When You Can't Say No (re-post)

This is a very good testimony/article on overcoming addictive over-eating from Teresa Shields Parker. It was originally published in Charisma Magazine.

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When You Can't Say No

1:00PM EDT 9/14/2015 TERESA SHIELDS PARKER

Teresa once weighed 430 lbs. Here's how God set her free from an addiction that led to losing 260 lbs. (iStockPhoto | ariwasabi)

Most do agree they have a strong need to regularly have sugar. It's just the "harmful" part they don't accept and the addiction label.

Risks of Obesity

Yet, sugar is a major cause of obesity and the obese are at risk for a large number of diseases including: diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer, stroke, gallbladder and liver diseases, gynecological problems such as infertility, respiratory problems, sleep apnea and colon, breast and endometrial cancers, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Not only that, for many it has become an addiction. Using sugar has become a strong, harmful, regular, urgent, overwhelming desire.

Truth

I had not heard about sugar addiction when God pulled back my curtain hiding the truth. However, I knew I was as soon as I heard a 30-year sober alcohol say, "Alcohol is one molecule away from sugar. Alcohol is liquid sugar."

I asked the question. "Can a person be addicted to sugar like others are addicted to alcohol or drugs?" His answer was, "You can be addicted to anything that controls you."

Sugar controlled me. I knew it.

Surrender

That night I literally grieved thinking about giving up sugar, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it was what I had to do.

I handed my desire for sugar to God. I surrendered it. I laid it on the altar.

I cried out, "God I give up, but I can't walk this journey on my own. I need You. I need Your strength. On my own I am weak. I will give in if you don't nudge me. In my moments of weakness, will you remind me? I need Your grace. I need Your power. I want to be free."

For the first time, I meant it.

Freedom

Today, I have lost 260 pounds only by the grace-power of God. It is for freedom that Christ has set me free. So I will stand firm and not let myself be entangled again by a yoke of bondage.1

Here is the truth, if God and I can do it, you and God can do it. God can do anything, you know.2

His grace is enough. It's all you need. His power is made complete in your weakness.3

Oh, and the word no? I've learned to say, "No," for my health and sweet freedom.

1 Galatians 5:1

2 Epheisans 3:20

32 Corinthians 12:9

Many ask me advice about weight loss. I've developed a myriad of resources available on my website under the free and the products tabs. But by far the best resource isSweet Change Weight Loss Coaching and Accountability Group. I developed this group to help those just like I was, who need someone who understands the difficulties of extreme weight, someone to coach them through the process, someone who understands this journey is not just about what you eat and how you move, it's also about why you eat and why you don't move.

We are tri-part beings. We are a spirit, a soul and a body. Our parts are dependent upon each other. Although the problem may appear in your body, it is also related to your mind, emotions, will and spirit. We don't shy away from the tough realities. We have to change. It's part of the process. Change starts inside and moves to the outside. Weight loss is the by-product of total transformation.

Join today and get Sweet Change 101: 7 Keys for the Weight Loss Journey FREE. GoHERE.

Teresa Shields Parker is a wife, mother, business owner, life group leader, speaker and author of Sweet Grace: How I Lost 250 Pounds and Stopped Trying to Earn God's Favor and Sweet Grace Study Guide: Practical Steps to Lose Weight and Overcome Sugar Addiction. Get a free chapter of her memoir on her blog at teresashieldsparker.com. Connect with her there or on her Facebook page.

Gospel Grace for the Eating-Disordered Woman, Part 2 (from Biblical Counseling Coalition)

Gospel Grace for the Eating-Disordered Woman, Part 2

Marie Notcheva May 5, 2015

A Word from Your BCC Team: You’re reading Part 2 of a two-part BCC Grace & Truth blog miniseries on eating disorders by Marie Notcheva. In the first part of this series, we considered the faulty thinking and “idolatry” behind eating disorders. In the second, we will consider some gospel-centered differences in how to counsel anorexic and bulimic women. You can read Part 1 here.

Accepted by Grace

In her book, Good News for Weary Women, Elyse Fitzpatrick draws an interesting parallel between extra-biblical advice Christian women receive on how to be “godly” and the Galatians whom Paul was chiding for adding rules onto faith in Christ. Fitzpatrick correctly points out that trying to live up to our own standards in an attempt to make ourselves “acceptable” to God will lead to guilt, failure, and self-condemnation.

Some of the examples of guilt-inducing, unwritten “rules” for Christian women include the pressure to homeschool, teach Sunday school, and feed the family organic, home-cooked meals regularly. All of these are good practices but are neither biblical commands nor do they gain us “points” with the Lord. The point Fitzpatrick is making is that when we (women) add additional burdens to our “self-improvement” lists, we are putting ourselves back under the “bondage of the Law,” attempting to make ourselves look “okay in our own eyes” and denying our need for grace.

For an anorexic or bulimic woman, the bondage to her self-imposed rules and rituals is exponentially worse. “Allowed” foods become progressively fewer, mandatory exercise regimes become longer and more arduous, and calorie intake drops to starvation levels.

For a bulimic, eating “too much” (even by one bite) causes her to justify an all-out binge: “I’ve already blown it now…I may as well go all in.” This all-or-nothing thinking leaves no room for grace; the woman feels dirty, weak and guilty when she “fails.” Former anorexic, Michelle Myers, wrote of being struck by a friend’s words when she was most stuck in her sin:  “God loves you just as much whether or not you work out.” Being no less “worthy” by skipping a workout or eating carbs is a difficult concept for an eating disordered counselee to grasp and is a very concrete example of where she needs to apply the gospel in her daily life.

Differences in Counseling Anorexic and Bulimic Clients

When discussing the young woman’s “rules” and what she feels may be gained by keeping them, you may encounter many different responses according to how deeply entrenched her eating-disordered behavior is. Also, be aware that anorexics generally are more difficult counseling cases than bulimics for a number of reasons:

• They are often (but not always) more medically fragile; doing the hard work of biblical change may require more energy than they have.
• The level of self-deception is greater in anorexia.
• Fear of food and the idolatry of thinness has become all-consuming. Anorexics often begin counseling with little hope of being transformed.

