10/27/09

When Shame and Compassion Meet


"The Prodigal" by Ron DiCianni



(Text seen on a Christian message board...have you ever felt like this?)










I have turned from my Fathers love, provisions and protection to go it on my own. Once again I have failed miserably; finding myself worse off than before.


I need to return to my Father, but what will He say? Will He receive me back after all I have done?


I could see He might receive me back if this was the first time but my second, third, fourth? How many times will I test His patience? Why have I been fighting against Him?


“Ah Father, I'm so sorry. I have been such a fool.”


Will He accept my plea? Will He turn away from me?


I have nothing left to lose, but to ask, as this shame is more than I can bear.


“Father I'm coming home. I pray You will receive me. I'm walking back Father to the place where I left You. I am scared You won't receive me. Have I gone too far this time?”


I'm on my knees now as the shame and guilt are weighing heavily upon me. I cannot take another step as I'm not deserving of His love.


Maybe if I reached out with an outstretched hand I could just touch His feet. I know I cannot look Him in the face as I have let him down again and again. I have disgraced Him. How can He ever look at me again?


I am face down in the dirt with my outstretched hand praying to just touch His feet, though I am so unworthy even to touch His sandals.


“Father forgive me. I am so sorry, will You forgive me? Can You?”


The sorrow is so great I feel as though my heart will burst from the pain.


“Wait... what is this that I am feeling? Father is that You? Is it really Your presence that I am feeling? Father, no, please do not ask me to look up at You. I am so not worthy. The shame is too great. Father, please can't I just lay prostrate at Your feet?”


“My child NO! Please do not fight me, but feel the love I have for you. Receive it like you never have before. Look, not only up at me, but rise! Your sins are forgiven. I hold no condemnation over you. I love you My child, the shame and guilt are more than you are to carry. Lay them down.”


“Hold fast to me and keep your eyes upon me, feel My love for you and sin no more.”


Welcome Home My child, you have been missed.



John 8:7b-12 (NKJV)
7 and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” 8 And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience,[b] went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her,[c] “Woman, where are those accusers of yours?[d] Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.”
And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and[e] sin no more.” 12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”



Romans 8:1 (NKJV)
1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.


2 comments:

  1. Sometimes I still can't quite get over it myself...may it never grow old.

    ReplyDelete

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