"The Look that Kills" Points Reader to the God Who Redeems

“The Look that Kills: An Anorexic’s Addiction to Control” by Michelle Myers (Crossbooks Publishing; 109 pgs.) is a moving first-person account of a young Christian girl’s rapid descent into an eating disorder, and the steadfast faith that pulled her out. Michelle, now a pastor’s wife and graduate of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, serves in young adult ministry and is a certified fitness trainer – two of her passions. “The Look that Kills” is her memoir, but it is more than an autobiography: it is a helpful, biblically-solid resource. Young women who struggle with eating disorders will see themselves through Michelle’s candid revelations of what was going on in her heart during her anorexic years, but the book is also helpful to girls with body-image issues or exercise obsession.

The daughter of loving, Christian parents, Michelle took up an interest in sports and began dieting to lose a few extra pounds. Initially, her pride was fueled by compliments and envious stares at her figure. What started out as a healthy interest became a dangerous obsession, as Michelle purged every calorie by over-training at the gym and running marathons. As others’ concern grew, she began entering – and winning – beauty pageants. Over the next several years, Michelle’s health deteriorated; her weight at 84 lbs, she blacked out while running one morning. At this point, she cried out to God – realizing she desperately needed help – and began the hard work of renewing her mind to overcome this life-dominating bondage.

I originally purchased this book for a counselee, who, like Michelle, developed “exercise addiction” as part of her anorexic behavior. As someone who had experienced this, Michelle’s angle – describing what goes on in the mind of an “exercise addict” and how to work fitness back into her life in a God-honoring way – is a unique and helpful one.

Michelle points the reader to the principles she found in Scripture at her lowest points, and as her spiritual life improved, so did her health. Immersing herself in the Bible, she was able to compile numerous passages that directly combatted lies she had believed for years; and re-found her identity in Christ. After struggling to eat her first meal in months, Michelle turned to the Word:

“Glancing at the daily reading plan outlined in my Bible, I turned to the suggested passage of Romans 8:1-17. I could hardly believe my eyes when they fell on the very first verse I read: “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” My tear-stained journal from that day reads: “Simply because I have confessed belief in His Son, God has wiped my life clean. No questions asked, no guilt-trip. He sent His Son to die so that His Spirit could live in me, and now, I can follow Him instead of calories. If I continue on this path, I am only harming myself, but living in Him will fully restore me to the girl that I used to be.”

Woven throughout Michelle’s testimony are Scriptures defining the biblical view of beauty; reminders of God’s faithfulness; and lessons learned about perfectionism (an attribute common to anorexics and bulimics, which is a contradiction of the Gospel. Perfectionism is, in essence, trusting in one’s own merit, works or abilities as a “false savior”; a means of feeling good about one’s self – rather than resting in the finished work of Christ. Michelle underscores the importance of Scripture in combatting the self-absorbed thinking behind eating disorders, and, as I did, overcame her life-threatening eating disorder without inpatient or psychiatric treatment. She demonstrates beautifully that the Great Physician is the only Healer of our hearts and souls – where the problem of sin lies.

Another good point Michelle makes in “The Look that Kills” is that pop-psychology and self-help literature does not adequately address the root cause of eating disorders, and cannot provide soul-care solutions. She points out that every book (secular or religious) she read in the early stages of her transformation blamed the media for the proliferation of eating disorders; yet as she dug deeper into the Bible, she saw that human preoccupation with beauty went back to the beginning of time.

“That was when I decided to take the self-help books back to the library. Even my resources that claimed to be “Christian” relied more on secular teachings than biblical foundations. The very problem with these books was revealed in the genre of literature and the root cause: self-help and self-esteem…..Rather than looking inside myself to discover who I was, I needed to look at who the Bible said I was. I won’t lie to you; I was discouraged at first. If you search Scripture trying to find value and worth within yourself, you will come up empty-handed every time.”

As she brings us through her years of restoration, which ultimately meant marriage and children (a future she doubted possible), Michelle beautifully pulls together encouragements and lessons God taught her along the way. Her fears and the deliberate work of renewing her mind with the Word are things any woman battling an eating disorder will relate to, and Michelle tells her story with a touching honesty and vulnerability that points all glory back to God. Her writing is empathetic and touching, and every point she makes is doctrinally-sound. She includes questions for reflection and discussion at the end of each chapter, and describes godly modifications she made to her daily life in the final chapter to assist the reader in “putting on” new disciplines to replace eating-disordered rituals. “The Look that Kills” is an excellent book to encourage women preoccupied with weight and fitness, as well as those with full-blown anorexia, turn to God and leave this slavery behind permanently.  

Review: Gospel-Centered Counseling by Robert Kellemen

Re-Discovering the Father of Compassion

By Marie Notcheva

One of the characteristics of a truly good biblical counseling book is that believers who are not actually ‘counsellors’ may gain just as much from it. Such is the case with “Gospel-Centered Counseling: How Christ Changes Lives”, one of three books (“Gospel Conversations” and “Scripture and Counseling” being the other two) by Biblical Counseling Coalition Executive Director Robert Kellemen.

In the Introduction, we are presented with a beautiful picture of mutually-encouraging Christian friendship:

"Christ's triumph in the drama of redemption guides our interactions in our one-another ministry. We engage one another in gospel conversations, encouraging each other to ponder: "Why give up when we lose one battle, since we know we have won the war?" "Why choose mere survival, when we are more than conquerors?"

This ‘one-another’ ministry is the framework through which the “Good News” will become more ‘real’ and not simply an abstract doctrinal concept.

The God Who Cares

Much of biblical counseling literature (and Reformed writing, in general) is very exegetical, solid, intellectual, Scripturally-solid, uncompromisingly biblical. We need this study of systematic theology in order to know how to rightly divide the Word, know which principle to apply to a given situation, and not read our own interpretation into passages of Scripture. At the same time, however, we must be careful not to present God as an emotionless, detached Deity Who is so far removed from humanity that He cannot sympathize with our human struggles. Kellemen gets the balance just right – portraying the personal, involved and loving God Who comes running to meet the wayward child – without sacrificing the biblical truths of His holy perfection; His need for nothing; and man’s total depravity.

In his typical style, Kellemen engages the reader as if having a coffee together. While emphasizing from the outset the importance of sound theology, as it relates to every aspect of life, the reader never feels lectured or bogged down in hermeneutic explanation. When Kellemen insists on a proper understanding of the God of Scripture, he is not arguing the finer points of supralapsarianism versus infralapsarianism. He is asking the reader (or counselee) to consider, “What is my image of God?” and, by extension, the implications of “His great love for us” (Ephesians 2:4). With this starting point, Kellemen guides the reader to consider eight important life questions (and, chapter by chapter, how the Person and work of Jesus Christ answers them). Undergirding all counseling issues, life problems, doubts and faith is how we answer the two most basic questions:

"We all ask two central questions about God: "God, do you care?" -- questions about God's love; and "God, are you in control?" -- questions about God's holiness. "Every problem of the soul includes a distorted, unbalanced answer about these two questions about God's infinitely perfect character." (p.71)

These questions are equally important, whether I am in the counseling office with an eating disordered patient - or encouraging a burnt-out high school student on the other side of the world. We all have been hard-wired with a need to know that God is aware of our plight; and that He cares for us deeply, personally, and purposefully. Kellemen has successfully tapped into this deepest of questions, and devotes the rest of the book to showing how a right understanding of the Trinitarian, relational God is foundational to lasting change (and joy). He does not leave the reader with a list of “put offs” and “put ons”; rather, he demonstrates how “cropping the cross of Christ back into the picture” (a proper understanding of grace) transforms sin-shattered lives.