If you are counseling a young woman who has been clinically diagnosed with anorexia nervosa (meaning she is at least 20% below her ideal body weight), I would strongly suggest you require she be monitored at least weekly by a physician and have labs drawn regularly. Electrolyte imbalances are common among both anorexics and bulimics, but the risk of cardiac or renal failure is greater in severe anorexia.

Secondly, be prepared for pushback from the anorexic counselee when trying to get her to see her behavior as “sin.” This is one of the biggest differences I have noticed in counseling young women with eating disorders: a bulimic counselee already knows her behavior is wrong and self-destructive, and she is typically ashamed of her “loss of control.” An anorexic, by contrast, often feels empowered by restricting. She believes her rigid behavior is the epitome of “healthy,” justifies it as “self-discipline,” and feels revulsion for being a normal weight (which in her eyes is “fat”). When she looks in the mirror, no matter how emaciated she may be, she sees an obese person looking back at her. A bulimic may have an idolatrous view of weight (wanting to be thin so badly she is willing to sin in order to obtain it), but typically her weight is close to normal and self-image is not quite so skewed.

The anorexic takes great pride in her “law-keeping”—it has become her identity. The desire to be thin at all costs takes over—to the point where her fear of food has become irrational. The progressive nature of anorexia nervosa leaves the counselee literally afraid to swallow food.

Besides helping her counter these fears biblically, I require anorexic counselees to see a nutritionist (assuming they are outpatient) and strongly encourage it for bulimics. Meeting with a dietician helps the anorexic gain confidence in consuming what her body needs nutritionally, while countering the lies she has internalized with you, the biblical counselor.

As a rule, I do not ask either anorexic or bulimic counselees to keep food diaries—although a dietician may require it. Writing down everything she eats focuses undue attention on the food itself, rather than on uncovering her heart motivations and renewing her mind.

Giving Hope and Teaching Her to Treasure Christ

However your counselee’s eating disordered behavior manifests, giving hope in the first session is crucial. She likely will have internalized a lot of myths about eating disorders from “pop psychology,” such as “You’re never fully recovered; always in recovery.” Contrast this with 1 Corinthians 6:11 where Paul admonished former gluttons, drunkards, homosexuals, and others “addicted” to their sin that they have been “washed…sanctified…and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus.” Help her to see that she is using food in a way that God did not intend it and that she is harming the body He gave her to serve and honor Him.

A similarity between anorexia and bulimia is that in both disorders the behavior is serving as a “false savior”—they make the sufferer feel better (temporarily) so stopping is hard. When comfort and thinness are her top priorities, her mind is not “set on things above” (as we saw in Part 1), and her heart is drawn to herself (Matthew 6:21). To be transformed, she must learn to renew her mind with God’s Word and turn her heart to Christ (Romans 12:1-3; 2 Corinthians 3:18). As in all life-dominating sin, the believer must learn to see Jesus Christ as more beautiful and desirable than her “idol.” Your task is to help her discern what His immediate will is for her life (a transformed mind, health, restoring food to its proper, life-sustaining place) and to trust God and those He has given her to help her (Proverbs 3:6).

Facing Temptation

Overcoming an eating disorder is not easy, even for a Christian who sincerely desires to follow Christ. Women may often be fearful of revealing their “secret” to anyone when they first come to you, ashamed of their behavior, and desperately wanting to stop but terrified that God’s Word will not be “enough,” and they will not be able to turn from their eating disorder.

Be prepared to re-visit the gospel (the Person and work of Jesus Christ on their behalf) many times and to demonstrate, scripturally, grace for each failure (Luke 17:4 is a powerful verse for addictive sin, as is Romans 7). Teach her to turn to Christ for help and comfort in times of struggle (Hebrews 4:14-16; 1 Peter 5:6-7; Matthew 11:28-30). Each time she is able to turn to God in her moment of weakness and resist the temptation to restrict or purge, she will gain confidence and come to see herself as waging a spiritual victory.

Healing in Body, Mind, and Spirit

Once the counselee has begun to eat regular, healthy meals and develop new patterns of thinking, the urge to restrict or purge tends to subside within a couple of months. The anorexic has now faced her greatest fear—gaining weight—and sees an improvement in health. The weight gain will usually plateau relatively soon, but insist that she stick to her “maintenance” meal plan as part of her homework assignment. See chapter 13 (“Practical Considerations”) of my book, Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the bondage of Eating Disorders.

A bulimic finds her intense cravings subsiding as her mind is restored, partly because she is retaining the nutrition her body desperately sought. Her energy and concentration dramatically improves, almost as soon as she stops purging, as her blood sugar is no longer spiking wildly every few hours. Emotionally, anorexics and bulimics tend to be on a much more even keel once their eating normalizes, and do not find themselves fixating nearly so often on food.

It is tremendously encouraging, both for the woman overcoming an eating disorder and for the counselor, to see the transformation take place as she learns to fix her eyes on Christ and permanently leave her bondage at the foot of the cross.

Join the Conversation

When addressing struggles with eating disorders, either in your own life or in your counselees, how can you apply the gospel of Christ’s grace?

"The Look that Kills" Points Reader to the God Who Redeems

“The Look that Kills: An Anorexic’s Addiction to Control” by Michelle Myers (Crossbooks Publishing; 109 pgs.) is a moving first-person account of a young Christian girl’s rapid descent into an eating disorder, and the steadfast faith that pulled her out. Michelle, now a pastor’s wife and graduate of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, serves in young adult ministry and is a certified fitness trainer – two of her passions. “The Look that Kills” is her memoir, but it is more than an autobiography: it is a helpful, biblically-solid resource. Young women who struggle with eating disorders will see themselves through Michelle’s candid revelations of what was going on in her heart during her anorexic years, but the book is also helpful to girls with body-image issues or exercise obsession.

