tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67759925479500188412024-03-05T17:19:37.836-08:00Redeemed from the Pit of Bulimia®Helping Captives Find Freedom in Christ from Bulimia, Anorexia, and Other Food Addiction by repentance and renewal of the mindMariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.comBlogger218125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-36944647858981035182015-11-25T10:22:00.003-08:002015-11-25T10:30:13.782-08:00Seven Ways to Host Thanksgiving Dinner that Supports Eating Disorder Recovery (Re-post)I rarely write about eating disorders anymore, even from a counseling perspective; and it's rarer still that I will re-post a secular article on the subject. However, this article from blogger Allison Epstein is so spot-on that I had to share it.<br />
<br />
Personally, I have been "recovered" (I prefer the more biblical term "transformed") for so many years that these days, quite honestly, I don't even think about these things. From the very first sentence, I was taken back in time - to the childhood holiday tables of my youth, where, for some inexplicable reason, <b>my weight</b> and <b>my brother Phil's grades</b> were the hot topics of conversation. (My other brother, Jay, who was on Ritalin before it was fashionable, usually got a pass - his volatile temper generally exempted him from his misdemeanors being scrutinized at family gatherings.) <br />
<br />
<b>Stop commenting on peoples' weight. </b>For the love of Pete, just STOP it. It's unnecessary. Seriously. who <b>cares</b>?<br />
<br />
Anyway, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-epstein/7-ways-to-host-a-thanksgiving-dinner-that-supports-eating-disorder-recovery_b_8617772.html">excellent article with helpful advice </a> that lets non-sufferers into the mind of eating-disordered people, and lets them know how they can be helpful to folks overcoming the ED mindset. Please read.<br />
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<img alt="THANKSGIVING" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/3701514/images/n-THANKSGIVING-large570.jpg" /><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">It's that time of year again: Thanksgiving. A time for food, family, friends, and football. Or, at my place, the National Dog Show, because puppies > football.</span></b><br />
<br />
Actually, puppies > almost everything.<br />
<br />
But for people dealing with an eating disorder (ED), the warm fuzzy aspects of Thanksgiving are often overshadowed by the looming threat in the middle of the holiday.<br />
<br />
The giant meal, and all the emotional baggage that goes with it.<br />
<br />
If you're hosting Thanksgiving for a guest with a history of food-related issues, you can't eliminate every single trigger from your table. But there are some small things you can do that will have a huge impact -- for them, and for all your guests.<br />
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<b>1. Stop asking people if they've lost / gained weight</b><br />
<br />
Say a relative you haven't seen in a year walks through the door. Within about 30 seconds, you can bet someone will exclaim, "Oh wow, you look fantastic. Have you lost weight?" (Weight gain could be remarked on, too -- though fatphobia tends to make people wary of doing so.)<br />
<br />
This is a "don't" for three main reasons:<br />
<br />
a. You're essentially saying, "Weight is the very first thing we notice in this house." I'm sure you can see why this isn't super-relaxing for guests in recovery.<br />
<br />
b. You're not telling that person anything they don't already know. Obviously they look fantastic, whatever their weight. And if you aren't 110 percent sure their weight changes are intentional, not from stress / depression / chronic or invisible illnesses, just steer clear.<br />
<br />
c. Weight is boring as hell. You're basically asking "Has your gravitational relationship with the earth altered slightly?"<br />
<br />
*Yawn*<br />
<br />
Ask how their job's going. Ask about their kids. Ask about that surprise twist last night on Scandal. Anything.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Talk about things other than food</b><br />
<br />
"Isn't this turkey delicious?" might sound like a polite conversation-starter to you, but for someone with food-related stressors, it sounds like this:<br />
<br />
"You aren't eating the turkey. I noticed. We're all watching you."<br />
<br />
or<br />
<br />
"You're eating so much of that turkey. I noticed. We're all watching you."<br />
<br />
If food were the point of Thanksgiving, we could make an extravagant meal and eat it by ourselves any given Thursday, but we don't. The day's about togetherness and reconnecting with family (or friends, depending on how you choose to spend the holiday).<br />
<br />
I'm not here to tell you what to talk about. You know your invitees better than I do. For example, at my house, I can guarantee you someone will shout "democratic socialism" at least once. And whatever your opinion on that, it's at least more interesting -- and less triggering -- than food.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Stop rationalizing your food choices</b><br />
<br />
Stop me if you've heard this before:<br />
<br />
"I skipped breakfast this morning, so it's OK if I have another slice of pie."<br />
<br />
"Oh, I really shouldn't eat this! I'll go to the gym tomorrow morning."<br />
<br />
Though you may not have a personal history with a restrictive ED, for someone who does, you're echoing the same kind of disordered thoughts they experience regularly.<br />
<br />
And not only is this stressful, but it's also dangerously validating. "Normal" people think this way, they can reason, so it must be right, and I should keep doing it.<br />
<br />
Newsflash: You can have dessert, and the world will not end. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Also, no one really cares when you go to the gym.<br />
<br />
Just eat your pie and carry on.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Put your bathroom scale away</b><br />
<br />
This takes 30 seconds, and could save your guest so much stress. Why wouldn't you?<br />
<br />
I could ask you why you need a scale anyway, since the weight-health correlation is sketchy at best, but that's an article for another day.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Don't use ED-specific language as a joke</b><br />
<br />
"I wish I had the willpower to be anorexic -- I can't stop eating these rolls!"<br />
<br />
"Ugh, I totally binged on sweet potato casserole."<br />
<br />
I hear these things all the time. Please do not.<br />
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A simple "yum" or "I'm full" will suffice, thanks.<br />
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<b>6. Offer something to do before and after the meal</b><br />
<br />
It's not just the meal itself that can cause stress. Before and after dinner, negative thought cycling can really get out of control.<br />
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And while it's not your responsibility -- or within your power -- to make your guest think positive thoughts, you can offer distractions. By giving your guest something else to do, they can replace obsessive thoughts with more neutral, task-based ones.<br />
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Fortunately, this is Thanksgiving. I'm sure you have tons of things that need doing.<br />
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Ask for help doing the dishes. If they like kids, enlist them to entertain younger siblings and cousins. Go for a leisurely walk after dinner and talk about whatever comes to mind. If they know origami, have them help you make elaborately folded napkins for the table.<br />
<br />
(This may just be part of my dream to have elaborately folded napkins at every meal. But the point stands.)<br />
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<b>7. Don't make observations about what they're eating</b><br />
<br />
Yes, even if the person is on a recovery-geared meal plan. There's enough food-related stress around Thanksgiving without someone reminding you to get XX carbohydrates on your plate.<br />
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Of course, if you're worried about the person's immediate well-being, don't ignore that. Thanksgiving shouldn't be an excuse to engage in disordered behaviors.<br />
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The National Eating Disorders Association has a toll-free helpline your guest can call if needed. And if they're on Twitter, they can use the #Thx4Support hashtag all day on Thanksgiving, where people are standing by to listen and offer real-time support.<br />
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But if that's not the case, and you're just concerned they're eating a bit too much or a bit too little, don't make a scene. They'll be fine. Trust that they're doing the best they can under unusually stressful circumstances.<br />
<br />
---<br />
<br />
You might notice a lot of these tips sound pretty general.<br />
<br />
Don't engage in diet talk. Don't weigh yourself or judge others by your weight. Don't treat food as a moral indicator.<br />
<br />
That's because the key to throwing a recovery-friendly Thanksgiving is simple: create a body-image safe space, and the rest will follow.<br />
<br />
These tips aren't just for Thanksgiving -- they're for everyone, every day of the year.<br />
<br />
Now, if you'll excuse me, there are puppies I should be watching.<br />
<br />
___________________<br />
<br />
If you're struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.<br />
<br />
Follow Allison Epstein on Twitter: <a href="http://www.twitter.com/AllisonEpstein2">www.twitter.com/AllisonEpstein2</a>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-21500941755487542532015-09-16T04:50:00.001-07:002015-09-16T04:50:34.015-07:00When You Can't Say No (re-post)This is a very good testimony/article on overcoming addictive over-eating from Teresa Shields Parker. It was originally published in Charisma Magazine.<br />
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<a href="http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/24387-when-you-can-t-say-no" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #8f72de; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">When You Can't Say No</a></h1>
<aside class="article-info" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-size: 0.625em; margin: 4px 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase;"><span class="published" style="border-right-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #999999; display: inline; font-size: 0.875em; padding: 0px 8px 0px 0px;"><time style="box-sizing: border-box;">1:00PM EDT 9/14/2015 </time></span><span class="createdby" style="border-right-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; padding: 0px 8px;"><a href="http://www.charismamag.com/component/search/?searchword=Teresa%20Shields%20Parker&ordering=newest&searchphrase=exact&areas[0]=authors" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #8f72de; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">TERESA SHIELDS PARKER</a></span></aside></div>
<article class="mainContent" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 0.9375em; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0.5em 10px 0px 4px; padding: 0px;"><figure class="leadFigure left" style="box-sizing: border-box; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 1em 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="Teresa once weighed 430 lbs. Here's how God set her free from an addiction that led to losing 260 lbs." src="http://cdn.charismamag.com/images/archives/articles/Life/Women/istockphoto-womanhamburger-ariwasabi.jpg" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; height: 340px; margin-bottom: 0.25em; max-height: none; max-width: 618px; overflow: hidden; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;" title="Teresa once weighed 430 lbs. Here's how God set her free from an addiction that led to losing 260 lbs." /><figcaption style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #666666; font-size: 0.77em; line-height: 1.2em; margin: 2px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Teresa once weighed 430 lbs. Here's how God set her free from an addiction that led to losing 260 lbs. (<span class="figCaptionSource" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic;">iStockPhoto | ariwasabi</span>)</figcaption></figure><div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Most do agree they have a strong need to regularly have sugar. It's just the "harmful" part they don't accept and the addiction label.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Risks of Obesity</strong></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Yet, sugar is a major cause of obesity and the obese are at risk for a large number of diseases including: diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer, stroke, gallbladder and liver diseases, gynecological problems such as infertility, respiratory problems, sleep apnea and colon, breast and endometrial cancers, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Not only that, for many it has become an addiction. Using sugar has become a strong, harmful, regular, urgent, overwhelming desire.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Truth</strong></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I had not heard about sugar addiction when God pulled back my curtain hiding the truth. However, I knew I was as soon as I heard a 30-year sober alcohol say, "Alcohol is one molecule away from sugar. Alcohol is liquid sugar."</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I asked the question. "Can a person be addicted to sugar like others are addicted to alcohol or drugs?" His answer was, "You can be addicted to anything that controls you."</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Sugar controlled me. I knew it.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><a href="http://teresashieldsparker.com/surrender/" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #8f72de; cursor: pointer;">Surrender</a></strong></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
That night I literally grieved thinking about giving up sugar, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it was what I had to do.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I handed my desire for sugar to God. I surrendered it. I laid it on the altar.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I cried out, "God I give up, but I can't walk this journey on my own. I need You. I need Your strength. On my own I am weak. I will give in if you don't nudge me. In my moments of weakness, will you remind me? I need Your grace. I need Your power. I want to be free."</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
For the first time, I meant it.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Freedom</strong></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Today, I have lost 260 pounds only by the grace-power of God. It is for freedom that Christ has set me free. So I will stand firm and not let myself be entangled again by a yoke of bondage.<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 11.2511253356934px; line-height: 0; position: relative; top: -0.5em; vertical-align: baseline;">1</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Here is the truth, if God and I can do it, you and God can do it. God can do anything, you know.<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 11.2511253356934px; line-height: 0; position: relative; top: -0.5em; vertical-align: baseline;">2</span></div>
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His grace is enough. It's all you need. His power is made complete in your weakness.<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 11.2511253356934px; line-height: 0; position: relative; top: -0.5em; vertical-align: baseline;">3</span></div>
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Oh, and the word no? I've learned to say, "No," for my health and sweet freedom.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 11.2511253356934px; line-height: 0; position: relative; top: -0.5em; vertical-align: baseline;">1 </span>Galatians 5:1</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 11.2511253356934px; line-height: 0; position: relative; top: -0.5em; vertical-align: baseline;">2 </span>Epheisans 3:20</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 11.2511253356934px; line-height: 0; position: relative; top: -0.5em; vertical-align: baseline;">3</span>2 Corinthians 12:9</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Many ask me advice about weight loss. I've developed a myriad of resources available on my <a href="http://teresashieldsparker.com/" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #8f72de; cursor: pointer;" target="_blank">website </a>under the free and the products tabs. But by far the best resource is<a href="http://teresashieldsparker.com/sweet-change/" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #8f72de; cursor: pointer;" target="_blank">Sweet Change Weight Loss Coaching and Accountability Group</a>. I developed this group to help those just like I was, who need someone who understands the difficulties of extreme weight, someone to coach them through the process, someone who understands this journey is not just about what you eat and how you move, it's also about why you eat and why you don't move.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
We are tri-part beings. We are a spirit, a soul and a body. Our parts are dependent upon each other. Although the problem may appear in your body, it is also related to your mind, emotions, will and spirit. We don't shy away from the tough realities. We have to change. It's part of the process. Change starts inside and moves to the outside. Weight loss is the by-product of total transformation.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Join today and get <a href="http://teresashieldsparker.com/sweet-change-101/" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #8f72de; cursor: pointer;" target="_blank">Sweet Change 101: 7 Keys for the Weight Loss Journey </a>FREE. Go<a href="http://teresashieldsparker.com/sweet-change/" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #8f72de; cursor: pointer;" target="_blank">HERE</a>.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Teresa Shields Parker</strong><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> is a wife, mother, business owner, life group leader, speaker and author of </em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Grace-Pounds-Stopped-Trying/dp/0991001206/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1384318603&sr=8-17" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #c62765; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Sweet Grace: How I Lost 250 Pounds and Stopped Trying to Earn God's Favor </a><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">and </em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Grace-Study-Guide-Practical/dp/0991001222/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #c62765; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Sweet Grace Study Guide: Practical Steps to Lose Weight and Overcome Sugar Addiction.</a><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> Get a free chapter of her memoir on her blog at </em><a href="http://teresashieldsparker.com/" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #c62765; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">teresashieldsparker.com</a><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">. Connect with her there or on her <a href="http://www.facebook.com/TeresaShieldsParkerWriter" style="background: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #c62765; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Facebook page.</a></em></em></em></div>
</article>Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-71632471410534230152015-08-21T17:24:00.000-07:002015-08-21T17:24:16.729-07:00I Have a New Blogging Home!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEKRCWeqRD0R9FGpLOPVlqE9f_-pF2sNJFTIlwsFT3Ao4uH4ciukGAS8ye1hGGiMFA_MX95GEEm8BSNFFrVmMz0KiE6KHIkRVskqJt5uj3QZDRkU-Zec2O-R_W_1f-Z-mlYyjitgjn5ck/s1600/blogscreenshot.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEKRCWeqRD0R9FGpLOPVlqE9f_-pF2sNJFTIlwsFT3Ao4uH4ciukGAS8ye1hGGiMFA_MX95GEEm8BSNFFrVmMz0KiE6KHIkRVskqJt5uj3QZDRkU-Zec2O-R_W_1f-Z-mlYyjitgjn5ck/s640/blogscreenshot.png" width="640" /></a></div>
Dear readers,<br />
<br />
Following the publication of my second book, "Plugged In", and the many articles I have been writing for various venues, I have started a new blog and invite you to follow me there: <a href="https://marienotcheva.wordpress.com/">https://marienotcheva.wordpress.com</a><br />
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I will certainly update this blog, "Redeemed from the Pit" from time to time, as I write articles or post updates germane to overcoming eating disorders. However, part of the reason I started a new site was because this blog (being entirely devoted to that topic) has become a bit too constraining. I write on many topics - from bibical counseling issues to Balkan politics, and enjoy having the freedom to publish whatever happens to by weighing on my so-called mind that day. I do not want to be 'type-cast' as the Christian writer who writes solely about anorexia and bulimia.<br />
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Also, since a number of readers follow me on Twitter, it would be nice to know there is a spot now designed to showcase all my editorials...from book reviews to social commentary.<br />
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If you would like to guest blog (either here, on your eating disorder journey) or at my new, general blog, please message me! I would be happy to have you write.<br />
<br />
Blessings,<br />
<br />
Marie NotchevaMariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-73430953827439149602015-06-24T14:28:00.000-07:002015-06-24T14:28:53.010-07:00My Second Book Released - "Plugged In: Proclaiming Christ in the Internet Age"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUWYYfffNieifoIvLd_W5BRjkEPw8H6YXwnDY7NHmAJfGaCShmu08iMOWasA4nUy1vEQd-60x8QZg81q1f105OVJ7L388-I0XaP5k5Ft1DaFDQLmv2BX9JRmIMl-beqCVNTrtv8uGFdtE/s1600/profile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUWYYfffNieifoIvLd_W5BRjkEPw8H6YXwnDY7NHmAJfGaCShmu08iMOWasA4nUy1vEQd-60x8QZg81q1f105OVJ7L388-I0XaP5k5Ft1DaFDQLmv2BX9JRmIMl-beqCVNTrtv8uGFdtE/s400/profile.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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My new book, <b><i>"Plugged In: Proclaiming Christ in the Internet Age"</i></b> is out, available on Kindle or as a Paperback: <b style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px;"><a href="http://tinyurl.com/ovba99w">http://tinyurl.com/ovba99w</a>. </b><br />
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Foreword by Dr. Robert W. Kellemen<br />
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From the publisher:<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">"Marie has written an excellent book on the impact on
line communication methods have had on evangelism, which gives “illusion of
creating relationship”. She rightly points out that effective evangelism
needs a human connection, and that “An interactive website, no matter how
doctrinally in-depth, cannot replace the “one anothering” described in
Scripture as the model for Christian growth.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">"This book is highly informative and well researched.
