice); it is also a gross perversion of the true motivation for the spiritual disciplines (including fasting).

A Christian anorexic could easily justify her habit as "holy", by calling it a "fasted lifestyle". The secular media certianly reinforces this mindset, by glorifying women who successfully lose weight through "willpower" (the secular term for "self-control"). Self control is certainly a fruit of the Spirit, and fasting is something Christians are expected to do in seasons of intense prayer, but the anorexic mindset perverts them both. Although she is called, as a believer, to "put on the new self", she is in fact giving reign to vanity and self-absorbtion. Paul writes:

"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:1-3)

The anorexic's mind is most definitely not set on "the things above", nor is she walking in the Spirit. Her mind is set on the carnal desire for unnatural thinness and audulation; she ruminates about food day and night. Her lifestyle and habits "sow to the flesh" (Galations 6:8). However, it is much more difficult for her to see her true spiritual condition through the eyes of faith than it is for a bulimic, whose purgeing habit is more obviously sinful (gluttony; waste; destruction of the temple - 1 Corinthinas 6:19). Anorexia is just as grievous a sin against the body as bulimia is, but for these reasons I believe it can be harder to convince an anorexic that this is, indeed, the case.

What are your thoughts on this? I am especially interested in feedback from some of you ladies who are (or have been) struggling with anorexia. Do you see this as a life-dominating sin, or something that makes you "purer" (even if only in your own eyes)? Do you consider jeopardizing your health by self-starvation as wrong as overeating; or do you see it as "virtuous" (even if only secretly)?

Enter the Tabernacle with Eyes of Faith

2010-08-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

(HT: Puritan Fellowship)

"Lord....have mercy on me, a sinner...
.....again."

Pastor Garrett Holthaus of Lakeside Road Chapel has just completed a 4-part sermon series on avoiding and conquering spiritual drift. I would really, really recommend it to you ladies, as you know first-hand how much of a stuggle it can be to return to the prayer closet when you battle a life-dominating sin such as an eating disorder.

A major cause of spiritual drift and taking our eyes of off Jesus is, of course, prayerlessness. This is especially true when we know we've sinned, and are too ashamed to face Him. I remember so well, even though it was so many years ago, feeling like a hypocrite for even attempting to repent (again)! The failure of the sin itself, coupled with the additional sin of prayerlessness, keeps us needlessly away from the Throne of grace. Holthaus says this:

"The only thing that keep sus from the Throne of grace is ourselves. If your sins can keep you from the presence of God, then it was your own rigteousness that got you there in the first place. In fact, it's when we've sinned that we need most to draw near to God."

He quotes Octavious Winslow (a Puritan preacher I've just recently discovered who wrote more on the nature of divine love than anything else):

"Learn to take your guilt as it comes, and your corruption as it rises, directly and simply to Jesus. Do not allow the guilt of sin to remain long upon the conscience. The moment there is the slightest consciousness of a wound received, take it to the blood of Christ. The moment a mist dims the eye of faith so that you cannot see clearly the smile of your Father's face, take it that instant to the blood of atonement. Let there be no distance between God and your soul. Sin separates; but sin immediately confessed, mourned over, and forsaken brings God and the soul together in sweet, close and holy fellowship. Oh, the oneness of God and the believer in the sin-pardoning Christ; who can know it? Only he who has experienced it. To cherish, then, the abiding sense of this holy, loving oneness, the believer must build his house in the fountain [of Christ's blood]. He must wash daily in the bronze lavar that is outside the Holy Place; then, entering in within the veil, he may draw near to the Mercy Seat and ask whatever he will of Him Who dwells between the cherabim ."

Holthaus concludes, "You don't go as a criminal goes before a judge; you go to Him as a child goes to a Father."

Keep that message in mind, as you face another day...perhaps your first one of prayerful repentance.

Spiritual Change Requires Discipline

2010-08-10T06:52:00.001-07:00

I have quoted before from "Godliness Through Discipline", the booklet written by Jay Adams (founder of NANC and CCEF). When repenting from a life-dominating sin, radically amputating the ungodly areas in our lives over and over again, by God's grace, is the key to overcoming.