The daughter of loving, Christian parents, Michelle took up an interest in sports and began dieting to lose a few extra pounds. Initially, her pride was fueled by compliments and envious stares at her figure. What started out as a healthy interest became a dangerous obsession, as Michelle purged every calorie by over-training at the gym and running marathons. As others’ concern grew, she began entering – and winning – beauty pageants. Over the next several years, Michelle’s health deteriorated; her weight at 84 lbs, she blacked out while running one morning. At this point, she cried out to God – realizing she desperately needed help – and began the hard work of renewing her mind to overcome this life-dominating bondage.

I originally purchased this book for a counselee, who, like Michelle, developed “exercise addiction” as part of her anorexic behavior. As someone who had experienced this, Michelle’s angle – describing what goes on in the mind of an “exercise addict” and how to work fitness back into her life in a God-honoring way – is a unique and helpful one.

Michelle points the reader to the principles she found in Scripture at her lowest points, and as her spiritual life improved, so did her health. Immersing herself in the Bible, she was able to compile numerous passages that directly combatted lies she had believed for years; and re-found her identity in Christ. After struggling to eat her first meal in months, Michelle turned to the Word:

“Glancing at the daily reading plan outlined in my Bible, I turned to the suggested passage of Romans 8:1-17. I could hardly believe my eyes when they fell on the very first verse I read: “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” My tear-stained journal from that day reads: “Simply because I have confessed belief in His Son, God has wiped my life clean. No questions asked, no guilt-trip. He sent His Son to die so that His Spirit could live in me, and now, I can follow Him instead of calories. If I continue on this path, I am only harming myself, but living in Him will fully restore me to the girl that I used to be.”

Woven throughout Michelle’s testimony are Scriptures defining the biblical view of beauty; reminders of God’s faithfulness; and lessons learned about perfectionism (an attribute common to anorexics and bulimics, which is a contradiction of the Gospel. Perfectionism is, in essence, trusting in one’s own merit, works or abilities as a “false savior”; a means of feeling good about one’s self – rather than resting in the finished work of Christ. Michelle underscores the importance of Scripture in combatting the self-absorbed thinking behind eating disorders, and, as I did, overcame her life-threatening eating disorder without inpatient or psychiatric treatment. She demonstrates beautifully that the Great Physician is the only Healer of our hearts and souls – where the problem of sin lies.

Another good point Michelle makes in “The Look that Kills” is that pop-psychology and self-help literature does not adequately address the root cause of eating disorders, and cannot provide soul-care solutions. She points out that every book (secular or religious) she read in the early stages of her transformation blamed the media for the proliferation of eating disorders; yet as she dug deeper into the Bible, she saw that human preoccupation with beauty went back to the beginning of time.

“That was when I decided to take the self-help books back to the library. Even my resources that claimed to be “Christian” relied more on secular teachings than biblical foundations. The very problem with these books was revealed in the genre of literature and the root cause: self-help and self-esteem…..Rather than looking inside myself to discover who I was, I needed to look at who the Bible said I was. I won’t lie to you; I was discouraged at first. If you search Scripture trying to find value and worth within yourself, you will come up empty-handed every time.”

As she brings us through her years of restoration, which ultimately meant marriage and children (a future she doubted possible), Michelle beautifully pulls together encouragements and lessons God taught her along the way. Her fears and the deliberate work of renewing her mind with the Word are things any woman battling an eating disorder will relate to, and Michelle tells her story with a touching honesty and vulnerability that points all glory back to God. Her writing is empathetic and touching, and every point she makes is doctrinally-sound. She includes questions for reflection and discussion at the end of each chapter, and describes godly modifications she made to her daily life in the final chapter to assist the reader in “putting on” new disciplines to replace eating-disordered rituals. “The Look that Kills” is an excellent book to encourage women preoccupied with weight and fitness, as well as those with full-blown anorexia, turn to God and leave this slavery behind permanently.  

New Resource from Focus Publishing - "Eating Disorders: Hope for Hungering Souls"

I was recently asked to write the Foreword to Dr. Mark Shaw's latest biblical counseling book, written with co-authors Rachel Bailey and Bethany Spence. Bethany and Rachel both serve in the field of eating disorders at Vision of Hope and Houston Eating Disorders Center, respectively.

It was a huge honor to be involved with this project, and I believe God will use this important resource to help many struggling women!

"For the Rest of My Life" - Anniversary of Broken Chains

Ten years ago today, (January 1, 2004), I suffered my very last hangover. I had forgotten that today is the anniversary of Jesus redeeming my life from the pit, until a few minutes ago. Listening to "For the Rest of My Life" by Third Day, I was struck by the appropriateness of such a song to remember God's faithfulness:



Lyrics:
Staring at the edge of a canyon
It all feels so far away
Somewhere it all went wrong
The sun has come and gone
I'm left here standing in the rain

You rescued me from the darkness
I feel the warmth and the light
Somehow you pulled me out of
A sea of pain and doubt
I'm never going to go that way again

For the rest of my life
Will You be by my side?
I can't make it by myself
I want You and no one else
For the rest of my life

And when my memories have all faded
They all seem so far away
My one and only hope is
I'll still be holding You close
I'm never gonna ever walk away from You again

For the rest of my life
Will You be by my side?
I can't make it by myself
I want You and no one else
For the rest of my life

For the rest of my life

For the rest of my life
Will You be by my side?
I can't make it by myself
I want You and no one else
For the rest of my life

What is a "Trigger"?

Just because temptation calls doesn't mean you have to answer.

"Warning: possible trigger." "This may trigger some." "Please remove this [link; picture; number], it is very triggering." "My mom bought all trigger foods."







These are just some of the statements I've seen by eating-disordered individuals online lately, usually in Facebook groups. Supposedly, in eating-disorder rhetoric, a "trigger" refers to something - either a food or weight-related reference - that is likely to worsen one's eating-disordered behavior. Quite honestly, some of the complaints I've seen about "triggers" border on the absurd - a family sitting down to a meal together; a recipe posted by a friend; a link about a woman who has undergone cosmetic surgery.

Part of me (the unsanctified part) wants to scream, "GET OVER IT. Stop looking outside yourself for excuses to blame your behavior on; this is the real world." The fact is, food is a normal part of life; the media will always have thin women sporting bikinis on magazines; mothers will always grocery shop and stock pantry shelves. However, as a biblical counselor, I'd like to stop and take this thinking a little bit deeper, to expose why living in fear of "triggers" is counter-productive (and unbiblical.)