Marie brings personal experience to this topic, having worked and ministered on
two continents. With a thriving personal ministry to teens overseas, she has
experienced the successes and failures of “online conversions”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Biblical counselors
will benefit from her perspective on the topic of on-line counseling and
discipleship. I would strongly recommend this book to anyone involved in
personal or cyber ministry. A solid biblical and beneficial read!” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">-- Julie
Ganschow ACBC/IABC Certified Biblical Counselor</span><br />
<br />Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-70778070285635896302015-05-23T04:47:00.000-07:002015-05-23T04:50:30.176-07:00Hir ungjilli për gratë me çrregullime në të ngrënë, Pjesa II <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYh91htM-Gm46VUDEXLwckUL_3TSbRyGoBfi5PJy3cMaSqjvGCl9EFxbH0Q9EYA9VsAO6luidTADSwrHaPyEcEbBRAhm13iLBhbRA1Tbj5IlzE_4Ra3MA4As2rTDN1_B9YCt14zuLzsTo/s1600/albanian_logo2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYh91htM-Gm46VUDEXLwckUL_3TSbRyGoBfi5PJy3cMaSqjvGCl9EFxbH0Q9EYA9VsAO6luidTADSwrHaPyEcEbBRAhm13iLBhbRA1Tbj5IlzE_4Ra3MA4As2rTDN1_B9YCt14zuLzsTo/s320/albanian_logo2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Note: This is an Albanian-language translation of Part II of my article for the Biblical Counseling Coalition, <a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2015/05/05/gospel-grace-for-the-eating-disordered-woman-part-2/">"Gospel Grace for the Eating Disordered Woman"</a>. </div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Shkrimtare: Marie Notcheva</span></b></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Përkthyes: Juxhin Alia<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ">F<b>jalë hyrëse nga ekipi BCC : </b></span><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Ju po
lexoni pjesën e dytë të një blogu me 2 pjesë te miniserive <i>Hir & E vertetë</i></span><i><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;"> </span></i><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;"> </span><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">mbi çrregullimet në të ngrënë nga Marie
Notcheva. Në pjesën e parë të kësaj serie, ne trajtuam mendësinë e gabuar dhe
“idhujtarinë” që qëndron pas çrregullimeve në të ngrënë. Në të dytën, do të
trajtojmë disa dallime të përqëndruara në ungjill, mbi mënyrën e këshillimit të
grave anoreksike dhe bulimike. Pjesën e parë mund ta lexoni <span style="color: #4f81bd; mso-themecolor: accent1;"><a href="http://redeemedfromthepit.blogspot.com/2015/05/te-kuptosh-perbindeshin-perbrenda_9.html">këtu</a></span> …<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<h1>
<span lang="SQ">E pranuar nga Hiri<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Në librin e saj, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Good-News-Weary-Women--Do/dp/1414395388/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429884625&sr=1-1&keywords=Good+News+for+Weary+Women"><i><span lang="SQ" style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #106e96; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; padding: 0in;">Good News for Weary Women</span></i></a><span lang="SQ"> (lajm i mirë për gratë e shqetësuara) </span><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Elyse
Fitzpatrick</span><span lang="SQ"> </span><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">heq një paralele interesante mes këshillave
ekstra-biblike që gratë e krishtera marrin mbi të qënurit “të perëndishme” dhe
Galatasve të cilët Pali i qorton pse i shtonin rregullat e tyre besimit në
krishtin.Fitzpatrick me të drejtë vë në dukje se përpjekja për të jetuar sipas
standarteve të tua në një tentativë për ta bërë veten “të pranueshëm “ për Perëndinë
do të çojë drejt fajita, dështimit dhe dënimit të vetes. Disa shembuj të këtyre
rregullave të pashkruara qe injektojnë fajin përfshijnë presionin për të qënë
meuese shtëpiake, për të mësuar femijët në shkollën e së dielës, dhe të ushqejë
familjen e saj me vakte organike, të gatuara në shtëpi rregullisht. Të gjitha këto
janë zakone të mira por as nuk janë urdhëresa biblike dhe as na fitojnë “pikë”
me Perëndinë. Ajo çfarë Fitzpatrick po thotë është se kur ne(gratë) I shtojmë
barra të tepërta listës sonë te “vet-përmirësimit” ne po e vendosim veten sërish
nën “robërinë e ligjit” , duke u përpjekur
që ta bëjmë veten të dukemi “mirë në sytë tanë” dhe duke refuzuar nevojën për
hir.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Për një grua anoreksike ose bulimike, robëria prej
rregullave dhe ritualeve të vet-vendosura, rritet në mënyrë eksponenciale. Ushqimet
“e lejuara” bëhen gjithmonë e më pak, regjimet e ushtrimeve të detyrueshme, bëhen
më të gjatë dhe më të vështirë, dhe marrja e kalorive bie në nivele drastike
mos-ushqyerje.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Për një bulimike, të hash “më shumë seç duhet” (edhe një
kafshatë më tepër) e bën atë të justifikohet për ta vjellë të tërën : “Unë
tashmë e bëra lëmsh këtë punë… më mirë po i shkoj deri në fund”. Kjo mënyrë e të
menduarit “të gjitha ose asgje” nuk lë vend për hirin, gruaja ndihet e ndotur,
e dobët dhe fajtore kur “dështon”.Michelle Myers, ish-anoreksike, shkroi se u
ndikua nga fjalët e një miku të vet ndërsa kishte ngecur në mëkat si kurrë me
parë “ bën stërvitje apo jo, Perëndia të do njelloj”. Fakti se nuk je më pak “e
vlefshme” kur nuk ushtrohesh njëherë apo kur ha karbohidrate, është një koncept
i vështirë për tu rrokur nga një subjekt qe këshillohet për çrregullime në të
ngrënë dhe eshte një shembull konkret se ku ka nevojë ta aplikoj ajo ungjillin
në jetën e përditshme.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Dallime në këshillimin e klienteve anoreksike dhe bulimike<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Ndërsa diskutoni “rregullat” e të resë që keshilloni, dhe
çfarë ndjen ajo se mund të arrijë duke i mbajtur ato, ju mund të hasni një
larmi përgjigjesh që varen nga sa thellë janë ngulitur sjelljet e çrregullimeve
në të ngrënë tek ajo. Gjithashtu vini re se anoreksiket janë përgjithsisht
raste më të veshtira këshillimi sesa bulimiket për një numër arsyesh: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Shpesh(por jo gjithmonë) ato janë më të
brishta fizikisht, puna e rëndë e ndryshimit biblik mund të kërkojë më tepër
energji sesa ato kanë.</span></li>
<li><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Niveli i të gënjyerit të vetes është më
i madh tek anoreksiket.</span></li>
<li><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Frika nga ushqimi dhe idhurjtaria e dobësimit
është bërë shteruese për to. Anoreksiket
shpesh fillojnë keshillimin me pak shpresë për tu transformuar.</span></li>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Nëse po këshilloni një femër që është diagnostikuar
klinikisht me <i>anoreksia nervosa </i>(çka
do të thotë se ajo është të paktën 20% nën
pëshën ideale trupore të saj), unë do të sugjeroja seriozisht për ju të kërkoni
që ajo të kontrollohet të paktën çdo javë nga një mjek dhe të bëjë analiza
laboratorike rregullisht. Mungesa e balancës së mineraleve elektrolitë janë
fenomen i zakonshëm si mes bulimikeve ashtu edhe anoreksikeve, por rreziku
i mos-funksionimit te zemrës apo
veshkave është më i madh në anoreksi
kronike.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Së dyti, jini të pregatitur për rezistencë nga subjekti
anoreksik që keshillohet kur pëqrpiqeni ta bëni atë ta shohë sjelljen e saj si
“mëkat”. Kjo është një nga dallimet më të mëdha që kam vënë re gjatë këshillimit
të grave me çrregullime në të ngrënë : një bulimike tashmë e di se sjellja e
saj eshtë e gabuar dhe vetë-shkaterruese, dhe i vjen zakonisht turp nga “humbjet e kontrollit” që ka. Në kontrast me
këtë një anoreksike ndihet e fuqishme kur arrin të privohet. Ajo beson se
sjellja e saj e ngurtë është vetë misherimi i “të shëndetshmes”, e justifikon
si “vetë-disiplinë”, dhe ndjen përbuzje për pëshen normale (që në sytë e saj është
shëndet I tepërt). Kur ajo sheh veten në pasqyrë, pavarësisht se sa e dobët
mund të jetë, ajo sheh një person obez përballë saj. Një bulimike mund të ketë
një pikëpamje idhujtare mbi peshën(duke dashur të jetë e dobët aq shumë sa është
e gatshme të mëkatojë per t’ia arritur) por zakonisht pesha e saj është afer
normales dhe pamja e saj nuk është aq e shtrembëruar. Anoreksikja krenohet me
“mbajtjen e ligjit” te vet, kjo është bërë identiteti i saj. Dëshira për të qënë
e dobët me çdo kusht mbizotëron deri në atë pikë sa frika e saj nga ushqimi është
bërë e pa-arsyeshme. Vetë natyra progresive e anoreksisë bën që subjekti I këshilluar
të ketë frikë të gëlltisë ushqim.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Përveçse e ndihmoj atë
ti përballë këto frikëra në mënyrë biblike, unë kërkoj nga subjektet
anoreksike të takojnë një dietolog(duke supozuar që sjanë të tillë) dhe këtë
takim e inkurajoj edhe për rastin bulimik.
Takimi me një dietolog ndihmon anoreksiken të fitojë besim për të
konsumuar ato çfarë trupi i saj ka nevojë në mënyrë të ushqyeshme, ndërsa përball
bashkë me ju, këshilluesin biblik, mashtrimet që ajo ka përvetësuar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Si rregull, unë nuk ju kërkoj as subjekteve anoreksike,
as atyre bulimike të mbajnë ditar ushqimi, megjithëse dietologu mund ta kërkojë
diçka të tillë. Të shkruajturit e çdo gjëje që ajo ha përqëndron një vëmendje të
panevojshme tek ushqimi, sesa tek zbulimi i motiveve të zemrës së saj dhe tek
ripërtëritja e mendjës së saj. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Duke i dhënë shpresë dhe duke i mësuar asaj ta çmojë Krishtin<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Sido që të shfaqet sjellja e çrregullimeve në të
ngrënë të subjektit që këshilloni, ti
japësh shpresë në sesionin e parë është vendimtare. Ajo mund të ketë
përvetësuar shumë mite rreth çrregullimeve në të ngrënë nga “psikologjia e
popit” siç janë “Ti kurrë nuk shërohesh, gjithmonë në përmirësim” përballeni
këtë me 1 Korintasve 6:11 ku Pali këshilloi ish- grykës, pijanec, homoseksual,
dhe të tjerë “të varur” nga mëkatet e tyre se ata janë “Larë… shenjtëruar…
drejtësuar në emrin e Zotit Jezus” Ndihmojeni atë që të shohë se po e përdor
ushqimin në një mënyrë që Zoti nuk e caktoi, dhe se po dëmton trupin që Ai i
dha asaj për ti shërbyer dhe për të nderuar vetë Zotin. Një prej ngjashmërive
mes anoreksisë dhe bulimisë është se në të dyja çrregullimet, kjo sjellje po
shërben si “shpëtimtar i rremë” – Ato e bejnë të vuajturin të ndihet mirë
(përkohësisht) prandaj është e vështirë të rreshtësh. Kur rehatia dhe Dobësimi
janë prioritetet kryesore të saj, mendja e saj nuk “është vendosur tek gjërat
qiellore” (siç vërejtëm në pjesën 1), dhe zemra e saj priret drej vetes (Mateu
6:21). Në mënyrë që të transformohet, ajo duhet të mësojë të ripërtërijë
mendjen me Fjalën e Perëndisë dhe ta kthej zemrën e saj drejt Krishtit
(Romakëve 12:1-3 , 2 Korintasve 3:18) Si në gjithë mëkatet jetë-zotërues,
besimtarja duhet të mësojë ta shohë Jezus krishtin si më të bukur dhe më të
dëshirueshëm se “idhulli” i saj. Detyra juaj është ta ndihmoni të dallojë cili
është vullneti i tij I menjëhershëm për jetën e saj( një mendje e transformuar,
shëndet, kthimi i ushqimit në rolin e vet jetik) dhe ti besojë Perëndisë dhe atyre që ai i ka
vënë pranë për ta ndihmuar(Proverbat 3:6)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<h1>
<span lang="SQ">Duke përballur tundimin<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Të kapërcesh një çrregullim në të ngrënë nuk është e
thjeshtë, edhe për një të krishterë që sinqerisht dëshiron të ndjekë Krishtin.
