Book Review: What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?: Answers to the Big Questions of Life

The Biblical Counseling Coalition published my review of Dr. Ed Welch's latest book a couple of weeks ago. I am sharing it here, as fear of man and insecurity is a common problem with which anorexics and bulimics grapple. Be sure to visit the BBC site and see the original review here. 

What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?: Answers to the Big Questions of Life by Ed Welch

Review by Marie Notcheva March 27, 2013

In 1994, the editor at Reuter’s news desk in Sofia said he didn’t think I was a particularly good writer. Although I had won awards for journalism in college, I was stuck pulling stories off a news wire rather than writing real articles. Crushed by his assessment, it was another 10 years before I would write again. Even today, my confidence is fed by the praise (and Twitter-follows) of better-known authors. InWhat Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?, Dr. Ed Welch informs me that  I’m looking for “living water” in the wrong place – the eyes of others.

Reminiscent of Welch’s earlier When People Are Big and God is Small, What Do You Think of Me? is a concise, hand-on approach to insecurity geared towards teenagers and young adults.  Welch identifies the dilemma we all face: “You can easily be controlled by the opinions of others. Why? You want them to fill you with something. They have something you feel you need” (p. 38). We all try to obtain that “something” – acceptance, respect, or love – from other people. When this desire becomes a “need,” it controls us – an idol in the making.

Welch identifies the problem (we become controlled by others and their acceptance becomes our idol); then, like any good biblical counselor, gives hope from Scripture. Abraham, Isaac, and Peter were dominated by the fear of others, but were transformed.

How we respond to the basic questions of life – Who is God? Who am I? Who are others? – will determine how we respond to peer pressure, criticism, and rejection. At heart, we are all worshippers: “The thing or person you trust in is actually the object of your worship. Look carefully and you will see that what started off as a small concern about the opinions of other people has been supersized” (p. 39).

Welch discusses how good, loving relationships can go bad by comparing the God-given human desire for love to a 500-lb. gorilla demanding to be fed (p. 51). Welch demonstrates how everyday desires for approval and love can become things we desire inordinately – and lead to broken fellowship with God.

The Tao Versus Fear of the Lord

Dr. Welch is hardly the first to spot the problem arising from what the Bible calls “fear of man.” Lao Tzu said, “Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”

Christianity, however, offers something much greater than simply absence of suffering or a vague “harmony with the universe” sought by Taoists. We are invited to know the Creator intimately as Father; be awed by His majesty; and love others freely without thought of reciprocation.  God’s way out is to know Him, as He is revealed in Jesus, in such a way that other people will seem less awesome in comparison. Being overwhelmed with Christ’s beauty breaks the “slavery” of being controlled by others.

While Welch writes primarily about being influenced by the negative opinions or expectations of others, a believer should also be on guard against seeking edification from others more than God.

I was reminded of this recently while talking with a friend. As believers, we are called to encourage and build one another up. Few things bring greater joy. “I am so happy and blessed to have people to comfort and encourage me,” Juxhin said. “But,” he pointed out,  “What comforts and encourages me the most is, of course, God himself.”

This confidence is what Welch calls “living in the throneroom of the King.” Realizing the magnitude of the Creator’s power and holiness diminishes the importance of others’ opinions – even good ones. Encouragement is nice. Comfort is welcome. But when other people fail to provide them, a high view of God’s holiness and personal knowledge of His grace meets all of our needs (Philippians 4:19).

“I’m with Him”

At times, some modern Reformed writing focuses so extensively on the glory of God, with lesser attention given to the more subjective or emotional side of man. This can leave an immature believer with the impression that he or she doesn’t matter to a God so unapproachable and holy.

Without a personal understanding of faith, God will seem distant to the teenager trying to “fit in,” or any other individual who craves His presence. Welch is a master at introducing the God Who pursues; Who cares; and Who comforts – personally and tenderly. He describes redemption as a gift so extravagant that it leads naturally to thankfulness and change. The answer to the question “Who Am I?” is one of allegiances. Identifying with Jesus, Welch says, is declaring “I’m with Him.”

 Remembering that we were created to live for God (not ourselves) clarifies our mission – to love other people; not seek love and acceptance for ourselves. Acknowledging that rejection still hurts, Welch notes that  it no longer controls us. “There is only one way you could want to love others more than they love you: realizing that you have been loved more than you could ever love in return” (p. 116).

