BBC Interview with Shannon K. McCoy - Author of "Help! I'm a Slave to Food"

The Biblical Counseling Coalition ran the following Q & A with NANC counselor and author, Shannon K. McCoy. Shannon wrote a very helpful booklet to help believers and biblical counselors overcome life-dominating food issues, which I will review in the upcoming weeks. The booklet is available on Amazon, as well as through the BCC site. It is indeed a pleasure to find and recommend other soundly Scriptural resources that help Christians walk free from eating disorders!




The BCC Author Interview Q & A with Shannon Kay McCoy

As part of our BCC vision, we want to help you to get to know gifted Christian authors and their books. This week we’re highlighting Shannon Kay McCoy as she talks about her booklet Help! I’m a Slave to Food. Her booklet is part of the series Living in a Fallen World.

BCC: “Why did you write a booklet on overeating?”

SKM: “First, my interest in this topic is very personal. There have been times in my life when I felt I was a slave to food. I tried to use food as a balm for unwanted emotions and to distract me from undesirable responsibilities. It brought a false sense of pleasure and satisfaction, only to end in confusion and betrayal. Then I discovered God’s empowering grace and I am now walking victoriously in the words of Jesus that “life is more than food” (Luke 12:23) and “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Second, I am concerned about the effectiveness of the Christian church. Excessive overeating, which is called gluttony in the Bible, can no longer be considered a subtle, respectable, and silent sin. It is hindering the spiritual growth and effectiveness of many Christians.”

BCC: “Why did you choose to include the word ‘slave’ in the title?”

SKM: “The word ‘slave’ describes what an overeater really feels. A slave is a person held in servitude or bondage resulting in loss of freedom. A slave is completely subservient to a master. The master has ownership, authority, power, and control over the life of a slave. The overeater feels like food is her master, and that she is completely helpless to set herself free from its prison.”

BCC: “In your approach, how important do you think it is to identity overeating as a sin?”

SKM: “Identifying overeating as a sin means there is great hope because Jesus has overcome sin for us. By faith the overeater acknowledges her sin and seek God’s grace through Jesus Christ who then delivers the overeater from this sin.”

BCC: “Why did you not choose to use the term ‘addiction’ with overeating?”

SKM: “The danger in labeling overeating as an addiction is that it undermines the personal conviction of sin. If sin is not the problem, then you will be looking for solutions in a system of theories and not in the person of Jesus Christ.”

BCC: “How is your booklet different from other materials that address this subject?”

SKM: “This booklet is not a diet plan, but a compass directing the reader to the heart of the problem and to the only solution: Jesus, the One who can bring you out of slavery into freedom.”

BCC: “What are some of the practical helps that your booklet offers?”

SKM: “The booklet offers personal application projects that can be done individually or with a group.”

BCC: “Who should read your book?”

SKM: “Anyone who may be struggling with the sin of overeating or knows someone who struggles with this sin.”

BCC: “Thanks, Shannon, for helping our readers to ponder biblical principles for victory over the temptations we face in our daily Christian life—especially related to overeating.”

Identifying Your Idols (NANC Conference 2010)



 Last week, I attended NANC's Annual Conference in LaFayette, Indiana. As many of you may know, NANC stands for the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors and is the certifying/supervisory organization for biblical counselors in the United States and about a dozen other countries. This conference was extremely edifying and useful to me for several reasons. I was able to meet and talk with Martha Peace, Dr. Mark Shaw, and Jocelyn Wallace - who have been extremely helpful in the process of publishing my book, and have offered endorsements. Secondly, the general session speakers, particularly Al Mohler (who I can only describe as "scary smart"), gave inspirational messages about counseling for the glory of God and helped me revive my own relationship with Christ. Lastly, and most germane to the reason for attending, several of the five workshops I attended directly dealt with counseling ladies with bulimia.

The first evening of the conference, I attended a session taught by Jocelyn Wallace, Executive Director at Vision of Hope - the long-term residential facility located on the campus of Faith Ministries (where the conference was being held - I later was able to tour the home). Jocelyn was and continues to be very helpful to me in writing "Redeemed from the Pit", and an interview she granted earlier this year provides much of the information on residential counseling for eating disordered ladies in chapter 9. Her workshop was entitled "Helping Addicts Learn to Identify Their Idols", and she opened with the bottom-line premise that each one of us needs to embrace: the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Someone with a life-dominating sin ("addiction") such as bulimia has learned to use tools to acheive a counterfeit satisfaction or happiness, rather than seeking God as the source of her joy and peace. The eating disordered individual, as is the case with other addicts, will use different means to acheive her goal - to avoid pain/confrontation; not be miserable; to be thin at all costs. Jeremiah 2 describes these "broken cisterns" as hopeless and futile; but when trapped in the bondage of addiction, this idolatrous pursuit turns into the downward spiral described in Romans chapter1. As the "worship" of this idol progresses, sinful actions ==> become sinful habits ==> become life-dominating (see Romans 7:14-25).

As Jocelyn pointed out, basic discipleship is necessary until a counselee understands and grasps the basic premise of the Gospel. (See my review of Elyse Fitzpatrick's "Because He Loves Me"). Trying to change behavior is futile until she really trusts in Christ as her Savior and has become broken. Brokenness means giving up the fight (for her own idol); not trying to win or acheive satisfaction apart from God anymore; yeilding in submission and humility to God's will. Once she embraces her true purpose - to glorify God and seek her satisfaction in Him - she is then in a position to choose the path of righteousness (1 Peter 2:9; 12; Psalm 23:6). Jocelyn cited an analogy from the book "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" as useful for struggling counselees - the repentant bulimic (or other addict) is like the little lamb with the broken leg, being carried by the Good Shepherd. In her brokenness, she learns to trust the Good Shepherd and not leave His side. From this place of trust, she will learn to continue walking by His side, even blindfolded, with her hand in His.

