...in convincing Christian publishers that I have something worthwhile to say.
As I mentioned earlier on, this blog is part of my ministry to eating disordered women and a platform for the writing I have done. Earlier this year, I completed a manuscript tentatively titled "Redeemed From the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders". I discuss my personal journey out of the bulimia that gripped me for 17 years, and how the reader may apply the biblical principals of recognizing and confessing her ED as sin, repenting of it, and allowing God to renew her mind as she overcomes this behavior.
What I have learned is that it is extremely difficult for a first-time author to break into the publishing world, regardless of how good your material may be. Agents won't even consider taking you on as a client without established "name recognition" because their main job is to convince publishers that your book will sell. Is there a market for this book? I believe there is, judging by the prevalence of eating disorders among Christian women. In short, I need to make the case to publishers of biblical material that there is a legitimate market for this book among Bible-believing Christians.
A fellow Christian writer forwarded an article to me about an aspiring author who asked online for potential interest, and forwarded the responses to publishers along with his query letter - and they ended up publishing his manuscript. What a great idea! I would like to do the same.
Please leave me a brief message in the combox if you would buy or read a book that attempts to address eating disorders as spiritual issues with straight-forward spiritual answers. Have you benefited in any way from this blog? Would you like to read more than a happily-ever-after testimony, one which focuses 16 chapters on God and you, and only 1.5 chapters on me? A Bible study that affects the deepest part of your life, and challenges your most secret besetting sin?
Leave me a comment explaining why such a book would be of interest to you. Anonymous comments are fine - pseudonyms are fine; town/state only is fine. Please just share your thoughts; help me convince the publishing houses that this will be a life-changing read for you (or someone you know who loves the Lord, but battles a food addiction).
Thank you, dear readers. My hope is that it will be in print soon.
7/30/09
7/26/09
You're Never Alone, Even in the Pit (Psalm 23)
Between Two Worlds: Antipsalm 23 vs. Psalm 23
This is an insightful look at how unbiblical we can get in our thought-lives - thanks to the author and Justin Taylor for posting it. I am including it here because I think it's application to the eating disordered Christian is self-evident. The next time you feel "stuck in the pit" and without hope of rescue, reflect on this!
This is an insightful look at how unbiblical we can get in our thought-lives - thanks to the author and Justin Taylor for posting it. I am including it here because I think it's application to the eating disordered Christian is self-evident. The next time you feel "stuck in the pit" and without hope of rescue, reflect on this!
David Powlison writes an Antipsalm 23:
Powlison writes:I'm on my own.
No one looks out for me or protects me.
I experience a continual sense of need. Nothing's quite right.
I'm always restless. I'm easily frustrated and often disappointed.
It's a jungle — I feel overwhelmed. It's a desert — I'm thirsty.
My soul feels broken, twisted, and stuck. I can't fix myself.
I stumble down some dark paths.
Still, I insist: I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want.
But life's confusing. Why don't things ever really work out?
I'm haunted by emptiness and futility — shadows of death.
I fear the big hurt and final loss.
Death is waiting for me at the end of every road,
but I'd rather not think about that.
I spend my life protecting myself. Bad things can happen.
I find no lasting comfort.
I'm alone ... facing everything that could hurt me.
Are my friends really friends?
Other people use me for their own ends.
I can't really trust anyone. No one has my back.
No one is really for me — except me.
And I'm so much all about ME, sometimes it's sickening.
I belong to no one except myself.
My cup is never quite full enough. I'm left empty.
Disappointment follows me all the days of my life.
Will I just be obliterated into nothingness?
Will I be alone forever, homeless, free-falling into void?
Sartre said, "Hell is other people."
I have to add, "Hell is also myself."
It's a living death,
and then I die.
The antipsalm tells what life feels like and looks like whenever God vanishes from sight. As we hear about Garrett and the others, each story lives too much inside the antipsalm. The "I'm-all-alone-in-the-universe" experience maps onto each one of them. The antipsalm captures the driven-ness and pointlessness of life-purposes that are petty and self-defeating. It expresses the fears and silent despair that cannot find a voice because there's no one to really talk to.But, he says, the antipsalm needn't tell the final story.
. . . Something bad gets last say when whatever you live for is not God.