Femrat shpesh mund të kenë drojë për t’i zbuluar “sekretin” e tyre dikujt kur
vijnë për herë të parë tek ju, me turp për sjelljen e tyre, dhe me dëshiren e
dëshpëruar për të ndalur por të tmerruara se Fjala e Perëndisë nuk do të
“mjaftoj” për to, dhe ato nuk do mund të bëjnë kthesë nga çrregullimi i tyre në
të ngrënë. Pregatituni të ri-vizitoni ungjillin ( Personin dhe veprën e Jezus Krishtit për to) shumë
herë dhe të tregoni, shpirtërisht, hir për çdo dështim (Luka 17:4 është një
varg i fuqishëm për mëkatin që jep varësi, po ashtu Romakeve 7). Mësojini asaj
ti kthejë sytë nga Krishti për ndihmë dhe ngushëllim në kohë
vështirësie(Hebrenjve 4:14-16, 1 Pjetrit 5:6-7, Mateu 11:28-30) çdo herë që ajo
është e aftë t’i drejtohet Perëndisë në momente dobësie dhe t’i rezistojë
tundimit për t’iu përmbajtur ushqimit apo për të vjellë, ajo do të fitojë
vet-besim dhe do të fillojë ta shohë veten duke kryer një fitore shpirtërore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Shërim në trup, mendje dhe shpirt<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Sapo subjekti që këshillohet ka filluar të hajë
rregullisht, vakte të shëndetshme dhe te zhvillojë modele të reja të menduari,
nevoja për t’u përmbajtur apo për të vjellë priret të largohet brenda pak
muajsh. Anoreksikja tashmë e ka përballur frikën e saj më të madhe, të shtuarit
peshë, dhe sheh një përmirësim në shëndetin e saj. Shtimi në peshë do të
rrafshohet shumë shpejt, por këmbëngulni që ajo te vazhdojë të ndjekë planin e
vakteve “të mirëmbajtjes” si pjesë e një detyre shtëpie. Shih kapitullin 13(konsiderata
praktike) te librit tim, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Redeemed-From-Pit-Repentance-Restoration/dp/1879737787"><i><span lang="SQ" style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #106e96; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; padding: 0in; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Redeemed
from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the bondage of Eating
Disorders</span></i></a><span lang="SQ">( Shpengim
nga bataku, pendesë dhe ripërtëritje biblike nga robëria e </span><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-fareast-language: JA;">çrregullimeve në të ngrënë) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Një
bulimike sheh se dëshirat e papërmbajtura të saj largohen teksa mendja e saj
ripërtërihet, pjesërisht edhe sepse ajo po mban ushqimin që trupi isaj kishte
aq shume nevojë. Energjia dhe përqëndrimi i saj përmirësohen drastikisht,
pothuaj ne te njëjtën kohë që rresht së vjelli, pasi niveli i sheqerit ne
gjakun e saj nuk leviz pa fre cdo orë. Emocionalisht, anoreksiket dhe bulimiket
priren të jenë në të njejtin nivel sapo të ngrënët e tyre normalizohet, dhe nuk
fiksohen aq shpesh tek ushqimi. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Eshte
jashtëzakonisht inkurajuese, si për gruan që kalon çrregullimin në të ngrënë,
ashtu edhe për këshilluesin, të shohë transformimin të ndodhë ndersa ajo mëson
t’I mbajë syte në Krishtin dhe ta lërë robërinë e saj perfundimisht tek këmbët
e kryqit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Bashkoju bisedës<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Kur i referoheni vështirësive me
çrregullimet në të ngrënë, qoftë në jetën tuaj apo të subjektit që këshilloni,
si mund ta aplikoni hirin e ungjillit të Krishtit?</span><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-60645549601150935812015-05-09T16:23:00.001-07:002015-05-10T11:07:28.865-07:00Të kuptosh "përbindëshin përbrenda" : Ç'rregullimet në të ngrënë, pjesa I <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Note: This article is an Albanian-language translation of Part 1 of my series on the Biblical Counseling Coalition, <a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2015/05/04/understanding-the-monster-within-eating-disorders-part-1/">"Understanding the Monster Within: Eating Disorders, Part 1"</a>.<br />
<br />
It is run on the Albanian <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Koalicioni-i-K%C3%ABshillimit-Biblik-Shqiptar/618376371518570?fref=nf">Koalicioni i Këshillimit Biblik Shqiptar </a>page, which is the Albanian arm of the BCC.<br />
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: SQ;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shkrimtare: Marie Notcheva </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Përkthyes: Juxhin Alia</span></b><span lang="SQ" style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: SQ;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4 Maj 2015<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Një fjalë hyrëse nga ekipi BCC</span></b><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">: Ju po lexoni pjesën 1 të një blogu BCC 2-pjesësh të miniserive Hir&të vërtetë mbi çrregullimet në të ngrënë nga Marie Notcheva. Në pjesën e parë të serisë, ne do të trajtojmë mendësinë e gabuar dhe “idhujtarinë” pas çrregullimeve në të ngrënë; në të dytën, do të vërejmë disa dallime të përqëndruara në ungjill, mbi mënyrën e këshillimit të grave anoreksike dhe bulimike. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #5b9bd5; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-themecolor: accent1;"> <span style="color: #0b5394;">Dinamikat sociale dhe një diagnozë biblike<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;">Në fillim të viteve 80', termat "anoreksia nervosa" dhe "bulimia" u bënë fjalë të njohura në Shtetet e Bashkuara. Pa vonuar shumë, psikologë të sjelljes dhe ata klinikë nxituan të gjenin një "kurë" për këtë fenomen të ri - të vdesësh urie dhe të vjellësh në mes të bollëkut. Libri i Cynthia Rowland, The Monster Within: Overcoming Bulimia (Përbindëshi përbrenda: Të mposhtësh buliminë)(1985) ishte një ndër dëshmitë e para të publikuara të llojit të vet. Vdekja në 1983 e këngëtares së popit Karen Carpenter ishte një faktor në valën e vëmendjes mediatike që i'u dha çrregullimeve në të ngënë. Një tjetër, ka mundësi të ketë qënë rritja në popullaritet e atleteve femra në disiplina si gjimnastika dhe patinazhi artistik, që dolën hapur me vështirësitë e tyre. Cilado qofte arsyeja, sjelljet e mosushqyerjes dhe të vjellët nga grykësia nuk janë sjellje të zhvilluara vetëm kohët e fundit, dhe as nuk janë të kufizuara vetëm në vendet e pasura perëndimore.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: SQ;"><br />
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Është e dobishme për çdo këshillues biblik që punon me të rejat, të kuptojë mendësinë pas çrregullimeve në të ngrënë. Megjithëse personi që ju këshilloni mund të mos jetë diagnostikuar klinikisht me anoreksi, bulimi, ose çrregullime në të ngrënë prej grykësisë, shumë të reja do të tregohen të hapura në privacinë e dhomës së këshillimit për pasiguritë e tyre rreth peshës, pamjes së jashtme dhe zakoneve të ngrënies apo ushtrimeve fizike të çrregullta. Do të na ndihmonte të ishim në gjendje të pikasnim mendimin jobiblik dhe ta ballafaqojmë me hir dhe të vërtetë përpara se të çeli plotësisht në një çrregullim në të ngrënë.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Vini re se çështjet e imazhit trupor dhe pasiguritë rreth pamjes nuk kufizohen vetëm tek të këshilluarat femra, te rinjtë meshkuj vuajnë gjithashtu, prandaj të njëjtat parime vlejnë edhe për ta. Gjithsesi duke patur parasysh se sa më të theksuara janë ruajtja e peshës dhe mbizotërimi i çrregullimeve në të ngrënët mes femrave, do ti referohem subjektit te këshilluar me përemra femërorë.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">Cfarë janë anoreksia dhe bulimia?<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Përkufizimi mjekësor i <i>anoreksia nervosa</i> është : <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">“Një çrregulim në të ngrënë që karakterizohet nga refuzimi për të mbajtur një peshë minimale trupore, frika nga të shtuarit peshë apo të kthyerit në obez, turbullim i imazhit trupor, mbështetje e tepruar në peshën apo formën trupore për vetëvlerësim, dhe amenorrea(mungesë e menstruacioneve)”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Bulimia nervosa </span></i><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">përkufizohet kështu :<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">“Grykësi e përsëritur që zakonisht ndiqet nga veprime që synojnë të refuzojnë marrjen e kalorive të ushqimit të gëlltitur, më së shpeshti veprime spastruese siç është provokimi I vjelljes dhe abuzimi i laksativëve por nganjëherë edhe metoda të tjera si ushtrime fizike të tepruara dhe argjërim.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Për një shpjegim më të plotë të anoreksisë dhe bulimisë në kritere klinike, si dhe komplikimet mjekësore që pasojnë, jeni të lutur të lexoni kapitujt 2 dhe 13 të librit tim </span><span lang="SQ"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Redeemed-From-Pit-Repentance-Restoration/dp/1879737787"><i><span style="color: #106e96; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders</span></i></a></span><i><span lang="SQ" style="color: #444444; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">. (E shpenguar nga bataku: pendesë dhe ripërtëritje biblike nga zgjedha e çrregullimeve në të ngrënë)) <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="color: #444444; font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Me pak fjalë anoreksia është një imazh i shtrembëruar i trupit që çon në vetë-mosushqyerje(shpesh i shoqëruar më ushtrime të dëmshme fizike – <i>anorexia athletica); </i>bulimia është cikël grykësie-vjelljeje që çon në “varësi ushqimi” dhe humbje të kontrollit. Të dyja këto sjellje janë shteruese, kërcënuese për jetës, dhe megjithse kanë shumë komponente, në thelbin e tyre janë me natyrë shpirtërore – siç është gjithë jeta. Ka shumë ngjasim mes dy çrregullimeve, dhe shpesh sjelljet mbivendosen. Në pjesën e parë të kësaj serie, ne do të shohim mendësinë e gabuar dhe “idhujtarinë” pas këtyre çrregullimeve; në të dytën, do të vërejme disa dallime në mënyrën se si i këshillojmë gratë bulimike dhe anoreksike.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">“Më mirë të më kalojë sipër kamioni”<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Në librin e tij të fundit, </span><span lang="SQ"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Eating-Disorders-Hope-Hungering-Souls/dp/1936141221/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429882739&sr=1-1&keywords=Eating+Disorders%3A+Hope+for+Hungering+Souls"><i><span style="color: #106e96; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">Eating Disorders: Hope for Hungering Souls</span></i></a></span><span lang="SQ">(</span><i><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">çrregullimet në të ngënë: Shpresë për shpirtra të uritur)</span></i><span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";"> Dr. Mark Shaw citon profesorin Glen Gaesser kur thotë, “Mbi 50% e femrave te anketuara të moshave të intervalit 18-25 vjeç do të preferonin më mirë t’u kalojë sipër kamioni se sa të jenë të shëndosha, dhe 75% do të zgjidhnin më mirë të ishin budallaqe apo të këqija” kjo deklaratë e vetme tregon për madhësinë e kushtëzimit të prioriteteve të femrave të reja. Nëse i referohemi Biblës, edhe në Testamentin e Vjetër ne mund të shohim vlerën që i jepej bukurisë fizike – edhe në kohët e patriarkëve( mendoni per Lean vs. Rakelës, Esterin, Danielin, Absalomin dhe të tjerë që dalloheshin për pamjen e jashtme). Ne gjithashtu shohim një Perëndi me një set krejt të ndryshëm prioritetesh – dhe përkufizimin e tij të bukurisë në vargje të tilla : 1Samuelit 16:7, Isaia 53:2-3, Proverbat 31:30, dhe 1Pjetrit 3:3.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Të shpenzuarit kohë duke shpalosur pozicionin që ka në Krishtin subjekti i këshilluar (1gjonit është një detyrë shtëpie e shkëlqyer) fillon rrugëtimin e saj drejt rrokjes të së vërtetës se ajo nuk është më një skllave e mëkatit. Ku qëndron lidhja? Nuk ka asnjë çështje në jetë me të cilën subjekti i keshilluar po përballet, që nuk mund ta tejkalojë në Krishtin . Nuk ka asnjë mëkat që e këshilluara po e lufton nga i cili nuk mund të pendohet. Nëse Perëndia e ka thirrur atë që të “zhvesh” çfarë i përket mishit dhe “të vesh” shenjtërinë, atëherë, e fuqizuar nga fryma e shenjtë, ajo është e aftë ta bëjë këtë. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Ky ndërgjegjësim është zakonisht një pikë kthese për subjektet e këshilluara me mëkate jetë-zotëruese (varësitë) përfshirë anoreksinë dhe buliminë. Shpesh, ato kanë besuar për kaq gjatë se janë “nën kontrollin” e kësaj sjelljeje saqë të jesh në gjendje të “zgjedhësh” lirinë – në bazë të pozicionit të tyre në Krishtin –duket një koncept shumë liberal. Ajo mund të mësojë të “zhveshi” sjelljet jo të shëndetshme duke ripërtërirë mendjen e saj. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">Ku Qëndron mendja e saj? </span></b><br />
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Një prej vendeve
të para ku i çoj të rejat që vuajnë prej anoreksisë ose bulimisë është <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kolosianëve
3:1-3: "Në qoftë se ju jeni ringjallur me Krishtin, kërkoni ato që janë
lart, ku Krishti është ulur në të djathtë të Perëndisë. Kini në mend gjërat që
janë atje lart, jo ato që janë mbi tokë, sepse ju keni vdekur dhe jeta juaj
është fshehur bashkë me Krishtin në Perëndinë."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cilat janë prioritetet ditore të subjektit që
po konsultoni? Për çfarë mendon? A është duke u përqëndruar tek gjërat që kanë
vlerë të përjetshme? A po prehet ajo në veprën e përfunduar të Krishtit në kryq
dhe në dashurinë personale të Atit për të? Çfarë i’a shkakton ankthin? Në këtë
pikë, përdorimi i pyetësorëve "Zbulo Modelet Problematike" si
rregjistër javor ndihmon për të zbuluar "shkëndija" specifike që e
bëjnë atë të përmbahet apo të kalojë në një tjetër episod grykësie-vjellje. Për
shembull, një grua bulimike mund të ndihet e sulmuar nga kritikat e
bashkëshortit të saj, dhe të arrijë në përfundimin që nuk "meriton" të
ketë ushqim në bark, e më pas të vjellë për të dënuar veten e për të mpirë
ndjenjat e saj të lënduara. Dhe sigurisht, kjo do të çojë në rritje të
depresionit dhe ndjenjave të dështimit dhe me shumë mundësi e përgatisin për
grykësinë e radhës. Një grua që po triumfon mbi anoreksinë e që po pendohet,
mund të ndihet e frikësuar prej komplimenteve të kolegëve mbi shtmin e saj në
peshë -mund t'a zërë paniku- dhe mund të fillojë t'a limitojë ushqimin sërish.
Media është një burim i vazhdueshëm i përkufizimeve sekulare mbi bukurinë, dhe
tundimi ndaj kotësisë sqimatare është për një grua, që është duke u penduar
prej një çrregullimi në të ngrënë, aq i vërtetë sa “presioni i moshatarëve” tek
një adoleshent.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 24.0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together; page-break-after: avoid;">
<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">Tani… hajde ta transformojmë këtë mendje!<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Ndërsa subjekti i këshilluar bëhet gjithmonë e më i aftë ti njohë keto mendime si jobiblike (madje irracionale), ajo po mëson çfarë do të thotë të “ nënshtrosh çdo mendim dëgjesës së Krishtit” (2Korintasve 10:5). Ajo mund të sfidohet të dallojë mendësi të tilla si : “ashkush nuk më do mua. Më mirë po ha si grykëse” ose “ numri mbi peshore përcakton vlerën time”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Pastaj ajo mund të fillojë ti ballafaqojë këto me të vërtetën biblike: “Perëndia më do, dhe unë jam krijuar në imazhin e tij. Ai ka premtuar se kurrë nuk do të më lerë apo braktisë” (Zanafilla 1:27, Hebrenjve 13:5). “Vlera ime vjen nga qëndrimi im në krishtin, dhe Ai më quan ‘mike’. Qëllimi im është të jetoj për të” (Gjoni 15:14)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Kapitulli “Zhvish/vish” i Biblës, efesianëve 4, bëhet një ushtrim ditorë për një grua që po transformon mendësinë e saj prej një çrregullimi në të ngrënë. Boshllëku dhe frika e njeriut( pasiguria, dëshira për tu pranuar, për tu parë si “më e dobëta”) janë dy motivet e zemrës që qëndrojnë pas anoreksisë dhe bulimisë. Përgjatë kursit të këshillimit, këto dhe të tjera shfaqje të krenarisë duhet të përballen butësisht me një këndveshtrim më të lartë për Perëndinë dhe një perceptim korrekt të vetvetes(ajo është një bijë e dashur në nevojë për Shpëtimtarin). Perëndia shpesh shihet si i zemëruar ose i largët nga gratë që vuajnë prej varësive. Hebrenjve 4:14 na ndihmon të ilustrojmë faktin se Krishti e kupton dobësinë dhe mëkatin e saj, dhe është i gatshëm ta forcojë atë.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "It",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: It; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: It;">Roli i hirit<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "It",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: It; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: It;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Moralizmi, në thelbin e vet, është përpjekja e natyrës njerëzore për të bërë veten “të drejtë” në vetë sytë tanë. Ne e bëjmë këtë përmes hapave, rregullave, dhe listave <i>Si-të, </i>shpesh duke bërë “rregullat” tona mbi çfarë do të thotë të jesh i mirë, i suksesshëm, apo tërheqës. Kjo sigurisht, na mbrujt për të dështuar dukë qënë se ne në mënyrë të pashmangshme do ta thyejmë një (ose ndoshta të gjitha) nga keto rregulla të vet-caktuara. Perfeksionizmi-përpjekja për të arritur drejtesimin prej veprave sipas vetë standartit tonë-largohet tej kur përballet me ungjillin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">“nëse të qënurit ‘e dobët’ është mirë, të jesh ‘më e dobët’ është akoma më mirë” thërret xhelati i brendshëm. Zakonet “Spartane” të të ngrënit dhe të regjimeve ushtrimore mund të marrin një jetë te tyren.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">Vazhdimi i historisë së fitores në Krshtin<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Gratë me çrregullime në të ngrënë janë tejet perfeksioniste si natyra. Çfarë “vepra të ligjit” krijojnë ato per veten, dhe si mund t’i këshillojmë ato? Ne do ta trajtojmë perfeksionizmin, dhe si të tregosh hir besimtareve anoreksike dhe bulimike në pjesën 2.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="SQ" style="color: #365f91; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 15.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit;">Bashkoju bisedës<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="SQ" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: SQ; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Kur trajtojmë vështirësitë e çrregullimeve në të ngrënë , qofshin këto në jetën tënde ose të subjektit të këshilluar, si mund të na ndihmonte të dallojmë mendësinë e gabuar dhe “idhujtarinë” pas çrregullimeve në të ngrënë?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-22156242211872744182015-05-08T04:51:00.000-07:002015-05-08T04:52:29.586-07:00Gospel Grace for the Eating-Disordered Woman, Part 2 (from Biblical Counseling Coalition)<br />
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Gospel Grace for the Eating-Disordered Woman, Part 2</h1>
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<span class="author vcard" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a class="url fn n" href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/author/marienotcheva/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); background: rgb(0, 61, 76); border-radius: 3px; color: white; margin-right: 5px; outline: none; padding: 3px 10px; text-decoration: none; text-transform: capitalize;" title="View all posts by Marie Notcheva">Marie Notcheva</a></span> <span class="entry-date" style="border: 0px; color: #777777; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2015/05/05/gospel-grace-for-the-eating-disordered-woman-part-2/" rel="bookmark" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" title="4:00 am"><span class="entry-date" style="border: 0px; color: #777777; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">May 5, 2015</span></a></span></div>
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<a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/?p=8672" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="Gospel Grace for the Eating-Disordered Woman, Part 2" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-8673" src="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Gospel-Grace-for-the-Eating-Disordered-Woman-Part-2.jpg" height="250" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 98%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="519" /></a></div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A Word from Your BCC Team: </strong>You’re reading Part 2 of a two-part BCC <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Grace & Truth </em>blog miniseries on <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">eating disorders </em>by Marie Notcheva. In the first part of this series, we considered the faulty thinking and “idolatry” behind eating disorders. In the second, we will consider some gospel-centered differences in how to counsel anorexic and bulimic women. You can read Part 1 <a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/?p=8668" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">here</a>.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Accepted by Grace</strong></h2>
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In her book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Good-News-Weary-Women--Do/dp/1414395388/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429884625&sr=1-1&keywords=Good+News+for+Weary+Women" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Good News for Weary Women</em></a>, Elyse Fitzpatrick draws an interesting parallel between extra-biblical advice Christian women receive on how to be “godly” and the Galatians whom Paul was chiding for adding rules onto faith in Christ. Fitzpatrick correctly points out that trying to live up to our own standards in an attempt to make ourselves “acceptable” to God will lead to guilt, failure, and self-condemnation.</div>
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Some of the examples of guilt-inducing, unwritten “rules” for Christian women include the pressure to homeschool, teach Sunday school, and feed the family organic, home-cooked meals regularly. All of these are good practices but are neither biblical commands nor do they gain us “points” with the Lord. The point Fitzpatrick is making is that when we (women) add additional burdens to our “self-improvement” lists, we are putting ourselves back under the “bondage of the Law,” attempting to make ourselves look “okay in our own eyes” and denying our need for grace.</div>
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For an anorexic or bulimic woman, the bondage to her self-imposed rules and rituals is exponentially worse. “Allowed” foods become progressively fewer, mandatory exercise regimes become longer and more arduous, and calorie intake drops to starvation levels.</div>
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For a bulimic, eating “too much” (even by one bite) causes her to justify an all-out binge: “I’ve already blown it now…I may as well go all in.” This all-or-nothing thinking leaves no room for grace; the woman feels dirty, weak and guilty when she “fails.” Former anorexic, Michelle Myers, wrote of being struck by a friend’s words when she was most stuck in her sin: “God loves you just as much whether or not you work out.” Being no less “worthy” by skipping a workout or eating carbs is a difficult concept for an eating disordered counselee to grasp and is a very concrete example of where she needs to apply the gospel in her daily life.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Differences in Counseling Anorexic and Bulimic Clients</strong></h2>
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When discussing the young woman’s “rules” and what she feels may be gained by keeping them, you may encounter many different responses according to how deeply entrenched her eating-disordered behavior is. Also, be aware that anorexics generally are more difficult counseling cases than bulimics for a number of reasons:</div>
<ul style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1em 2em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They are often (but not always) more medically fragile; doing the hard work of biblical change may require more energy than they have.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The level of self-deception is greater in anorexia.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Fear of food and the idolatry of thinness has become all-consuming. Anorexics often begin counseling with little hope of being transformed.</li>
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If you are counseling a young woman who has been clinically diagnosed with anorexia nervosa (meaning she is at least 20% below her ideal body weight), I would strongly suggest you require she be monitored at least weekly by a physician and have labs drawn regularly. Electrolyte imbalances are common among both anorexics and bulimics, but the risk of cardiac or renal failure is greater in severe anorexia.</div>
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Secondly, be prepared for pushback from the anorexic counselee when trying to get her to see her behavior as “sin.” This is one of the biggest differences I have noticed in counseling young women with eating disorders: a bulimic counselee already knows her behavior is wrong and self-destructive, and she is typically ashamed of her “loss of control.” An anorexic, by contrast, often feels empowered by restricting. She believes her rigid behavior is the epitome of “healthy,” justifies it as “self-discipline,” and feels revulsion for being a normal weight (which in her eyes is “fat”). When she looks in the mirror, no matter how emaciated she may be, she sees an obese person looking back at her. A bulimic may have an idolatrous view of weight (wanting to be thin so badly she is willing to sin in order to obtain it), but typically her weight is close to normal and self-image is not quite so skewed.</div>