Woven throughout “Gospel-Centered Counseling” are case studies from Kellemen’s family counseling experience. This is a helpful approach, because we see how doubts about God’s attributes or character surface in the counseling room in “real time”. Faulty views of God (common to many of us) are brought to light, then countered with the Word. Unbiblical lies that keep people stuck in life-dominating sin (rather than running to the cross) are exposed:

“Satan seeks to fill our souls with shame that separates us from God. "Give up on life. Throw in the towel." Paul labels this "worldly sorrow" that produces death (2 Cor. 7:10). Satanic shame involves self-contempt and self-disgust that cause us to despair of all hope that God could love a sinner like us. Condemning shame convinces us that God has forever justly rejected us. Godly sorrow, on the other hand, is guilt that leads us to return to God. It is guilt that escorts us to grace. It reminds us of our absolute dependence on Christ's grace and invites us to return home to our forgiving Father. Shame separates; sorrow connects." (p. 87).

From Vertical to Horizontal Relating

Kellemen demonstrates throughout “Gospel-Centered Counseling” how a right understanding and relationship with our Creator is foundational to edifying relationships with other human beings, a reflection of an being made in God’s image. Moving beyond the simple fact that we were made to glorify God, we understand that we were created to relate; experience; engage; and live fully. Thus, we increasingly reflect the inner life of Christ. Knowing, understanding, and compassionately caring for people in their fallen state is the biblical counselor (and Christian friend’s) goal.
The compassion with which Kellemen writes, and longs for all counselors to employ, comes through on every page. Never does he portray God as aloof or too holy to be approachable; even when writing about sin (‘spiritual adultery’) or the pit of despair that (gasp! God as the ) even Christians find themselves in.

“Like Equiano and Paul, we’ve all endured hurt that has driven us to the precipice of despair. Unfortunately, we’ve likely been sent subtle messages: “Christians don’t hurt.” “Spiritual Christians don’t talk about their struggles.” Paul, inspired by God, tells us that that’s a lie. In fact, he shows us that when we deny our hurt, we deny our need for God.” (p. 172).

We cannot expect someone to “renew [his] mind with the Word” until he truly knows God as the Father of Compassion and God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3). Kellemen then discusses how we reach out to others with the same hope and ‘Christ-received comfort’ that has sustained us – a key component of ‘one another’ ministry.

A Biblical Counseling Model Based on Grace

The final chapters of the book are devoted to progressive sanctification, and what ongoing reliance on Christ’s finished work, redeeming power, and relentless, pursuing love looks like. Do we see God as forgiving Judge, or welcoming Father? Do we – or the people we counsel – ‘accept our acceptance’; embrace our forgiveness? Kellemen demonstrates how Hebrews 10:19-25 draws our justification in Christ together with the mutual encouragement that is crucial for vibrant Christian life. He then turns to the regenerated heart – the believer has a new ‘want to’, and because of the Holy Spirit, a new ‘can do’. This is a welcome message that needs to be internalized by many struggling within the Church – whether in formal counseling for specific problems; or quietly enduring self-loathing for spiritual ‘failures’.

I have met many brothers and sisters in Christ, across different generations and of various cultures, who live with the nagging sense that they are letting God down. The Holy Spirit does the work of conviction and encouragement, of course; and He calls people individually in His own way and through diverse circumstances. “Gospel-Centered Counseling” is a grace-infused, Christ-oriented, empathetically-written resource whose message can help the process.

Counselors and “average Joe Christians” alike will find much truth here – simply stated and beautifully written – to point their fellow sojourners to the Great Physician. Kellemen quotes Puritans and Reformers; draws spiritual truth from Clint Eastwood films and Smurf cartoons; introduces us to real people, and reminds us – like the Apostle Paul – that we are never alone. A truly inspiring and helpful book to assist both reader and counselee growing in grace.

Another 5-Star Review for "Redeemed from the Pit" on Amazon!

Last month, my book "Redeemed from the Pit" earned it's second 5-Star Review on Amazon.com:

Best book on overcoming eating disorders, May 3, 2013
By Courtney

This review is from: Redeemed From the Pit: Biblical Repentance And Restoration From The Bondage of Eating Disorders (Paperback)
This book gives practical steps on how to overcome eating disorders, but it's not like any other book. I have read a lot of books on overcoming eating disorders, but this one is different because she pretty much shows you how to repent from this sin. I have had a hard time repenting of this sin because but have been trying to repent and overcome for years. When I started reading this book, I saw my need to put to death the deeds of the flesh and not be a victim to them. I saw the need to repent, change, depend on The Lord, and he will meet me with the power to overcome. He sure has! I can honestly say with a pure heart and clean conscience that I am done with bulimia and Jesus has given me the grace to overcome and is still giving me the grace to continue to walk in victory over this sin.

I recommend this book to anyone struggling with an eating disorder and anyone who has a loved one struggling with it.

Thank you, Courtney!

Review: Body Image Lies Women Believe...and the Truth of Christ that Sets them Free

Ladies, (I know I have male readers, but this great book is written with the ladies in mind!), do I have a find for you! "Body Image Lies Women Believe" by Shelley Hitz shares testimonies from many women and how they found their identity in Christ - not in this world's system of beauty.

Today and tomorrow on Amazon, this gem of a book is available FREE on Kindle. After tomorrow (5/10/13), the price goes back up to $2.99 (and the book is available in hardcover as well.)

I love to be able to recommend resources and devotionals that give real hope and solid biblical exhortation to the reader, who may indeed struggle with the lie that she is not beautiful. Whether you are dealing with an eating disorder, weight is an idol in your life, or just a woman who bases her worth on what she sees in the mirror (rather than Christ's work on the Cross), this book will be a blessing to you. Hitz cites Scripture and lays down a biblical principal at the end of every chapter, pulling the message from each woman's testimony together nicely. I am happy to recommend "Body Image Lies Women Believe - And the Truth of Christ that Sets them Free" as inspirational and encouraging reading.

Freedom from Eating Disorders (Laurie Glass)

Freedom from Eating Disorders

Dear readers,

I often refer you to God-honoring, biblical books or online resources to help you in your walk of repentance away from anorexia or bulimia, and today I would like to feature one such ministry. Laurie Glass, who I met online, is a sister in the Lord who also ministers to Christian women struggling to leave their disordered eating patterns behind. Laurie has an excellent website "Freedom from Eating Disorders" which has many links, articles, and helpful resources.

This morning's post (actually, I don't know when it was written but she shared the link on Facebook this morning) is an excellent exercise in renewing your mind and seeing this life-dominating sin for what it really is - an enemy. "Your Eating Disorder - Friend or Foe?" demonstrates Scripturally how when we choose to believe the lies that ensnare us in addictive behavior, the addiction to food and "weight-idolatry" takes center stage in our lives. Where is the Lover of our soul in the picture? Lie #6 rung especially true to me, as I remember my life a decade ago: "This enemy causes us to doubt God’s love for us. It makes us feel so ashamed before Him that we are too uncomfortable to even pray in regard to the eating disorder."

Oh yes, my sisters. Make no mistake about it: shame in a powerful weapon in Satan's arsenal.

Included on her site is Laurie's own testimony, as well as that of others; helpful Scriptures, and links to Christian counseling resources. I encourage you to check out some of the great articles she has posted, as well.

Book Review: What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?: Answers to the Big Questions of Life

The Biblical Counseling Coalition published my review of Dr. Ed Welch's latest book a couple of weeks ago. I am sharing it here, as fear of man and insecurity is a common problem with which anorexics and bulimics grapple. Be sure to visit the BBC site and see the original review here. 

What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?: Answers to the Big Questions of Life by Ed Welch

Review by Marie Notcheva March 27, 2013

In 1994, the editor at Reuter’s news desk in Sofia said he didn’t think I was a particularly good writer. Although I had won awards for journalism in college, I was stuck pulling stories off a news wire rather than writing real articles. Crushed by his assessment, it was another 10 years before I would write again. Even today, my confidence is fed by the praise (and Twitter-follows) of better-known authors. InWhat Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?, Dr. Ed Welch informs me that  I’m looking for “living water” in the wrong place – the eyes of others.