Our Position and Identity in Christ

What does realizing our position in Christ have to do with being vulnerable? It frees us. The fact that we are fully known and deeply loved by the King dispels the paralyzing fear of being hurt by those we choose to love. It negates the need for reciprocation. It restores our joy. It makes intercessory prayer seem like a privilege, not a “to-do” list.

Drawing close leaves one vulnerable; it gives the other person power. But the security offered by being in relationship with the One Who loved us when we were His enemies makes others’ reactions incidental. We are free to love, simply and purely, because we have been pursued and loved first.

One strength of Welch is that although he is both a psychologist and a theologian, he sounds like neither when he writes to young Christians. He explains key biblical concepts (fear of the Lord; Federal Headship) in plain language a fourth-grader can understand. What Do You Think of Me? does not read like a commentary, but rather like an e-mail sent to encourage a friend.

He skewers the psycho-babble of “self-esteem” theory and “leaky love-cup” models, showing why such imagery is unbiblical (and ineffective). Welch maintains that the deepest human needs are seen in the prayers of Scripture, which begin and end by glorifying God (not exalting “self”).  By pointing back to the God of all comfort and His Word, Welch helps readers shed self-consciousness and insecurity resulting from preoccupation with others’ opinions. What Do You Think of Me? is an insightful book sure to help believers experience a deeper walk with Christ.

Marie Notcheva

Marie Notcheva (B.A., Print Journalism, Syracuse University) is a writer and biblical counselor from Massachusetts who specializes in eating disorders. She is a graduate of Jay Adams' Institute for Nouthetic Studies, and counsels at her home church, Heritage Bible...

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"Normalize" Bulimia? Heaven Forbid...

Dr. Ed Welch has an excellent post on the pervasiveness of bulimia and the nature of "control" its practitioners experience over at his blog. (Ed Welch, whose excellent study on repenting from addictions, "Crossroads",  I reviewed here, is one of my favorite authors and biblical counselors. He is a licensed psychologist and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Education Foundation, aka CCEF. I am currently working on a review of his new book, "What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?").

Welch compassionately addresses the secretive nature of the bulimic behavior, and puts his finger right on the question a bulimic believer hates to ask herself:

First, if you have any interest in God, does the secretive essence of this behavior concern you? Secrets separate relationships. They separate friends and spouses, and become a private place in which you hide from God. 

 Second, has it improved your life? The answer to that is easy: no. But you say: “So what? It works for me.” Perhaps you feel as though nothing will improve your life so you might as well be thin while you go through the drudgery and misery.

Consider this from another angle. If you are a near-daily practitioner of purging, you are saying much more than “I want to be thin.” The word control is almost always a part of bulimic vocabulary. You have been controlled or dependent on the whims of people who treated you poorly, and you are sick of it. You live with incessant self-loathing and suicidal hopelessness and bulimia gives you some sense of control over this darkness. Its benefits, however, are ephemeral and fleeting. 

So what is the answer? How are we to face a God, when we feel He must be "disgusted" with us? Oh, how I wish someone had shared the Good News of grace with me back in 1989! Go read the rest of the post here: http://www.ccef.org/blog/bulimia-new-normal

Do You REALLY Believe Jesus Loves You?

Yesterday, the CCEF team re-posted this excellent essay from Dr. Ed Welch, a biblical counselor who specializes in helping people with depression and addiction (he has written several fine books on both). At the risk of sounding patronizing, I really, really appreciate Dr. Welch's writing, and I am sure my readers would be as blessed as I was by this piece. I have quoted Welch many times in the past (including in my book, which went to the publisher's yesterday!), because he just seems to get it. He has an insight into the deepest, most hidden parts of the wounded Christian's soul that eclipses most people.

I honestly don't know his personal background, but it sounds as if he understands perfectly the struggle many of us have to really, truly believe we are loved by our Lord. (Yes; I said "we" because I still struggle with this insecurity, and constantly ask the Lord for assurance. He is consistently faithful to provide it, including through the edifying writing of folks like Welch).