Once the bulimic is able to begin examining the lies she believes, James 4:1-10 is useful to illustrate a simple progression: what I want in my heart ==> what I do; this controls how I feel. Repentance, defined as 'turning and walking in the opposite direction', means that one will no longer turn to idols anymore to serve one's self. God alone can be served froma  heart of joy and gratitude that is singular in purpose - to love and glorify God. Lies are replaced with the truth as the counselee researches what God says about the idols she realizes are present in her life. She is then taught how to build up walls of protection against temptation to return to that idol, and/or radical amputation of her access to the tools used to serve that idol.

For example, Stuart Scott described the following incident in his workshop, "Helping Counselees Mortify Sin in Their Lives". He and his wife were joint-counseling a young bulimic woman, who seemed to "talk a good talk". Something seemed a bit "off", and Scott's wife asked the young lady if they might go through her purse. Immediately uncomfortable, the counselee bristled but finally consented. Her purse was filled with laxatives, enemas and diet pills. "Radical amputation" (Matthew 5:30) in this case, of course, would include throwing away all of the "purge paraphanelia" one would use, as well as seeking accountability.

Throughout the counseling process, godly tools are introduced to take the place of wicked tools and the idols are compared to the One True God. Over and over, these idols are shown to be worthless.

Living each day to glorify God - with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength - is infinitely better than wallowing in the muck and mire of an eating disorder, ladies. Trust me: Jocelyn is right. These idols of self, thinness, avoidance of discomfort, vanity and attention are just not worth it. Do not forfeit true fellowship with Christ for the deceit of temporary, empty "satisfaction".

Verbal Cruelty and the Balm of the Good News

Next month, Dr. Laura Hendrickson, trained as a psychiatrist and now serving as a nouthetic counselor, will be presneting a workshop at the annual NANC Conference entitled "Counseling Women Who Binge and Purge". Needless to say, this is one of the six conferences I have registered for at the conference, and am looking forward to meeting her.

Dr. Laura herself is an abuse survivor. Those of us who have experienced deep pain and wounding at the hands of others are often able to better identify and feel compassion for those we counsel - and see what is behind the irrational self-abuse counselees practice. Recently, Dr. Laura posted an excellent entry on verbal abuse - what is the driving force behind mocking, sarcasm, and cruel joking at the expense of others. Shouldn't we, who have "been there", know better? Why do we cut others down? She writes:

Those of us who've been hurt are sometimes the first to hurt others in similar ways. It seems as though this shouldn't happen, yet it does. Why?


Many of us who've survived painful experiences struggle constantly with feelings of inferiority. Some of us were told repeatedly that we were of no value to the ones we loved. Others were treated by others in ways that told us that we had no value. Our memories of mistreatment send us powerful messages about our inadequacy and inferiority--messages we hope aren't true, but fear that they are.

Read more here: http://blog.drlaurahendrickson.com/2010/02/23/verbal-cruelty-and-the-gospel.aspx

Want to be Free of Bulimia? Then F.L.E.E.!

As I study more deeply the theory and practice of biblical counseling, I find much material has already been produced that articulates the inner struggle bulimics deal with daily - how to fight and win against temptation. This battle is certainly not unique in any way to eating disordered individuals; all sin follows a similar pattern until, unchecked, it becomes a life-dominating problem.

In one of his books, Dr. Stuart Scott, the Associate Professor of Biblical Counseling at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary lays out practical steps that deal with the heart-issue of sin (in this case, he's writing about lust, but you can easily see how the principle applies to bulimia and binge eating). I would like to quote part of what he says, and ask you to consider prayerfully how you may "F.L.E.E."

"The first step to overcoming your sin problem is to admit that you have one. The second thing you must do is to take full responsibility for it. No one else has caused this problem - Not God or anyone who has influenced you. Your sinful heart has chosen to take whatever opportunities you were given because your heart (without God) is utterly wicked. You must be brutally honest with yourself in order to begin on the path of righteousness."

To paraphrase the next section and make it applicable to those with food addictions, it is noted that BEFORE temptation hits again you confess your sin (in this case, bulimia) to God and any others you may have sinned against in the process. (Think of all the times you have lied to cover up your secret; stolen food; etc.) "Explain your willingness to give yourself fully to repentance (putting off your sin and putting on what is right). Then ask for forgiveness (Psalm 51:1-4; Matt. 5:23-24)."

"Daily, even several times a day, ask God to work in this area of your life and help you to put forth effort toward change (2 Corinthians 9:8)."

Dr. Scott then lists several other practical suggestions, including regular Bible study and making lists of righteous thoughts to "put on" when temptation hits in order to cultivate godliness through discipline (I hope soon to do an entire series on that subject).

Here is his helpful exhortation - At the time of temptation: (F.L.E.E. from sin to God).

1. Flee! Act quickly to run away from sin. Acknowledge your complete allegiance to God and put on loving thoughts and actions. Get out of or vary the situation immediately (2 Timothy 2:22).

2. Lean on God. Call on Him for strength to honor Him. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (Psalm 37:5; James 4:8).

3. Entertain the right thoughts (Philippians 4:8-9). Rehearse those things for which you are grateful and thankful.

4. Eagerly continue to pursue love and righteousness. Don't look back. Look to your "ways to love and serve" lists for ideas if necessary. Engage yourself in giving (Proverbs 21:21).