Reminiscent of Welch’s earlier When People Are Big and God is Small, What Do You Think of Me? is a concise, hand-on approach to insecurity geared towards teenagers and young adults.  Welch identifies the dilemma we all face: “You can easily be controlled by the opinions of others. Why? You want them to fill you with something. They have something you feel you need” (p. 38). We all try to obtain that “something” – acceptance, respect, or love – from other people. When this desire becomes a “need,” it controls us – an idol in the making.

Welch identifies the problem (we become controlled by others and their acceptance becomes our idol); then, like any good biblical counselor, gives hope from Scripture. Abraham, Isaac, and Peter were dominated by the fear of others, but were transformed.

How we respond to the basic questions of life – Who is God? Who am I? Who are others? – will determine how we respond to peer pressure, criticism, and rejection. At heart, we are all worshippers: “The thing or person you trust in is actually the object of your worship. Look carefully and you will see that what started off as a small concern about the opinions of other people has been supersized” (p. 39).

Welch discusses how good, loving relationships can go bad by comparing the God-given human desire for love to a 500-lb. gorilla demanding to be fed (p. 51). Welch demonstrates how everyday desires for approval and love can become things we desire inordinately – and lead to broken fellowship with God.

The Tao Versus Fear of the Lord

Dr. Welch is hardly the first to spot the problem arising from what the Bible calls “fear of man.” Lao Tzu said, “Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”

Christianity, however, offers something much greater than simply absence of suffering or a vague “harmony with the universe” sought by Taoists. We are invited to know the Creator intimately as Father; be awed by His majesty; and love others freely without thought of reciprocation.  God’s way out is to know Him, as He is revealed in Jesus, in such a way that other people will seem less awesome in comparison. Being overwhelmed with Christ’s beauty breaks the “slavery” of being controlled by others.

While Welch writes primarily about being influenced by the negative opinions or expectations of others, a believer should also be on guard against seeking edification from others more than God.

I was reminded of this recently while talking with a friend. As believers, we are called to encourage and build one another up. Few things bring greater joy. “I am so happy and blessed to have people to comfort and encourage me,” Juxhin said. “But,” he pointed out,  “What comforts and encourages me the most is, of course, God himself.”

This confidence is what Welch calls “living in the throneroom of the King.” Realizing the magnitude of the Creator’s power and holiness diminishes the importance of others’ opinions – even good ones. Encouragement is nice. Comfort is welcome. But when other people fail to provide them, a high view of God’s holiness and personal knowledge of His grace meets all of our needs (Philippians 4:19).

“I’m with Him”

At times, some modern Reformed writing focuses so extensively on the glory of God, with lesser attention given to the more subjective or emotional side of man. This can leave an immature believer with the impression that he or she doesn’t matter to a God so unapproachable and holy.

Without a personal understanding of faith, God will seem distant to the teenager trying to “fit in,” or any other individual who craves His presence. Welch is a master at introducing the God Who pursues; Who cares; and Who comforts – personally and tenderly. He describes redemption as a gift so extravagant that it leads naturally to thankfulness and change. The answer to the question “Who Am I?” is one of allegiances. Identifying with Jesus, Welch says, is declaring “I’m with Him.”

 Remembering that we were created to live for God (not ourselves) clarifies our mission – to love other people; not seek love and acceptance for ourselves. Acknowledging that rejection still hurts, Welch notes that  it no longer controls us. “There is only one way you could want to love others more than they love you: realizing that you have been loved more than you could ever love in return” (p. 116).

Our Position and Identity in Christ

What does realizing our position in Christ have to do with being vulnerable? It frees us. The fact that we are fully known and deeply loved by the King dispels the paralyzing fear of being hurt by those we choose to love. It negates the need for reciprocation. It restores our joy. It makes intercessory prayer seem like a privilege, not a “to-do” list.

Drawing close leaves one vulnerable; it gives the other person power. But the security offered by being in relationship with the One Who loved us when we were His enemies makes others’ reactions incidental. We are free to love, simply and purely, because we have been pursued and loved first.

One strength of Welch is that although he is both a psychologist and a theologian, he sounds like neither when he writes to young Christians. He explains key biblical concepts (fear of the Lord; Federal Headship) in plain language a fourth-grader can understand. What Do You Think of Me? does not read like a commentary, but rather like an e-mail sent to encourage a friend.

He skewers the psycho-babble of “self-esteem” theory and “leaky love-cup” models, showing why such imagery is unbiblical (and ineffective). Welch maintains that the deepest human needs are seen in the prayers of Scripture, which begin and end by glorifying God (not exalting “self”).  By pointing back to the God of all comfort and His Word, Welch helps readers shed self-consciousness and insecurity resulting from preoccupation with others’ opinions. What Do You Think of Me? is an insightful book sure to help believers experience a deeper walk with Christ.

Marie Notcheva

Marie Notcheva (B.A., Print Journalism, Syracuse University) is a writer and biblical counselor from Massachusetts who specializes in eating disorders. She is a graduate of Jay Adams' Institute for Nouthetic Studies, and counsels at her home church, Heritage Bible...

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"Mending a Broken Heart"

This is a re-post of Lucy Ann Moll's review of "Mending a Broken Heart", Kc Hutter's memoir about her battle with alcoholism. As with my own bondage with alcohol and bulimia, Kc discovered that Jesus was not only "the answer", but that He had given His life to set her free and make her His own. I am re-posting it here as it is the most inspiring, truthful account I have read recently about overcoming life-dominating sin through the power of Christ's love.


Mending a Broken Heart: ADDICTION


When you hurt, you sometimes look for relief. . .in a bottle. This relief, this pleasure plays peek-a-boo. You see it then it’s gone, obliterated.

Kc Hutter, author of her memoir A Broken Heart, flirted with alcoholism. She began drinking during her first marriage while her husband traveled out of town week after week. She drank with friends. She drank when she wanted to feel better about herself. She writes, “I drank a lot of vodka and developed a ‘come here, go away’ personality. This made me feel safe.”

This is the sixth post in the “Mending a Broken Heart” blog series. You can read the other posts (on divorce, a child’s death, and other losses) here. You can learn more Kc’s book and buy it here.

Bondage Buster

An addiction is bondage of the heart and body to something that produces immediate pleasure and relief, but at a price. This bondage is to “feel good now.” Rather than submitting to Christ’s rule, an addict bows to the “feel-good” god that is her preferred object of achieving pleasure and relief, however fleeting.

Indulging in it becomes the addict’s greatest treasure, the one thing she’d choose over anything or anyone else.

Her body deteriorates over time. Her soul experiences pain with each indulgence.

By God’s grace, a self-described “booze-happy” woman — yes, Kc — who had become a Christian and read the Bible and prayed to Jesus finally hits bottom and turns to the ultimate Healer for help. Listen:

Holding a glass of vodka with a floating olive had always made me feel glamorous. Isn’t this what actors do on TV and in the movies? At a cocktail party, a happy hour, or visiting a friend, I often heard, ‘Do you want a drink?’

After years of drinking, my stomach would hurt and my head pounded every morning. My heart filled with anguish and sorrow. What words did I say last night? Did I lose control and embarrass myself? I wondered.

Many times I tried to quit drinking on my own. All of my attempts failed, even thought I knew the pain of having a loves one killed by a drunk driver.

Finally I prayed, ‘Lord, take the need of alcohol from me, make the taste repulsive.’ The Lord heard and answered by prayers.

Yes, even Bible-reading Christians succumb to addiction. Easy to break the chains of bondage? No. But God can and will pull you out of the pit when you submit to Christ’s rule.