It may sound like an over-simplification, but I really think that if we grasped and really believed just how deeply we are loved by God, it would be MUCH easier to stop sinning. Not just the life-dominating sins like bulimia; but the habitual, don't-think-about-it-'til-I'm-in-the-middle-of-it ones, as well. Why would it be easier? Well, because when we give in to sin, we believe a lie. We temporarily believe, even if we know we're wrong, that what we're tempted to do will provide us with more satisfaction than Christ. If we trusted that His way is always best, all of the time, and He loves us so much that nothing else matters, sin would cease to lose it's appeal.

But we live in a fallen world, and as of yet, our faith is still imperfect. He understands this, and patiently guides us - through His Word - into the Truth that we really are His beloved possession. Let that sink in deep, and please read Dr. Welch's article below. (Or go directly to CCEF's blog and read it there). Be blessed!
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Depression’s Odd Filter


Ed Welch

Someone says to you, “I love you.”

You hear . . . nothing. Actually you hear something. You hear a little voice in your brain that says, “I’m worthless. You’re only saying you love me because you think you have to.”

Somehow, from the mouths of other people to your ear, all words of blessing and encouragement get tumbled upside down and backward and confirm your suspicions about yourself. You are an abject failure. Unloved. Unlovable. And everyone knows it.

There are hundreds of variations.

“You look nice today.”

Push it through the filter of depression and you get, “Not true. I know I am ugly.”

Or, “You seem to be feeling a little better today.”

This means, “Oh, you don’t want to talk to me anymore.”

This is your brain on depression. And we could add, it is your brain on shame.

If this internal circuitry reversed every word, a loved one could say, “You are really such a jerk,” and you would hear, “I love you.” But it doesn’t work that way. Depression (or shame) corrupts every blessing and leaves the curses in their untouched, pristine form.

You might want to take a few minutes and identify this dastardly filter.

What kind words have other people said to you? What did you actually hear after your depressive, inner-translator did a number on it?

That was a warm-up. Now on to something more lethal.

God says, “I love you.”

You hear, “God loves some people but he could never love me.”

Notice that you didn’t hear, “I don’t love you.” That would be your inner filter doing its usual electronic voodoo and reversing any blessing. With this one, you don’t even feel worthy to hear anything personal from the Lord. So what came out the other side was your own voice, not God’s!

Do you think that, maybe, your wiring is completely messed up and you aren’t hearing God accurately?

“I love you,” becomes “God could never love me.” If someone else did that you would tell her she was crazy. But, somehow, for you, it makes perfect sense.

Is it possible that you are mis-hearing?

How convenient it would be if you could simply say, “Oh, now I get it. It was just a little misunderstanding. God, thank you for clearing that one up. I feel much better now. Now I know that you love me.” But life doesn’t work that way. Instead, against all the evidence, such as the sacrificial death of Jesus on your behalf, and his willingness to tell you, over and over, that he loves you, you stick with what you think you heard, as if the problem was hard-wired.

But we are people who believe that the Spirit has been given and he is much more powerful than we think. He can even open our ears so we can hear, even ears that are mis-wired.

The Spirit does his work, in part, by giving you less confidence in the distortions you believe.

Have you ever said, “Lord, I heard wrong”?

Let’s say you go into the presence of a king – a powerful king. He tells you that he is pleased to put you under his protection. He invites you to live in the castle itself. You respond by fortifying your little shack, which stands a couple miles away.

Here is what you are saying to the king:

You aren’t trustworthy. I don’t believe you really want to invite me into your protection.

You aren’t powerful. I am safer outside the castle grounds. I am safer in my shack.

You are mis-hearing his invitation and proclaiming your independence.

But human beings are intended to live life with humility, first before our King, then before others. Sometimes, because you believe his words are too good to be true, you reject what he says and you trust in yourself. At those times, the way ahead is clear – confess to the king that you didn’t really believe what he said. You could call it repentance. You could call it your entrance back to sanity. Only those who walk humbly before the Lord can truly hear.

Be sure to say it: “Lord, I heard wrong. Help me to hear you correctly.”

And once your ears are open you will hear plenty. For example, take a look at the letter we call 1 John. John, who knew Jesus and lived alongside him, was getting up in years, which meant that he was going to stay on message: Jesus loves, not because we are lovable but because he loves, and he will always love first and love most. Then, as one who knew Jesus’ style well, since Jesus didn’t say “I love you” once but said it over and over, John was happy to repeat himself.