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The anorexic takes great pride in her “law-keeping”—it has become her identity. The desire to be thin at all costs takes over—to the point where her fear of food has become irrational. The progressive nature of anorexia nervosa leaves the counselee literally afraid to swallow food.</div>
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Besides helping her counter these fears biblically, I require anorexic counselees to see a nutritionist (assuming they are outpatient) and strongly encourage it for bulimics. Meeting with a dietician helps the anorexic gain confidence in consuming what her body needs nutritionally, while countering the lies she has internalized with you, the biblical counselor.</div>
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As a rule, I do not ask either anorexic or bulimic counselees to keep food diaries—although a dietician may require it. Writing down everything she eats focuses undue attention on the food itself, rather than on uncovering her heart motivations and renewing her mind.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Giving Hope and Teaching Her to Treasure Christ</strong></h2>
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However your counselee’s eating disordered behavior manifests, giving hope in the first session is crucial. She likely will have internalized a lot of myths about eating disorders from “pop psychology,” such as “You’re never fully recovered; always in recovery.” Contrast this with <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="1 Corinthians 6.11" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/1%20Corinthians%206.11" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">1 Corinthians 6:11</a> where Paul admonished former gluttons, drunkards, homosexuals, and others “addicted” to their sin that they have been “washed…sanctified…and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus.” Help her to see that she is using food in a way that God did not intend it and that she is harming the body He gave her to serve and honor Him.</div>
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A similarity between anorexia and bulimia is that in both disorders the behavior is serving as a “false savior”—they make the sufferer feel better (temporarily) so stopping is hard. When comfort and thinness are her top priorities, her mind is not “set on things above” (as we saw in Part 1), and her heart is drawn to herself (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Matthew 6.21" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Matthew%206.21" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Matthew 6:21</a>). To be transformed, she must learn to renew her mind with God’s Word and turn her heart to Christ (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Romans 12.1-3" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Romans%2012.1-3" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Romans 12:1-3</a>; <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="2 Corinthians 3.18" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/2%20Corinthians%203.18" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">2 Corinthians 3:18</a>). As in all life-dominating sin, the believer must learn to see Jesus Christ as more beautiful and desirable than her “idol.” Your task is to help her discern what His immediate will is for her life (a transformed mind, health, restoring food to its proper, life-sustaining place) and to trust God and those He has given her to help her (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Proverbs 3.6" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Proverbs%203.6" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Proverbs 3:6</a>).</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Facing Temptation</strong></h2>
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Overcoming an eating disorder is not easy, even for a Christian who sincerely desires to follow Christ. Women may often be fearful of revealing their “secret” to anyone when they first come to you, ashamed of their behavior, and desperately wanting to stop but terrified that God’s Word will not be “enough,” and they will not be able to turn from their eating disorder.</div>
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Be prepared to re-visit the gospel (the Person and work of Jesus Christ on their behalf) many times and to demonstrate, scripturally, grace for each failure (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Luke 17.4" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Luke%2017.4" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Luke 17:4</a> is a powerful verse for addictive sin, as is Romans 7). Teach her to turn to Christ for help and comfort in times of struggle (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Hebrews 4.14-16" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Hebrews%204.14-16" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Hebrews 4:14-16</a>; <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="1 Peter 5.6-7" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/1%20Peter%205.6-7" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">1 Peter 5:6-7</a>; <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Matthew 11.28-30" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Matthew%2011.28-30" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Matthew 11:28-30</a>). Each time she is able to turn to God in her moment of weakness and resist the temptation to restrict or purge, she will gain confidence and come to see herself as waging a spiritual victory.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Healing in Body, Mind, and Spirit</strong></h2>
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Once the counselee has begun to eat regular, healthy meals and develop new patterns of thinking, the urge to restrict or purge tends to subside within a couple of months. The anorexic has now faced her greatest fear—gaining weight—and sees an improvement in health. The weight gain will usually plateau relatively soon, but insist that she stick to her “maintenance” meal plan as part of her homework assignment. See chapter 13 (“Practical Considerations”) of my book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Redeemed-From-Pit-Repentance-Restoration/dp/1879737787" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the bondage of Eating Disorders</em></a>.</div>
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A bulimic finds her intense cravings subsiding as her mind is restored, partly because she is retaining the nutrition her body desperately sought. Her energy and concentration dramatically improves, almost as soon as she stops purging, as her blood sugar is no longer spiking wildly every few hours. Emotionally, anorexics and bulimics tend to be on a much more even keel once their eating normalizes, and do not find themselves fixating nearly so often on food.</div>
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It is tremendously encouraging, both for the woman overcoming an eating disorder and for the counselor, to see the transformation take place as she learns to fix her eyes on Christ and permanently leave her bondage at the foot of the cross.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Join the Conversation</strong></h2>
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When addressing struggles with eating disorders, either in your own life or in your counselees, how can you apply the gospel of Christ’s grace?</div>
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Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-69656081798366978242015-05-05T13:52:00.001-07:002015-05-05T13:52:36.808-07:00Understanding "The Monster Within": Counseling Eating Disorders, Part I<div class="entry-content" style="border: 0px; color: #444444; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A Word from Your BCC Team: </strong>You’re reading Part 1 of a two-part BCC <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Grace & Truth </em>blog miniseries on <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">eating disorders </em>by Marie Notcheva. In the first part of this series, we will consider the faulty thinking and “idolatry” behind eating disorders; in the second, we will consider some gospel-centered differences in how to counsel anorexic and bulimic women.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Societal Dynamics and a Biblical Diagnosis</strong></h2>
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In the early 1980’s, the terms “anorexia nervosa” and “bulimia” became household words in the United States. Soon, behavioral and clinical psychologists rushed to find a “cure” for this new phenomenon—starvation and purging amidst affluence. Cynthia Rowland’s book <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Monster Within: Overcoming Bulimia</em> (1985) was one of the first testimonies of its kind published. The 1983 death of pop singer Karen Carpenter was one factor in the surge of media attention given to eating disorders. Another, likely, was the rise in popularity of female athletes in sports like gymnastics and figure skating who came forward with their struggles. Whatever the reason, self-starvation and binge-purge behavior are not recently-developed behaviors; nor are they limited to wealthy Western nations.</div>
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It is helpful for any biblical counselor who works with young women to understand the mindset behind eating disorders. Although your counselee may not have been clinically diagnosed with anorexia, bulimia, or binge-eating disorder, many young women will open up in the privacy of the counseling room about their insecurities regarding weight, appearance, and erratic eating/exercise habits. It will be helpful to be able to spot unbiblical thinking and counter it with grace and truth before she develops a full-blown eating disorder.</div>
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Note that body image issues and insecurities about appearance are not limited to female counselees—young men also struggle; thus the same principles apply to them. However, given the greater emphasis on weight maintenance and the prevalence of eating disorders among women, I refer to the counselee with feminine pronouns.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What Are Anorexia and Bulimia?</strong></h2>
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The medical definition of anorexia nervosa is:</div>
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“An eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a normal minimal body weight, fear of gaining weight or becoming obese, disturbance of body image, undue reliance of body weight or shape for self-evaluation, and amenorrhea” (loss of menstrual periods).</div>
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Bulimia nervosa is defined as:</div>
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“Episodic binge eating usually followed by behavior designed to negate the caloric intake of the ingested food, most commonly purging behaviors such as self-induced vomiting and laxative abuse but sometimes other methods such as excessive exercise or fasting.”</div>
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For a more complete explanation of the clinical criteria for anorexia and bulimia, as well as resultant medical complications, please see chapters 2 and 13 of my book<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">, </em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Redeemed-From-Pit-Repentance-Restoration/dp/1879737787" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders</em></a><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">.</em></div>
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In short, anorexia is distorted body image leading to self-starvation (often combined with compulsive exercise—aka <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">anorexia athletica</em>); bulimia is a binge-purge cycle leading to “food addiction” and loss of control. Both behaviors are all-consuming, life-threatening, and while they have many components, at their core they are spiritual in nature—as is all of life.</div>
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There are many similarities between the two disorders, and often the behaviors overlap. In the first part of this series, we will consider the faulty thinking and “idolatry” behind both disorders; in the second, we will consider some differences in how to counsel anorexic and bulimic women.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“I’d Rather Be Run Over by a Truck”</strong></h2>
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In his recent book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Eating-Disorders-Hope-Hungering-Souls/dp/1936141221/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429882739&sr=1-1&keywords=Eating+Disorders%3A+Hope+for+Hungering+Souls" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Eating Disorders: Hope for Hungering Souls</em></a>, Dr. Mark Shaw quotes professor Glenn Gaesser as saying, “Over 50% of females surveyed between the ages of 18-25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat, and 75% would rather be mean or stupid.” This one statement speaks volumes about how young women’s priorities have been conditioned. If we consult the Bible, even in Old Testament times we can see the value placed on physical beauty—even from Patriarchal times (think of Leah vs. Rachel, Esther, Daniel, Absalom and others who were noted for their appearance). We also see a God with a completely different set of priorities—and His definition of beauty in verses such as: <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="1 Samuel 16.7" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/1%20Samuel%2016.7" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">1 Samuel 16:7</a>, <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Isaiah 53.2-3" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Isaiah%2053.2-3" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Isaiah 53:2-3</a>,<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Proverbs 31.30" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Proverbs%2031.30" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Proverbs 31:30</a>, and <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="1 Peter 3.3" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/1%20Peter%203.3" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">1 Peter 3:3</a>.</div>
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Spending time unpacking the counselee’s <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">position in Christ</em> (1 John is an excellent homework assignment), begins the counselee’s journey toward grasping the truth that she is no longer a slave to sin. The implication? There is no life issue your counselee struggles with that she cannot overcome in Christ; there is no sin that your counselee battles that she cannot repent of. If God has called her to “put off” what belongs to the flesh and “put on” holiness, then, empowered by the Holy Spirit, she is capable of doing so.</div>
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This realization is usually the turning point for counselees with life-dominating sins (“addictions”) including anorexia and bulimia. Often, they have believed for so long that they are under the “control” of the behavior that being able to “choose” freedom—based on their position in Christ—is a very liberating concept. She can learn to “put off” the unhealthy behaviors by<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">renewing her mind</em>.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Where Is Her Mindset?</strong></h2>
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One of the first places I take young women struggling with either anorexia or bulimia is <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Colossians 3.1-3" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Colossians%203.1-3" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Colossians 3:1-3</a>:</div>
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“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”</div>
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What are your counselee’s daily priorities? Where does her mind go? Is her focus on things of eternal value? Is she resting in Christ’s finished work on the Cross and the Father’s personal love for her? What is causing her anxiety? At this point, using the “<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Discovering Problem Patterns</em>” worksheet as a weekly homework log is helpful in uncovering specific “triggers” that lead her to restrict or fall into a binge-purge episode.</div>
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For example, a bulimic woman may feel attacked by her husband’s criticism, conclude that she does not “deserve” food in her stomach and then purge in self-punishment and to numb her hurt feelings. Of course, this will lead to increased depression and feelings of failure and will probably set her up for the next binge. A woman finding victory over and repenting from anorexia may feel frightened by a colleague’s compliment on her recent weight gain—panic—and begin restricting again. The media is a constant source of secular definitions of beauty, and the temptation to vanity is as real to a woman repenting from an eating disorder as “peer pressure” is to a teenager.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Now…Let’s Transform that Mind!</strong></h2>
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As the counselee becomes increasingly able to recognize these triggers as unbiblical (and even irrational) thinking, she is learning what it means to “take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ” (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="2 Corinthians 10.5" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/2%20Corinthians%2010.5" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">2 Corinthians 10:5</a>). She can be challenged to identify specific thought patterns such as: “No one loves me. I may as well go ahead and binge” or “The number on the scale determines my value.”</div>
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Then she can begin to counter them with the biblical truth: “God loves me, and I am created in His image. He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me” (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Genesis 1.27" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Genesis%201.27" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Genesis 1:27</a>, <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Hebrews 13.5" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Hebrews%2013.5" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Hebrews 13:5</a>). “My value comes from my position in Christ, and He calls me ‘friend.’ My purpose is to live for Him” (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="John 15.14" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/John%2015.14" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">John 15:14</a>).</div>
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The “put on/put off” chapter of the Bible, Ephesians 4, becomes a daily exercise for a woman being transformed in her thinking from an eating disorder. Vanity and fear of man (insecurity, desire for approval, being seen as “the thinnest”) are two heart motives behind anorexia and bulimia. Over the course of counseling, these and other manifestations of pride need to be gently countered with a high view of God and an accurate view of herself (a dearly beloved daughter in need of a Savior). God is often viewed as angry or distant by women struggling with addictions. <a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Hebrews 4.14" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Hebrews%204.14" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Hebrews 4:14</a> is helpful to illustrate that Christ does understand her weakness and sin and is willing to strengthen her.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Role of Grace</strong></h2>
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Moralism, at its core, is human nature’s attempt to make ourselves “right” in our own eyes. We do this by steps, rules, and how-to lists—often making our own “rules” on what it means to be good, successful, or attractive. Of course, this sets us up for failure as we will inevitably break one (or possibly all) of our self-imposed rules. Perfectionism—trying to attain works-righteousness by our own standard—flies in the face of the gospel.</div>
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“If being ‘thin’ is good, ‘thinner’ is better,” the inner taskmaster screams. “Spartan” eating habits and exercise regimes can take on a life of their own.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Rest of the Story of Victory in Christ</strong></h2>
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Eating-disordered women are notoriously perfectionistic by nature. What “works of the law” do they create for themselves, and how do we counsel them? We will examine perfectionism and how to speak grace to anorexic and bulimic believers in Part 2.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Join the Conversation</strong></h2>
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When addressing struggles with eating disorders, either in your own life or in your counselees, how could it be helpful to consider the faulty thinking and “idolatry” behind eating disorders?</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Permissions:</strong> You are welcome to freely share this material, provided that you include the following statement: "This article (<a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2015/05/04/understanding-the-monster-within-eating-disorders-part-1/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Understanding “The Monster Within”: Eating Disorders, Part 1</em> by Marie Notcheva</a>) originally appeared on the <a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Biblical Counseling Coalition website</a>and is used with permission."</div>
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-45779909240543117922015-03-13T13:14:00.000-07:002015-03-13T13:15:59.773-07:00"The Look that Kills" Points Reader to the God Who Redeems<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>“The Look that Kills:
An Anorexic’s Addiction to Control”</b> by Michelle Myers (<i>Crossbooks
Publishing; 109 pgs</i>.) is a moving first-person account of a young Christian girl’s rapid
descent into an eating disorder, and the steadfast faith that pulled her out.
Michelle, now a pastor’s wife and graduate of Southwestern Baptist Theological
Seminary, serves in young adult ministry and is a certified fitness trainer –
two of her passions. <b>“The Look that
Kills”</b> is her memoir, but it is more than an autobiography: it is a helpful,
biblically-solid resource. Young women who struggle with eating disorders will
see themselves through Michelle’s candid revelations of what was going on in
her heart during her anorexic years, but the book is also helpful to girls with
body-image issues or exercise obsession.<br />
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The daughter of loving, Christian parents, Michelle took up
an interest in sports and began dieting to lose a few extra pounds. Initially,
her pride was fueled by compliments and envious stares at her figure. What
started out as a healthy interest became a dangerous obsession, as Michelle purged
every calorie by over-training at the gym and running marathons. As others’ concern
grew, she began entering – and winning – beauty pageants. Over the next several
years, Michelle’s health deteriorated; her weight at 84 lbs, she blacked out
while running one morning. At this point, she cried out to God – realizing she
desperately needed help – and began the hard work of renewing her mind to
overcome this life-dominating bondage.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I originally purchased this book for a counselee, who, like
Michelle, developed “exercise addiction” as part of her anorexic behavior. As
someone who had experienced this, Michelle’s angle – describing what goes on in
the mind of an “exercise addict” and how to work fitness back into her life in
a God-honoring way – is a unique and helpful one. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Michelle points the reader to the principles she found in
Scripture at her lowest points, and as her spiritual life improved, so did her
health. Immersing herself in the Bible, she was able to compile numerous
passages that directly combatted lies she had believed for years; and re-found
her identity in Christ. After struggling to eat her first meal in months,
Michelle turned to the Word:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Glancing at the daily reading plan outlined in my Bible, I
turned to the suggested passage of Romans 8:1-17. I could hardly believe my
eyes when they fell on the very first verse I read: “So now there is no
condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” My tear-stained journal
from that day reads: “Simply because I have confessed belief in His Son, God
has wiped my life clean. No questions asked, no guilt-trip. He sent His Son to
die so that His Spirit could live in me, and now, I can follow Him instead of
calories. If I continue on this path, I am only harming myself, but living in
Him will fully restore me to the girl that I used to be.” </blockquote>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Woven throughout Michelle’s testimony are Scriptures
defining the biblical view of beauty; reminders of God’s faithfulness; and
lessons learned about perfectionism (an attribute common to anorexics and
bulimics, which is a contradiction of the Gospel. Perfectionism is, in essence,
trusting in one’s own merit, works or abilities as a “false savior”; a means of
feeling good about one’s self – rather than resting in the finished work of
Christ. Michelle underscores the importance of Scripture in combatting the
self-absorbed thinking behind eating disorders, and, as I did, overcame her
life-threatening eating disorder without inpatient or psychiatric treatment.