Finally, if you fail -

"Do not engage in panic, self-pity, or giving up! These attitudes are just what Satan is hoping for, but this is not acceptable to God because it is not in keeping with true repentance, and it will not get you anywhere! Get up and get back on the path to victory if you are still serious about repentance. You probably will not be flawless in putting off old habits. It takes time to change. It is a serious matter to choose to sin, but all is not lost if you return to a righteous path and refuse to give up (Proverbs 24:16)." 1

Big, fat "Amen". All of the points he makes above (again, in context he is talking about sexual lust, but clearly they are equally applicable to ALL "lusts of the flesh") proved true for me while I was repenting of my 2-decade battle with bulimia.

Let me know if you are at all helped or blessed by this.

1 All quotes taken from "The Exemplary Husband" by Dr. Stuart Scott, Focus Publishing, Bemidji, MN (c) 2002. Excerpted from pp. 292; 294; 296.

Why Eating Disorder "Support Groups" Don't Help

(Note: It occurred to me after posting that this entry could potentially confuse and cause misunderstanding. To clarify: there ARE some truly biblically-grounded groups which keep Christ at the center, where counselees come and desire to change. Often, the facilitator is a Christian counselor, but not always. The point is, where groups are Christ-centered and the biblical model of change is followed, lives can be transformed. I've seen it work, although not often. As such, these groups technically should NOT be labelling themselves "support groups", but a more accurate title would be "growth groups" or "biblical counseling groups". There are even a few such groups online, although most online forums and bulletin boards are rife with bad theology and fall into the unbiblical "support" trap where little more than "sharing" is encouraged. Heleen's Facebook group, "Women Struggling with Food", is excellent; as is Setting Captives Free.

Remember, if it isn't about being transformed into the image of Christ, it isn't grounded in the Word!!)

"Support groups" don't help because "support groups", as such, are not biblical. In fact, "supporting" someone who is in sin is the least loving thing you can do.

Let that sink in a moment.

We are called as fellow servants of Christ to love, encourage, exhort, instruct, edify, build up and correct one another in the Body, using the Word of God as a plumbline. Galatians 6:1 is an excellent summary verse for how we are to help fellow Christians caught in addictions: "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted." (emphasis mine).

Restoration implies change - biblical change. Sometimes this is forgotten, but change is always the goal of counseling - change in the direction of Christ-likeness. The last thing we want to do is support one another in a sinful lifestyle, if we love one another and love God. We should constantly be "spurring one another on to love and good deeds" (Hebrews 10:24).

Besides the fact that "support groups" (both secular and Christian) breed complaining and gossip about third parties, turning to non-change-oriented "support" systems (in expectation that other participants will either vindicate and coddle one's sin of choice) is contrary to what the Bible teaches. I have always had misgivings about such groups, but in studying biblical counseling and theology it has become even more clear how much damage such groups can actually do spiritually. Here is an excerpt from Jay Adams' "The Christian Counselor's Manual" that is germane to the subject of "support":

"First, Christian counselors must never support sinful behavior. (Contrary to some protestations, psychotherapists do define acceptance in ways that indicate approval of sinful behavior. Cf. the following: "His attitude is respectful, accepting, nonevaluative, noncondemning, noncriticizing...) If a counselee has failed to handle a problem God's way, what (s)he needs is not support for his faulty responses (or non-responses), but rather nouthetic confrontation. In nouthetic confrontation the counselor points out the biblical principals and through kindly, concerned conference seeks to bring the counselee to repentance, faith, and hope. It aims at change. Whenever the Spirit so blesses His Word, the counselee may then not only abandon his faulty and counter-productive methods of handling life's problems, but also turn to God's solutions instead. Whatever else a counselor does, at all costs he must avoid every suggestion that he is lending support to ways of handling life that do not originate with God. He simply may not by support "reinforce existing defenses," if these are contrary to scriptural injunctions.

Secondly, support is harmful in that it not only acknowledges but also approves of the failure of the counselee to handle his problems. Offering support suggests that there are no better answers to the counselee's problems than those which he himself has discovered even though they may be manifestly unsuccesful. Such a realization probably was what led him to seek help. But, in short, support is not help. No help is extended. Indeed, support is offered in the place of help. It is an alternative to help. Because this is so, the Christian must recognize that support offered instead of direction from the Word of God represents Christ as a helpless Savior who has no better solutions than the counselee to life's problems.

Thirdly, there is no evidence in the Scriptures that a minister of the Word should stand by passively "being" but neither doing nor saying. Can you picture a passive Savior or a passive Apostle Paul?"

-- Jay Adams, "The Christian Counselor's Manual", pp. 156-157.

As a pastor I knew once said, "often, people come to counseling, but they don't really want help - they just want someone to listen and feel sorry for them." Being with others (fellowshipping) and "sharing" is not wrong in and of itself; we were called to bear one another's burdens. However, it should not (and must not) stop there. The answer lies in the Gospel -- not just for salvation, but for defeating the power of sin in our lives. This is as true for the bulimic or anorexic as it is for the porn star or drug addict. Jesus has provided the answer, but if we do not point ourselves and other struggling Christians TO that answer contained in His Word, we will stay stuck in a rut of defeat.

If you have an eating disorder and want to change, don't seek out "support" - it will help you stay where you are. Seek out accountability and godly counsel, and seek by God's grace and strength to be transformed!

The Role of Hope in Counseling Eating Disorders

Actually, the title of this post is misleading. Hope is critically important in counseling, PERIOD. However, since this is a blog about redemption from eating disorders, for my purposes that is what we're considering.

In the biblical counseling course I am currently taking, the point is made that counselees will often say that they have prayed about the problem (read: sin), but that is all they have done. Their general hopelessness comes from the fact that nothing in their situation has changed; they are still enslaved; from all appearances, God has not moved. Does He not see or care? From their vantage point, prayer must be ineffectual. This often leads to hopelessness.