First of all, a caveat - it is wise and necessary to remove yourself from situations where you may be overly-tempted to binge. This is especially true in the early stages of renewing your mind and renouncing the behavior. Just as Jesus commanded "radical amputation" of what leads you to sin in your life (see Matt. 5:29; Mark 9:43-48), I certainly recommend avoiding certain situations, environments and particular food types while God is transforming your heart. This goes as well for anorexics - avoid "thinspo" websites and other media or literature that is going to encourage wrong thinking. However, seeing every comment, food or picture as a potential "trigger" does nothing to help your own recovery.

Seeing potential danger or attempted sabotage in such mundane parts of life as another's food purchases, a co-worker eating lunch, or an article about cosmetic surgery further isolates the eating-disordered individual. Retreating into a bubble - where only "safe" foods, censored media, and extremely cautious individuals who are sensitive to one's emotional demands does not help a repentant addict to live in this world. Remember 1 Corinthians 10:13? "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." Does the Holy Spirit dwell within you? Then you needn't fear being "triggered". He who is within you is stronger that the world. You are NOT a slave to sin, or external stimuli. (1 John 4:4).

Additionally, thinking in terms of "triggers" sets an eating-disordered individual up to fail, because on some level she comes to see herself as at the mercy of others. There is no biblical precedent for blaming our own failings on another's behavior or choices. While we need to be careful about guarding our eyes, minds and hearts from what will cause us to sin, we are only responsible for our personal behavior. If you come to see your co-worker's burger as a "trigger", you have just provided yourself with a handy excuse to give in to temptation the next time it hits. Just because temptation calls (in any of its myriad forms) doesn't mean you have to answer.

The next time you hear the word "trigger" in connection with eating-disordered thoughts, remember what Scripture teaches. The great freedom available to you who are in Christ is that temptation doesn't "have to" overcome you! We each carry our own load (Galatians 6:5) and will answer before the Judgement Seat of Christ for our own choices (2 Corinthians 5:10). Ask the Lord to help you make the right ones today, and don't worry about what others are doing, eating, or posting!

"Mending a Broken Heart"

This is a re-post of Lucy Ann Moll's review of "Mending a Broken Heart", Kc Hutter's memoir about her battle with alcoholism. As with my own bondage with alcohol and bulimia, Kc discovered that Jesus was not only "the answer", but that He had given His life to set her free and make her His own. I am re-posting it here as it is the most inspiring, truthful account I have read recently about overcoming life-dominating sin through the power of Christ's love.


Mending a Broken Heart: ADDICTION


When you hurt, you sometimes look for relief. . .in a bottle. This relief, this pleasure plays peek-a-boo. You see it then it’s gone, obliterated.

Kc Hutter, author of her memoir A Broken Heart, flirted with alcoholism. She began drinking during her first marriage while her husband traveled out of town week after week. She drank with friends. She drank when she wanted to feel better about herself. She writes, “I drank a lot of vodka and developed a ‘come here, go away’ personality. This made me feel safe.”

This is the sixth post in the “Mending a Broken Heart” blog series. You can read the other posts (on divorce, a child’s death, and other losses) here. You can learn more Kc’s book and buy it here.

Bondage Buster

An addiction is bondage of the heart and body to something that produces immediate pleasure and relief, but at a price. This bondage is to “feel good now.” Rather than submitting to Christ’s rule, an addict bows to the “feel-good” god that is her preferred object of achieving pleasure and relief, however fleeting.

Indulging in it becomes the addict’s greatest treasure, the one thing she’d choose over anything or anyone else.

Her body deteriorates over time. Her soul experiences pain with each indulgence.

By God’s grace, a self-described “booze-happy” woman — yes, Kc — who had become a Christian and read the Bible and prayed to Jesus finally hits bottom and turns to the ultimate Healer for help. Listen:

Holding a glass of vodka with a floating olive had always made me feel glamorous. Isn’t this what actors do on TV and in the movies? At a cocktail party, a happy hour, or visiting a friend, I often heard, ‘Do you want a drink?’

After years of drinking, my stomach would hurt and my head pounded every morning. My heart filled with anguish and sorrow. What words did I say last night? Did I lose control and embarrass myself? I wondered.

Many times I tried to quit drinking on my own. All of my attempts failed, even thought I knew the pain of having a loves one killed by a drunk driver.

Finally I prayed, ‘Lord, take the need of alcohol from me, make the taste repulsive.’ The Lord heard and answered by prayers.

Yes, even Bible-reading Christians succumb to addiction. Easy to break the chains of bondage? No. But God can and will pull you out of the pit when you submit to Christ’s rule.

Beyond Booze

You can become addicted to almost anything: food, sexual gratification, exercise, money, power, praise, shopping, pain pills, and so on. It’s idol worship. In the life of an addict, Christ is rejected and sin becomes master. People will be ruled by something. It’s our nature

The addiction cycle begins when a person wants to avoid pain or feel pleasure–or both. She medicates her distress and discomfort.

She indulges without concern for the consequences. Sometimes her conscience is pricked; a warning flag waves, a Holy Spirit correction. If ignored, and she indulges, she will get a momentary lift or numbness. Then reality sets in: Her indulgence failed to solve her problem; it only make it worse. Shame and regret, regret and shame.

What to do?

Seek pleasure? Avoid pain?

If she indulges again and again, the addiction cycle becomes entrenched. A sick pattern. Depending on the substance of addiction, she may develop a physiological dependence and experience symptoms of withdrawal without it.

The problem is deeper than physiology, however. It’s a spiritual disorder of disordered worship.

The Answer

In A Broken Heart, Kc outlines the “how” of breaking the bondage of addiction. You read it up top and I repeat parts here:

1. Kc recognized booze enslaved her, and she experienced healthy guilt leading to repentance: My heart filled with anguish and sorrow.

2. She realized the futility of her way of dealing with her addiction: Many times I tried to quit drinking on my own. All of my attempts failed.