She demonstrates beautifully that the Great Physician is the only Healer of our
hearts and souls – where the problem of sin lies.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Another good point Michelle makes in <b>“The Look that Kills”</b> is that pop-psychology and self-help
literature does not adequately address the root cause of eating disorders, and
cannot provide soul-care solutions. She points out that every book (secular or
religious) she read in the early stages of her transformation blamed the media
for the proliferation of eating disorders; yet as she dug deeper into the
Bible, she saw that human preoccupation with beauty went back to the beginning
of time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“That was when I decided to take the self-help books back to
the library. Even my resources that claimed to be “Christian” relied more on
secular teachings than biblical foundations. The very problem with these books
was revealed in the genre of literature and the root cause: self-help and self-esteem…..Rather
than looking inside myself to discover who I was, I needed to look at who the
Bible said I was. I won’t lie to you; I was discouraged at first. If you search
Scripture trying to find value and worth within yourself, you will come up
empty-handed every time.” </blockquote>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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As she brings us through her years of restoration, which
ultimately meant marriage and children (a future she doubted possible), Michelle
beautifully pulls together encouragements and lessons God taught her along the
way. Her fears and the deliberate work of renewing her mind with the Word are
things any woman battling an eating disorder will relate to, and Michelle tells
her story with a touching honesty and vulnerability that points all glory back
to God. Her writing is empathetic and touching, and every point she makes is
doctrinally-sound. She includes questions for reflection and discussion at the
end of each chapter, and describes godly modifications she made to her daily
life in the final chapter to assist the reader in “putting on” new disciplines
to replace eating-disordered rituals. <b>“The
Look that Kills” </b>is an excellent book to encourage women preoccupied with
weight and fitness, as well as those with full-blown anorexia, turn to God and
leave this slavery behind permanently. <o:p></o:p></div>
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-75274380866918958412015-02-12T13:28:00.000-08:002015-02-12T13:31:28.059-08:00When Perversion is Called “Love” and Abuse is Entertainment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<span style="color: #38761d;">This post originally appeared on <i>Reigning Grace Counseling Center</i>'s blog, <a href="http://www.bc4women.blogspot.com/2015/02/when-perversion-is-called-love-and.html">Biblical Counseling for Women</a>.</span> </div>
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There are certain things I never expected to see go
completely mainstream. By “go mainstream”, I mean to reach a level of complete
societal acceptance. Such things would include “Daisy Duke” shorts. The
militant GLBT agenda in American education. And….pornography marketed to women.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you harbor any doubts that this world has completely lost
all moral compass, look no further than the recent <b>“50 Shades of Grey”</b> phenomenon. (I nearly typed, “this country”,
but the trilogy seems to be quite popular with teenage girls in Europe.) This
Valentine’s Day, the sadomasochistic duo of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey
are coming to a cinema near you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>A disclaimer</b>: I
have not read the books, and do not plan to. I am, however, familiar with the
premise: A college student begins a BDSM relationship with a businessman, which
is somehow construed to be a romance. From what I read on Wiki, there doesn’t
seem to be much of a plot – just a lot of “incompatibility”, leading to
breakups; beatings; and violent perversion. The books portray an abusive
relationship as being a romance; Ana, in fact, displays classic battered
women’s syndrome by falling “in love” with the man who victimizes her. I will
assume the readers of this blog are adults, and do not need me to explain what
“bondage porn” is. A University of Michigan study demonstrated that women who
read these books were statistically more likely to have an abusive partner
(25%); binge drink (65%); and were more likely to have eating disorders. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We are about to see a new wave of counseling cases because
of <b>“50 Shades of Grey”</b>, and here’s
why: <b>Christian women are reading this
tripe at the same rate as the general population.</b> A Barna survey shows that
nine percent of American adults have read “50 Shades”, and the statistic is
exactly the same for professing Christians. Shocked? Screenings for the movie
sold out fastest in Bible Belt cities, too. This is not a demographic - these
are our sisters in Christ. There is something desperately wrong when a
Christ-follower chooses to put this kind of material in her mind. Let’s consider
three specific “heart issues” involved with choosing to read or watch “50
Shades”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Normalization of
Sexual Sin<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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First of all, let’s dispel the myth that lust is uniquely a
man’s sin. It’s not, and we can safely say that adult women can also violate Matthew
5:28, since they are huge consumers of pornography. The difference, of course,
is that it is <b>literature</b> designed to
titillate, rather than actual photography (although the movie is said to be the
most graphic R-rated movie released to date). Therein lies the difference: men
are more visual; whereas women are more relational. Men are more likely to
habitually view porn, while women prefer to indulge in “romance novels”. In
both cases, the heart issue is the same: <b>lust</b>.
A craving for satisfaction outside of the way God intended it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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While I am not justifying it, I understand – up to a point -
why women are more likely to fall into emotional affairs than men. Or why men
enjoy the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Certain weaknesses are inherent
in our DNA. What I <b><i>cannot</i></b> understand, however, is what the attraction is in BSDM
porn – the most extreme perversion of human intimacy imaginable – and how on
earth porn has gone from public perception as seedy and shameful to being
celebrated as a romantic art form. Philippian 4:8 commands the Christian to
think on what is right; pure; honorable; lovely; and of good repute. Does this
kind of “literature” fall under any of these categories? <o:p></o:p></div>
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What, exactly, does reading about a deviant, violence-filed
sexual relationship <b><i>do</i></b> for you, ladies? Does it help you to grow in holiness? When
you put it down, what does this book’s “wisdom” inspire you to do….unload the
dishwasher? Pack your kids’ school lunches? Iron the family’s clothes? I like
to think things over while ironing. I’m sure that’s it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Abuse as
Entertainment<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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A 2013 <i>Journal of
Women’s Health</i> study stated the novels “romanticize abuse of women” and deemed
the ironically-named “Christian” to be an emotionally and sexually abusive cad.
No kidding, really? Did we really need a study to tell us this? <o:p></o:p></div>
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It is no secret that filmography has gotten increasingly
violent and more graphic over the last decades. “50 Shades’” glorification of
violence against women has been well-documented, and is reason enough for
anyone to avoid the film. But there is another truth that Christian ladies need
to acknowledge: <b>By watching this film or
reading these books, you are choosing to entertain yourself with the very
things that nailed Jesus to the Cross</b>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Let that sink in for a moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The increase in violent films, video games etc. has led to
an increasingly de-sensitized culture. Consider this: the sex trade is alive
and well. Real young women like “Ana” are trafficked around the world, every
day, and degraded against their will. They are all someone’s daughter. There is
nothing more blatantly satanic than the degradation of another human being, who
is made in the image of God. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Message to Our
Daughters<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Knowing she had not read the books, I asked my 17-year-old
daughter if they were popular among girls her age. She snickered, and admitted
she didn’t know anyone who had read “50 Shades”. “It’s women your age who are
reading that stuff, Mom…and older women, in their sixties. We laugh at it.” (Most
of the readers of “50 Shades” are between the ages of 29-66). While I was glad
that the book isn’t popular among American teens, the fact that my generation
is popularizing “Mommy Porn” (and thus “normalizing” it) is tragic. If I didn’t
have two daughters, who I want to raise as godly young women, it might not
disturb me quite so much. But it does. <o:p></o:p></div>
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While we’re here, let’s dispel another myth popular among
evangelicals: <b>we cannot “guard” our
daughters’ purity</b>. In fact, we cannot guard <b>anyone’s</b> purity, except our own. We can only give them the Gospel;
show grace, and pray that they will follow Christ. We do not want them to
embrace a moral code and think they are Christians – we want them to embrace
the living Christ; and follow His moral Law out of love and gratitude. If
Christian moms are reading “50 Shades”, what message about God’s plan for
marital love does this send? Does it keep the marriage bed pure (Hebrews 13:4)?
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Renewing the Mind
Defiled by “50 Shades”</b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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While Christians may be reading “50 Shades”, I do not
believe they are able to do so without conviction. The shame attached to this
particular sin makes it harder for female porn users to admit they want help in
forsaking it, although they are not unusual in the counseling room. The first
step is in admitting that reading or viewing erotica is, in fact, sin. For the
believer, this shouldn’t even be a question. This is simply not a gray area.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Next, she needs to see the behavior porn depicts as God
does: <b>filthy</b>. While images and
thoughts cannot be “unseen”, all believers are indwelt by the Holy Spirit and
are no longer enslaved to sin. We <i>can</i>
control what we think about, and self-discipline is a fruit of the Spirit. It
is wise to start with 2 Corinthians 10:5 (“Take every thought captive to make
it obedient to Christ”) to break the stronghold of sexual sin. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Throughout much of Scripture the process of choosing to
think pure, godly thoughts is described. Renewal and transformation of the mind
with the Word of God is crucially important for women who have become enslaved
to porn, and “taking thoughts captive” is a good metaphor. Jay Adams wrote, “We
do not have to let our minds go wandering down every alley; poking into every
garbage can along the way.” Since all sin begins in the mind, I think of the
first step of repentance as <b>closing a door</b>
in my mind: “This is not an option. Period.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Looking Upward; Not
Inward<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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Unlike psychotherapy, which delves into the deeper reasons
of why we may be prone to certain desires or behaviors, biblical counseling is
more concerned with the solution: turning around and “putting on” the godly
alternative. Forsaking a sinful thought pattern or behavior does not mean
constantly ruminating on it or asking for deeper revelation into the reasons
why we went in that direction. We sin because we are sinners; it is our nature.
For example, when counseling bulimics, I do not ask them to keep a food journal
- it focuses undue attention on the food itself; rather than the idols in their
hearts. Likewise, a woman repenting of erotica/porn use needs to be in the
Bible, but not necessarily fixating on every verse that deals with sexual sin.
The whole of Scripture renews the soul by revealing the character of God – a
start contrast to the dark, demonically-inspired world of “50 Shades”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In the Gospels, one sees the character of Jesus as one
filled with compassion – whether He is healing a leper; forgiving an
adulteress; or calling a tax collector. We see it implied everywhere (and stated
explicitly in Romans 2:4) that it is His <b>kindness</b>
that leads us to repentance – not guilt; shame; or fear. Coming to know the
true character of God and receiving His grace is what will change the heart of
a woman seeking fulfillment in the broken cisterns of literary porn. <o:p></o:p></div>
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-86675710377485822222014-12-16T04:50:00.000-08:002014-12-16T04:50:55.943-08:00Review: Gospel-Centered Counseling by Robert Kellemen<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Re-Discovering the Father of Compassion</span><br />
<br />
By Marie Notcheva<br />
<br />
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One of the characteristics of a truly good biblical counseling book is that believers who are not actually ‘counsellors’ may gain just as much from it. Such is the case with<i> “Gospel-Centered Counseling: How Christ Changes Lives”</i>, one of three books (<i>“Gospel Conversations”</i> and <i>“Scripture and Counseling”</i> being the other two) by Biblical Counseling Coalition Executive Director Robert Kellemen.<br />
<br />
In the Introduction, we are presented with a beautiful picture of mutually-encouraging Christian friendship:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Christ's triumph in the drama of redemption guides our interactions in our one-another ministry. We engage one another in gospel conversations, encouraging each other to ponder: "Why give up when we lose one battle, since we know we have won the war?" "Why choose mere survival, when we are more than conquerors?"</blockquote>
This ‘one-another’ ministry is the framework through which the “Good News” will become more ‘real’ and not simply an abstract doctrinal concept.<br />
<br />
<b>The God Who Cares</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Much of biblical counseling literature (and Reformed writing, in general) is very exegetical, solid, intellectual, Scripturally-solid, uncompromisingly biblical. We need this study of systematic theology in order to know how to rightly divide the Word, know which principle to apply to a given situation, and not read our own interpretation into passages of Scripture. At the same time, however, we must be careful not to present God as an emotionless, detached Deity Who is so far removed from humanity that He cannot sympathize with our human struggles. Kellemen gets the balance just right – portraying the personal, involved and loving God Who comes running to meet the wayward child – without sacrificing the biblical truths of His holy perfection; His need for nothing; and man’s total depravity.<br />
<br />
In his typical style, Kellemen engages the reader as if having a coffee together. While emphasizing from the outset the importance of sound theology, as it relates to every aspect of life, the reader never feels lectured or bogged down in hermeneutic explanation. When Kellemen insists on a proper understanding of the God of Scripture, he is not arguing the finer points of supralapsarianism versus infralapsarianism. He is asking the reader (or counselee) to consider, “What is my image of God?” and, by extension, the implications of “His great love for us” (Ephesians 2:4). With this starting point, Kellemen guides the reader to consider eight important life questions (and, chapter by chapter, how the Person and work of Jesus Christ answers them). Undergirding all counseling issues, life problems, doubts and faith is how we answer the two most basic questions:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"We all ask two central questions about God: "God, do you care?" -- questions about God's love; and "God, are you in control?" -- questions about God's holiness. "Every problem of the soul includes a distorted, unbalanced answer about these two questions about God's infinitely perfect character." (p.71)</blockquote>
These questions are equally important, whether I am in the counseling office with an eating disordered patient - or encouraging a burnt-out high school student on the other side of the world. We all have been hard-wired with a need to know that God is aware of our plight; and that He cares for us deeply, personally, and purposefully. Kellemen has successfully tapped into this deepest of questions, and devotes the rest of the book to showing how a right understanding of the Trinitarian, relational God is foundational to lasting change (and joy). He does not leave the reader with a list of “put offs” and “put ons”; rather, he demonstrates how “cropping the cross of Christ back into the picture” (a proper understanding of grace) transforms sin-shattered lives.<br />
<br />
Woven throughout <i>“Gospel-Centered Counseling”</i> are case studies from Kellemen’s family counseling experience. This is a helpful approach, because we see how doubts about God’s attributes or character surface in the counseling room in “real time”. Faulty views of God (common to many of us) are brought to light, then countered with the Word. Unbiblical lies that keep people stuck in life-dominating sin (rather than running to the cross) are exposed:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Satan seeks to fill our souls with shame that separates us from God. "Give up on life. Throw in the towel." Paul labels this "worldly sorrow" that produces death (2 Cor. 7:10). Satanic shame involves self-contempt and self-disgust that cause us to despair of all hope that God could love a sinner like us. Condemning shame convinces us that God has forever justly rejected us. Godly sorrow, on the other hand, is guilt that leads us to return to God. It is guilt that escorts us to grace. It reminds us of our absolute dependence on Christ's grace and invites us to return home to our forgiving Father. Shame separates; sorrow connects." (p. 87).</blockquote>
<b>From Vertical to Horizontal Relating</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Kellemen demonstrates throughout “Gospel-Centered Counseling” how a right understanding and relationship with our Creator is foundational to edifying relationships with other human beings, a reflection of an being made in God’s image. Moving beyond the simple fact that we were made to glorify God, we understand that we were created to relate; experience; engage; and live fully. Thus, we increasingly reflect the inner life of Christ. Knowing, understanding, and compassionately caring for people in their fallen state is the biblical counselor (and Christian friend’s) goal.<br />
The compassion with which Kellemen writes, and longs for all counselors to employ, comes through on every page. Never does he portray God as aloof or too holy to be approachable; even when writing about sin (‘spiritual adultery’) or the pit of despair that (gasp! God as the ) even Christians find themselves in.<br />
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“Like Equiano and Paul, we’ve all endured hurt that has driven us to the precipice of despair. Unfortunately, we’ve likely been sent subtle messages: “Christians don’t hurt.” “Spiritual Christians don’t talk about their struggles.” Paul, inspired by God, tells us that that’s a lie. In fact, he shows us that when we deny our hurt, we deny our need for God.” (p. 172).</blockquote>
We cannot expect someone to “renew [his] mind with the Word” until he truly knows God as the Father of Compassion and God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3). Kellemen then discusses how we reach out to others with the same hope and ‘Christ-received comfort’ that has sustained us – a key component of ‘one another’ ministry.<br />
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<b>A Biblical Counseling Model Based on Grace</b><br />
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The final chapters of the book are devoted to progressive sanctification, and what ongoing reliance on Christ’s finished work, redeeming power, and relentless, pursuing love looks like. Do we see God as forgiving Judge, or welcoming Father? Do we – or the people we counsel – ‘accept our acceptance’; embrace our forgiveness? Kellemen demonstrates how Hebrews 10:19-25 draws our justification in Christ together with the mutual encouragement that is crucial for vibrant Christian life. He then turns to the regenerated heart – the believer has a new ‘want to’, and because of the Holy Spirit, a new ‘can do’. This is a welcome message that needs to be internalized by many struggling within the Church – whether in formal counseling for specific problems; or quietly enduring self-loathing for spiritual ‘failures’.<br />
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I have met many brothers and sisters in Christ, across different generations and of various cultures, who live with the nagging sense that they are letting God down. The Holy Spirit does the work of conviction and encouragement, of course; and He calls people individually in His own way and through diverse circumstances.<i> “Gospel-Centered Counseling”</i> is a grace-infused, Christ-oriented, empathetically-written resource whose message can help the process.<br />
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Counselors and “average Joe Christians” alike will find much truth here – simply stated and beautifully written – to point their fellow sojourners to the Great Physician. Kellemen quotes Puritans and Reformers; draws spiritual truth from Clint Eastwood films and Smurf cartoons; introduces us to real people, and reminds us – like the Apostle Paul – that we are never alone. A truly inspiring and helpful book to assist both reader and counselee growing in grace.<br />
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<br />Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-1583168262593681382014-11-23T16:51:00.001-08:002014-11-23T16:54:24.616-08:00When Our Theology Stifles Our CompassionThis article appeared last month on the Biblical Counseling Coalition website, and was re-posted around the web. Thoughts I have gleaned while counseling those with eating disorders.<br />
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When Our Theology Stifles Our Compassion</h1>
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Yesterday, I received a disturbing phone call. A young woman I had been counseling attempted suicide over the weekend. In God’s mercy, He intervened before the overdose could do its lethal damage. But in the aftermath, “Mary’s” soul remains raw and bleeding. She doesn’t have the strength to fill in a “Discovering Problem Patterns” worksheet or memorize verses right now. Mary needs to grasp the biblical reality that she is precious to the Savior Who will not let her go. The promises of Scripture—which are just words to her right now—need to be real in her life.</div>
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<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And I realized anew that I am utterly powerless. </em></div>
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The training in systematic theology and hermeneutics we have is valuable, in terms of ministering the Scriptures to people who seek answers. Yet, there are times, if we are not careful, when our “sound doctrine” may sound like a clanging cymbal, and push hurting believers away. This can happen both in the counseling room, and in our friendships.</div>
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Does this sound like a false dichotomy? It isn’t. One of the things God is teaching me lately is that while our words may be <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">true</em>, and <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">biblical</em>, and<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">spoken in love</em>, there is a depth of understanding and compassion that cannot always be expressed verbally…yet is crucially important.</div>
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Sometimes, when faced with another’s pain, one simply doesn’t know what to say. I have the opposite problem—I always know exactly what to say (and usually which verses to cite).</div>
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<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It’s knowing when to shut up that poses the problem for me.</em></div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Being Grace-Oriented before Solutions-Oriented</strong></h2>
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The plumb line for all counsel is, of course, the Bible. Scripture dictates what we do; not culture. <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Sound doctrine matters.</em> I want those words engraved on my tombstone! However, a sticky truth is that people are not formulaic, like computers: we cannot simply re-program them with a “string code” of certain verses, and expect that their hearts will be automatically transformed. Unwittingly, the homework we give to help counselees think biblically may even add “performance pressure,” leading to additional condemnation.</div>