Beyond Booze

You can become addicted to almost anything: food, sexual gratification, exercise, money, power, praise, shopping, pain pills, and so on. It’s idol worship. In the life of an addict, Christ is rejected and sin becomes master. People will be ruled by something. It’s our nature

The addiction cycle begins when a person wants to avoid pain or feel pleasure–or both. She medicates her distress and discomfort.

She indulges without concern for the consequences. Sometimes her conscience is pricked; a warning flag waves, a Holy Spirit correction. If ignored, and she indulges, she will get a momentary lift or numbness. Then reality sets in: Her indulgence failed to solve her problem; it only make it worse. Shame and regret, regret and shame.

What to do?

Seek pleasure? Avoid pain?

If she indulges again and again, the addiction cycle becomes entrenched. A sick pattern. Depending on the substance of addiction, she may develop a physiological dependence and experience symptoms of withdrawal without it.

The problem is deeper than physiology, however. It’s a spiritual disorder of disordered worship.

The Answer

In A Broken Heart, Kc outlines the “how” of breaking the bondage of addiction. You read it up top and I repeat parts here:

1. Kc recognized booze enslaved her, and she experienced healthy guilt leading to repentance: My heart filled with anguish and sorrow.

2. She realized the futility of her way of dealing with her addiction: Many times I tried to quit drinking on my own. All of my attempts failed.

3. She asked God for help, humbling herself while she worshiped God: Finally I prayed, ‘Lord, take the need of alcohol from me, make the taste repulsive.’

Please do not misunderstand me. Shaking an addiction is difficult. Kc tried many times, remember?

My mom was addicted to cigarettes and managed to quit a handful of times, only to light up. Again. She died on a frigid January night long ago. Heart disease by puff after puff after puff –this is what her cardiologist told me, in nicer terms. I wish I could have held her hand when she breathed her last. I love her so.

Me? I confess to people-pleasing. An addiction to what others think of me. I have repented of this ugliness and once in a while I return to this vomit like a dog, and repent again.

I rejoice with Kc that vodka never got a hold of her again. She asked God to make alcohol repulsive to her. He did. And she found healthy God-honoring ways to deal with her pain. You can too. Do you believe this?

About Kc and New Life

Kc was brought up in the church but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until after her second divorce. She told the Lord in prayer, weeping and clutching her uncle’s Bible: “I’ve made such a mess of my life doing it my may. I forgot how much you love me. Forgive me.” God gave her the strength to pen a memoir and the hope to guide those who are hurting and without hope to the Mender of Broken Hearts.

Kc is married and lives in Washington State. She is the mother of two adult sons, one of whom died of cancer and is now with the Lord, and a grandmother.

A Few Questions

1. Have you or a loved one struggled with an addiction? A substance like alcohol or cigarettes? Or an addiction like people-pleasing?

2. How has addiction pulled you down? Financially? Relationally? Emotionally? Spiritually?

3. Are you willing to denounce your addiction and choose to put God first in your life?

Hope for You

Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife?

Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises?

Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine,’

who go to sample bowls of mixed wins. . ..

In the end it bites like a snake

and poisons like a viper.

(Proverbs 23:29-30, 32, NIV)

Book Review on The Gospel Coalition - "Loving Well"

Dear Readers:

This morning, a review I wrote of pastor and biblical counselor William P. Smith's "Loving Well (Even if You Haven't Been)" (New Growth Press, 2012) was published by The Gospel Coalition. Naturally, I am very pleased about this; but even more exciting to me is the actual message of Smith's book. While not related to eating disorders, I encourage all to get a copy of "Loving Well" and read it.

Have you ever doubted God's personal love for you?

Have you ever struggled to show the love of Christ to others?

Have you ever wanted to move towards a friend who is suffering, but not known just what to do?

Smith takes a warm, relational approach to Christ as we see Him in the Scriptures - relentlessly serving, comforting, pursuing. Understanding the many facets of God's personal love for you is crucial to being able to extend that same love to others -- regardless of who they are.

While this book is a great addition to any biblical counselor's library, I highly recommend it for ANY Christian who seeks to know and apply God's personal love for them in Christ.

Loving WellWilliam P. Smith | Review by: Marie Notcheva

 

William P. Smith. Loving Well (Even if You Haven’t Been). Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012. 288 pp. $15.99.

William Smith and I have a lot in common. We are both biblical counselors. We both write about God’s grace. And we both go bananas when our kids slam the doorknob into the drywall.

In Loving Well (Even if You Haven’t Been), Smith, director of counseling at Chelten Baptist Church in Dresher, Pennsylvania, explores the believer’s need to internalize God's love for us as individuals in order to build strong, edifying relationships with others. In this well-written and easy-to-identify-with book, Smith explores 15 aspects of divine love and how, through grasping them, we grow more intentional about extending grace.

The timing of this book coincided with a personal rediscovery of the God who, as he puts it, “moves toward me, inviting me to know him” (xxi). In a dry spiritual season, I admitted to a fellow Christian my struggle to believe God really loves me and my tendency to see the cross as an historical event with little bearing on my life. “Don’t you believe [the Word] has the power to change you?” my friend admonished. His advice was so simple as to be common sense: read the Gospels. Again. Double-read the parts about Jesus’ crucifixion, which he went through “willingly, because he loved you.”

My young friend was on to something: experiencing the love of God is foundational to transformation. Smith observes that how we perceive God will inevitably affect how we treat others; therefore, we need an accurate view of God. Seeing him as the initiating, pursuing God of all comfort (rather than a dictator or detached deity) enables us to reach out to others. Moving toward suffering friends, building others up to reach their full potential in Christ, and enjoying genuine fellowship are three categories Smith examines.

Part I deals with comforting love, confessing struggles, and forgiveness. Moving sympathetically toward those in pain is the model of how God approaches us. In his humanity, Jesus invited the presence of others in his own deepest trials (e.g., Gethsemane). The suggestion that we may actually help a hurting person by our mere presence is refreshing to those of us trained not to let a counselee “vent” or just talk about the problem. Is “just listening” beneficial? Doesn’t compassion move us to action? Yes, when appropriate. In later chapters, Smith explores the outworking of serving and giving, but when a friend suffers, often the most loving thing to do is simply be there.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

True intimacy demands letting friends see the depths of our hearts. Drawing on Christ’s transparency with his followers, Smith gives helpful ways to respond to a friend who opens up her life. However, two realities coexist: we sin, and we’re sinned against. Smith demonstrates that a truly forgiving friend must see the lengths to which God will go to forgive and restore relationships—beginning in Eden and culminating at Calvary. Smith asks the rhetorical question, “Did God set himself up to be sinned against?” (52) and explains that God allowing sin in no way undermines his sovereign plan to reveal his mercy and goodness. Relieved that Smith upholds a high view of God, I agreed that incidents of sin, unavoidable between friends, lead to opportunities to extend forgiveness and thus chances for others to behold the goodness of God through us (Rom. 6:1).

While Smith promotes reconciliation, a discussion of repentance was largely absent (though he later touches on the subject of gentle confrontation). Likewise, we read of Smith seeking forgiveness from his child after “losing it,” but how did he then deal with the child’s defiance that preceded the angry confrontation?

Love That Reaches Out

In Part II, Smith examines the importance of edification and service. Understanding we’re served by Jesus marks the difference between believing we’re “here to be served” and joyfully extending service to others. Drawing on Paul’s example with diverse individuals, Smith demonstrates true friendship is based far less on commonalities than on a mutual friendship with Christ. The “pursuing love” he unpacks depicts “lost sheep diligently pursuing each other” (101), since that’s what they’ve experienced themselves from the Good Shepherd. Accountability, then, is simply an element of transparent friendship.