3. She asked God for help, humbling herself while she worshiped God: Finally I prayed, ‘Lord, take the need of alcohol from me, make the taste repulsive.’

Please do not misunderstand me. Shaking an addiction is difficult. Kc tried many times, remember?

My mom was addicted to cigarettes and managed to quit a handful of times, only to light up. Again. She died on a frigid January night long ago. Heart disease by puff after puff after puff –this is what her cardiologist told me, in nicer terms. I wish I could have held her hand when she breathed her last. I love her so.

Me? I confess to people-pleasing. An addiction to what others think of me. I have repented of this ugliness and once in a while I return to this vomit like a dog, and repent again.

I rejoice with Kc that vodka never got a hold of her again. She asked God to make alcohol repulsive to her. He did. And she found healthy God-honoring ways to deal with her pain. You can too. Do you believe this?

About Kc and New Life

Kc was brought up in the church but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until after her second divorce. She told the Lord in prayer, weeping and clutching her uncle’s Bible: “I’ve made such a mess of my life doing it my may. I forgot how much you love me. Forgive me.” God gave her the strength to pen a memoir and the hope to guide those who are hurting and without hope to the Mender of Broken Hearts.

Kc is married and lives in Washington State. She is the mother of two adult sons, one of whom died of cancer and is now with the Lord, and a grandmother.

A Few Questions

1. Have you or a loved one struggled with an addiction? A substance like alcohol or cigarettes? Or an addiction like people-pleasing?

2. How has addiction pulled you down? Financially? Relationally? Emotionally? Spiritually?

3. Are you willing to denounce your addiction and choose to put God first in your life?

Hope for You

Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife?

Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises?

Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine,’

who go to sample bowls of mixed wins. . ..

In the end it bites like a snake

and poisons like a viper.

(Proverbs 23:29-30, 32, NIV)

David Tyler on a Biblical View of Addiction

HT: Glenn Chatfield

"We have psychologized the preaching of the cross in our day. The message of the cross today is laden with psychological euphemisms. Sin is called sickness and is denied implicitly or explicitly. Recovery has replaced repentance. A therapeutic cross is preached, where feelings, happiness, self-esteem and psychological healing are celebrated.

"In spite of the fact that evangelical churches have grown in numbers, size and ministries, there has nevertheless come a hollowing-out of conviction. The loss of the belief in the sufficiency of Scripture has led to an erosion of morals. While churches have grown larger in stature and in number, they have diminished in character and quality. Secularism’s intrusion in the evangelical church has caused it to lose its moral bearings. The Divine is replaced by the human (ungodliness) and righteousness by the therapeutic (unrighteousness). The old quest of godliness is replaced by a quest of psychological wholeness. Psychological wholeness is the substitute for godliness and is therefore ungodliness. It inevitably leads to more unrighteousness, bad feelings and the search for self-understanding continues. Who are we now that we have lost our understanding of the nature of man? One psychology tells us one thing, another psychology tells us another. Do we surrender ourselves to a biological fate and admit we are just the sum of our genes?"

Dr. David M. Tyler, "God’s Funeral," p.91, 120

The answer to that last question is, of course, “absolutely not.” We need to go back to the Bible and get rid of all traces of secular psychology. After all, the Bible does declare that God has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

Replacing Lies You Believe with God's Truth - an Exercise

From "Redeemed from the Pit" - 

Chapter 8 "Tempted Beyond What You Can Bear?" 

Putting On and Putting Off

As a bulimic begins to practice taking her obsessive thoughts captive to Christ, gradually they will decrease in frequency and intensity. Her behavior will begin to change. True repentance always leads to a steady (if sometimes gradual) decline in sin and improved behavior. As we turn from the old thought patterns that led us into slavery in the first place, the Holy Spirit imparts both the will and the strength to change our behavior. Paul describes this process as “putting off the sinful nature” (NIV, Colossians 2:11) or “lay[ing] aside the deeds of darkness and put[ing] on the armor of light” (Romans 13:12). In Ephesians 4:22-24 he tells believers to “lay aside” (“put off” in other translations) the old self and “put on” the new self – which, he goes on to say, “in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth”. In the likeness of God? Sounds like a tall order! But remember, He has equipped us and will help us grow. A couple of chapters later, Paul twice exhorts Christians to “put on” the armor of God. Clearly, Paul originated what biblical counselors call the “put off/put on” principle. 

Likewise, avoiding old patterns of behavior (such as using food for emotional reasons) will not bring about true, inward change unless those old habits are replaced with new, godly ones. Nature abhors a vacuum. Allowing God to pull up the roots of our besetting, habitual sin is the first step – but the next is to fill in the hole that remains with Christ-like behavior and thoughts. Of course, developing these God-honoring practices does not happen overnight, but they are cultivated as the Holy Spirit changes our hearts. If you are persistent in seeking God, He will give you the strength and desire to obey Him. Our behavior changes, because God’s love has first transformed our hearts and altered our thinking.

Paul gives us concrete examples of how we must consciously discard old tendencies and deliberately replace them in Ephesians 4:25-32. Let’s look at a few of the sinful habits he tells us to stop doing, and what we are to start doing instead:

Now, let’s take this principle and apply it to eating disorders. Most of the warnings and exhortations the Bible gives us are general enough to apply to any sin, because all sin ultimately is a heart issue. While Paul did not specifically have gluttony or self-abuse in mind when he penned his epistles,  Romans 8:13 is a goal all repentant anorexics and bulimics can share: “…if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live”. 

What specific attitudes and thought patterns can you identify which need to be “put off”? What actions? I mention thoughts and attitudes first, as they determine your outward behavior (Luke 6:45). As you prayerfully identify areas of your thought-life that are contributing to your eating disorder, ask God to show you biblical attitudes to “put on” in their place. I have listed a few suggestions to get you started.

© Marie Notcheva, 2011.

Video - "The Addiction Connection"

From Dr. Mark Shaw, NANC counselor, fellow and founder of "His Truth in Love" Ministries.