But those reversing filters can quickly return.

Jesus says, “I love you.”

To which your inner voice says, “Not me, I’m not lovable.”

Jesus responds, “But I do love you, not because you are lovable (nobody is) but because I love you.”

Pause on this one. Jesus loves you because he is love (1 John 4:8). He loves you because of who he is, not because of who you are. If you feel unlovable – and who doesn’t – that makes his love for you all the more amazing. The evidence of his love? It is much more than Jesus saying, “I feel all gushy about you.” Instead, “this is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10). And, if he died on your behalf, he certainly isn’t going to leave you on you own now.

You have to know that Jesus is not like a mere mortal. In human relationships, our love is way too dependent on how the other person is loveable. When you love others, they love you. When you don’t, they don’t. Jesus, however, is not like other people. When our love for him wavers, he loves us. Therein lies the fatal flaw in your hearing.

So you have your work cut out for you. All new wiring. Get rid of the tangled mess by confessing that you don’t hear, and replace it with a very simple connection: God says it, I believe it. If you want to check to make sure the system is working order, keep track of your relationships with other people. If you turn away from people because you believe you are worthless, then get back to your rewiring. If you notice, even for a minute, that you are facing outward, toward other people, and showing interest in them – showing love – then sit back and enjoy the fine workmanship. And truly hear.





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Review: Ed Welch's "Crossroads"

"Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction" is the best resource for Christians with addictions (including eating disorders) I've seen yet. Written by Ed Welch, who holds a PhD in counseling psychology and serves as counselor, faculty member, and director of the School of Biblical Counseling at CCEF, "Crossroads" is a 10-part study guide rooted in his earlier book "Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave" (see link to the lower right on this blog).

What makes this book so good is that is speaks directly and yet compassionately to the heart of life-dominating sin. I have read many books dealing with the issue of habitual sin or behavioral addictions from a biblical perspective, but none which cut to the heart of the matter as effectively as "Crossroads". While unflinchingly unmasking the lies and sin inherent in addiction, Welch avoids spiritual-sounding cliches, polysyllabic "Christianeze" terms, and endless lists of verses to look up and memorize.

Are You Still in the Pit? Look Up!

Since "Crossroads" is geared towards individuals still controlled by their respective vices, such exercises would probably scare the reader away rather than help them. (The average bulimic, with wildly fluctuating blood sugar levels, does not have the attention span to complete a lengthy homework assignment anyway). One residential treatment center director recently wrote me: "...when the body is going through that much stress medically most young women's brains are not functioning very adeptly. A lot of the thinking and processing required to fight sin and build new lifestyles are beyond what an anorexic is capable of doing." This book is a valuable first step to help the desperate anorexic or bulimic get to where she IS functioning at peak capacity, and can do the hard work of biblical change. It is assumed that the reader is at the critical or crisis stage, still living as a slave to sin, and looking for hope.

Welch gives that hope effectively, and shows the wanderer how to come home - step by step.

Realizing that you are double-minded is one of the first steps to repenting of an addiction. If something about your drug of choice were not attractive, you would not have chosen it. Welch describes this tension in the addict's heart:

"On one side, you feel powerless. Your world feels out of control, and you are sick of it. On the other side, you think that your addiction helps you manage your life so you have more control. That's why you hate it and you love it. You hate it and you need it. Your addiction is not the friend it once was because it has messed up your life."

This is a man who gets it. He empathizes with the inner torment a bulimic (for example) feels, but he does not coddle the sin. He does not minimize, nor allow the reader to stay stuck in despair or self-pity. He takes you straight to biblical principles which force you, the addict, to make a choice - which kingdom has your allegiance?

Welch immediately unveils the compelling attractiveness of God - "the only One more beautiful than your addiction" - while exposing the Christian addict's paradoxical relationship with Christ: "You know you need him, but you don't necessarily want him - at least not on his terms, which is total surrender." Rather than just prescribing the pat (yet accurate) answer, "repent and pray more", Welch acknowledges how difficult and awkward it is for the addict to talk to God, and coaches her* through it. Discussing the importance of bringing sin out into the light, which the Word does by exposing hidden motives, he notes that the reader's interest in the Bible will be a gauge measuring her desire for change.