The problem with this common scenario, of course, is not prayer. Of course we should be praying (about everything), but that is only the first step. We should not stop there. The Bible gives decisive instructions on what we are to do in order to address our predicament the way God intends. Explicit, biblical instruction from the counselor, along with specific homework assignments, are often the first pro-active thing a Christian addict may have been given. This kindles hope that, indeed, change is possible.

It is a given that the goal of biblical counseling is always change - for the counselee to become progressively more conformed to the image of Christ. The Scriptural call to change is one that few anorexics or bulimics actually believe they are capable of anymore (especially if they have been steeped in the empty philosophy of "self-help" groups, which are usually nothing more than pity parties). Often, I hear from bulimic ladies, "I can't stop. I've been this way for too long. It's part of who I am. I can't change." The correct (read: biblical) response to this mindset is, of course, "God has commanded you to stop; therefore you can change (Phil. 4:13); in His strength, by His power and with His wisdom." Then I might point out specific passages that speak of "putting off" lust, pride, gluttony, drunkenness, etc.

Speaking about a problem from God's Word makes you solution oriented; not problem oriented. That is why I do not discuss food at length or ask my counselees to keep food journals. Such practices put the focus on the problem, not where it belongs (on Christ, and learning to obey Him in all areas). God has solutions to all problems. That fact alone should give all believers in the pit of an eating disorder great hope.

As Jay Adams put it succinctly, "A counselee needs to hear you talk the language of hope from the Bible". Amen to that.

An Interesting Approach to Counseling...

I am currently reading John Macarthur's "How to Counsel Biblically" for my biblical counseling studies (well, duh, right?) and found the following passage too intriguing not to share with you.

In the chapter entitled "Rediscovering Biblical Counseling", Macarthur is making the case (quite convincingly) that not only is psychology not a "hard science", its own practitioners admit that the various theories and experimental treatments the field(s) invent are largely hit-or-miss. After quoting several well-known "experts" from the psychoanalytic world, Macarthur says,

"Among therapists there is little agreement. There is no unified science of psychotherapy, only a cacophony of clashing theories and therapies.....One specialist [at a Phoenix conference], Jay Haley, described what he called his "shaggy dog" technique. Evidently he means it is like a fluffy animal that appears to be fat until it gets wet; there seems to be more substance than really exists. This is his approach to therapy:

Get the patient to make an absolute commitment to change, then guarantee a cure but do not tell the patient what it is for several weeks. "Once you postpone, you never lose them as patients," he said. "They have to find out what the cure is." One bulimic who ate in binges and threw up five to 25 times a day was told she would be cured if she gave the therapist a penny the first time she vomited and doubled the sum each time she threw up. Says Haley: "They quickly figure out that it doubles so fast that they can owe the therapist hundreds of thousands of dollars in a few days, so they stop."1

And people will pay upwards of $100 per hour for this "counseling"? In the end, one must have a motivation to stop - but in order to correct the underlying lies and idolatry behind the eating disordered behavior, the motivation must be based on Truth.

This "counselor" clearly cared nothing for the woman he was "treating" (notwithstanding the fact he was able to get her to stop her behavior). Contrast this to the passage I read this morning, the words of Christ:

All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. (John 10:8-15)

What stands out to me in this passage, Jesus' familiar characterization of Himself as the Good Shepherd, is the affirmation that Jesus cares for His sheep. This is, of course, implicit in the fact that He gave His life for us; but very often in the day-to-day struggle we forget how very much and very personally He cares about us. The followers of Jesus during His earthly ministry knew how deeply He cared about them. Repeatedly, the Gospels make note of His exceeding compassion towards individuals - even those who had yet to become His followers.

Contrast this attitude with the "false" shepherds, who care only about self-protection, reputation, or profit. A good nouthetic counselor is one who takes seriously the calling to be conformed to the image of Christ, and will reflect a Christ-like compassion to his or her counselees. Exhorting a fellow believer on to stronger faith, love and obedience is a solemn duty and privilege; not a job description limited to clergy.

If you are a counselor, be sure your counselees know you care about them and empathize with their plight. If you are struggling and need counsel, be sure it is the Truth of Christ you are seeking - and not the world's "wisdom", which will take your money and leave you emptier than before.

1 (Quoted by Macarthur from Time Magazine's article, "A Therapist in Every Corner", December 1985, p. 59)

Clarification: Taking Your Meds is NOT a Sin!!

Last week, someone e-mailed me claiming that I had said taking medication if you have an eating disorder is a sin.

To clear that misconception up, let me be clear: I NEVER said that, nor is that a conviction I hold.

What I HAVE said, both online and in my book, is that neither psychotropic drugs nor SSSI inhibitors have any proven effects in treating anorexia or bulimia. However, both forms of anti-depressants are routinely prescribed for both.

This is nothing new: the late eighties saw a boon in the prescription of anti-depressants for various types of psycho-somatic conditions, and the presupposed connection between depression and bulimia made Prozac the medication of choice. Even today, psychiatrists continue to treat EDs with antidepressants, despite numerous studies and much anecdotal evidence proving the chemical treatment ineffective. (This is not my opinion - it is medical fact. Please e-mail me if you would like me to cite specific sources). At least one ADA study has shown that psychotropics actually worsen symptoms in patients under 18.

They don't know what else to do, so they dispense the world's answer: chemicals.

Furthermore, I have studied and written extensively about the spiritual causes and, more importantly, solutions, to anorexia and bulimia - which are sins. I have not gotten into the various types of depression, nor do I intend to. I do not claim to be some kind of an expert on clinical depression, and while it is my opinion that depression usually has spiritual roots, I am well aware that organic conditions (such as PPD) can cause severe depression. Although I have never experienced this myself, I know several very godly, conservative Christian women who have. Taking medication, at least for a short period of time to get yourself "over the hump", sometimes seems to help (although I am not necessarily advocating this, either. I am not knowledgeable enough about how hormonal levels effect the emotions to have an informed opinion, and I am therefore neutral).