And when you're caught up in the antipsalm, it doesn't help when you're labeled a "disorder," a "syndrome" or a "case." The problem is much more serious: The disorder is "my life." The syndrome is "I'm on my own." The case is "Who am I and what am I living for?" when too clearly I am the center of my story.
It only becomes your reality when you construct your reality from a lie. In reality, someone else is the center of the story. Nobody can make Jesus go away. The I AM was, is and will be, whether or not people acknowledge that.Powlison continues:
When you awaken, when you see who Jesus actually is, everything changes. You see the Person whose care and ability you can trust. You experience His care. You see the Person whose glory you are meant to worship. You love Him who loves you. The real Psalm 23 captures what life feels like and looks like when Jesus Christ puts his hand on your shoulder.Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Can you taste the difference?
You might want to read both antipsalm and psalm again, slowly. Maybe even read out loud. The psalm is sweet, not bitter. It's full, not empty. You aren't trying to grab the wind with your bare hands. Someone else takes you in His hands. You are not alone.
Jesus Christ actually plays two roles in this most tender psalm. First, He walked this Himself. He is a man who looked to the Lord. He said these very words, and means what He says. He entered our predicament. He walked the valley of the shadow of death. He faced every evil. He felt the threat of the antipsalm, of our soul's need to be restored. He looked to his Father's care when He was cast down — for us — into the darkest shadow of death. And God's goodness and mercy followed Him and carried Him. Life won.
Second, Jesus is also this Lord to whom we look. He is the living shepherd to whom we call. He restores your soul. He leads you in paths of righteousness. Why? Because of who He is: "for His name's sake."
You, too, can walk Psalm 23. You can say these words and mean what you say. God's goodness and mercy is true, and all He promises will come true. The King is at home in his universe.
Jesus puts it this way, "It is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom" (Luke 12:32). He delights to walk with you.
7/23/09
"Do You Want to Be Healed?"
A week or so ago, one of my favorite bloggers, Dan Phillips of Pyromaniacs re-posted a probing entry he'd written on the question Jesus asked the cripple in John 5:6: "Do you want to be healed?" Dan raised the rhetorical question as to whether Jesus was asking a dumb question, or whether He was probing for something deeper. For 38 years, the disabled man was lying by the pool of Bethesda, waiting for someone to take the initiative and lead him into the waters.
Phillips draws an accurate spiritual parallel, and admits to having wanted to ask the same question many times of those is spiritual binds.
"Do you (really) want to become well?"
He writes:
Now, let's think about this question in terms of addictions. Clearly, the addictive agent supplies some momentary comfort; it provides some sort of fleeting "reward" that we cannot get any other way. That's why we keep coming back to it. For us, our drug of choice is food. I always write in the first person plural when talking about eating disordered thought and behavior, despite having been fully recovered for nearly six years, because I write from deep and exhaustive experience. Without a major over-hauling, mind-renewal forged during months of steadfast and gut-wrenching repentance, I would still be flirting with the question: "Do I (really) want to be healed?"
Do we? Do we want to be healed if it means no longer having the option of stuffing ourselves with every high-carb, fat-loaded piece of junk under the sun, with little or no provocation? Do we really want to learn discipline in our eating habits, while surrendering meticulous control over our weight? Do we really want to be free of this love-hate relationship, this deadly yet seductive secret we know we can always indulge in, knowing that once the "crutch" is gone, we will have to actually face our real feelings and deal with them biblically? Are we willing to renounce the idols that have taken root in our hearts - ultimate thinness; food; alcohol; even the fleeting comfort of the ED itself?
Freedom is well worth it, but from the other side of the addiction we cannot see that. If we keep our eyes on God, however, He reveals the truth to us: we can be healed. As I have often said before, bulimia is a spiritual disease masquerading as a physical one. While God does not always heal physical infirmities in this lifetime, it is always His will and pleasure to set captives free from the bondage of sin.