Smith provides an apt metaphor for counseling: “Do you see God’s gracious attitude toward those who are in trouble? He wants shepherds who will give themselves to the work of building up and pursuing people who are damaged and lost . . . who actively pursue the hurting sheep in order to nurse them back to health” (105). Encouragement lies at the heart of “one-anothering” in healthy churches. God deals with straying children by pleading, warning, and instructing—expressions of his love, and the foundation upon which all counsel, exhortation, and edification must be based.

Love That Enjoys Heaven on Earth

Though “fellowship” is a somewhat overused term in evangelicalism, it is the true sense of Christian fellowship to which Smith devotes the final section of the book. The image of Christ emptying himself and the Father welcoming unfaithful sinners shapes how we greet and interact with one another. “Reshaping our world for the sake of someone else” grows out of reverence for Christ. Smith also discusses unbiblical submission by denouncing the error of domineering, one-sided relationships. Verbal and emotional abuse are too rarely addressed in biblical counseling literature, but Smith encourages change motivated by concern for both persons’  spiritual health.

All of God’s commands regarding love reveal his relational heart. The warmth Christ has for his “friends” (John 15:15) comes through the pages of Loving Well. Enjoying true friendship with a personal God doesn’t diminish his majesty; it enables his children to display his likeness in their own relationships. Tying Scripture to real-life situations, Smith takes a relational approach to the process of biblical change—change that cannot help but occur once we’ve tasted God’s goodness personally.

Marie Notcheva is a writer and biblical counselor who specializes in eating disorders. A graduate of Jay Adams’s Institute for Nouthetic Studies, Marie counsels at Heritage Bible Chapel in Princeton, Massachusetts. She and her husband are the parents of four children. Following a 17-year battle with anorexia and bulimia, Marie began studying biblical counseling and realized the principles she had learned during her own recovery could be used to help others. Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders (Calvary Press, 2011) was the project that came out of that mission. Marie is passionate about pointing other women to Jesus Christ, the Healer of their souls.

Review of "Redeemed from the Pit" - The Sacred Pursuit

Amelia Arnold, a conference speaker and writer, has posted a review of my book, "Redeemed from the Pit" on her blog. It is very encouraging for an author to see positive reviews of her work in print!

Redeemed From the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration From the Bondage of Eating Disorders by Marie Notcheva
Interior Publications, imprint of Calvary Press, 2011
Forward is written by Martha Peace

Marie is a certified Biblical Counselor under Jay Adams’ Biblical counseling program and is currently working on her NANC certification.

Marie’s Blog: http://redeemedfromthepit.blogspot.com/
Video testimony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPOHvay61Lc


Summary Review:
“Disordered eating” is something that many woman today struggle with. Insecurity in appearance, food addiction, obsession with being thin, the tendency to overeat, struggles with maintaining weight; even as far as abusing your body to stay thin… these things and more are very often symptoms of a deeper issue; a deeper issue that begins in the mind, more specifically, in one’s thoughts and worship (or lack thereof) of God.

In her book, Redeemed From the Pit, Marie gives her personal testimony of her obsession with being thin and struggle with bulimia and then how she found victory and freedom in Christ. She counsels her readers of what the real issue is: sin; and what the only real solution is: realizing what Christ has done for you, repenting of your sin, and trusting and believing that you are in Christ and that He has given us what we need to have freedom and victory over the desires of the flesh!
While this book is written most specifically for women dealing with bulimia, Marie gives some great insight and counsel for women struggling with disordered eating of any kind (anorexia, overeating, struggles with weight, etc.). It is a strong Biblical guide to what our attitude should be towards our body, towards food, and points the reader towards the only One who can satisfy, comfort and perfect us: Jesus Christ.

While she recognizes that outside causes can sometimes lead to eating disorders she clearly teaches that that is no excuse. We make our own choices and we’re responsible for them. She discusses root sins (like vanity, anger, bitterness or unforgiveness, jealousy, fear of man, pride, selfishness) that can lead to one’s disordered eating and that they need to be dealt with and repented of. She also discusses how this sin (like all sins) is rooted in idolatry – the worship of something besides God and teaches what true repentance is and how we should walk in repentance on a daily basis. There’s a chapter dedicated to seeking godly counsel (how to know who to go to, who to seek counsel from), and she discusses the role of the church in counseling and the sufficiency of Scripture to give us the answers. She talks about what the Gospel is and what it means practically for the Christian that we are “in Christ”. There’s a chapter on the importance of our thinking and what it means to put off sin (or wrong thinking), and put on righteousness (or right, Christ-centered thinking). There are two chapters on the importance of forgiveness (not holding on to bitterness), a chapter on the practical side of things (like health problems that can be the result of eating disorders), and another chapter on why it’s important to tell someone about the struggle you have.

To share a few quotes:

“I had to deliberately choose, over and over to lay my wrong thinking (preoccupation with food and weight) down on the altar and reprogram my mind with the truth of God’s Word.” (p. 52)
“ ’In Christ’ clearly refers to our justified position, and carries with it the implication of obedience and being conformed to the character of Christ – not seeking to find ‘meaning’ or personal fulfillment.” (p. 99)
“Take comfort in the fact that the same Lord Who was willing to heal the lepers of Judea is also ready, willing and more than able to cleanse you. In fact, as He works in your heart, you will conquer this sin because He has already conquered it.” (p. 153)
“Throughout His Word, God assures His Children that if they will change their thinking and attitudes toward sin, He will enable them to turn around and change their ways.” (p. 175)
“God wants us to change and to bear fruit for His glory (John 15:8). The Gospel, not ‘self-help’, is the key to change (Rom 6:11, Isa 55:1-2), and we, His redeemed children, are responsible to exert effort in our sanctification (Phil 2:12).” (p. 193)
“Effective counseling grows out of discipleship, the mentoring necessary for a new Christian to grow to maturity.” (p. 199-200)
“…the best-equipped, most doctrinally sound facility in the world will not be able to help someone who does not truly desire to forsake her sin.” (p. 204)
“Just as one sin very often leads to another, disciplined training in righteousness (learning to forgive, even though it goes against our wills) can likewise lead to changed behavior and ‘putting on’ of self-control in another (overcoming food addiction).” (p. 249-250)

The Center -- is it Really "A Place of Hope"?

Today, I received an inquiry from a reader in the Dominican Republic who is battling bulimia, and is looking into Christian inpatient treatment in the United States. She was wondering about "The Center", an addiction-treatment center in Washington state founded by Dr. Gregg Jantz. While I did not specifically mention "The Center" in my book, Redeemed from the Pit,  the program's integrationist worldview and "whole-person" treatment model predictably follow the pattern common to many counseling centers. While claiming to be "Christian", these facilities, sadly, do not subscribe to a biblical philosophy of man, God, sin, or the Word of God itself.

Following are the main points I mentioned to her about "The Center":

 My discernment alarms are going off. First off, what I notice from the website (in the 1st few minutes I'm there):

 - They "accept insurance". This is never a good sign. If they were truly Christ-centered, biblical counseling-oriented, they would NOT be licensed as "mental health" providers. That alone tells me they are more psych-based than Scripture-based.

 - I cannot find any Statement of Faith. That is another red flag, even if a counseling center claims to be founded by a Christian. - Dr. Gregg Jantz is very much in the "integrationist" camp -- one who believes that the Bible does not contain all the answers; but rather that psychology can be blended with the Bible. (It can't be, as any biblical counselor will tell you -- psychotherapy's view of man and the Bible's view of man are diametrically opposite.) His "whole person approach" is just that. He is not a biblical counselor, by any stretch of the imagination (although he may very well be a Christian.)