Getting back to the question of whether I "would say a woman is in sin for taking meds", (that's a direct quote, by the way), not only is it NOT sin to take physician prescribed-medication, any biblical counselor worth her salt would NEVER tell a counselee to stop taking her meds. To do so would be a very serious ethics violation, and now the counselor would be the one "in sin". In fairness, even the Word-Faith "Healing Room" individuals I have known are careful to tell the people they pray over to continue taking their prescriptions until a physician tells them otherwise.

By way of information, suddenly quitting antidepressants "cold turkey" is dangerous. A good friend of mine, who is an RN, has been trying to wean herself off antidepressants for over a year. In order to counteract the severe migraines and other physical symptoms she experiences, she must take a slew of herbal supplements because of the dependency her peripheral nervous system has built up. The myelin sheath that covers her neurons is, in a word, shot. It will take some time to get her body back up to speed, but she rues the day she started taking meds. (This year's NANC conference featured an excellent workshop on the effects of psychotropic drugs on the body).

If you want to help women have hope in Christ and turn away (repent) from their eating disorders and other addictions, it helps to do your homework.

To re-cap:

1) I never said taking doctor-prescribed medication puts you "in sin";
2) People practicing eating disordered behaviors are, in fact, sinning;
3) Anti-depressants, both psychotropics and SSSI inhibitors, are utterly ineffectual at curing eating disorders;
4) Any counselor, nouthetic or non, who tells a counselee to stop taking her medication is the one sinning - no matter how useless said medication may be.

Hope that clears things up.

"Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." -- James 3:1

Open Letter to a Christian Cutter

The phenomenon of self-mutilation, or "cutting" as it is colloquially known today, is a frighteningly common problem - especially among teens. Much like eating disorders, it is hard for an outsider to understand what would make a person harm herself physically; what is driving this compulsion?

Recently, I have started getting more and more e-mails from young ladies who, while they believe in God and profess to know Him, have turned to this addictive form of self-abuse. While I have no personal experience with "cutting", I've come to believe it's demonic. Human beings were made in the image of God, and in revenge towards Him, Satan tempts (or compels) individuals to deface themselves.

Another common denominator between bulimics and "cutters" is the prevalence of sexual abuse in their childhoods, one of the most satanically-inspired forms of torment there is. Shame, rage, and a denial of God's poeima ("workmanship") combine in the heart and manifest in such symptoms of self-abuse.

Recently, I wrote to a teenaged cutter:

"The cutting is definitely acting out of rage and anger. This is actually demonic (NOT saying you have a demon in you -- but all sin and sinful temptation comes from the devil). The devil cannot control you or force you to do anything, but he can tempt you and put ideas in your mind. One of those "ideas" is to hurt yourself and mutilate your body. Remember the story in Mark 5 of Jesus healing the man at Gerasenes (he was tormented by demons)? Read verse 5 - "he cut himself with stones". Why do you think he did that? The demons literally made him do it -- they wanted to hurt and deface him, as they do all people, because we were made in the image of God. That's why self-destructive behavior is a sin - it defaces God's greatest creation and work of beauty - humans.

Remind yourself of that the next time you feel compelled -- where is this compulsion coming from? To deface the body Christ died to redeem? Straight from the pit of hell, Theresa. Please turn to God in these moments and pray -- tell Him how you feel, and ask Him for His supernatural comfort and strength to get through it. Do not be afraid to let yourself feel emotions and cry; tears are often the beginning of healing. But do not resort to cutting yourself and making the devil smile.

The Bible tells us to be anxious for nothing but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6). This definitely includes your peace of mind - He can renew your mind, as you stay in the Word, too. This is one reason why it's so important to be reading your Bible, and digesting it bit by bit. As you think on what God's saying in His Word, gradually His thoughts will beome your own and you will have much less fear and anxiety. It is never His will for you to be fearful or anxious - repeatedly, throughout Scripture, God tells us "fear not" and not to be anxious about anything (easier said than done, I know. But we can overcome unhealthy thought patterns with prayer and developing the habit of asking ourselves "What does the Bible say about this?")

Forgiveness is very important in order to let go of bitterness and anger. Sexual abuse is probably one of the worst things a human being can inflict upon another, but you cannot let ANOTHER'S sin destroy YOUR life. When you're having a horrible flashback or memory, I want you to calmly remind yourself that Christ is there; He is with you and HE is sovereign. This means that although the abuse was evil, He allowed it, for reasons we can't see this side of eternity. If you allow Him to, God can bring good out of this; I promise. You can be a display of the amazing grace of God. He is stronger than that flashback or any ugly memory. Turn to Him in the midst of it and remember that He is REAL, powerful, and true. He is the Protector of the powerless and the Defender of the innocent. I would say for now, stay in the Word and set time aside daily to talk to the Lord and ask Him for help in this area. Definitely see if it would be appropriate or an option for you to get pastoral counseling at your home church.

You need to fight this starting by turning to God and resolving to think His way. The cutting is just a symptom of the problem; it is not the problem itself. The anger and hurt and fear can only be healed by bringing it to Christ and letting Him shine His light of Truth on it -- and no one can do that except for you. Promise me you'll talk to Him about this this week, and at least read something from His Word. Let me know what stands out to you in your reading. Even if you're not sure you can or really want to stop this behavior, tell Him that, too. Be honest. He already knows, anyway. The devil is definitely trying to torment you, but he can have no more power over you than you give him because of Christ's shed blood on your behalf.

Don't go to sleep tonight without at least spending some time with God. Please write soon and let me know how you're doing, so I can continue and we can talk about this further.