The question is, do we really want Him to, or have we grown so comfortable in our "pet" sin that the pain of change seems more threatening than the pain of staying where we are? I once heard a pastor say that often, when people would come to him for counseling, it quickly became apparent that they didn't really want help - they just wanted someone to feel sorry for them. I discovered in counseling that this is often true. It is not unusual to pour yourself out into counseling, exhorting and biblically encouraging an eating-disordered client, with no change in her behavior - just rationalizations ("I'd change if my husband were more supportive") and self-pitying rhetoric ("It's just the way I am...I'll never change....the devil has his claws into me deep....what's it going to take?") And yet, I've been able to tell with a fairly high degree of accuracy when there is no real repentance (hatred of the sin - in this case, the eating disorder) - but rather simply a two-pronged fear of A) getting caught and B) giving up the behavior and gaining weight.
Christ can free us of all that anxiety, obsession and fear if we only just decide to lay it down, once and for all. When you slip up, don't give up - just pick up where you left off and determine once again to walk away from this destructive lifestyle. He instantly forgives and imparts strength through the Holy Spirit when you seek Him - resulting in your ultimate healing. And it is a COMPLETE healing - relapses simply do not happen once you have repented and been restored.
The question He poses to you today is the same one He asked the paraplegic: "Do you want to be healed?" Are you ready to take the first step? He has made a way out and stands patiently waiting for you to run into His arms.
Phillips draws an accurate spiritual parallel, and admits to having wanted to ask the same question many times of those is spiritual binds."Do you (really) want to become well?"
He writes:
Much as you and I might recoil from another's state in life, that person might not share our revulsion.
One can grow to identify with a condition, to find meaning and individuality and significance in something that of itself offers nothing desirable whatever. Whether it be a natural handicap or a totally different weakness, failing, misery, affliction or sin, we can come to think of ourselves as Noble Sufferers, as Tragic Victims, as Tormented Souls. So (pathetically and unhealthily) rewarding is this identification, that we unknowingly have no real desire to be parted from our badge of uniqueness, our gimmick, our shtick.
Now, let's think about this question in terms of addictions. Clearly, the addictive agent supplies some momentary comfort; it provides some sort of fleeting "reward" that we cannot get any other way. That's why we keep coming back to it. For us, our drug of choice is food. I always write in the first person plural when talking about eating disordered thought and behavior, despite having been fully recovered for nearly six years, because I write from deep and exhaustive experience. Without a major over-hauling, mind-renewal forged during months of steadfast and gut-wrenching repentance, I would still be flirting with the question: "Do I (really) want to be healed?"
Do we? Do we want to be healed if it means no longer having the option of stuffing ourselves with every high-carb, fat-loaded piece of junk under the sun, with little or no provocation? Do we really want to learn discipline in our eating habits, while surrendering meticulous control over our weight? Do we really want to be free of this love-hate relationship, this deadly yet seductive secret we know we can always indulge in, knowing that once the "crutch" is gone, we will have to actually face our real feelings and deal with them biblically? Are we willing to renounce the idols that have taken root in our hearts - ultimate thinness; food; alcohol; even the fleeting comfort of the ED itself?
Freedom is well worth it, but from the other side of the addiction we cannot see that. If we keep our eyes on God, however, He reveals the truth to us: we can be healed. As I have often said before, bulimia is a spiritual disease masquerading as a physical one. While God does not always heal physical infirmities in this lifetime, it is always His will and pleasure to set captives free from the bondage of sin.
The question is, do we really want Him to, or have we grown so comfortable in our "pet" sin that the pain of change seems more threatening than the pain of staying where we are? I once heard a pastor say that often, when people would come to him for counseling, it quickly became apparent that they didn't really want help - they just wanted someone to feel sorry for them. I discovered in counseling that this is often true. It is not unusual to pour yourself out into counseling, exhorting and biblically encouraging an eating-disordered client, with no change in her behavior - just rationalizations ("I'd change if my husband were more supportive") and self-pitying rhetoric ("It's just the way I am...I'll never change....the devil has his claws into me deep....what's it going to take?") And yet, I've been able to tell with a fairly high degree of accuracy when there is no real repentance (hatred of the sin - in this case, the eating disorder) - but rather simply a two-pronged fear of A) getting caught and B) giving up the behavior and gaining weight.
Christ can free us of all that anxiety, obsession and fear if we only just decide to lay it down, once and for all. When you slip up, don't give up - just pick up where you left off and determine once again to walk away from this destructive lifestyle. He instantly forgives and imparts strength through the Holy Spirit when you seek Him - resulting in your ultimate healing. And it is a COMPLETE healing - relapses simply do not happen once you have repented and been restored.