Christian author Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes:

"I can remember sitting in tiny, windowless practice rooms for hours on end as a college student, playing the same piece of music over and over again. I knew I would never reach my goal—to make beautiful music—without that rigorous discipline.

Discipline for the purpose of godliness is not the same as self-effort. Rather, it means consciously cooperating with the Holy Spirit—yielding to Him so He can conform us to the image of Christ.

The problem is, we want the outcome without the process. We want victory without the warfare. It is futile to pray and hope for spiritual change, while sitting glued to a television set or neglecting the means God has provided for our growth in grace. Bible study, meditation, worship, prayer, fasting, accountability, and obedience are disciplines that produce a harvest of righteousness in our lives.

Who or what are you worshipping today? Also, what area of your spiritual life could use some discipline? Why not call a friend and ask them for a little accountability?"

(Me again...) God is the Vinedresser (John 14), and He prunes whatever is unfruitful out of our lives so that we may be MORE fruitful for Him. If you have an area of besetting sin in your life, what are you doing about it? It is important to pray and ask God for help; but crucial that you not stop there.

What tools has God given us to aid in our fight against indwelling sin? The most important one is, of course, the Bible. It is His Word, and the only way in which He has revealed Himself to us in these days. If you are seeking Him or His Truth elsewhere, whether in a secular therapist's office, a "12-Step" support group, or universalist teachings on the Internet, please stop.

Get Offline and Into the Prayer Closet

I cannot tell you how many ladies I have counseled (formally or informally) who rely more on their online "friends" (who will tell them what they want to hear) than on the Word of God. I cannot get these ladies off of Facebook long enough to open their Bibles! They waste hours and hours online or in front of the TV, yet never have time enough to seek God. If this is you, please repent. I am not saying you necessarily should delete your Facebook account or do a complete audiovisula "fast", but ask yourself: where do I spend the majority of my non-working hours? If you are spending more time online (the Internet, and "Christian bulletin boards" in particular, are rife with bad theology and false teaching), ask yourself, "Has this helped or hindered my walk with God? Am I growing in holiness due to my online interaction?"

Another instruction we are give is to take up the Sword of the Spirit. How does this affect one's battle with a food addiction? Well, the Bible speaks repeatedly about "lusts of the flesh". I relate this concept in some depth to bulimia and gluttony in my book, but the bottom line is that carnal self-indulgence is "sowing to the flesh" (Galatians 6:8), which Paul contrasts with "sowing to the Spirit". The latter will result in eternal life; the former, corruption.

Fortified with prayer and armed with knowlege of the Word, you are better prepared to "stand firm in the faith" (1 Corinthians 16:13) and resist temptation. The Scripture you have stored up and hidden in your heart comes back as a fortifying, sustaining promise at the moment you feel yourself slipping; the hours spent playing Farmville on Facebook will do nothing for you.

Abstaining and Dealing With Food Temptation

2010-08-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

Ladies, the following article appeared online today courtesy of The Reader's Digest. For those of you in the beginning stages of turning away from an eating disorder and particularly if you find it necessary to practice abstinence from certain types of "trigger" foods, the advice may be quite helpful. At least you know you are not alone - it's not only bulimics who have to be on guard against gluttony!

11 Ways to Deal With Food Temptation
by Reader's Digest Magazine, on Fri Jul 23, 2010

Let's be honest: Improving your eating habits is hard, even when you are doing the shopping and cooking. But what do you do when you are constantly being tempted to eat more by the people around you, or the situation you're in? Relax. While resisting temptation is never easy, we've come up with stay-in-control strategies for 13 of the most common situations in which temptation might call. If there's a common theme, it's this: Be prepared! By having a plan (or merely a script for what to say) you can make smart eating choices in every situation that life throws at you.

1. It's birthday-cake time at work

Passing on your colleague's cake looks as curmudgeonly as refusing to sing 'Happy Birthday,' but it's hard to celebrate the 300 calories, about half from fat, packed into a simple slice of store-bought frosted yellow cake. The socially acceptable way out is to ask for a thin slice, and then eat a small number of bites you've decided on beforehand, says dietician Elizabeth Somer, author of Eat Your Way to Happiness. You're most likely to keep your promise to yourself, adds Somer, if you've eaten right all day, without 'saving room' for cake. Another calorie-saving trick: leave the icing on your plate and just eat the cake. And while most office parties involve soda, skip it and bring a full coffee mug.