Welch emphasizes God's infinite patience with the repentant believer, citing Romans 2:4 early on: "Do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?" This is a key life verse for any of you who know the pain of trying to break free from bulimia and failing, again and again. Through the first 4 of 10 steps (I would have preferred he call them "stages", to avoid the connotation with the unbiblical 12-Step programs), Welch takes the reader through the "folly" of addiction; exposes it as idolatry that has mastered the reader by tracing her descent from life before the addiction; notes that the reader has chosen independence from God by her choices; and examines God's gracious response.

He forces the question: how does God speak to the purposes your addiction serves in your life? This is an extremely crucial point in repenting of bulimia or other food-related bondage. Until you submit to God's sanctioned means of responding to pain, disappointment and fear of man, your default mode will always be to turn to the food. The probing, penetrating questions Welch gives under each step's "Take Action" section are designed to help you see your sin through God's eyes, and renew your mind with His Word.

There is a fine line between gentleness and compassion, and sympathizing to the extent that you tolerate or even rationalize sin. Ed Welch never crosses that line.

The Lies We Tell and the Truth of God

In Step 4: Go Public, Welch identified 8 different types of lies addicts tell to cover up their sin, as well as lies they believe about God. "God doesn't care about one binge...it's not like I am killing anyone." (Does that one sound familiar at all?) Tracing this defense mechanism back to Genesis 3, he shows how speaking and believing lies not only displays loyalties to Satan, but leads to the "voluntary slavery" of addiction. Once this is established, the groundwork is laid for confession to God (which Welch describes as feeling "like a cool shower after working all day in 100-degree heat"), and repentance - turning away from darkness and the false kingdom to Jesus and the true kingdom.

From emphasizing the trustworthiness of God, Welch then moves seamlessly to a fuller exposition on the attributes of God in Step 5: Know THE God. The addict's ultimate goal is to be transformed into the image of Christ. Since this is only possible if one knows Christ AS HE IS, Welch builds the case that knowing the Person of God is key to victory over addiction. He rightly identifies addictions as idolatry, and encourages the reader that God wants to free her of these idols in His great love and holiness.

God is Not Ticked Off

Step 6: Follow Jesus marks the second half of "Crossroads" and Welch starts to get into some theology - without overwhelming the reader. A right concept of God is crucial to sound doctrine, which, in turn, determines whether changes made will be either biblical or lasting. He opens the chapter with this rhetorical question:

"Have you ever thought that Jesus is good, the Father is ticked off, and the Spirit is a thing - an impersonal force?"

It's okay to admit it. I used to think that way, too. I was a bit surprised to see that impression so succinctly articulated, but Welch then goes on to explain both the mysteries of the Trinity and the Atonement - and why the addict's tendency to minimize sin is so toxic. Welch doesn't just "go there", he camps out there. He owns real estate there. He calls food binges (and related addictions) "expressions of false worship and misplaced loyalties". The only thing I don't like about that sentence is that I didn't think of it first.

Bulimic sister, you need to repent. God gives you hope, grace, and provides strength. Ed Welch is happy to help spell out the implications of your freedom and how to "let the cross have the final word" in this convicting chapter.

Step 7: Have a Plan lays out proactive means the reader must take if she is truly serious about leaving the addiction behind, and Welch highlights the importance of getting your thoughts under control (see 2 Cor. 10:5, although he didn't cite it). As Jay Adams has noted, often people will seek counseling for a life-dominating problem, but when asked what they have done about it, they will simply respond "I prayed". Prayer is a crucial first step and remains "your most powerful weapon", but Welch points out that practical changes in behavior are necessary. I would suggest that such a strategy as he suggests for a repenting bulimic would include avoiding driving to doughnut shops; grocery shopping with another person; refusing to have junk food and "binge foods" in the house. Accountability by including people in your plan - avoiding privacy - is another weapon Welch advises.