Praying for you!"

Open Letter to a Bulimic

Well dear sister, to continue my thoughts of yesterday...

The struggle between the seductive lure of an eating disorder and desire for freedom and health is so typical, and I KNOW many women will be blessed by knowing they are not the only ones fighting this battle.

A couple of things I didn't cover in my post: the white flour and sugar issue. What I've found (as have others!) is that for some reason, these simple sugars tend to be triggering, and it is much harder to resist a binge when you start eating them. Part of it has to do with the spike and plummet in the blood sugar levels, but there's more to it than that, in my opinion - association plays a big role. If you've been bingeing on high-calorie, starchy "comfort foods", it's hard to break that habit. Those endorphins in your brain - the so-called "pleasure centers" - have been conditioned to react to the craving by bingeing on the available food. This is why prayer, planning meals by the Holy Spirit's guidance, and even abstinence from these types of "tigger foods" at the beginning is so important.

As time goes by, and you've gradually developed a more "normal relationship" with food, you will certainly be able to enjoy the occasional piece of cake or pie, but let's not rush things. Think it through and cultivate abstinence when you are tempted by "trigger foods". Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and He will help you cultivate this discipline. Eating complex carbohydrates and a healthy, balanced diet will help you overcome cravings and restore your health and concentration.

I would NOT recommend keeping a food journal and writing down everything you eat. That puts too much of the focus on the food itself, and not on Christ, where it belongs. Keep your eyes on Him, and just use wisdom and prayer, prayer and more prayer as you plan each meal. Put on the full armor of God as soon as you get up in the morning, and don't even let those condemning thoughts about your body take root in your mind. Take them captive and turn to Christ as soon as they enter your mind.

Remember, my friend, food addiction is a spiritual issue. It is a learned behavior, and as such it can be unlearned. Do not try to do this alone; it can only be overcome in Christ's strength. Additionally, you may find godly counsel helpful - a nouthetic (biblical) counselor will be able to walk through this process with you, holding you accountable and teaching you how to reject ungodly thoughts and replace them with Christ-honoring ones. If you visit the NANC link above, it will take you to the biblical counselor directory by state. Enter your zip code, and you will see if there is anyone in your area....nouthetic counseling is free and is based entirely on the premise that "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." (2 Peter 1:3).

Your sister in Christ,

Marie

Vision of Hope's Testimonial Video

This is it, folks....the only Christian inpatient center I would recommend. All of Vision of Hope's counselors are NANC certified (which not only means they've been training in counseling practice; it also means they are doctrinally sound), and treatment at the center is free of charge. The home is located in Lafayette Indiana and is affiliated with Faith Ministries.

Biblical Counseling for Bulimia

It is no secret that I'm a believer in biblical counseling. NANC, the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors, is the biggest and most organized body of certified biblical counselors in the United States and abroad (check the link to the right - there is a directory of counselors arranged by state, province and country).

Why biblical counseling?

For one thing, biblical counselors promote a high view of God. Often, in therapy or inpatient centers that clam to be "faith-based" or "Christian", the patient is actually encouraged to envision God any way she would like (think of the 12-Step programs' caveat of "higher power" or "God, however we imagine Him to be".) Scripture is clear about God's nature, attributes, conditions for blessings, and expectations on His children. This is not to say there isn't a sense in which God's grace is common and His love unconditional. God loves the prodigal with an unfathomable depth of mercy, but the wayward sinner is called to repentance. We are not to remake God in our own image, but rather worship Him as He has revealed Himself to be. Any other option leaves us worshiping a false god and a contrived "jesus".
Biblical counseling deals with sin. Unlike secular counseling, which takes God and His Word completely out of the equation, or integrationist "Christian" counseling which inadvertently makes the bulimic more comfortable in her sin, biblical counseling confronts the sin head-on and helps the eating disordered girl (or woman) recognize the ungodly thought patterns and beliefs that led to the behavior in the first place. Calling bulimia (which is self-destructive, idolatrous and evidences lack of self-control) a sin is not condemning - we all sin. I sin every day, despite the fact that I haven't thought of purging in 6 years. (I once actually believed that if I overcame my addictions to food and alcohol, I would be the World's Best Christian. Hah! Ask my husband. Still hasn't happened).

Realizing that bulimia, like drunkenness, is a sin rather than a disease or genetic predisposition should come as a relief to the bulimic who wishes to put it to death. Sin can be confessed as such, repented of, and forgiven. Look at it logically: there is no sin that cannot be forgiven. Scripture commands us to repent (turn away from) our sin, and assures us that when we take it to God, we will meet with mercy and grace - not condemnation. Since we are urged to repent, is it possible there is a s in that we cannot turn from? NO. God would never instruct us to do something He has not given us the means to accomplish.

Finally, biblical counseling provides accountability. Particularly besetting sins such as eating disorders typically take a bit of time to be put to death entirely. Renewing one's mind with the washing of the Word requires consistency and discipline. A nouthetic counselor gives her client homework, including reading from the bible, personal reflections, and memorization of key passages. The assignments are tailored to the type of spiritual battle the client is waging, and they pray together as well as examine what the Bible says. No provision is made for rationalization of the behavior or humanistic philosophies of the personality. Biblical counseling upholds the Scriptural position that this type of discipleship should take place in conjunction with the local church.

Why Group Therapy is Unbiblical

Common secular (and faith-based) treatment of addictions, including eating disorders, incorporates some sort of "group therapy" or support group. However, in my study of nouthetic counseling and particularly in reading Jay Adams' material, I have come to the conclusion that such an approach is unbiblical and should therefore be avoided. In "Competent to Counsel", Adams quoted an agnostic psychologist as saying that group sessions typical devolve into a cathartic, collective confessional for the participants, with no real solution to their problem. Keep in mind that "Compentent to Counsel" was written in the late sixties - well before the rise in popularity of the "culture of confession" we see on Oprah!