 After a few more minutes perusing their website, I come across The Center's program distinctives:

  - 2. We have assembled a comprehensive recovery team of psychologists, licensed counselors, a certified eating disorder specialist, medical personnel, board certified psychiatrist, dieticians, licensed social workers, depression experts, licensed marriage and family therapists, certified chemical dependency professionals, massage therapists, RN, fitness trainer and various specialists. Our team represents the very best in treatment – professionals who are called into the ministry of Hope and Healing. 

Okay....dieticians (nutritionists) and other medical personnel are always a good thing. "Board certified psychiatrists" and "depression experts" are not. They will tell the client that eating disorders (and depression) are "diseases", not their fault, and probably pump them full of psychotropic drugs to numb the feelings of guilt. No child of God should be deceived in this way.

 - On the Eating Disorder program page, I saw good and bad. Yes, I (obviously) agree that total transformation (I refuse to use the word recovery) is possible.....but this: "our programs for eating disorders incorporate advanced eating disorder treatment and technologies." is hogwash. They never mention REPENTANCE, which is how one changes. Of course, for them to talk about repentance, they'd have to admit that anorexia and bulimia are SINS, which they never do.

 - On the main page, where one would expect a comprehensive explanation of The Center's worldview (is it biblical? secular?), we read: "The Center for Counseling and Health Resources follows a model of whole person care – for both men and women – whereby our vision ensures we give appropriate attention to the medical, physical, psychological, emotional, nutritional, fitness and spiritual aspects of each person seeking help through one of our treatment programs. We believe in and value the worth of all individuals, and model this belief to all we serve – “inspired healthcare” for restoring balance to the body, mind and spirit."

 No mention there (or elsewhere) of the Bible as God's inspired, inerrant Word; or the fact that it is sufficient "for all matters pertaining to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). A Christian seeking inpatient treatment (or a long-term residential center) would do well to avoid "The Center".

Free Giveaway: "Pure Purpose" Bible Studies by Susan Lawrence

Author and speaker Susan H. Lawrence is a gifted writer of women's Bible studies, two of which are entitled "Pure Purpose" and "Pure Emotion". She has graciously sent me several copies of each, and I would like to make them available to YOU - free of charge - for your own spiritual growth and edification.

You're probably wondering, "Why would Marie do this, and what does this have to do with overcoming an eating disorder?"

Well, I'll tell you why. Are you serious about growing in your relationship with God? You need to dig into His Word - daily. Struggling with life-dominating sin is a symptom of lack of intimacy and joy in your Father. He helps you by re-igniting the flame, but you must do your part as well in seeking Him daily. As I have always said on this blog, in counseling, and in my own book, If you are serious about change, you must spend time with God. Scripture is the only way in which He speaks and reveals Himself directly to us. There are a number of good resources available which you could use to assist you in gleaning truth from God's Word (some of which I've reviewed on this blog), so when one comes around that speaks so specifically to women as Susan's does, I'm all too happy to recommend it.

This isn't about the food. In fact, addictions are hardly about the drug of choice. They are means of escaping pain - behaviors that have evolved from unbiblical responses to life's problems. Re-connecting with God through deliberately disciplining yourself to meet with Him daily (and be spiritually fed by Him) is the only way to experience true, lasting joy and contentment. How you approach your time in the Word is up to you. What matters is that you DO approach it!

"Pure Purpose" is a 10-week study Susan has written which covers aspects of our reason for existence (to love, serve, honor and glorify God). Having a high view of God and His exhortation to service, compassion, humility, obedience, and discipline helps the reader shift her focus from herself (inward) to God and others (outward). The study gives "feet" to one's faith: moving beyond theology, how do we "walk out" these virtues we are told to "put on" (Eph. 4:24)?

"Pure Emotion" is also a 10-week workbook which deals with the emotional pitfalls we women are particularly prone to, and how to re-direct our emotions biblically. Susan covers sinful emotions such as fear, jealousy, anger, anxiety and frustration; juxtaposing the unbiblical response to the obedient one. She also discusses peace, joy, and how to be emotionally "pure" - in other words, how to sanctify our emotions. The ultimate goal? Being transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2) so that we more closely resemble the character of Christ (2 Cor. 3:18).

Below is Part 1 of 2 excerpts from "Pure Emotion". To win a copy of either study (a $24.00 value!), here's what you do:

1.) Mention "Redeemed from the Pit" in a blog post.

2.) Link to my blog.

3.) Leave me a comment here telling me when you've done so (and which study you'd like).

That's it! The first four people to do so will receive a free, $24.00 Bible study to help their walk with the Lord. (For more information about Susan and a link to her ministry site, scroll down.)

*******************************************************************

The Emotional Experience

Part 1

In preparation for writing the Pure Emotion Bible study for women, I asked hundreds of women about factors that affect emotions. Women were asked if factors such as finances, uncertainty, weather, music and more had positive effects, negative effects or no effect at all. Not a single of the factors listed was identified by a single woman as having no effect.

We’re emotional beings. The people and situations surrounding us impact our emotional responses. We’re drawn to some situations because we experience them as positive, and we avoid negative experiences. It’s like cleaning your closet. Keep what you like and what feels good. Get rid of the things you’re tired of or don’t fit well.

What about those negative emotions do we want to toss away? Why do we see them as negative, and should we always avoid them?

First, the messages we’ve paired with some emotions are devastating to us. Consider the messages you’ve stored about fear. Jealousy. Anger. Anxiety. Guilt. Whether or not the messages we attach to emotional experiences are true, they wash over us as we experience similar emotional experiences. What voice interrupts you in the midst of your emotions?

• When you’re rejected by a close family member, do you feel worthless?

• When you’re anxious about a test result, do you feel incapable of proceeding?
• When you’re fearful, do you feel victimized?

Not all messages that accompany our emotions are inaccurate. God can speak to us in all times, and God is an emotional God. Emotions saturate Scripture. God is an emotional God but not in the same way we talk about an emotional woman or emotional person. However, he’s certainly aware of our runaway emotions. We can’t escape from God’s presence. And if we let him, God will replace the untruthful emotional messages with truthful messages reflecting his character, will, and commands.

Another reason we experience emotions negatively is we can feel victimized by our emotions. Emotions can make us feel as if we’re on a board game. Perhaps you know some of the rules.

1. Your move is dependent on others’ moves. (Your emotions are responses to others.)
2. Only one person can occupy a space at one time. (Your emotions prohibit you from some experiences.)
3. You’ll incur penalties for landing on certain spaces. (Some of your emotions will only end in trouble.)
4. Where you land is determined by the roll of a die. (You don’t have control over your emotions.)
5. You might need to go back several spaces. (Your emotions can get you stuck.)

We also use emotions to mask other emotions. And we try to replace negative with positive emotions, but the truth is – negative emotions can be energizing. We might not like them. We might complain about them. But we’d rather feel something than nothing. Negative emotions are often more intense than positive emotions. We’re energized and consumed by them…and less willing to give them up.

We want something to change, but we’re not willing to be changed.
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.”

I want God to work through me, but I have to constantly remind myself that in order for God to work through me, I have to be willing to allow him to work in me. He’s changing me from the inside out. And it’s not easy for me to allow him to change me.

God didn’t mess up his design of you. He’s not capable of messing up. He created you in his image. He has a plan for your life. He even knew what mistakes you’d make throughout your life, and he still loves you and wants nothing more than to be in an ever-deepening relationship with you. He will pursue you, tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear, and knocking on the door of your heart so that your daily life – including your decisions, attitudes, and yes, emotions – are impacted in the purity of who he created you to be and the everyday messiness of living on earth as you move ever closer to eternity – with God or without him.

If our emotions aren’t reflecting the character of God, we’re probably distorting something and need to get back on track. Our anger doesn’t reflect his anger. Our jealousy doesn’t reflect his jealousy. Our guilt doesn’t reflect his guilt. But we can grow closer to God, getting to know him better, and committing to reflecting him more and more on a daily basis. That’s what the journey of Pure Emotion – the emotional experience – is all about.