Moving Forward in Love

The final two steps of repentance Welch outlines include loving others and restoring relationships where you have hurt people (biblical confrontation and forgiveness is a critical part of restoration), and responding well when you err. While meaningful repentance will always preclude a true "relapse", a temporary slip back into your old ways need not spell total failure. Welch is realistic about the ongoing reality of sin and the spiritual battle a Christian must face. This is true all the more of one repenting from an addiction - how will you respond the next time you seek comfort in Krispy Kremes instead of fellowship with God? "Failing well" eliminates despair as an option. Welch warns the reader against blaming God (see James 1:13-15); reminding her that everything she does is either leading her from Him or toward Him.

In a thorough section on confession and knowing you are forgiven, Welch explains the danger of interpreting guilt (over failure) to mean, "God is mad at me". This is an important point, and I have never known a bulimic woman who didn't think God was angry and/or disgusted at her. My jaw actually dropped at how accurately Welch described the thought process and proclivity towards self-punishment typical of eating-disordered Christians:

"You impose your own punishment; you stay out of his hair and go to bed without your supper. You decide you'd better not talk to him until you have figured out some way to get your life back on track."

"Was this man reading my diary?" you're thinking.

Welch then goes on to show the folly of this thinking: it leads right back to the path of "pursuing your own kingdom". The subtlety of this lie is one ALL bulimics (and other addicts) need to spot and renounce, long after they have stopped the actual behavior. He spends the remainder of the chapter re-cultivating hope, refining the plan developed in chapter 7, and defining where Jesus is in it. What makes this chapter so helpful is the fact that Welch doesn't pretend that once the addict sees some success in abstaining from the behavior or enjoys a measure of spiritual victory that life is suddenly blue shies and fluffy clouds. Pious-sounding platitudes are notably absent from Welch's writing, as is the idealistic formula of self-help books. While he states from the outset that Christ is the answer and the addict's goal is to live to glorify God, Welch never diminishes the reality of ongoing sin in the believer's life. We're in a battle; and we need a plan - turning quickly to Jesus while feeding on Scripture is a long-term strategy; not a quick fix.

In Step 10: Welcome to the Banquet, we see the object of our hope: the joy that is found in Jesus. By this time, the reader should be able to see fruit that her addictive behavior is giving way to seeking Jesus, and she should be convinced that the battle is worth it. Welch highlights "crossroads" of key Scriptural passages; examples of when God's people had to choose to seek Him in the midst of the desert of exile. He relates this to Christ's temptation in the wilderness, and that His "passing the test" on our behalf enables us to follow Him. He concludes with exhortations to fight temptation by expecting it, maintaining hope, countering it with the Word, and praying continuously - good advice for ALL believers; not only those who happen to be struggling with addictions.

Designed for use in either a small group, one-on-one counseling, or on one's own, "Crossroads" is truly a superb, helpful guide towards biblical repentance from an eating disorder. In addition, Welch himself suggests in the study that you seek counsel from a mature fellow believer - a practice I would always recommend for anyone in the grips of an eating disorder. The shame and secrecy surrounding bulimia, in particular, make it a difficult sin to confess; but the guidance, prayer and accountability another Christian can offer increases your odds of success in walking away from this addiction. (See NANC directory at right for a list of certified nouthetic counselors - plug in your zip code to find one in your area).

The only caveat I would offer about this book is that in the first chapters, it appeared that Welch was not necessarily assuming the reader had a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. The wording indicated he might be writing to seekers, as well as "backslidden" Christians ("If you find yourself shutting down when the conversation turns to God, don't just wait for the conversation to move to something else..." "...you know different, even if you aren't sure what you believe about God.") If he was not assuming the reader was a Christian, I wondered if a clear Gospel presentation might have been appropriate at that point. However, as I moved into the subsequent chapters, it appeared the reader was assumed to be a Christian (just one who had turned from the path). In fact, most of the folks who will seek out biblical counseling DO fit into that latter category, but the possibility always exists that some who profess to be Christians might not actually be regenerate at all.

If using this book for counseling, I would encourage the counselor to ask all the diagnostic questions and collect extensive data beforehand (as one usually does in a first counseling session). Then, if any doubts remain, engage in what Jay Adams calls "pre-counseling" - essentially evangelism - to make sure the counselee has a relationship with God through Christ before going any further. Chapter 6 of this book offers a great exposition on propitiation that would be helpful in presenting the Gospel to an addict.

If you choose to use this book on your own to aid your fight against bulimia, examine yourself to see whether you are really in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5) before turning to the addiction itself. Do you really know Christ as Savior and Lord? Have you repented, and surrendered your life to Christ on His terms? Has there been any fruit in your life?