The following video is from Dr. Shaw's ministry website, "The Addiction Connection", and is a superb biblical overview to how biblical counseling approaches addictive behavior. Dr. Shaw is the author of many books, including "The Heart of Addiction". Much (if not all) of what he has written is extremely useful for Christians struggling to repent of eating disorders, as well as anyone interested in counseling those with food-related bondage.



Visit www.theaddictionconnection.org for more information on his counseling training program.

BBC Interview with Shannon K. McCoy - Author of "Help! I'm a Slave to Food"

The Biblical Counseling Coalition ran the following Q & A with NANC counselor and author, Shannon K. McCoy. Shannon wrote a very helpful booklet to help believers and biblical counselors overcome life-dominating food issues, which I will review in the upcoming weeks. The booklet is available on Amazon, as well as through the BCC site. It is indeed a pleasure to find and recommend other soundly Scriptural resources that help Christians walk free from eating disorders!




The BCC Author Interview Q & A with Shannon Kay McCoy

As part of our BCC vision, we want to help you to get to know gifted Christian authors and their books. This week we’re highlighting Shannon Kay McCoy as she talks about her booklet Help! I’m a Slave to Food. Her booklet is part of the series Living in a Fallen World.

BCC: “Why did you write a booklet on overeating?”

SKM: “First, my interest in this topic is very personal. There have been times in my life when I felt I was a slave to food. I tried to use food as a balm for unwanted emotions and to distract me from undesirable responsibilities. It brought a false sense of pleasure and satisfaction, only to end in confusion and betrayal. Then I discovered God’s empowering grace and I am now walking victoriously in the words of Jesus that “life is more than food” (Luke 12:23) and “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Second, I am concerned about the effectiveness of the Christian church. Excessive overeating, which is called gluttony in the Bible, can no longer be considered a subtle, respectable, and silent sin. It is hindering the spiritual growth and effectiveness of many Christians.”

BCC: “Why did you choose to include the word ‘slave’ in the title?”

SKM: “The word ‘slave’ describes what an overeater really feels. A slave is a person held in servitude or bondage resulting in loss of freedom. A slave is completely subservient to a master. The master has ownership, authority, power, and control over the life of a slave. The overeater feels like food is her master, and that she is completely helpless to set herself free from its prison.”

BCC: “In your approach, how important do you think it is to identity overeating as a sin?”

SKM: “Identifying overeating as a sin means there is great hope because Jesus has overcome sin for us. By faith the overeater acknowledges her sin and seek God’s grace through Jesus Christ who then delivers the overeater from this sin.”

BCC: “Why did you not choose to use the term ‘addiction’ with overeating?”

SKM: “The danger in labeling overeating as an addiction is that it undermines the personal conviction of sin. If sin is not the problem, then you will be looking for solutions in a system of theories and not in the person of Jesus Christ.”

BCC: “How is your booklet different from other materials that address this subject?”

SKM: “This booklet is not a diet plan, but a compass directing the reader to the heart of the problem and to the only solution: Jesus, the One who can bring you out of slavery into freedom.”

BCC: “What are some of the practical helps that your booklet offers?”

SKM: “The booklet offers personal application projects that can be done individually or with a group.”

BCC: “Who should read your book?”

SKM: “Anyone who may be struggling with the sin of overeating or knows someone who struggles with this sin.”

BCC: “Thanks, Shannon, for helping our readers to ponder biblical principles for victory over the temptations we face in our daily Christian life—especially related to overeating.”

"Self Esteem": The Enemy of Your Soul

The Gospel Coalition just published a superb, biblical critique of why the LAST thing we flawed human beings need is more "self esteem". Long identified as the culprit behind eating disorders, self esteem is actually the self-love and self-centered mindset the Bible cautions us against. Invariably, it will lead us into sin - including self-obsessed life-dominating sins such as anorexia and bulimia.

Ronnie Martin's article, "The Beauty of Low Self-Esteem", is here:

"I'm just going to say it: I love me. Go ahead and say it to yourself a few times. I love me. I don't know how it will make you feel, but I can guarantee that it won't make you a liar. Look in the mirror. Not bad, huh? No? Well, whether you love or hate what you see, chances are you'll keep on looking.

None of us has a problem with low self-esteem. Scripture tells us we were born with the opposite issue. We all think of ourselves as a little more pretty, a little more talented, a little more worthy, and a little more deserving of just about everything in this life. Far from having naturally broken hearts, our hearts are naturally bloated with the calories of self-consumption and filled with obscene levels of self-obsession. We've been taught that there's nothing more valuable than how much we value ourselves. Sometimes we like to doll it up with introspective words like self-realization or self-fulfillment, but it's all the same thing: egos the size of Kanye West performing with Jay Z on top of the Empire State Building. Yes, our esteem is that extreme.

Depths of Our Souls

The frightening thing about self esteem is the staggering lengths God goes to completely eradicate it from the depths of our souls, in order to produce depth in our souls. If the Lord loves a humble and contrite heart, it means that he equally abhors a prideful and defiant one. One of the prevailing themes of the Bible is how God makes nothing out of men by flipping the object of their esteem from themselves back to him. These stories play out like dark, epic, cinematic tragedies. We all hope our story doesn't.

In Moses we see a rich, short-tempered prep school kid who got embroiled in a racial murder scandal. Fleeing the scene into exile and obscurity, he gets a blue-collar gig tending sheep for 40 years. God eventually steps back into the picture and assigns him the CEO position of the world's largest relocation project. What he doesn't tell him is that the relocation's going to take another 40-plus years and that he's going to die right before the final move-in date. God spent a lot of years breaking down Moses. His whole life, actually.

Then there's Joseph, a spoiled, insensitive trust-fund baby, coddled by his Daddy until his brothers have finally had enough of his insufferable bragging and throw him in a hole while they discuss how to do away with him. They end up selling him into slavery instead, because you could do that back then. He lands a manager position for good behavior until he gets framed on rape charges. Dude ends up back in jail until a VP gig for the nation of Egypt opens up, and through some heartbreaking circumstances, he lands the job. God broke Joseph down during the prime years of his young adult life.