Susan Lawrence is passionate about equipping and encouraging women through writing and speaking. She’s the author of two Bible studies, Pure Purpose and Pure Emotion. She loves dark chocolate and long walks, especially when her toes are in sand! Check out Susan’s words of encouragement and send her a note at http://www.purepurposebook.wordpress.com./. You can also connect on at www.facebook.com/PurePurpose or www.twitter/susanhlawrence.

Elyse Fitzpatrick on Bulimia and Overeating ("Women Helping Women")

The required reading for the biblical counseling course I am currently taking, "Counseling Women", is the nearly 600-page tome "Women Helping Women: a Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face", co-authored by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Carol Cornish. This is a practical, Christ-centered book that addresses many issues - from counseling mothers of children with learning disabilities to those with addictions - but for the purposes of this blog, I would like to zero in on Chapter 16: "Counseling Women for Overeating and Bulimia".

Elyse Fitzpatrick has written much on the subject of eating disorders before, and has counseled many women to victory throughout her ministry. In reading this resource, I was encouraged yet again to see that I am far from the only one writing about bulimia from an exclusively, unapologetically biblical point of view. Elyse lays out the principles given in God's Word on food and eating at the begining of the chapter, affirming that God created food for nourishment and pleasure (Psalm 104:14-15; Acts 14:17). She also points out the biblical mandate of thanksgiving, and condemnation of asceticism (1 Timothy 4:3-5).

It is when we fail to regulate legitimate physical needs and pleasure under His guidance that we get into trouble. Declaring independance from God's commands - rebellion - takes several forms in individuals with sinful eating problems:

- using food to declare independance

- satiating own uncontrollable desires for pleasure (being unable to stop)

- frequently worrying about food and drink (violation of Matt. 6:31)

- failure to prioritize (seeking to fulfill desires before His kingdom and righteousness)

This type of backwards-thinking lets greedy desires grow unchecked, which is idolatry (Col. 3:5). Elyse notes that when sinful eating habits become a life-dominating pattern, the one enslaved is "worshipping" the false gods of Taste, Pleasure, and Self-Sufficiency. The antidote to this struggle with greed and the flesh is, of course, to remind the counselee (or one's self) that she is not alone in her struggle with greed (1 Cor. 10:13) as she learns to recognize this heart issue.

These self-centered desires must be replaced with biblical, God-honoring motives for change. Elyse lists (and elaborates on) five ways Christian women struggling with disordered eating must learn to think about their bodies:

1.) Being Conformed to the Image of Christ. Dress size is unimportant to God. Having our old nature fully transformed is His priority, and it must be ours, as well (Romans 8:28-29).

2.) Everything is to be for the Glory and Pleasure of God. Obedience by glorifying Him with our eating habits must be primarily for His sake; not ours alone. (1 Cor. 10:31).

3.) Your Body is the Holy Spirit's Home. We belong to Him, body and soul, and need to be good stewards. (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

4.) All of Life is His. No activity is morally neutral - not even eating. Avoid the temptation of separating life into the sacred and secular - even the most mundane activities are either acts of worship or irreverance. (Romans 14:23).

5.) He Redeemed You from Slavery. Don't jump back into the pit (Romans 6:12-13). Elyse writes,

"As you begin to develop correct motives, you must remember that although these habits seem overpowering at times, you can change because of the work of Christ. Remember that one of the results of the work of the Holy Spirit is "self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23)."

To help spot motivating factors of excessive or out-of-control eating, Elyse recommends recording every instance of undisciplined eating and the emotional dynamics involved. This helps counselor and counselee identify problem patterns and "triggers" to which Scriptural principles can then be applied (lies confronted with the Truth from God's Word; using the "put off/put on" dynamic to overcome temptation when it hits). Elyse fully acknowledges how compelling the binge is:

"As she begins the binge she may not even taste the food. She may not consciously think about what she is doing as she crams food into her mouth. She may lose track of time and how much she has consumed. She may sit in front of the television and concentrate on some meaningless program while she shovels in baked potatoes, cartons of ice cream, boxes of cereal, or bags of cookies. She will experience a certain pleasure (euphoria) from eating. The pleasure is not simply from the taste or texture of the food, or the chemical reaction of raised blood sugar levels, but it is an experienced release and calm that comes after a hurried and frantic self-indulgence....Make no mistake - this compulsion to binge is as strong as any faced by the habitual heavy drinker."

She is right...that is EXACTLY what a binge feels like. I would add, however, that the compulsion feels even stronger than that of a heavy drinker. (Christ granted me repentance from both life-dominating sins. Bulimia was definitely harder.)

As difficult as total restoration is, Elyse gives biblical hope that it IS indeed possible. Once the heart's sinful desires have been identified and rejected, additional spiritual disciplines Elyse recommends include reading, memorizing and meditating on Scripture; daily prayer; deliberate thankfulness; and moderate exercise in conjunction with controlled eating. With the accountability provided by the biblical counselor, she may then begin to focus on the changes God wants her to make (goal-setting).

It's Not Glamorous!

An interesting note Elyse made is one that I have also often expressed:

"Bulimia and its sufferers have received a lot of press lately, especially high-profile celebrities such as Princess Diana and Jane Fonda. As the behaviors and dangers of bulimia are glamorized by models and ballerinas who confess they have used these procedures to control their weight, many young women will try it out for themselves. Talking about it, "educating" the public, ironically will probably cause more young women to experiment with it. Since it seems popular to be bulimic now, we will see more and more of it in our counseling rooms. We need firm, clear, biblical answers that speak to the heart."

I cannot say 'Amen!' loudly enough! ("Women Helping Women" was published in 1997, in case you were wondering.) Elyse's words have proven prophetic: I cannot tell you how many girls and women I have counseled who got the idea from "The Dr. Phil Show", "Oprah Winfrey" or some other such program designed to "raise awareness" of dia-bulimia and so forth. (I myself first read about bulimia in a pre-teen girls' magazine back in 1982, and I decided to try it.) I am convinced this subtle glamorization (or at the very least, sensationalizing) of "cutting" and bulimic behaviors is a big part of the reason why they are so prevalent today.

Elyse also pin-points the problem with "labels" for behaviors such as bulimia in biblical counseling. Because it tends to promote the "disease model", a counselee may make the mistake of thinking she has a "disease".

"I have bulimia," may be used by some people in the same way as, "I have diabetes." Instead of saying, "I practice behaviors of bulimia," which is more accurate, she speaks about her bad habits as though they were something over which she has no control."

This is true, although for simplicity and clarity's sake, even we biblical counselors tend to simply use the terms "anorexic" and "bulimic" as they defione counselees with a certain pattern of behavior. Since we only counsel Christians, (with a potential counselee who is unsaved, we can only evangelize and pray), we generally assume the counselee realizes the behavior is sinful and this is the reason she has sought counsel. After a brief synopsis of the differences between somatic problems or organic abnormalities which impair physiological functioning and eating disordered behavior, Elyse continues:

"Presently in the U.S. there are many behaviors which are being popularly classified as diseases. Behaviors such as alcoholism, anorexia, and bulimia are thought to be real diseases by the general populace. True, there are certain physiological effects of continually practicing bulimic behaviors, but there are no known chemical agents, genes, viruses, or bacteria that cause this behavior. My point is this: Bulimia is not a disease. It is a behavior. The label "bulimic" tends to cloud this issue."

I would also add that the 'chemical imbalance' theory has been disproven since this book was written, as well. There are real chemical imbalances, but when they are identified, they are given names (such as hypothyroidism; diabetes melitus; etc.)

Other problems with labeling one a 'bulimic' include the tendency for a counselee to believe God needs to "heal" her for change to occur; believing one has an excuse for her behavior; and the tendency to turn one's eyes from the truth (one is a sinner) to a deceiving, yet more palatable, euphemism (one has a 'disease').