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As biblical counselors, trained to <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">identify the problem</em> and then <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">apply the biblical solution</em>, this can be frustrating. “Faith is not determined by feelings,” we want to protest. We think, “Empathizing with someone is not going to help them—the Word of God is what will fix their problems!” However, Christ-like compassion never pits Truth against Love.</div>
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We want to help. We love our friends, our family, our counselees. In our desire to help, we need to understand that it is perfectly “theological” to minister to someone who is hurting just by moving towards them in their pain, without preaching. A phone call or e-mail can simply communicate that we care, are praying, and above all, that <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">we are there for them</em>.</div>
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<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">There is a time to give a theology lecture; and there is a time to give silent hugs.</em></div>
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Different situations call for different approaches, as Jesus demonstrated in His ministry. Of course, He is the only Counselor with perfect insight into a hurting heart, yet we can and must still learn from His example. In John 11, after the death of Lazarus, Jesus comforts Martha with the promises of God and bolsters her faith. Mary, however, threw herself at His feet weeping. The Lord, far from remaining emotionally detached, cried with her (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="John 11.32-35" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/John%2011.32-35" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">John 11:32-35</a>).</div>
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Mary needed compassionate empathy in the midst of her pain. Likewise, my suicidal counselee will not hear a theology lecture right now. She needs the Jesus Who will pick her up off the floor, dry her tears, and remind her that her life still has value—to Him, even if to no one else.</div>
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Encountering severely depressed believers requires a special patience and sensitivity that we need to seek from the heart of God. Yes, biblical encouragement includes using Scripture wisely. But when one is immobilized in their Christian walk, it is not the best time to unpack all of Ephesians 4. “Putting off” the sin nature and “putting on” the new man seems impossible when just getting out of bed is difficult. While it may be difficult, in these seasons showing Christ-like love may mean just sitting next to our friend (or counselee) in the pit. Once they are strong enough to take the first tentative steps of faith, then we can come back to applicable doctrine.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What Does a Supportive, Christian Friend Look Like?</strong></h2>
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Most of the people we love are not counselees, and are not usually looking for cut-and-dried spiritual advice. Nevertheless, Scripture portrays the Christian life as one of mutual encouragement, correction, and exhortation—both within our families and churches (where authority comes into play), and within friendship.</div>
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In these precious, rare Christian friendships reminiscent of David and Jonathan, “building up of one another” flows naturally. When a “log jam” in a friend’s life occurs, our first instinct is to get proactive and <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fix</em> it. What better way than to point them to Scripture? Especially when we believe they may be—gasp—backsliding believers.</div>
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A popular catch-phrase among Evangelicals a few years ago was <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“What Would Jesus Do?”</em> This is a valid question, but there is just one problem when attempting to discern another’s heart: <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">we are not Jesus</em>. We do not have the benefit of His omniscience, nor His insight into all angles of a particular situation. Obviously, in cases of blatant sin (e.g. adultery; theft; habitual drunkenness; pre-marital sex), the loving response would be scriptural confrontation. Supporting someone is sin is neither loving, nor Christ-like. But in real life, situations are rarely so clear-cut. What we may consider disobedience may simply be questionable judgment. In our minds, we may be discerning; in our friend’s, judgmental. If we are sensitive to the Holy Spirit, God shows us what it means to be “A friend [who] loves at all times” and a “brother in times of adversity” (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Proverbs 17.17" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Proverbs%2017.17" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Proverbs 17:17</a>).</div>
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Recently, a dear friend said to me, “If you know anything about me, you know I can line up all those Bible verses and teaching and the doctrine and all…so there is no point in telling me this, as if you’re saying something new. I just need to talk to God right now and listen to Him, because right now that preaching doesn’t help me.”</div>
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Love constrained me from retorting: “If you want to ‘listen to God,’ open the Bible!” I understood the heart behind my friend’s words. Where people’s lives, situations, emotions, and biblical principles converge, a simple verse (or worse, a sense that they are being lectured in a self-righteous way) is not going to encourage them.</div>
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And the ultimate irony? I don’t want to “be right.” I don’t want to win an argument; prove a point; or beat my friend at a game of Bible Trivia. What I<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> want is to have a coffee together; put an arm around her shoulder; and most of all, see the joy of Christ flowing in her life. Likewise, when I am confused or feel alone, knowing that a trusted friend is praying for me brings far more comfort than being hammered and peppered with confrontation.</div>
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Once God has “poured out His love in our hearts” (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Romans 5.5" data-version="niv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/niv/Romans%205.5" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; outline: none; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Romans 5:5</a>), loving people comes more naturally. While it is often not easy or automatic, we long to share the liberating Truth of the Gospel with others—and help those close to us apply it to their lives. Even when our motives are pure, godly counsel may not be received that way if we wield it without tenderness. It is far more difficult to patiently support, silently love, and unceasingly pray than to exegete a passage of Scripture. We need to seek the Holy Spirit regularly for discernment in our approach, in order to be truly competent counselors <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">and</em></strong>compassionate friends.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Join the Conversation</strong></h2>
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What do you think of this summary statement?</div>
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<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It is far more difficult to patiently support, silently love, and unceasingly pray than to exegete a passage of Scripture.</em></div>
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Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-56868871264181458102014-11-01T05:26:00.001-07:002014-11-01T05:26:33.122-07:00<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13601780-loving-the-way-jesus-loves" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img alt="Loving the Way Jesus Loves" border="0" src="https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1334421500m/13601780.jpg" /></a><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13601780-loving-the-way-jesus-loves">Loving the Way Jesus Loves</a> by <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/207069.Philip_Graham_Ryken">Philip Graham Ryken</a><br/><br />
My rating: <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/897016125">4 of 5 stars</a><br /><br /><br />
<strong>Love Is a Person</strong><br><br>Loving the way Jesus loves is a daunting task, yet one to which every one of His followers is called. Phil Ryken approaches the central calling of the Christian’s life by walking the reader, slowly and deliberately, through 1 Corinthians 13, the “Love Chapter of the Bible.” Less an exegetical treatment of the text than a life application, Ryken’s approach in Loving the Way Jesus Loves is to show us that love is a Person—Jesus Christ—and not a “feeling” nor an abstract theological concept. He states it plainly: “The biggest challenge for us here is not to understand what Paul meant but to do what he said.” (76). <br><br>Ryken establishes the necessity of biblical love more than any other attribute, then goes on in subsequent chapters to demonstrate how each characteristic of love mentioned in verses 3-13 is personified in Christ. Throughout the book, he emphasizes that all of the virtues mentioned in this passage are verbs; attributes we are to put into practice by imitating Christ. Interwoven throughout his discussion of each aspect of love—patience; kindness; selflessness; trust; etc.—are scenes from the life of Christ which underscore how He Himself demonstrated each virtue. Christ’s refusal to become provoked or irritated takes us to the shores of Galilee, at the end of a long day of ministry (Mark 6:7-13). Forgiveness is tenderly demonstrated in His restoration of Peter (John 21:15-17).<br><br>Examining our own hearts in light of Christ’s responses to people, we learn how to anticipate our own temptation to become irritable (what Lewis Smedes calls a “spiritual readiness to get angry”), and where it comes from: putting our own wants ahead of other people’s needs. By dissecting irritability (and the other opposite attitudes of those mentioned in the passage), Ryken illustrates in an every-day, non-judgmental way how we fail to love people and hinder our relationship with God. “Love lets the needs of others set our agenda, rather than letting our agenda limit how much we are willing to serve” (55).<br><br><strong>A Question…</strong><br><br>From the beginning of the book, a question may linger in the back of the reader’s mind: “If love is primarily a choice, and not a feeling (as biblical counselors often exhort), is what Ryken calls ‘loveless social action’ worthless? Do we not have to choose to demonstrate love sometimes—even when we don’t feel like it—out of simple obedience?”<br><br>The answer is yes, but to think of love in terms of duty is to miss the point. The problem, as Ryken summarizes, is that “we are less loving than we think we are, and a lot less loving than we ought to be.” Therefore, we need to learn how to love—and this begins our journey into understanding the heart of Jesus. Love is as love does; and through His interaction with other people (most of whom did not reciprocate any kind of affection, let alone charity), we learn to see what love looks like. The Gospel, the Good News that we are loved undeservedly and unconditionally, is what transforms our hearts – from that of dutiful servants to joyful heirs. <br><br><strong>Outward Behavior and Inward Heart Change</strong><br><br>Throughout the book, Ryken draws the connection between outward behavior and inward heart change. In Chapter 4, Love’s Holy Joy, he explains that rejoicing with the truth (v. 6) goes beyond theology and morality by taking us to the dinner table of Simon the Pharisee. More than warning against participation of sin, however, love does not rejoice in the wrongdoing of others. A subtle sense of satisfaction may creep in when another—especially a rival—falls into sin. What Paul is pointing to (and Christ demonstrated through forgiving the sinful woman) is the joy that comes with a personal experience of God’s grace—and what we rejoice in vicariously when another tastes it. This transformational, selfless, joy-sharing love is what motivates true Christ-like compassion. What better way to cultivate patience towards a fellow believer, than to appreciate a holy God’s patience with us in coming to repentance!<br><br>In order to appreciate the multi-faceted love we see in Scripture, Ryken probes deeply into the self-centered human heart in order to understand how and why we fall short. In every failure to forgive; to be long-suffering; to trust—there is an idol. We prize our own comfort; security; reputation or convenience. By contrast, a heart transformed by the forgiving grace of God will be preoccupied with extending the same blessing to others. Ryken shows how our hearts can be truly transformed by grace: “First it takes our failures and forgives them. This gives us so much gratitude that we start loving Jesus in return. But that is not all. The love of Jesus then enables us to serve others with the same kind of love.” (171). <br><br>This attitude—giving freely what we have freely received from the hand of God—applies, of course, not only to forgiveness; but to every other loving behavior-attitude listed in 1 Corinthians 13. Far from being a “behavior modification” chapter, Ryken shows, through simple anecdotes and the life of Christ, how to “put off” unloving human reactions and “put on” their godly opposites. His life, example, and personal involvement in ours is what transforms our attitudes and motivation towards others. In this practical and compassionately-written book, Ryken helps Christians of all stages see how walking in love is a natural consequence of living in the overflow of God’s intense, personal, and active love for the believer. <br><br><em>This review was first published on The Biblical Counseling Coalition's website: <a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/books/review/loving-the-way-jesus-loves" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.or...</a> </em><br />
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/13004732-marie-notcheva">View all my reviews</a><br />
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-52122981396859428902014-10-20T07:16:00.000-07:002014-10-20T07:16:02.726-07:00Superb Review of RFTP from Vision of Hope<br />
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<a class="blog-title" href="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh/2014/10/17/resource-friday-redeemed-from-the-pit/" rel="bookmark" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #633c8d; text-decoration: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;" title="Resource Friday: Redeemed from the Pit">Resource Friday: Redeemed from the Pit</a></h1>
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<span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #8d8d8d;">by <a href="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/author/bspence/" rel="author" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; font-size: 1.8rem; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0.6rem; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;" title="Posts by Bethany Spence">Bethany Spence</a></span> | <a href="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; font-size: 1.8rem; margin-left: 0.6rem; margin-right: 0.6rem; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;">Vision of Hope</a><span class="date" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #8d8d8d; margin-left: 20px;">Oct 17, 2014</span><img alt="dark-dawn-dusk-1820-825x550" class="attachment-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" height="550" src="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh/files/2014/10/dark-dawn-dusk-1820-825x550.jpg" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; height: auto; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-top: 0.5em; max-width: 100%; width: 665px;" width="825" /></div>
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This week in our “Resource Friday” series, we would like to talk about a great book we use for many of our ladies who are struggling with eating disorders, <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">Redeemed from the Pit</em> by Marie Notcheva. This book has truly been instrumental to our ladies here at VOH and offers great, biblical help to those who are struggling with destructive eating habits.</div>
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Marie writes in a way that is compassionate, yet challenging; speaking the truth in love. In her book, Marie helps the reader think through what is actually going on in the heart, what true repentance looks like, and how to live in freedom from enslaving habits through Christ. Marie does an amazing job of getting to the heart idols that drive destructive eating habits, and leaves no room for excuses.</div>
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As she writes about changing behavior, Marie addresses the issue of having a “works righteousness” perspective. While striving to change destructive habits, it can be easy to fall into the error of focusing solely on changing the behavior, missing the heart that is driving that behavior. Marie assures this does not happen in her book, as she wisely teaches her readers what it looks like to change the heart <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">along with</i> the behaviors. She writes:</div>
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Trying to change behavior without dealing with the underlying motivations is doomed to failure. Superficial change does not acknowledge the lordship of Christ – a deep heart change is not necessary simply to break a habit. True transformation requires us to hate out sin passionately; not just seek to avoid the consequences of it (<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="2 Corinthians 7.10" data-version="" href="http://biblia.com/bible/2%20Corinthians%207.10" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; cursor: pointer; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;">2 Corinthians 7:10</a>). Simply trying to change our actions means we are still trying to be our own god – thinking we can change ourselves apart from the Holy Spirit. Rather, Jesus reverses the order: <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">“…<i style="box-sizing: border-box;">first, clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also</i>.”</span>(<a class="rtBibleRef" data-purpose="bible-reference" data-reference="Matthew 23.26" data-version="" href="http://biblia.com/bible/Matthew%2023.26" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; cursor: pointer; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;">Matthew 23:26</a>)</div>
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We are so thankful for this amazing resource that has helped so many of our ladies find freedom in Christ! If you would like to purchase this resource, <a href="http://store.faithlafayette.org/browse-by-topic/counseling-issues/addictions/redeemed-from-the-pit/" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; cursor: pointer; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;" title="get it here.">get it here</a>.</div>
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<span style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #5b5b5b; font-size: 22px;">tags: </span><a href="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh/tag/eating-disorders/" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;">eating disorders</a>, <a href="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh/tag/marie-notcheva/" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;">Marie Notcheva</a>, <a href="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh/tag/redeemed-from-the-pit/" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;">Redeemed from the Pit</a></div>
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<img alt="Bethany Spence" class="avatar avatar-96 photo" height="96" src="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh/files/2013/01/Spence-Bethany-96x96.jpg" style="border-bottom-left-radius: 50%; border-bottom-right-radius: 50%; border-top-left-radius: 50%; border-top-right-radius: 50%; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; height: auto; margin-right: 25px; max-width: 100%; width: auto;" width="96" /><a class="auth-link" href="http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/author/bspence/" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2584b4; font-family: Bitter; font-size: 20px; font-weight: bold; margin-right: 18px; text-decoration: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;">Bethany Spence</a><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Bethany heard about Vision of Hope while attending Word of Life Bible Institute in Florida. When she began praying about what God wanted her to do after graduating, He kept bringing Vision of Hope to her mind. Knowing that there was an internship available, Bethany applied, was accepted, and began her internship with VOH in July, 2012. Since then she has been amazed at the opportunities God has given her to learn more about His Word and how it applies to everyday life. Bethany now serves on staff at Vision of Hope.</div>
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Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-59892211868423749532014-10-03T04:58:00.000-07:002014-10-03T04:58:40.224-07:00New Resource from Focus Publishing - "Eating Disorders: Hope for Hungering Souls"I was recently asked to write the Foreword to Dr. Mark Shaw's latest biblical counseling book, written with co-authors Rachel Bailey and Bethany Spence. Bethany and Rachel both serve in the field of eating disorders at Vision of Hope and Houston Eating Disorders Center, respectively.<br />
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It was a huge honor to be involved with this project, and I believe God will use this important resource to help many struggling women!<br />
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<br />Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-51101568276025588182014-09-21T11:13:00.000-07:002014-09-21T11:13:05.290-07:00My Eating Disorder Journey During Pregnancy<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>(Originally written for a friend of mine, who is a doula with a special ministry to pregnant women with eating disorders.)</i></div>
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For a young woman with body image issues, the prospect of
carrying a baby and watching her body grow and change (in ways she cannot
control) is frightening. In addition to the physical aspect, pregnancy is a bit
of an enigma to young women: in high school and college, the unmarried but
sexually active fear it. There is shame and stigma attached, which partially
accounts for the high abortion rate. Once married, pregnancy is desired and
greatly anticipated – the joyful promise of a new baby awaits. Where, exactly,
does the woman suffering with an eating disorder fall into this spectrum? </div>
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That is a complicated question, as many of us who have been
through this experience can attest. The life-dominating obsession of anorexia
or bulimia is an intensely lonely experience, and many women with eating
disorders truly want to become nurturing mothers to a little one who loves them
unconditionally. Having an eating disorder during pregnancy is not a matter of
selfishness; of putting one’s vanity or pride before the child’s needs. The
pregnant woman struggling with anorexia (or, more commonly, bulimia), needs
compassion more than ever in order to reach out for the help she needs.</div>
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My eating disorder began 10 years before my first pregnancy
in 1996. Although severely underweight in high school, I had managed to
maintain a normal-enough weight throughout my early twenties to conceal my
bulimia. At 5’5” and 110-120 lbs., I weighed enough to menstruate regularly and
had no trouble conceiving and carrying my babies to term. (I had stopped
menstruating from age 15-19, as I had insufficient body fat to produce the
estrogen needed to ovulate. Many women with eating disorders permanently lose
their fertility; it should be noted that I was extremely lucky.) </div>
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As a pre-teen, I had casually made the comment once to my
mother, “Being a fashion model seems like a fun job to have,” to which she
caustically replied: “What would <b>you</b>
model – maternity clothes?” This comment stayed with me my entire life…causing
me to associate pregnancy with being overweight. As a young married woman, I do
not recall, however, being unduly concerned about weight gain or looking “fat”
during my pregnancies. However, as I was regularly bingeing and purging (up to
four times per day), I did not gain as much weight as the average woman would
have. During my first pregnancy, I gained 15 pounds – and delivered a healthy,
8 lb. 4 oz. baby girl. My second pregnancy was similar – the bulimia continued,
undetected….and I gave birth to an 8 lb. 1 oz. baby boy. </div>
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Towards the end of my third pregnancy in 2003, protein was noted in my urine. Tests
were done to check my creatinine clearance – a measure of kidney function.
