Seven Ways to Host Thanksgiving Dinner that Supports Eating Disorder Recovery (Re-post)

I rarely write about eating disorders anymore, even from a counseling perspective; and it's rarer still that I will re-post a secular article on the subject. However, this article from blogger Allison Epstein is so spot-on that I had to share it.

Personally, I have been "recovered" (I prefer the more biblical term "transformed") for so many years that these days, quite honestly, I don't even think about these things. From the very first sentence, I was taken back in time - to the childhood holiday tables of my youth, where, for some inexplicable reason, my weight and my brother Phil's grades were the hot topics of conversation. (My other brother, Jay, who was on Ritalin before it was fashionable, usually got a pass - his volatile temper generally exempted him from his misdemeanors being scrutinized at family gatherings.)

Stop commenting on peoples' weight. For the love of Pete, just STOP it. It's unnecessary. Seriously. who cares?

Anyway, excellent article with helpful advice  that lets non-sufferers into the mind of eating-disordered people, and lets them know how they can be helpful to folks overcoming the ED mindset. Please read.



It's that time of year again: Thanksgiving. A time for food, family, friends, and football. Or, at my place, the National Dog Show, because puppies > football.

Actually, puppies > almost everything.

But for people dealing with an eating disorder (ED), the warm fuzzy aspects of Thanksgiving are often overshadowed by the looming threat in the middle of the holiday.

The giant meal, and all the emotional baggage that goes with it.

If you're hosting Thanksgiving for a guest with a history of food-related issues, you can't eliminate every single trigger from your table. But there are some small things you can do that will have a huge impact -- for them, and for all your guests.

1. Stop asking people if they've lost / gained weight

Say a relative you haven't seen in a year walks through the door. Within about 30 seconds, you can bet someone will exclaim, "Oh wow, you look fantastic. Have you lost weight?" (Weight gain could be remarked on, too -- though fatphobia tends to make people wary of doing so.)

This is a "don't" for three main reasons:

a. You're essentially saying, "Weight is the very first thing we notice in this house." I'm sure you can see why this isn't super-relaxing for guests in recovery.

b. You're not telling that person anything they don't already know. Obviously they look fantastic, whatever their weight. And if you aren't 110 percent sure their weight changes are intentional, not from stress / depression / chronic or invisible illnesses, just steer clear.

c. Weight is boring as hell. You're basically asking "Has your gravitational relationship with the earth altered slightly?"

*Yawn*

Ask how their job's going. Ask about their kids. Ask about that surprise twist last night on Scandal. Anything.

2. Talk about things other than food

"Isn't this turkey delicious?" might sound like a polite conversation-starter to you, but for someone with food-related stressors, it sounds like this:

"You aren't eating the turkey. I noticed. We're all watching you."

or

"You're eating so much of that turkey. I noticed. We're all watching you."

If food were the point of Thanksgiving, we could make an extravagant meal and eat it by ourselves any given Thursday, but we don't. The day's about togetherness and reconnecting with family (or friends, depending on how you choose to spend the holiday).

I'm not here to tell you what to talk about. You know your invitees better than I do. For example, at my house, I can guarantee you someone will shout "democratic socialism" at least once. And whatever your opinion on that, it's at least more interesting -- and less triggering -- than food.

3. Stop rationalizing your food choices

Stop me if you've heard this before:

"I skipped breakfast this morning, so it's OK if I have another slice of pie."

"Oh, I really shouldn't eat this! I'll go to the gym tomorrow morning."

Though you may not have a personal history with a restrictive ED, for someone who does, you're echoing the same kind of disordered thoughts they experience regularly.

And not only is this stressful, but it's also dangerously validating. "Normal" people think this way, they can reason, so it must be right, and I should keep doing it.

Newsflash: You can have dessert, and the world will not end. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Also, no one really cares when you go to the gym.

Just eat your pie and carry on.

4. Put your bathroom scale away

This takes 30 seconds, and could save your guest so much stress. Why wouldn't you?