The question He poses to you today is the same one He asked the paraplegic: "Do you want to be healed?" Are you ready to take the first step? He has made a way out and stands patiently waiting for you to run into His arms.
7/14/09
The Answer Lies with God, Not Within Self
I am currently reading David Tyler and Kurt Grady's "Deceptive Diagnosis: When Sin is Called Sickness", an excellent look at the modern trend of behavioral psychology's relabeling of 'addictions' and anti-social behaviors as diseases. While never specifically mentioning anorexia or bulimia, every point the authors make about the dangers inherent in seeking medications and rationalizations over repentance could easily apply to eating disorders - including compulsive overeating.
Every page has my notes and highlighting all over it - the only thing I don't like about this text is that I did not write it myself. Here is an excellent excerpt I came across today which drives home the need to seek God and not man's wisdom:
I have known quite a few other women over the years who have been fully healed from the bondage of eating disorders, some of them readers of this blog. (Why aren't you ladies leaving comments, btw?) Not a single one of them was ever helped by a psychologist or secular therapist. Not a single one. In fact, in my experience tele-counseling women, the only thing ladies seem to learn at group therapy is how to blame their husbands for their problem. Psychologists tell them bulimia is a "disease" and prescribe Zoloft (in my college days, it was Prozac). Convincing a woman that her eating disorder is a "disease" or "condition" which is not her fault is self-defeating: it ensures that she will never walk in repentance. The "condition" is sin, and it goes back to the Fall. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can confess the ED as sin and see repentance for the gift it really is.
God stands ever ready and faithful to heal, but the condition for this blessing is to agree with Him about our sin and not seek to white-wash it. Learning to really hate the anorexic or bulimic behavior because it is wrong, and desiring to walk away from it no matter what it takes is necessary in order to really repent. No psychologist will ever tell a client this, as making moral judgements is "taboo" in the psych fields. Making excuses and blame-shifting may be much more popular and gratefully received, but in the end it only leads to death. IN the case of eating disorders, it is all too often a physical as well as spiritual death.
Decide today to seek God's wisdom!
Every page has my notes and highlighting all over it - the only thing I don't like about this text is that I did not write it myself. Here is an excellent excerpt I came across today which drives home the need to seek God and not man's wisdom:
Is it possible for Christians then to benefit (or at least not be harmed) from secular psychotherapies? Based on the underlying premise in all secular therapies, I would argue no. Anything, including talk that leads people into themselves (helping the sinful self please itself) rather than into the loving arms of the Lord Almighty ultimately leads to further sin and rebellion. Sadly, people turn from the wisdom of the Creator of the Universe to the wisdom of a fallen, created being whose "help" is based on a humanistic system. That system neither understands nor does it provide the the healing that Christians are seeking. Can man's secular counsel temporarily relieve pain? Yes. Can it satisfy a deep spiritual thirst? No.
Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:13-14).
I have known quite a few other women over the years who have been fully healed from the bondage of eating disorders, some of them readers of this blog. (Why aren't you ladies leaving comments, btw?) Not a single one of them was ever helped by a psychologist or secular therapist. Not a single one. In fact, in my experience tele-counseling women, the only thing ladies seem to learn at group therapy is how to blame their husbands for their problem. Psychologists tell them bulimia is a "disease" and prescribe Zoloft (in my college days, it was Prozac). Convincing a woman that her eating disorder is a "disease" or "condition" which is not her fault is self-defeating: it ensures that she will never walk in repentance. The "condition" is sin, and it goes back to the Fall. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can confess the ED as sin and see repentance for the gift it really is.
God stands ever ready and faithful to heal, but the condition for this blessing is to agree with Him about our sin and not seek to white-wash it. Learning to really hate the anorexic or bulimic behavior because it is wrong, and desiring to walk away from it no matter what it takes is necessary in order to really repent. No psychologist will ever tell a client this, as making moral judgements is "taboo" in the psych fields. Making excuses and blame-shifting may be much more popular and gratefully received, but in the end it only leads to death. IN the case of eating disorders, it is all too often a physical as well as spiritual death.
Decide today to seek God's wisdom!
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