Knowing that long-term bulimia can affect the kidneys, I became worried.
Thinking I had been drinking insufficient water, I began fluid-loading…..which
skewed the results of the tests and caused my ob-gyn to think my kidneys were
failing. Knowing nothing about my bulimia, she assumed I was pre-eclamptic
(despite my low blood pressure) and scheduled an induction at 37 weeks
gestation. A difficult and painful delivery followed, although my son was
healthy and strong at 7 lbs. 6 oz. Several months later, I saw a nephrologist
who assured me my kidneys were completely healthy….and that compromised kidney
function was often present in late-term pregnancies. </div>
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Nevertheless, the experience scared me…..and it was part of the wake-up call God
gave me to turn my life around. While Stefan (my third child) was an infant, I
began the process of repentance from the eating disorder that could have
claimed my life. Intercessory prayer by others, as well as regular time in the
Word and personal prayer were tools that I used to overcome the bondage food
had become in my life. (See my book, <b><i>“Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance
and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders”</i></b> , (Calvary Press)
for helpful information on the process of renewing the mind.) </div>
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In 2005, I unexpectedly found myself expecting once again –
this time, with a second daughter. In between buying pink outfits and nursery
toys, I was by this time talking to women online who found themselves in the
same predicament I had years earlier – pregnant; trapped by eating disorders; and scared. I
shared with them the same hope that God had given me – and explained that there
was freedom available in Christ. I encouraged them to get help, either through
their churches or with a local counselor. Eating normally, this time I gained
30 lbs. (although I had slightly more edema) and came home from the hospital 20
lbs. lighter. Without reverting to restriction, purging, or any other unhealthy
mechanisms, I was back down to my pre-pregnancy size 3 within a few months.
Natalia, who weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz. at birth, was the only one of my children
conceived, carried and born post-bulimia.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The physical risks of eating disorders to a pregnant woman
(and her unborn child) are sobering. Dehydration can lead to severe cramping,
which may be mistaken for miscarriage. Malnutrition causes key nutrients and
minerals to be leached from the mother’s bones, in order for the baby to obtain
what he/she needs. Worse, in the case of anorexia, miscarriage is common and
low-birth weight (along with insufficiently developed brains) is a major risk.
Although my children were fortunate not to have been physically affected by my
eating disorder while I was carrying them, while practicing bulimia I could not
have been the mom that they needed. Constantly being preoccupied with thoughts
of food and the takes time, energy and attention away from the little ones who
need it most. One of the first things I noticed when I stopped the bulimic
behavior was how much more energy I had. I was also able to concentrate and
stay focused much more easily. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Overcoming an eating disorder is never easy, and because the
mindset and behavior pattern is so difficult to break the motivation to “just
do it for the baby” is simply not enough. Moreover, such statements (however
well-intentioned) may add to the guilt a pregnant woman with an eating disorder
already feels. She needs to feel safe enough to confess the bulimia (or other
eating disorder) to her doula or trusted medical professional, in order to get
nutritional and spiritual help. Pregnancy can be an added incentive to a
woman’s recovery, but transformation is never automatic. If you are pregnant
and suffer from an eating disorder, there is hope. Do not be afraid to tell
someone you trust, and allow others to help and support you! </div>
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-75294667503806117992014-08-24T10:38:00.001-07:002014-08-24T10:38:13.201-07:00Trips, Changes and Pits that Have Nothing to Do with Bulimia<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOANQnHKtkFfpDGQ1_xEmj2Rjdlpdr5lG3GmP-UtvgKHHgRdTi4KJSmw28oT7xJs7zaJu0kMbno0P0DeVtRc1iDwVkqxq58UmIsGgvY5_XPSsAX7P2RAAX0XPMvBsKN-b9QfeeCWeDZ6s/s1600/I'm%2BFine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOANQnHKtkFfpDGQ1_xEmj2Rjdlpdr5lG3GmP-UtvgKHHgRdTi4KJSmw28oT7xJs7zaJu0kMbno0P0DeVtRc1iDwVkqxq58UmIsGgvY5_XPSsAX7P2RAAX0XPMvBsKN-b9QfeeCWeDZ6s/s1600/I'm%2BFine.jpg" height="320" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sometimes the counselor needs counsel. Or just understanding.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Wow...has it really been 3 months since I blogged? I started this blog in 2011 (I think), as a platform for my writing about eating disorders, and in hopes of getting my first book,<b><i> "Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders"</i></b> picked up by a traditional publisher. It worked - Calvary Press released RFTP in October of that year, and I still get e-mails from women all over the world seeking help. (I try to keep up with them as much as possible.)<br />
<br />
I completed my certification as a biblical counselor the following month, just in time for the counseling ministry at my church to fall apart and the Associate Pastor to move to Canada.<br />
<br />
Oh well. I've always considered myself more of a writer than a counselor anyway. (For those of you who don't know me personally, I am a courtroom and medical interpreter by profession so I keep busy. As of now, I am the only certified Bulgarian<=>English interpreter on the East Coast. My dream is to interpret for a biblical counseling conference someday, if <a href="http://www.biblicalcounseling.com/">ACBC</a> ever brings biblical counseling to Bulgaria.)<br />
<br />
But I digress. Why have I not been writing? Well, the truth is, I HAVE. This spring, articles I wrote about overcoming eating disorders in the power of Christ were published in both Albania and Bulgaria, as well as a second article about using social networking to further the Gospel. I can barely keep up with the e-mails and Facebook messages I receive from women in both countries, and I have been trying (thus far unsuccessfully) to get <b><i>"Redeemed from the Pit"</i></b> translated.<br />
<br />
Recently, I was honored to write the Foreword for a booklet Dr. Mark Shaw is publishing on eating disorders (His Truth in Love Ministries). I was a contributor to Nancy Kennedy's fourth "Miracles and Moments of Grace" series, "<a href="http://www.nancybkennedy.com/">Inspirational Stories of Survival</a>". And, this month I completed my second book, <b><i>"Plugged In: Proclaiming Christ in the Internet Age"</i></b>, which is in second-draft form at the publisher's. (More on that as release date gets closer.)<br />
<br />
I have not updated this blog because I have not known what to say, really.....apart from answering the desperate e-mails and Facebook messages I regularly receive, my life has so little to do with eating disorders. And, increasingly little to do with biblical counseling (although I am currently counseling one young woman). For several years, including after completing my biblical counseling training, I have been increasingly apathetic towards theology, and dissatisfied and disillusioned with my family situation.<br />
<br />
This summer, my family and I traveled to Bulgaria and Albania for the first time together in 6 years. We had been planning this "Balkan Road Trip" for 3 years, with the main purpose being to visit my husband's family in Bulgaria (and naturally to attempt sharing the Gospel with them, as we have in the past). I have "family in Christ" in Albania, and have developed close relationships with several students and their families. For years, I was dreaming about the day I would introduce my husband to them. They, also, were eagerly anticipating meeting my family and husband.<br />
<br />
The "vacation" did not go as planned, despite the cheerful, happy pictures I managed to upload to Facebook. (Ever notice how we can make our Christmas card family pictures and Facebook albums tell a much rosier story than reality?) What I had seen coming - known was inevitable - hit the proverbial fan on the first afternoon of our trip. Maybe someday I will be able to write about it. But not yet.<br />
<br />
Anyway, as incongruous as it sounds for a certified biblical counselor, my husband and I are now in counseling. With a wonderful ACBC counselor (who is a pastor). For our marriage. Which I no longer believed could be saved. And, one Wednesday night in a hotel room in Albania - during a week that was supposed to be a "dream come true" for me - I threw in the towel, and that became my decision. After years, and years, and YEARS of verbal abuse. The Holy Spirit has already begun to work. If our counselor is right, and our marriage begins to "sing", it will be a truly amazing testimony of God's grace....and I will happily write a blog for the <b>Biblical Counseling Coalition</b> about the Happily Ever After of allowing God to meet us in a new "pit" and pull us out.<br />
<br />
Today, however, is not that day.<br />
<br />
I am still too angry, double-minded and emotionally raw to give you a success story of being transformed by the power of God's Word. Right now, that's all it is....just words, like the ones I crank out in my book manuscript. <br />
<br />
So, that's where I am at right now.....busy as always; writing where possible; struggling to find the will to save my marriage. I will not be writing about that here, as a blog is much too public and personal to write about one's marriage struggles, but I do hope someday to have a grace-filled testimony to share. Thank you for your prayers, patience and understanding as I try to move forward. As Martha Peace wrote in one of her books, learning to obey and glorify God is more important than whether we ever are published or not. I don't really know what He is doing right now or why He allowed this, but I am trying to trust Him.Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-75682223801215509732014-05-09T07:35:00.000-07:002014-05-09T07:35:08.428-07:00Prayer of Freedom from Eating Disorders (Re-post from Shalombewithyou)<div class="MsoNormal">
I did not write this, but a young friend shared it with me from another blog and I am re-posting. Hope someone is blessed by this prayer today!<br />
<br />
“Dear Heavenly Father,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to thank you that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I come humbly to you with a repentant heart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have not been treating the amazing body you have given me with the respect it deserves. For some reason I have bought the lie that I am not good enough. I haven’t felt ‘good enough’ for as long as I can remember.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the name of Jesus’ I bind any generational curses of insecurity that could have been passed down to me through my father’s or mother’s bloodline leading all the way back to Adam.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord, show me the source of where the wounds of self-hatred were inflicted. Help me to forgive those who have hurt me and help me to forgive myself for hindering my health as well. I bind the spirit of depression, self-hatred, bulimia, anorexia and the suicide spirit. You no longer have control over me. I am giving every area of my mind, heart, soul, spirit and habits to the Lord. I am allowing the spirit of Christ to overcome the spirits of darkness that once ruled in those areas. You no longer have dominion. Lord, open my eyes to see how the enemy deceived me in the past. Help me to see the truth for what it is and the lies for what they are. Help me to distinguish wrong and right thoughts and to make the choices that will bring me life, not death.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the name of Jesus I am asking for a complete healing and restoration of all the areas of my life that have been affected by the spirits of body dismorphia, anorexia and bulimia. Lord, I need healing in my mind. I cast out the spirits of fear, anxiety, dizziness, foggy thinking, fainting, shame and low self esteem. Restore my brain chemistry to be perfectly balanced and in alignment with your Word.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord, please regulate my body fluids. Raise my levels of potassium, magnesium and sodium if they are off balance. Help me to keep these levels where they need to be with proper nutrition. Restore my heart to be strong. Remove all heart flutters, low blood pressure and any unaturally slow heart rates. Help me to eat in a way that will keep my heart strong. Give me a balanced view of exercise for longevity.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Strengthen my kidneys. I have put this amazing organ under extreme stress. Relieve and heal my irregular bowel movements, remove all inflammation, bloating, diarrhea and abdominal cramping in the name of Jesus.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord, restore my hormones to be where they should be for a person of my age. If I have started depleting my bones of calcium restore what I have destroyed and help me to eat in a way that will build my bones, not destroy them.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
If my mouth has suffered from sores, heal them. Heal any irritated throat and esophagus tissues. Restore what the devil tried to steal from me in the years and quality of my life. Help me to understand the root causes of this eating disorder. I will not claim it as mine as it will no longer have an impact on my life like it has in the past. When I feel the compulsion to restrict my calories or to throw up, remind me of how much you love me. Help me to tap into that love whenever I don’t feel love for myself.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Heal my wounded way of thinking and all the damaging memories that are associated with this disorder. Pour the blood of Jesus and the dunamis power of His resurrection spirit over these areas of my mind and body. If Jesus could raise Himself from the dead, he can raise me up from this deadly way of thinking and acting.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
When I am healed, allow me to be a beacon of light and encouragement to others who are struggling with the very issues you are healing me from today. In Jesus’ precious name, I accept this full and complete healing, Amen.”<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Author: Julia Shalom Jordan<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Prayer should never be a substitute for receiving medical attention. If you, or someone you love is experiencing suicidal thoughts or harmful tendencies towards themselves or other individuals, please help them contact a qualified physician in addition to praying for them.<a href="http://www.shalombewithyou.com/">www.shalombewithyou.com</a> does not assume any responsibility for any personal decisions or choices made by it’s readers.</div>
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Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-61321958199558951382014-04-02T06:30:00.000-07:002014-04-02T06:30:05.393-07:00Question About Telling My Children (from Reader)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi8SB0HJHzkNLfVPaJxMLFqvWa50I0ibyIWAxsYZWYSN_Q-dYGyMkRqeWPTtEL1HR_WbD_sPMDJz5a5_cV8AyhvwWkDoZxAduc5Sl75FOk9y64BnNr078ZvaPsoBFwBK7E5yR_0ItYxhQ/s1600/story.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi8SB0HJHzkNLfVPaJxMLFqvWa50I0ibyIWAxsYZWYSN_Q-dYGyMkRqeWPTtEL1HR_WbD_sPMDJz5a5_cV8AyhvwWkDoZxAduc5Sl75FOk9y64BnNr078ZvaPsoBFwBK7E5yR_0ItYxhQ/s1600/story.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
"Hi Marie,<br />
<div 13px="" arial="" egoe="" elvetica="" font-size:="" grande="" helvetica="" id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5446" neue="" sans-serif="" ucida="" ui="">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Hope you're doing well. I was just pondering today and thought of you. I was wondering how you talk about the topic of eating disorders with your kids. More specifically, the fact that you had one. What age did you bring it up? What did you say? How exactly did you go about it - did you sit them down or talk about it more casually? Has your history of having an eating disorder affected your parenting? Look forward to hearing from you.</blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Segoe UI, Helvetica, Arial, Lucida Grande, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span l.="" span=""></span></span></blockquote>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Segoe UI, Helvetica, Arial, Lucida Grande, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
</span></span> <br />
<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5408" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
<span id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5488">Hi L!</span></div>
<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5411" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
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<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5458" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
<span id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5457">Huh. Good question. I don't specifically remember having any real conversations. When my book came out, Valentina and Miro read the first chapter, my testimony, but didn't have any particular comments. I guess they're just used to the idea that (like a lot of people who they would have heard sharing a testimony over the years) Mom has something in her past that, with God's help, she overcame. </span></div>
<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5459" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
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<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5464" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
<span id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5463">Valentina was the only one old enough to have any (even vague) memory of my ED - not that she would have been consciously aware exactly at the time, but since I was still buying and planning my days around out-of-control binges (while trying to hide it) when she was in Kindergarden, 1st grade.....it was making me more short-tempered and irritable, as well as exhausted and I'm sure that did affect her. But she has no conscious memory of either my bulimia or drinking problem. However, she has always had a sneaky side......hiding/lying about stuff (usually small stuff), and even at 17, waits until we are out of the room to sneak sweets out of the fridge. Which is ridiculous, given that we have never restricted any of them from having chocolate (or whatever); why hide it?? My husband once wondered if my past might have had anything to do with her inborn "sneaking", but I doubt it.</span></div>
<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5478" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
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<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5466" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
<span id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5465">How has it effected my parenting overall......I would say, I don't repeat the same mistakes my mother did. I have never made an issue of weight with her, never used the word "calorie" in a sentence or passed on any food hang-ups in any way (probably because I no longer have them.) I'm more concerned, if anything, about all the GMO and junk in the American food supply than my kids getting fat (but not concerned enough to go organic....I'm far too cheap.) </span></div>
<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5479" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
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<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5468" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
<span id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5467">I hope that answers your question......I never really addressed it or made a bid deal out of it with them, but they've long known (probably because of my book.) However, telling my husband was another matter entirely and a very hard experience. See "Telling Someone" in my book. </span></div>
<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5487" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
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<div id="yui_3_13_0_1_1396443691322_5490" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">
Hope that helps!</div>