2. The only food at the picnic is hamburgers and hot dogs

Most barbecues leave dieters trapped in the great outdoors. Meat grilled over a fire does tend to be less fatty than pan-cooked, but most grillers still depend on fatty burgers and dogs to feed the masses, while the traditional sides like potato salad and slaw are filled with high-calorie mayonnaise. Worst of all, you can't get away from the deliciously wafting smoke. Go ahead and smell the burgers, but eat the hot dog. A dog on a bun with a smear of ketchup will set you back about 250 calories. That's as many as the burger has in fat alone. Load up your plate with the low-calorie burger fixin's, like lettuce, tomato and onions, to round out your meal.

3. You have only a few minutes to grab a meal

Don't assume a fast-food drive-thru is an automatic no-no. True, a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese clocks in at 740 calories, more than half of them from fat. But the big boys have begun to grasp that customers want some reasonable options: '395 calorie meal for $3.95′ read one sign outside a fast food franchise recently, and Taco Bell brags of its Fresco menu, including a 160-calorie grilled steak soft taco wrap with just 4.5 grams of fat. At McDonald's you can get away with a salad, even one with meat, as long as you 'avoid anything with the word 'crispy',' says Somer. Just as important, choose a no-fat dressing. Also remember: no burgers bearing mayo-heavy sauces; skip the french fries; and low-fat milk or water rather than soda.

4. Your friend insists you meet at Starbucks

In diet circles, Starbucks has come to be regarded as the evil empire. It's not just 'all that caramel goo' in those ventis, which turn a cup of coffee into an ultrasweet high-calorie dessert, says New York University nutrition professor Marion Nestle. 'Their stores are set up to make it convenient and entertaining to choose larger portions and more foods.' Treats — like the 410-calorie lemon poppy loaf — are sumptuously displayed in eye-level glass cases, while the more wholesome chow languishes below. Look down. Starbucks now offers sensible snacks like fruit rollups and paninis that swap out chili spread for mayo, but they're going to make you find it. As for drinks, begin any order with the word 'Skinny' and you can cut the calorie count by up to a third. The best choices: a steaming 16-ounce grande Pike's Roast black coffee, 5 calories or a grande Tazo Full Leaf Tea, 0 calories.

5. A date takes you to a hot restaurant

At a casual meal, say a Denny's or a Red Lobster, paring back the calories by skipping sauces or having them on the side is a good way to turn a fat fest into a square meal. Plus, many family restaurants now offer low-cal meals. But a meal in a top-flight restaurant is all about the sauces and special preparations made by a chef who is closer to an artist than a cook. 'I don't recommend trying to diet when eating out,' Nestle says. Instead, order less food, confident that the intense flavors will satisfy you. Pick appetizers as your entrée and share them; after all, it's more romantic to make the meal a shared exploration of flavors. Also sample the creative broth-based soups or salads. And if you must have dessert, share that too, and order the one with the most fruit.

6. Your lover surprises you with a big box of chocolates

First, a quick lesson in love: your lover doesn't bring chocolate in hopes of watching you eat. Before surrendering to the temptation of what's in the box, think about this: A concerted half-hour of sex can chew up 85 calories, and the longer you linger, the higher that number. [edited to note: this refers to your HUSBAND. Under no circumstances is sex outside of marriage okay. - Marie] Then feel free to enjoy a single piece of chocolate — a Godiva truffle tucks a lot of sweetness into 105 calories. If you limit yourself to one chocolate a day as a snack, you'll be fine.

7. You're shopping and are fading from hunger

Shopping marathons are like any other kind: you need constant, small boosts of energy to keep going. And keeping going is key. Avoid settling in at the food court; pick up a hot pretzel, a small bag of roasted nuts from a kiosk, even a chicken taco, and nibble on the move. Portable meals, of course, can still seriously weigh you down. At Aunt Annie's Pretzels, a pepperoni pizza pretzel twists together 480 calories with 8 grams of saturated fat. The original pretzel is no bargain at 310 calories without the butter sauce. But with less than a gram of saturated fat and 2 grams of fiber, it's a good choice, particularly if you eat it in small amounts over time.