In my own experience, back in my college days when I was forced to attend various groups, I have personally witnessed the uselessness of this type of "therapy". Facilitated by a compassionate woman with a background in behavioral psychology, a typical group will hhave around a dozen girls and women of various ages feeling very sorry indeed for themselves and each other. Some truly want to change; others are there against their will. Regardless of background or motive, they all have one thing in common: they are either anorexic or bulimic (or some combination of both). Common sense dictates that when you have a group of individuals involved in aberrant (or unhealthy) behavior thrust together, a sort of comraderie will develop. This has both positive and negative effects: while the participants may benefit by shared compassion and the ability to be vulnerable, what prevails is a sense of "us versus them" - a strength in numbers mentality that makes it less likely any of the group participants will actually forsake her unhealthy eating patterns. Never is the focus put on the solution - new life in Christ. The focus remains squarely on the individual, and since we love to talk about ourselves, it stays there.

The net result of a "support group" is to make the bulimic morbidly introspective and even more firmly entrenched in her eating disorder. BT, DT.

Since group therapy never directly confronts the sin issue inherent in bulimia, the noetic effect of sin makes it all the easier for the participants to gradually rationalize their behavior. The enabling effect of the group is rarely overt - tips on effective purging and water-loading will not be tolerated - but the women, seeing so many others with the exact same problem, have no real incentive to change. As sin is personal, so is repentance. Ultimately, each one of us must truly grow to hate our particular sin (by seeing it through God's eyes) and get on our knees before Him. The role of a biblical counselor is to walk beside the struggling Christian as she recognizes the root of her behavior and resolves to live for Christ.

* Nouthetic counseling comes from the Greek word "noutheo", which generally is translated "to admonish". However, the term, coined by Jay Adams, encompasses more than a general admonition. The idea behind nouthetic counseling is that since sin is behind most of the problems and sufering Christians struggle with in their day to day life, by identifying and confronting the specific sin, rebuking the unscriptural beliefs that have spawned it, and exhorting and encouraging the client to repent of the behavior and seek God, the individual's heart will be changed and the sin abandoned. The Bible is rightly seen as the ultimate authority and is consulted as the ideal pattern for relationships and behavior.

The Answer Lies with God, Not Within Self

I am currently reading David Tyler and Kurt Grady's "Deceptive Diagnosis: When Sin is Called Sickness", an excellent look at the modern trend of behavioral psychology's relabeling of 'addictions' and anti-social behaviors as diseases. While never specifically mentioning anorexia or bulimia, every point the authors make about the dangers inherent in seeking medications and rationalizations over repentance could easily apply to eating disorders - including compulsive overeating.

Every page has my notes and highlighting all over it - the only thing I don't like about this text is that I did not write it myself. Here is an excellent excerpt I came across today which drives home the need to seek God and not man's wisdom:

Is it possible for Christians then to benefit (or at least not be harmed) from secular psychotherapies? Based on the underlying premise in all secular therapies, I would argue no. Anything, including talk that leads people into themselves (helping the sinful self please itself) rather than into the loving arms of the Lord Almighty ultimately leads to further sin and rebellion. Sadly, people turn from the wisdom of the Creator of the Universe to the wisdom of a fallen, created being whose "help" is based on a humanistic system. That system neither understands nor does it provide the the healing that Christians are seeking. Can man's secular counsel temporarily relieve pain? Yes. Can it satisfy a deep spiritual thirst? No.

Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:13-14).

I have known quite a few other women over the years who have been fully healed from the bondage of eating disorders, some of them readers of this blog. (Why aren't you ladies leaving comments, btw?) Not a single one of them was ever helped by a psychologist or secular therapist. Not a single one. In fact, in my experience tele-counseling women, the only thing ladies seem to learn at group therapy is how to blame their husbands for their problem. Psychologists tell them bulimia is a "disease" and prescribe Zoloft (in my college days, it was Prozac). Convincing a woman that her eating disorder is a "disease" or "condition" which is not her fault is self-defeating: it ensures that she will never walk in repentance. The "condition" is sin, and it goes back to the Fall. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can confess the ED as sin and see repentance for the gift it really is.

God stands ever ready and faithful to heal, but the condition for this blessing is to agree with Him about our sin and not seek to white-wash it. Learning to really hate the anorexic or bulimic behavior because it is wrong, and desiring to walk away from it no matter what it takes is necessary in order to really repent. No psychologist will ever tell a client this, as making moral judgements is "taboo" in the psych fields. Making excuses and blame-shifting may be much more popular and gratefully received, but in the end it only leads to death. IN the case of eating disorders, it is all too often a physical as well as spiritual death.

Decide today to seek God's wisdom!

Looking Towards the Great Physician

Without a doubt, the most exciting and gratifying part of counseling is the moment when a woman finds true freedom. Often, I have found that pouring months and months and tens of thousands of words into another's life will yield no discernible fruit; other times, the most severe case will result in such complete brokenness that surrender becomes victory. Things are upside down in God's economy - as Beth Moore says, "In the Kingdom, the way up is down."

In the past few months, three of the young women I have counseled have written me excitedly sharing testimonies of deliverance. As they have found, there are no shortcuts or magic bullets - but a sincere desire and commitment to leave their chains of bulimia behind has resulted in restorations they would never have dreamed possible.

I, personally, am grateful that God allowed me to witness their transformed lives, as I really had nothing to do with it. He let me be the messenger of His love and redemption, and He was their Wonderful Counselor.