If the answer is "yes", yet you are still stuck in the foul pit of addiction, Ed Welch's "Crossroads: a Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction" is a wonderfully edifying tool to help you take the next step of faith.

Watch this 5-minute video of Dr. Welch discussing addictions and how to face them Scripturally:




* I always use the personal pronouns "her" and "she", as most people with eating disorders tend to be women. No feminist agenda is implied.

Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness | CCEF

Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness | CCEF

Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness

by Edward Welch

In this article, Ed Welch describes how easy it is, in a weight-conscious world that also uses food for comfort, to take the small steps that lead to a full blown eating disorder. He gives a road map for dealing with this difficult problem that includes understanding the thoughts and emotions that trigger destructive eating habits and then encouraging those who struggle with food addictions to take the big step of trusting God, instead of food rules and rituals.

Do you ever wish that you could just forget about food? What started as an innocent diet has turned into a monster. You eat too little. You eat too much. You restrict. You binge. It's getting harder to cover up what you are doing. At first you tried exercise, then vomiting, then laxatives. Maybe you tried cutting too. Who would have thought that food—or the fear of it—would become the center of your life? Heroin, cocaine, and other street drugs lead to addictions. But food?

But for you food is no longer . . . just food.

You know, of course, that you are not alone; many people struggle with eating disorders. It's easy to see why. Advertisers sell their products using only one slim body type; movies show impossibly thin, surgically-enhanced heroes and heroines; high-profile athletes have body fat percentages that can only be maintained with round-the-clock workouts; food is everywhere; and more than half the U.S. is on a diet. In some countries food is nutrition. Here food is nutrition, but it also means beauty, control, comfort, guilt, shame, love, and loathing.

FOOD PROBLEMS START SMALL

You began life with normal eating habits: you ate when you were hungry and didn't eat when you were full. But in a weight-conscious world, where food is used for comfort, you take small steps and “normal” gradually disappears. You want to be thin, so you become more serious about dieting. You like how food makes you feel, so you overeat and binge. Those who are close to you start noticing that food is becoming your obsession. You don't see it because your obsession has tricked you into thinking you are doing better than ever. But the truth is that your struggles with food have gained momentum, and you have become anorexic, bulimic, or both.

WHAT IS ANOREXIA?

Anorexia is all about not eating. It is an all consuming fear of fat that leads you to starve yourself. Your fear might also lead you to try constant exercising, vomiting, and/or taking laxatives. What happens when these things don't make you feel any better? Your next step might be another form of self-punishment such as cutting. When others try to help you, it's easy for you to make them into your enemy. You don't want anyone standing between you and what you believe you need.

WHAT IS BULIMIA?

Bulimia is all about overeating. A lot of food eaten secretly and rapidly is its trademark. In contrast to anorexia's control, bulimia is impulsive and out-of-control. Anorexia wants control, and seems to invite pain. Bulimia feels out-of-control, and wants comfort and relief. The two seem like complete opposites, but eventually, as your struggles with eating continue, they might look almost the same (See Figure 1). If you start as an anorexic, sooner or later you might use the same weight loss strategies as someone with bulimia. If you are bulimic, you might also use the anorexic devices of self-punishment and food restriction to make up for a binge.

Figure 1: A Map of Food-related problems

HOW DID YOU GET STUCK?

How did you get into this cycle? Most people enter this cycle as a way of dealing with troubling, unwanted feelings—anger, pain, loneliness, guilt, self-loathing, and so on (see Figure 2). Without knowing what to do with your emotions, you starve them by restricting food or comfort them by binging on food. You might feel a little better temporarily, but at some point you have to eat again, or purge what you have eaten. So you break one of your many food laws. Then you feel horrible again. So you punish yourself by starving your feelings or soothing them with food, and the cycle continues. Like a hamster on a rotating wheel, you keep running, even though you aren't getting anywhere. You have a sense that there is no way out, but you distract yourself by binging, purging, or restricting. If you stop running, the hopelessness catches up to you, so you keep going, afraid to stop and afraid to think about the future. Without noticing how it happened, you've become a slave to your own food rules.