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-65014149987816339442014-02-06T11:54:00.000-08:002014-02-06T11:54:14.501-08:00Review of "Redeemed from the Pit" on the Biblical Counseling Coalition<h1 class="title" style="border: 0px; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, palatino, 'palatino linotype', serif; font-size: 28px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance And Restoration From The Bondage of Eating Disorders <span class="bookAuthor normalFont" style="border: 0px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="by" style="border: 0px; color: #888888; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">by</span> <a class="author" href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/books/authors/marie-notcheva" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); color: #106e96; font-style: italic; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Marie Notcheva</a></span></h1>
<div class="entry-meta" style="border: 0px; color: #444444; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="author" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Review by <a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/resources/authors/julie-ganschow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); background-color: #003d4c; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; color: white; margin-right: 5px; outline: none; padding: 3px 10px; text-decoration: none; text-transform: capitalize;">Julie Ganschow</a> </span><span class="date" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">January 29, 2014</span></div>
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Redeemed from the Pit is a solid read for the biblical counselor who is looking to expand their understanding on this important topic and for anyone seeking to overcome an eating disorder or is ministering to someone who is enslaved to the lifestyle. The personal story victory and practical application of Gospel truth makes this a great resource.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In the Pit of Despair</strong></h2>
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As a biblical counselor and as a person who was once diagnosed with bulimorexia, I took on the challenge of reading Marie Notcheva’s book, <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders</em> book for both personal and professional reasons. I have had a love/hate relationship with food all my life. Like Marie, I once struggled with binging and purging and I alternated those behaviors with starvation. </div>
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From the introduction to the end of the book, Marie makes it clear to the reader that eating disorders are not a physical disease from which a person recovers but a spiritual disease from which a person must repent. </div>
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Marie’s personal story is weaved throughout this great book. She gives vivid details of how her early years provided the perfect mental and emotional set up for the development of her eating disorder. The culture of the late 1960’s and early 70’s that subjected women to consistent expectations of thinness and beauty fueled the fires of shame ignited by her family’s careless words about her weight and appearance. Her mother in particular (who appeared to struggle with her own food issues) was exceedingly fearful Marie would be overweight and suffer consequences to her health. She enrolled Marie in a toddler dance class to slim her down and restricted her access to sugar and starches.</div>
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At age 11, Marie began taking gymnastics. By 14, with gymnast Nadia Comaneci as her idol, she began a lifestyle of severe calorie restriction and over exercise. The highly competitive worlds of gymnastics and dance fueled her desire to become sylphlike. While she got the desired results through constant exercise and living on Slim-Fast and vegetables, the following year she determined to eat as much as she wanted, eliminating the food binge through vomiting.</div>
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In a very short amount of time, Marie’s binge/purge lifestyle was out of control. It was clear to everyone around her she needed help. Her health was in serious jeopardy. While referred to psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists, they were unable to breach the concrete protecting her heart. </div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A Way Out</strong></h2>
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In her sophomore year at college, she joined Campus Crusade and put her faith in Christ. She continued her secret lifestyle while active in Cru, Bible study, and discipleship. A job abroad followed college and her slavery to bulimia remained an active part of everyday life. She also began to drink heavily as a way to medicate the constant guilt and shame she lived with.</div>
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Marriage and children did not expose or alter her bulimia, although her husband did express concern about her drinking.</div>
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Marie writes at length about the self-disgust she experienced. It caused her to question her salvation and consider herself a hypocrite. She felt hopeless and at times she feared God had rejected her. However, she had such a desire to return to Him that she continuously tried to turn away from her sin. In desperation, she met with a small group of Christian women who prayed over her. It was then that she began to find freedom from alcohol and bulimia. </div>
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From this point forward in the book, Marie develops the inward battle of change at the heart level. She describes her battle with overcoming her eating disorder both on the physical and spiritual level and does not shrink away from describing the difficulties she faced or her failures in overcoming the desire to binge and purge. She notes, “Overcoming an eating disorder requires our constant, active commitment to inward change” (7). </div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Living Free</strong></h2>
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She urges the reader to “be one who believes” in the power of the Gospel as the means to transform life from victimhood to victorious in Christ, rightly emphasizing the critical need for repentance in overcoming an eating disorder.</div>
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“Forgiven, cleansed, and given a new start, He expects you to get up off your knees and get started—walking in repentance” (6).</div>
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Marie carefully breaks down the numerous issues of the heart that a person with eating disorder behaviors must repent of to overcome this sin and live victoriously. There is an entire chapter devoted to the believers position in Christ, which is very important for a woman with an eating disorder to understand since so much of her thinking is performance oriented. Marie brings forth the truth about the role emotions play in how a person thinks about food. This is vital since those with unhealthy eating habits believe many lies about food.</div>
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Throughout the book, there are application steps that make use of charts and Scripture memorization. There is also an entire chapter on practical issues that a person with disordered eating faces. Marie highlights the refining benefits of a biblical counseling relationship and involvement in a local church. </div>
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This book is a solid read for the biblical counselor who is looking to expand their understanding on this important topic and for anyone seeking to overcome an eating disorder or is ministering to someone who is enslaved to the lifestyle. The personal story victory and practical application of Gospel truth makes this a great resource. </div>
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<div class="reviewer-meta clearfix" style="background-color: #f3f4f2; border: 1px solid rgb(221, 221, 221); color: #444444; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; margin: 15px 0px; padding: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 550px; zoom: 1;">
<img alt="Julie Ganschow" class="reviewer-pic" height="134" src="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/images/cached/bd77bd33901d93313949efa11b6c00d2c07cdb5d.jpg" style="border: 0px; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px 12px 3px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="100" /><h3 style="border: 0px; color: #39596e; font-size: 18px; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 9px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Julie Ganschow</h3>
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Julie Ganschow has been involved in biblical counseling and discipleship for over a decade. She ministers to women through Biblical Counseling for Women and writes a daily blog on counseling issues. She is a staff member at Reigning...</div>
<a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/resources/authors/julie-ganschow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgb(255, 94, 153); clear: both; color: #106e96; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Read More about Julie Ganschow →</a></div>
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-23027326438529015952014-01-10T14:22:00.000-08:002014-01-10T14:22:21.189-08:00Feedback from a Professor...and Former Bulimic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dear Marie,<br />
<br />
Thank you for your sincere, honest, straightforward, inspirational book! I am a 36-year-old, single woman living in California. I was severely bulimic for 6 years, and for another 6 years after that, I struggled with non-purging bulimia (bingeing and restriction). I also developed alcoholism during those years. I wasn't raised to believe in God, but I always knew my eating disorder was a form of sin and dated back to my early experiences with lying and petty theft as a pre-teen. <br />
<br />
I accepted Christ in 2007, much to the dismay of my family. I now work as a professor, teaching about the sociology of addiction. I also mentor women struggling to recover from eating disorders. I was very excited to find your book, because I think it will be a huge help for one of my mentees in particular, named Laura. She will go several weeks without bingeing and then get mentally tripped up about the boundaries of abstinence. She knows it's not wise to eat trigger foods, but she's also wary about making them off-limits because it perpetuates food rules. I'm going to suggest she try your advice to make certain foods off-limits for 6 to 8 weeks and then pray to seek further guidance. <br />
<br />
Your advice and insight is spot-on, based on my own experiences and observations. I've seen a lot of bulimics (including my own sister) and a lot of spiritual and nutritional approaches to ending the habit, and everything you wrote rings true. <br />
<br />
Eating disorders are crippling. Yes, they are triggered by family and environmental situations, but I also believe they are a serious site of spiritual warfare. Sometimes I think people who come from non-believing families are particularly targeted by the enemy, because he knows how many opportunities we have to help lead people to Christ. <br />
<br />
I am so grateful to know you are out there! Please pray for my mentees and let me know if there's anything I can do to help you. <br />
<br />
In Christ,<br />
KMariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-88368637713097897322014-01-01T17:39:00.000-08:002014-01-01T17:43:22.623-08:00"For the Rest of My Life" - Anniversary of Broken ChainsTen years ago today, (January 1, 2004), I suffered my very last hangover. I had forgotten that today is the anniversary of Jesus redeeming my life from the pit, until a few minutes ago. Listening to <b>"For the Rest of My Life"</b> by Third Day, I was struck by the appropriateness of such a song to remember God's faithfulness:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/EudOH-Lmg34" width="420"></iframe><br />
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Lyrics: <br />
Staring at the edge of a canyon<br />
It all feels so far away<br />
Somewhere it all went wrong<br />
The sun has come and gone<br />
I'm left here standing in the rain<br />
<br />
You rescued me from the darkness<br />
I feel the warmth and the light<br />
Somehow you pulled me out of<br />
A sea of pain and doubt<br />
I'm never going to go that way again<br />
<br />
For the rest of my life<br />
Will You be by my side?<br />
I can't make it by myself<br />
I want You and no one else<br />
For the rest of my life<br />
<br />
And when my memories have all faded<br />
They all seem so far away<br />
My one and only hope is<br />
I'll still be holding You close<br />
I'm never gonna ever walk away from You again<br />
<br />
For the rest of my life<br />
Will You be by my side?<br />
I can't make it by myself<br />
I want You and no one else<br />
For the rest of my life<br />
<br />
For the rest of my life<br />
<br />
For the rest of my life<br />
Will You be by my side?<br />
I can't make it by myself<br />
I want You and no one else<br />
For the rest of my life<br />
<br />
Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-20468251274200140872013-12-19T05:03:00.001-08:002013-12-19T05:03:28.709-08:00"Hope and Healing from Eating Disorders" Published in Albania!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dear readers,<br />
<br />
While I realize many of you may not speak or read Albanian (I do not), I wanted to share with you my first published article in a foreign magazine. Earlier this week, <b><i>"Ilira Reviste"</i></b> ran my piece <a href="http://bc4women.blogspot.com/2013/12/hope-and-healing-for-eating-disorders.html">"Hope and Healing from Eating Disorders"</a> in their magazine, which is the only Christian women's magazine in Albania. (Click link to read the original, English version). The magazine is only available in Tiranë, but the editor, Migena Ramaj, sent me a .pdf of the issue.<br />
<br />
As far as I understand, anorexia and bulimia have become problematic among the young women of Eastern Europe and biblical counseling is in short supply. My hope in having this article published (and a similar one in an upcoming issue of <b><i>"Списание Лия"</i></b>, a Bulgarian Christian magazine), is to bring attention to the Person and work of Jesus Christ to readers. Even believers often fail to make the connection between the hope found in the Gospel and life-dominating sins such as anorexia and bulimia. It is my prayer that someone will read these articles and feel a new sense of hope in "putting off" the old nature and "putting on" the new. Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-59127259685729278772013-11-13T04:38:00.000-08:002013-11-13T04:38:07.971-08:00Self-Esteem or Christ Esteem? Having a High View of God<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last month I had the opportunity to speak at two women's "Rejuvenate" conferences in New Hampshire. I was doing a new workshop, entitled "Self Esteem or Christ Esteem? Developing a High View of God, and a Biblical View of Self."<br />
<br />
As this was the first time I had given this presentation, I was a little nervous about how it would be received. I spoke immediately before a woman who pastors a Congregationalist church and had penned a children's book about our special-ness. I emphasized the difference in who we are in our carnal, unregenerate state vs. who we are in Christ. The last portion of my talk drew heavily from 1 John about our position in Christ and what that means practically. (See chapter in my book "Your Position in Christ - a Slave to Sin No Longer").<br />
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The presentation was extremely well-received, and the feedback I received from the women present far exceeded my expectations. They are hungry - for biblical teaching. Women are tired of the fluff at conferences, telling them how great they are and how in love with them Jesus is....they want solid, biblical teaching that will direct them to the Word and help them overcome spiritual struggles. I hope in some small way I was able to do that. An excellent talk on the importance of gratitude was given by another speaker, as well.Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775992547950018841.post-48943662741393421372013-10-14T06:28:00.001-07:002013-10-14T08:36:04.283-07:00Upcoming Article in Albanian Christian Magazine <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIzCdZPtzjqAIhV4gzmn_Qevhx3StD-zjcB1szeWlAzNdPlFeTMaBVNHWTkSp9TgCVAEcmDnzU0NCGrW9w7hm2ko7Irb8Jf8ito_VHrxMatWzrPtBgoT6iYOKil4tsQ0VU1mv0Mcsg88/s1600/ilira.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIzCdZPtzjqAIhV4gzmn_Qevhx3StD-zjcB1szeWlAzNdPlFeTMaBVNHWTkSp9TgCVAEcmDnzU0NCGrW9w7hm2ko7Irb8Jf8ito_VHrxMatWzrPtBgoT6iYOKil4tsQ0VU1mv0Mcsg88/s320/ilira.jpg" width="224" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Ilira Reviste" - the only Christian Women's <br />
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Magazine in Albania</div>
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I am very pleased to share with you that I have been accepted as a contributing writer to Albania's first magazine for Christian women! Recently, I contacted the editor-in-chief of <a href="http://revistailira.com/">"Ilira Revista"</a>, which publishes 5 issues a year, and discussed some of the articles I have written for various Christian media. Since I am a regular contributor to <a href="http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/resources/authors/marie-notcheva">The Biblical Coalition's</a> blog, and have published <b><i>"Redeemed from the Pit"</i></b> with <a href="http://www.calvarypress.com/">Calvary Press</a> two years ago, Migena was most interested in my submitting an article on eating disorders.<br />
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Needless to say, I was very happy to write about hope and healing from anorexia and bulimia, which have become very wide-spread in Eastern Europe. (Two years ago, when I first went to Albania on a missions trip, I was shocked to learn from teenage girls that eating disorders were rampant in their country. As a kid growing up at the end of the Cold War, I remember when Albania was still a Third World country!)<br />
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<b>"Ilira Reviste"</b> will translate my 1,500 word article into Albanian, and when it is published I will feature it here (along with the English-language original, of course!) I am thrilled that the Lord has allowed me this opportunity, and that someone in Albania may be blessed or encouraged to turn away from her bulimia by something I write. Since I am in the process of trying to get "RFTP" translated and published in Albania, the editor's choice of subject matter is particularly timely.<br />
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This opportunity comes on the heels of a bigger event: <b>biblical counseling is making headway in Albania.</b> There are a couple of NANC-certified counselors who have ministered there for several years, Sue and Blair Alvidrez who, along with the pastor of Grace Church in Tirana, were instrumental in bringing NANC fellows Timothy Pasma and Brad Brandt to Albania. This team led a several-week-long biblical counseling conference in different cities in Albania, including Tirana, Korce, and Durres. They brought the training to a number of churches, as well as preaching. It is great to see local churches equipped with nouthetic principles. Having been there twice, and with so many dear friends in Albania, naturally I followed Pastor Tim's updates and details on the training with great interest, delight.....and a little envy! Thanks to the Alvidrezes, two Tirana pastors and missionaries from Grace Baptist, the Biblical Counseling Coalition now has an Albanian branch - <b><i>Koalicioni i Këshillimit Biblik Shqiptar</i></b>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYg0nn2M_yJRGrQdwRY1z8yPw5auBPz4tRVQaDxk743hil8qCSf5hOD5S8QpK5K3EXnrtOrCqgwljaF45l5H0W4yMvPnnji7imgAVfPm1jz9KvVhb8oqvOIqsCu0zirQiIGSzJjTYR3eE/s1600/conference.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYg0nn2M_yJRGrQdwRY1z8yPw5auBPz4tRVQaDxk743hil8qCSf5hOD5S8QpK5K3EXnrtOrCqgwljaF45l5H0W4yMvPnnji7imgAVfPm1jz9KvVhb8oqvOIqsCu0zirQiIGSzJjTYR3eE/s200/conference.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b>Candid confession:</b> I wish I were still there! I have dreams about Tepelena and Bunec at least three times a month. I miss my young friends there so much it brings me to tears sometimes, and my joy at seeing biblical counseling brought to my beloved Shqiperia was mingled with a deep desire to be somehow involved.<br />
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And thus, I write. And God opened a door. I cannot move my family to Albania; I cannot even afford to go there as often as I'd like. In fact, I cannot even speak Albanian! (Bulgarian, despite the two countries' geographic proximity, is a completely different language family.) But I can write. This is the gift God gave me, and He is gracious to open doors - even in Albania - in order to use it for His glory.<br />
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And I am so thankful.<br />
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Zoti ju bekofte!! (God bless you!)<br />
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<br />Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15411152395819469453noreply@blogger.com0