You see where I'm going here. God takes sometimes horrific, drastic measures to destroy our self-esteem. We're not told much about the personal pain Moses and Joseph experienced. We're not told of the sleepless nights spent in isolation, gripped by emotional despondency while grasping hopelessly in the dark, trying to fathom why God was doing this and whether he was even there. In hindsight, we tend to view these figures as emboldened, courageous, pillars of the faith, but it's foolishness to think that their responses were any less weak and human than ours would be. But we see a God that uses very human experiences to change the hearts of human vessels. And it hurts.

Call to Brokenness

The call to brokenness is a call to openness. It's an altered vision. It doesn't mean that our lives enter into a continuous state of disrepair so that God can use what "working" functions we have left for his glory. Brokenness is the gentrification of our hearts. It means that the heart we had was condemned and the only way for God to make it fit for use was to demolish it and rebuild it from the ground up. Same body, new heart. The reason it hurts so bad is that we all love our old hearts. We love the familiar pulse and well-worn rhythm that our old hearts provided for us. They filled us with adrenaline, pumping the blood of self-indulgence through our veins . . . until we remember that they didn't at all. We remember that they shut us into the cells of our own self-belief, closing us off from the liberation of godly self-denial.

The beauty of low self-esteem is that we finally have the hearts to highly esteem God. It's not that we all turn into Debbie Downers and drench ourselves in self-loathing and self-pity. No, there's no time for that when our eyes are fixed firmly on our Lord.

"You have said, 'Seek my face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek' (Psalm 27:8).

Help us, O Lord, to see only you."

Ronnie Martin is a writer, speaker, recording artist, and worship leader at Ashland (OH) Grace Brethren Church. He also co-hosts The Reformatory, a radio talk show with Ted Kluck. He blogs here: http://ronniemartin.tumblr.com/

Article in My Local Paper About my Book and Biblical Counseling

Last week, I was interviewed by a local journalist about my book, "Redeemed from the Pit" and what we biblical counselors believe. I am happy to say that, with the minor exception of changing "life-dominating sin" to "life-dominating force" (3rd paragraph from bottom), the reporter did an excellent job overall at representing what we biblical counselors believe and relaying what I actually said. (Keep in mind this is a secular newspaper). The biographical information was taken largely from the 700 Club interview -- the important part of the article is the second half.

Currently my book is out of stock on Amazon as the publisher is switching warehouses, but if you wish to purchase "Redeemed from the Pit" please contact either myself directly at marie4thtimemom@yahoo.com, or contact the publisher at www.calvarypress.com.

The text of the article is as follows:

"Addiction is often spoken of as a lifelong battle, but for Marie Notcheva, it is a battle that she has already won. She has written about overcoming bulimia in her recently published book, “Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders,” published in December by Calvary Press Publishing.

Marie explains the title is a reference to Psalm 40, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit …”

Marie’s eating disorder had its roots early in her childhood. She now offers counseling so others can overcome the grasp anorexia and bulimia have on them. When Marie was just 4 years old, her mother began to tease her about her weight, pointing out the rounded belly that’s typical of small children. “That’s disgusting!” her mother said. It was an attitude that lasted throughout Marie’s school years. Her family continued to emphasize the importance of being slim over the need for a healthy diet.

A member of her high school gymnastics team, Marie carried 130 pounds on her 5-foot, 5-inch frame - not overweight according to any chart. Yet, her coach launched a weight loss competition between Marie and another team member. Even if her life looked full from the outside, one theme dominated Marie’s days. It was counting calories and thinking about food. Attempting to live on almost nothing, Marie slid into bulimia, where she would binge on food and then purge herself of the unwanted calories.

“I started using it as a way to control my weight when I was 15,” she says. “My weight became my idol.” It’s an apt description that anyone who anxiously steps on a scale several times a day will recognize. If Marie’s weight was her idol, bulimia was its ritual worship. “There was an endorphin rush, knowing I could eat and get rid of it. It was addictive. Once I got started, it was a safety latch that I could go back to,” she said.

Even in high school, Marie knew that the bulimia had to stop. She was suffering health effects on her teeth, and no longer had periods. By senior year, she weighed a scant 85 pounds. After high school, Marie enrolled a Syracuse University to study journalism. She managed to boost her weight to 110 pounds, “just enough to keep me out of the hospital,” she said.

She moved to Bulgaria after graduation, working as a writer for four years. She met Ivaylo Notchev. They have been married for 17 years and have four children. Today, in addition to being a wife, mom, and freelance journalist, Marie is a Biblical counselor at the non-denominational Heritage Bible Chapel in Princeton. She counsels women struggling with eating disorders, and other problems, using Bible study as a guide to healing.

Medical models claim that addiction is a disease, where recovery is an ongoing process, she says, but Biblical counselors take a different approach. “Eating disorders, like other addictions, are not organic diseases. Rather, they’re learned behaviors that by God’s grace can be unlearned,” she explains. “The addiction has become a life dominating force. We consult the Scripture to break the addict’s thought patterns, to renew their minds with God’s word, allowing the Holy Spirit to come in and change their heart.”

Bible-based counseling rejects the secular therapist’s view of man, she said. “The Bible addresses in principal any problem we have. It is not psychology, not psychotherapy, but the work of God that is sufficient,” she said.

Many women have written to Marie saying her book has helped them greatly. “It’s important to understand the grace and restoration aspect. That is what gives people hope and joy,” she said.
“Redeemed from the Pit of Bulimia” is available at Amazon.com."

Endless Attempts to Fill the God-Shaped Void: "Drunkorexia"

In my book, "Redeemed from the Pit", I mistakenly identified C.S. Lewis as the originator of the quote "Inside every person, there is a God-shaped vacuum". (I have since learned that it was Blaise Pascal.) Regardless of who first said it, the validity of this statement is continuously borne out in the fallen world around us.

This week, I was notified of the following article, which discusses the campus trend of "drunkorexia" (the practice of deliberately getting intoxicated on an empty stomach, or habitually abusing alcohol while starving one's self of food.) This is not a new practice - forgoing food in favor of liquor is actually an old trick -- everyone knows that alcohol is absorbed more quickly when there is no food in the stomach. I just didn't realize it had a name. (Nor is it limited to college campuses - women long beyond university with both eating disorders and alcohol dependency regularly do this.)