No testimony of deliverance could be more powerful than the one that came from a British woman I had counseled briefly last week. This was in my inbox:

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and ALL that is within me BLESS His HOLY name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not ALL His benefits. Who forgives ALL your iniquities, who heals ALL your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit. Who crowns you with STEADFAST Love and Mercy" (Psalm 103)
((((MARIE))))
Thank you for your e-mail. Oh, what a FAITHFUL God we serve - I am so grateful for your prayers and encouragement - now I am able to write to you with news of AMAZING breakthrough, cleansing and freedom - the GLORY all going to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He truely has redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with steadfast love and mercy. By His Grace I am back in a place of TOTAL SURRENDER to Him, safe in the arms of His beautiful and gentle Love, drinking from the living WATER that springs up to ETERNAL LIFE.

One day I will stop and read [my book] through completely. I am so thankful that you have written that book. It will help many people to recognise that repentance is needed from eating disorders. Oh how amazing it is when God washed us clean and removes our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. He has faithfully helped me to turn all over to Him and give Him the reigns. Is it always easy? NO. Is it the only thing I would ever want to choose? YES.

For three weeks I have been attempting to eat three healthy meals a day - even if for the evening meal that means buying healthy eating ready meals for now. Many times the temptation to make food a god again was so strong - to turn to it for comfort instead of running to the loving arms of a faithful SAVIOUR. Some nights I did fall to over-eating, and yet somehow God in His Mercy gave me strength to get up the next morning and once more look to Him and walk the narrow path....I can surely say like Joseph, "What the enemy meant for evil, God has used for good".... for it has been a weekend where I've had to trust in God by Faith as never before - and seen just how strong He is and the beauty and strength found in His sanctuary no matter what the external circumstances.

This Evening I can lift my hands once more to worship and praise Him. i am the richest person alive. We all are who know Christ Jesus as Lord. Oh how He has blessed me - not just helping me back to work and to my place in His body in the church, but also taking me on a journey everyday deeper into His heart. When it is hard I will look to Him and remember this weekend......

Nothing is too difficult for God. His HOLY WAYS are the delight of my soul. HE IS FAITHFUL and has promised to never leave or abandon His heritage. He loves us more than we could ever know. I'm so excited for when the strength in my limbs returns to be able to dance and jump in praise to God once more........I thought the enemy had won, I had totally given up, i thought there was no hope..... but it was a lie, there is always hope in Christ....ALWAYS. Even (and especially) for sinners like me. Today I stand forgiven and justified because of the price Jesus paid in His suffering and pain. What can i do, but give all my life back to Him in worship and thanks.

God is too awesome for words. His kindness truly does lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4), and He sets our feet on that solid Rock. This woman, like other daughters of the King before her, has found her strength in Christ and walked out of her self-inflicted prison. He will restore the years the locust has eaten, and is already turning their mourning into dancing!

The "Y" Chart

This is a visual I designed based on a little sketch my pastor's wife (a nouthetic counselor) drew to illustrate a similar diagram NANC uses in counseling clients.

As all battles with sin begin in the mind, an individual needs to learn how to practically "take thoughts captive to make them obedient to Christ" in order to have long-term victory over sin. All habits are formed by repetitive practice, and good habits (such as stopping destructive thoughts dead in their tracks, and deliberately choosing to replace them with God-honoring ones) are no exception. However, we must be deliberate about "putting on" the biblical answer when tempted to let our minds go down paths they shouldn't.

This principal applies whether the temptation is to become angry, to gossip, to be anxious, or to binge/purge/get drunk. Here's what the exercise looks like (click on image to see it full-size):

I printed out a few of these for the women in my Bible study, and several of them told me they found it very useful. Each time you are tempted or a thought comes into your mind that you know is not from God, try to see yourself as actually taking a decision whether to dwell on it or not. Will you take the easy way, allowing your own thoughts and emotions to dominate? Or will you choose the mind of Christ - which seems more difficult in the moment, but leads to freedom?

Ask yourself what God's Word has to say on the situation in question, and decide to react accordingly. Over time, you will develop a habit of "screening" your thoughts through the filter of the Word.

Martha Peace Answers a Question

In my book, I quote nouthetic counselor and author Martha Peace's response to a bulimic woman's cry for help. The quote, used with permission, is below:

Q: I have a "secret" sin that no one knows about. I control my weight by making myself throw up after I eat. I feel really foolish and embarrassed and don't want anyone to know. What do you think?

A: Making yourself throw up after you eat is what medical doctors call bulimia. Bulimia is wrong for two reasons: First, it can cause serious medical problems such as damage to your esophagus and your teeth. Second, it is a sin because overeating is gluttony, throwing up is a lack of self-control, and wanting to be thin so badly that you are willing to sin is idolatry.

It is likely that you feel guilty and embarrassed about this, but, since God "gives grace to the humble," I strongly suggest that you get help from the elders in your church. They, likely, will send you to a medical doctor for an examination and also will assign a godly, older woman in the church to disciple you and hold you accountable. Sinful eating patterns tend to be habitual and the change must not only be outward but also in your heart by what you think. God wants us to be grateful for the food we have and not to abuse our bodies. He also does not want us to eat in a gluttonous manner but by His grace to put on self-control. There is a wonderful book that I would like to recommend to you -- "Love to Eat, Hate to Eat" by Elyse Fitzpatrick (Harvest House Publishers). Elyse has done a lot of work with ladies who have eating disorders, and her book is very practical and has a high and proper view of God.** One last thing: your "secret" is not a secret to God, and He has instructed us in His Word to "bear one another's burdens" (Gals.6:2). Get help today, and do it for the Lord's sake.

http://www.marthapeace.com/qa/questions.html

She's right, of course. We will be talking more about ways God uses other people to help us in future posts.

** Note: I have linked to Fitzpatrick's book at right. I hope very soon to have my own book up there as well.