8. You're dashing for an early morning plane

The best place for breakfast in an airport may be…Starbucks. A venti latte with soy milk or skim is 9 ounces of milk, a helpful shot of caffeine and just 170 calories, note Heather Bauer and Kathy Matthews in The Wall Street Diet, which provides tips for people too busy to plan healthy meals. Add a banana and a yogurt to get your day started for less than 400 calories and in under ten minutes (depending on how many other frequent flyers have missed breakfast at home and are lined up in front of you).

9. Your best pal wants to go out for ice cream

Remember when the two of you used to gorge on late-night sundaes? That was back when your metabolism could shake off 1,360 calories and 89 grams of fat — the going rate for a banana split at Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shops. Liz Brenna, the self-described 'p.r. chick' at B&J headquarters, points out that the premium-cream pioneer has beefed up its line of fruit smoothies. While their 20-ounce 'Life's a Beach' mango smoothie is made only with fruit, sorbet and fruit juice, it still clocks in at 360 calories. For true nostalgic glow (and a few more grams of fat), choose a 3-ounce kiddie cone. At that size, most of the 30 ice-cream flavors hover around 220 calories. Better yet, go with frozen yogurt or sorbet, which range from 100 to 160 calories — and little or no fat.

10. It's 3:30 pm and you're hungry

The energy drop that hits in afternoon is likely a combination of perfectly natural factors: the result of a light lunch, mild dehydration, a momentary lack of iron, or a crash off that coffee you had at the late-morning meeting. Before wandering to the cafeteria or fridge, start your recovery with a tall glass of water, which boosts your blood flow and, as a side benefit, makes you feel full. Ideal snacks for clearing your cobwebby head are hummus or almonds, but if your only option is an office vending machine, look for any hint of protein — those orange crackers with peanut butter, at 200 calories, are better than a sugary cookie. Wash it down with a cup of coffee doused in iron-rich cinnamon.

11. Your family forces food on you when you go home

Food is love, and when Mamma tells you 'mangia' and you don't, she acts like you're rejecting her, not her pot roast. The answer: Have some of everything pushed at you during the holidays or a weekend visit home, but only a spoonful. That means your plate will be more of a tasting sampler than a full meal. Remember: Just one bite of a dish, preceded by a loud 'I can't resist!' will do your parents good and won't kill you. Another strategy: make yourself useful serving people and cleaning up. It gets you away from your plate, but still makes you a vital part of the meal. Most of all, 'focus on what's important,' says Somer. 'You're there to visit with your loved ones, not to pig out.' If you can transfer your emotions from the food to those around you, you'll live a long and happy life.

...And most importantly, remember to pray, seek God in every moment of weakness, and practice the spiritual disciplines of worship and Bible study. You live to glorify Him; not to focus on your weight!

Article Published in "The Gabriel"

2010-08-02T06:42:00.000-07:00

One of my articles (originally appeared last spring on this blog) was just published in The Gabriel, the quarterly magazine produced by Christians in Recovery. My piece, entitled "Lessons in Faith: Life After Bulimia" runs on pp. 14-16 of the publication (it takes a minute to download.

Writing for them seems like a great way to share the truth that is in Christ, and encourage Christians who struggle with substance abuse.(They have already published several of my articles on their regular website).

I noticed that they have a link to Mark Shaw's book, "The Heart of Addiction" (Focus Publishing) there as well. Funny; he is currently reading my book for endorsement! Small world.

"Breaking the Addictive Cycle" Sneak Preview

2010-07-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

CCEF's New Growth Press is offering a sneak preview into David Powlinson's new mini-book: "Breaking the Addictive Cycle: Deadly Obsessions or Simple Pleasures?"

Go to the link here: http://wdn.ipublishcentral.net/growth_press/viewinside/14086178754899

Then buy the book and be blessed by it!