The onlinecollege.org article begins:

At first, "drunkorexia" may sound like kind of a funny word, jokingly made up to describe a situation in which college students and others forgo food in order to be able to afford more alcohol and feel higher effects of alcohol on an empty stomach. But what some may brush off as crazy college-kid behavior is actually a serious problem that can have highly damaging consequences both in long- and short-term health. Of course, that hasn't stopped college students from engaging in this unhealthy trend, and a study at the University of Missouri-Columbia indicated that one in six students had practiced drunkorexia within the last year. Typically, drunkorexia is done by women; the study showed that three out of four drunkorexia respondents were female.

(Continue reading here.)

As I have often noted, eating disorders and drunkenness tend to go hand-in-hand. From a biblical perspective of human behavior, this should not surprise us: "lusts of the flesh" take many forms, and when one is weak in this area, self-control and moderation tend to break down in multiple ways. Additionally, as I point out in Chapter one of my own book, eating disorders engender so much shame and self-loathing that we often gravitate to alcohol as an anesthesia. When in the depths of bulimarexia and drunkenness myself, I used to rationalize that if something made me feel better [alcohol], even for a little while, I would happily use it.

Of course, no number of bottles will ever take the pain and shame away. (Just ask Amy Winehouse.) Only Jesus Christ can do that.

Starving yourself thin will never make you happy, improve your relationships, or, MOST importantly, meet your TRUE needs - forgiveness and intimacy with your Saviour. Seeking solace in alcohol compounds the problem, of course; but the fact that so many seek to fill this God-shaped void with poison testifies to how deep our human need is for God.

Whether you know Hi now or not, you will never be satisfied or find joy in anything less. You weren't designed to.

Feedback from a Physician

Since the release of my book, "Redeemed from the Pit", I have held book-signings twice at my church here in Massachusetts and our pastor of discipleship and counseling has highly recommended it to our congregation. Yesterday, he noted from the pulpit that not much literature has been written on eating disorders from a biblical perspective, but that I "hit it right on the head" in my book.

Such glowing endorsements from pastors and NANC counselors are very encouraging, but one note-worthy conversation I had last week happened to be with an Elder of our church. He is also a physician.

This gentleman pulled me aside the first week my book was promoted, and confided that he'd really like to sit down with me and talk about this topic, which is of personal interest to him. Now in his fifties, when Dr. D was in university, his sister passed away due to complications arising from her anorexia. I knew that he had lost a sister to an eating disorder, and since as an Elder he does some counseling in our church it was encouraging to me that he'd take interest in my book.

"You know, the medical community really dislikes seeing this [eating disorders], because they really don't know what to do with it," he confided. He nodded knowingly when I mentioned the utter uselessness of anti-depressants to treat eating disorders, and admitted that physicians all know anorexia and bulimia are not diseases....but simply are at a loss, as medical professionals, as to what to do. "You almost have to "treat"the whole family," he reflected, and we discussed Martha Peace's workshop on counseling anorexics and the importance of family involvement.

Hearing a physician validate what I've been saying all along - that eating disorders are learned, sinful behaviors (which can therefore be overcome in the power of the Gospel), and not organic diseases (leaving the medical community at a loss) was interesting. It should only be a matter of time before Christian doctors, like him, send their patients to biblical counselors for help, rather than psychiatrists!

Counseling Anorexic Girls - From NANC 2011

Last month, I attended the NANC Conference in Walnut Creek, California, at which Martha Peace taught an excellent workshop entitled "Counseling as if a Life Depended on It: Counselees with Anorexia". In her lecture, Martha highlighted the need for a physician's involvement because of the medically fragile condition of the anorexic; the reality of both a spiritual (eternal soul-threatening) emergency and the physical one; and how family members may be involved in a helpful way.

Any woman repenting from an eating disorder needs help from those closest to her. As God transforms her mind and thinking, it is necessary for family members (mothers especially) to know how to give the right kind of "support" and reinforce biblical attitudes (and right behaviors). Martha demonstrated how an anorexic counselee would be instructed to keep a "self-talk" log, contrasting sinful, obsessive and self-oriented thoughts with biblical replacements which focus on loving God and others. For example, an eating-disordered girl will typically fret, "Everyone is watching me! Why can't they leave me alone?!" The "put-on" thought to replace this might be, "Everyone is not watching me, and those that are, love me very much. I don't blame them for being worried."

Naturally, mealtimes are very tension-fraught in households where someone is battling an eating disorder. One question Martha often fields from concerned mothers is, "What should we do if our daughter just sits and stares at her food?" Discomfort often leads parents to excuse, ignore, or over-react (crying; begging) to their daughters' willful starvation. Instead, Martha counsels parents to remain calm, speak to her very calmly and give her hope. They might express something along the lines of, "I know this is very hard for you but the Lord will help you, and I want you to pick up your fork and take a bite of potatoes. Ask the Lord to help you. We are going to pray for you right now and then we are going to continue to eat our meal." Then, she counsels, turn the focus of dinner conversation to something else - the matter has been dealt with compassionately, biblically, and lovingly - but without dwelling on it or focusing excessive attention on the young woman or her battle.

While Martha made many good points and gave helpful advice on giving homework, making agendas and how to approach the Gospel with the counselee, I particularly liked this discussion of parental involvement and thought it was especially practical. An eating disorder, like any other type of addiction (life-dominating sin), affects every member of the family. I especially like her suggestion of praying and bringing God into what is so clearly a spiritual battle - right there at the dinner table. Having "fought" this lonely battle privately for years, I can tell you that having a compassionate, godly parent offering hope during the scariest moment would have made a world of difference. A loving family praying over a frightened young woman as she faces her fear is far more effective than "talk therapy" and secular "coping strategies". The Bible has much to say about dealing with fear, and the fact that God is FOR us and not against. Reinforcing these truths is the best "support" a young woman could receive.