After outlining these hard truths, Elyse turns to the biblical solutions for overcoming compulsions (which she describes as "greedy habits".) One rebellious motive in bulimia is pride: a desire for the appearance of surface perfection. A woman practicing bulimia hides the consequence of a binge by purging; she is pursuing thinness by self-destructive means. She might give in to binges because of her own self-imposed legalism (such as a woman who goes home and binges after eating a peice of candy at work.) She has broken her own self-imposed rule ("Thou shalt not eat sweets") and feels like she has blown it; she needs to do penance by self-abasement. Elyse juxtaposes this dynamic with a God-honoring response: humble reliance and confession of sin; desire to love and serve God and others for His glory. Worship of a "perfect body" must be replaced by worship of the Living God and obedience to His commands through the empowerment of His Spirit. Elyse emphasizes repentance rather than penance. Bulimics tend toward the latter, indicating a misunderstanding of grace.

Progressive sanctification (being totally transformed inwardly as our behavior glorifies God more and more outwardly) requires diligence. "Putting off" ingrained habits of gluttony and purging and "putting on" thankfulness, trust, joy in the Lord and resisting temptation (no matter how strong) is absolutely possible for anyone who is in Christ. Elyse gives a detailed agenda and steps to take in counseling (including accountability) to help a woman honor God in this area of her life.

This book (and this chapter especially) is extremely practical, theologically sound and helpful for anyone struggling in her walk with Christ, including with addictive sins such as bulimia and binge-eating. (There is an additional chapter which deals with addictions more generally). Although it is written primarily to biblical counselors, if you yourself are struggling with bulimia or another eating disorder it would be an extremely helpful resource for you, as well. After all, the Holy Spirit is our Counselor, and His Word is the source of all counseling truth! All the authors have done is systematize what God has said about proper use of food in the larger context of glorifying Him in all things, and outline His principles for holiness. This is a truly helpful and edifying book.

Review: "Because He Loves Me"

Elyse Fitzpatrick is who I want to be when I grow up.

Of course, I mean that completely in the Ephesians 4:15 sense of "grow up". The ability to articulate the simple, profound truth of the Gospel and its implications for day-to-day life as beautifully as Elyse has in "Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life" speaks of a real spiritual maturity. Her passion, from the first page of this encouraging book, is for her reader to have the same joyful, settled assurance of Christ's love that she herself has found in the pages of Scripture.

Why is it that so many of us recognize our need for the Gospel - the Person and work of Jesus Christ - for salvation; then slowly move past the Good News in our daily strivings to "please God"? We come to the Cross for justification, but practically live as if sanctification depended solely on us. Elyse spots this tendency - which often leads to a moralistic, defeated attitude - and reminds the reader of the only antidote: applying the finished work of Christ to our continually sinning hearts. Weaving the entire thread of Scripture around a central point - that God FIRST loved us - Elyse shows how getting this knowlege of His deep, abiding, personal and unfathomable love for us down into the very marrow of our bones completely changes everything. In fact, it transforms our whole identity - who we reckon ourselves to be.

If we see ourselves as "foster children", who can be evicted or abandoned at any moment, we will live like it. Realizing we are a permanant, cherished part of the family - His adopted children - transforms our hearts and enables us to live for Christ in His strength. As she writes on page 148, "Any obedience that isn't motivated by His great love is nothing more than penance." Well said.

How does the Gospel message impact our walk, 10, 20, even 30 years after our conversion, when we can rattle off the Doctrines of Grace like the days of the week?

"If we don't consciously live in the light of His love, the gospel will be secondary, virtually meaningless, and Jesus Christ will fade into insignificance. Our faith will become all about us, our performance, and how we think we're doing, and our transformation will be hindered."

This tendency to take our eyes of of Him and focus inwardly on our failure becomes a viscious cycle, especially when one is battling a life-dominating sin. Many of you bear witness to this fact. This week, I received the following in an e-mail from a reader:

"...I have been REALLY struggling again lately. I have trouble turning to God, because I feel sometimes like I don't deserve His forgiveness, or to ask Him for help. Lately I have been obsessing about food and eating all day long, and binging and purging A LOT! I work as a nanny, so I am alone with kids and in a house full of junk food I wouldn't buy, and have found myself unable to keep from destructive eating behaviors. Please pray for me that I will go back to Christ for guidance, and be able to truly repent for my sin. Please also pray that I will stop worshiping false idols of food and thinness, and instead live to glorify Him..."

(emphasis mine).

This young lady sincerely loves God and wants to please Him, but her words reveal that she has fallen into the trap so common to all of us: living as if our position before God is based on our own merit. When did any of us, in our "best" moments, EVER "deserve" His forgiveness? We didn't. Christ secured it for us - while we were still His enemies. We forget this. When we succeed, we feel good and can worship. Failure brings shame and a fear of approaching God, which naturally leads to more failure and despair. We are, as Elyse points out in this book, essentially not trusting God that He is as good as He says He is.

This is unbelief, and it leads to idols. When we don't feel fully secure in our position in Christ - solely based on His righteousness and grace - we seek the satisfaction that should be found in Him alone through counterfeits. Putting our trust in these "earthly treasures" leads to fear, worry, and anxiety - which leads us ever further away from the Cross. Freedom from fear comes from contemplating and remembering the love of God, manifested in Christ. As I have written before (and Elyse so much more articulately), change in our behavior can only come from truly realizing and appreciating who God is and what He has done for us. Knowing that His kindness is what has led us to repentance (Romans 2:4) motivates us to love Him back, and approach Him with confidence. Our 'identity in Christ' (as Elyse refers to it; I might use 'position') is permanent and irrevocable. It is what frees us up to walk in love.

In the final section of "Because He Loves Me", Elyse demonstrates how remembering and contemplating this unfathomable love God has for us is the true motivation for lasting change. She writes,

"Our natural unbelief will always cast doubt on His love for us. It is the awareness of His love and only this that will equip us to wage war against sin. Until we really grasp how much He loves us, we'll never be able to imitate Him. We won't come near to Him if we're afraid of His judgment. We won't repent and keep pursuing godliness if we don't believe that our sin doesn't faze His love for us one bit. We won't want to be like Him if we believe that His love is small, stingy, censorious, severe. And we'll never be filled with His fullness until we begin to grasp the extent of His love (Eph. 3:19). As a member of His family, you're the apple of His eye, the child He loves to bless. You're His darling."

"Every failure in sanctification is a failure in worship."

Far from minimizing the seriousness of sin, Elyse reminds the reader how costly it was to God - and invites her to rest in this reality. At the same time, we are thus enabled to "wage a vicious war against sin" - the imperative (command) that naturally follows the indicative (what God has already declared to be true). Every sin, from greed to sexual immorality, is a failure to love as we've been loved - at its root, unbelief. The key to walking in freedom and joy, then, is remembering that we're beloved children, redeemed by Jesus, set free from the power of sin. This settled confidence produces thanksgiving ane edifying speech, rather than complaining and bitterness. This is what applying the Gospel to every area of our lives looks like in practice.

I have been recommending "Because He Loves Me" to women who write me about their specific struggles, as well as counselors and anyone else who would benefit from the reminder of what Christ's perfect life, love, cross, resurrection and intercession really mean to us as we grow in Him. In short, everyone reading this would likely benefit from the encouraging and joyful explanation Elyse presents on the synergy of God's grace and our response. Like C.J. Mahaney's "The Cross Centered Life", "Because He Loves Me" trains the reader to reflect more deeply on the finished work of Christ on her behalf as a catalyst to worship, rather than presenting sanctification as a spiritual self-help plan.

See more about this wonderful book at the official website: http://beta.becausehelovesme.com/