Figure 2: A Typical Enslaving Cycle for Anorexia and Bulimia

BREAKING FREE

If this comes close to describing your life, don't let hopelessness win. There is a way to break out of this cycle. It starts with you being open to the possibility that deep-down your problem is spiritual. Listen to the voices of two people who struggle with eating problems:

“Success through dieting was the key to my salvation. Success meant a perfect career, perfect control over my life, all of which depended on a perfect me, which depended on me living inside a perfect body.”

“Eating is one area of my life that no one can reach, not even God.”

Doesn't it sound as if they're describing a religion? They have laws, rituals, sacrifice, penance, idols of comfort, idols of control, and the hope of salvation. The difference is that God is not in it. This is a lifestyle that tries to manage life apart from God. Take a moment and think about what your own food rules and rituals are. How are you using your “food rules” to manage your life?

Your problem isn't new. The apostle Paul, in the book of Galatians, talks about how we are always trying to construct our own religion. When Galatians was written, people were trying to use circumcision as a way to make themselves acceptable to God, now we use different rituals, but it all comes down to the same thing—we believe we can be made right by something we do.

You might not be thinking about God at all, but deep inside you there is a desire to be “right” and “acceptable.” It's easy to substitute yourself or other people as the final judge of what it means to be right. Instead of trusting in God, you trust in yourself and in your system of food laws to make you right.

If you are thinking about God at all, you probably believe that you have to become a better person before you can have a relationship with him. You're hoping that your own laws will show you the way. Meanwhile, you are constructing a world that has no room for God. Your food rules are actually keeping God away from you. The apostle Paul explains how this works in the book of Galatians. At first glance, it might seem to you that Paul isn't talking about your struggle at all. But, as you read, replace “circumcision” and “the law” with your food rules and rituals, and you will see that he is talking about you and your struggle with food.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised [follow food rules and rituals], Christ will be of no value to you at all. Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised [follow food rules and rituals] that he is obligated to obey the whole law [every food rule perfectly, never any mistakes, never any failures]. You who are trying to be justified [made right] by law [your own food rules] have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision [neither eating too much, nor eating too little] has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. (Galatians 5:1–6)

There is a way out: “by faith,” “through the Spirit,” and “faith working through love.” It is not rule keeping that saves you; it is your faith in Jesus that makes you clean, holy, and right (Romans 1:17; 8:1).

Sound easy? It is. It's rest rather than work. It's trust in Another rather than independence. But, as you probably know, trust might be the last thing you want to do. Your quest for independence is one reason you dabbled in eating problems. You know that trust means giving up your own religion where food is at the center, and you are not likely to give that up easily. The only way you could trust God is to be absolutely certain that he is trustworthy. And he is.

How do you know that? Find out for yourself by looking at what God did when he came to earth as a man. Pick up a Bible, and read a little bit every day from the book of John. Underline everything you read that shows you how trustworthy Jesus is. Notice especially how he treated people; think about why he died, and what his resurrection means for you. Jesus gave up his life for you. You can trust him with your life today. You can give up your food rules and follow him. You can, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

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This article is adapted from the first half of the booklet, Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness, copyright © 2008 by Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. Used by permission of New Growth Press and may not be downloaded and/or reproduced without prior written permission of New Growth Press.

The complete booklet, Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness, including the section “Practical Strategies for Change” may be purchased from New Growth Press at www.newgrowthpress.com (or just click the linked title above).

Edward Welch is a counselor and faculty member at CCEF and holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology with a neuro-psychology specialty from the University of Utah as well as a Master of Divinity degree from Biblical Theological Seminary. Ed has been counseling for over twenty-six years and has written many books and articles on biblical counseling, including the best selling titles: When People are Big and God is Small, Addictions: a Banquet in the Grave, Blame it on the Brain, Depression, Running Scared: Fear, Worry and the God of Rest and his newest release, a curriculum entitled Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction. His written work and speaking ministry, which is characterized by sound biblical exposition and paired with dynamic practical application, is in great demand by today's modern church. Ed and his wife, Sheri, have two married daughters and two grandchildren. In his spare time, Ed enjoys hanging out with his wife, is the glad owner of a growing guitar collection and competes in the Master's swim event where he placed fourth in the country. Areas of interest/experience: depression and addictions.

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