I could ask you why you need a scale anyway, since the weight-health correlation is sketchy at best, but that's an article for another day.

5. Don't use ED-specific language as a joke

"I wish I had the willpower to be anorexic -- I can't stop eating these rolls!"

"Ugh, I totally binged on sweet potato casserole."

I hear these things all the time. Please do not.

A simple "yum" or "I'm full" will suffice, thanks.

6. Offer something to do before and after the meal

It's not just the meal itself that can cause stress. Before and after dinner, negative thought cycling can really get out of control.

And while it's not your responsibility -- or within your power -- to make your guest think positive thoughts, you can offer distractions. By giving your guest something else to do, they can replace obsessive thoughts with more neutral, task-based ones.

Fortunately, this is Thanksgiving. I'm sure you have tons of things that need doing.

Ask for help doing the dishes. If they like kids, enlist them to entertain younger siblings and cousins. Go for a leisurely walk after dinner and talk about whatever comes to mind. If they know origami, have them help you make elaborately folded napkins for the table.

(This may just be part of my dream to have elaborately folded napkins at every meal. But the point stands.)

7. Don't make observations about what they're eating

Yes, even if the person is on a recovery-geared meal plan. There's enough food-related stress around Thanksgiving without someone reminding you to get XX carbohydrates on your plate.

Of course, if you're worried about the person's immediate well-being, don't ignore that. Thanksgiving shouldn't be an excuse to engage in disordered behaviors.

The National Eating Disorders Association has a toll-free helpline your guest can call if needed. And if they're on Twitter, they can use the #Thx4Support hashtag all day on Thanksgiving, where people are standing by to listen and offer real-time support.

But if that's not the case, and you're just concerned they're eating a bit too much or a bit too little, don't make a scene. They'll be fine. Trust that they're doing the best they can under unusually stressful circumstances.

---

You might notice a lot of these tips sound pretty general.

Don't engage in diet talk. Don't weigh yourself or judge others by your weight. Don't treat food as a moral indicator.

That's because the key to throwing a recovery-friendly Thanksgiving is simple: create a body-image safe space, and the rest will follow.

These tips aren't just for Thanksgiving -- they're for everyone, every day of the year.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there are puppies I should be watching.

___________________

If you're struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

Follow Allison Epstein on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AllisonEpstein2

Review of "Redeemed from the Pit" - The Sacred Pursuit

Amelia Arnold, a conference speaker and writer, has posted a review of my book, "Redeemed from the Pit" on her blog. It is very encouraging for an author to see positive reviews of her work in print!

Redeemed From the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration From the Bondage of Eating Disorders by Marie Notcheva
Interior Publications, imprint of Calvary Press, 2011
Forward is written by Martha Peace

Marie is a certified Biblical Counselor under Jay Adams’ Biblical counseling program and is currently working on her NANC certification.

Marie’s Blog: http://redeemedfromthepit.blogspot.com/
Video testimony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPOHvay61Lc


Summary Review:
“Disordered eating” is something that many woman today struggle with. Insecurity in appearance, food addiction, obsession with being thin, the tendency to overeat, struggles with maintaining weight; even as far as abusing your body to stay thin… these things and more are very often symptoms of a deeper issue; a deeper issue that begins in the mind, more specifically, in one’s thoughts and worship (or lack thereof) of God.

In her book, Redeemed From the Pit, Marie gives her personal testimony of her obsession with being thin and struggle with bulimia and then how she found victory and freedom in Christ. She counsels her readers of what the real issue is: sin; and what the only real solution is: realizing what Christ has done for you, repenting of your sin, and trusting and believing that you are in Christ and that He has given us what we need to have freedom and victory over the desires of the flesh!
While this book is written most specifically for women dealing with bulimia, Marie gives some great insight and counsel for women struggling with disordered eating of any kind (anorexia, overeating, struggles with weight, etc.). It is a strong Biblical guide to what our attitude should be towards our body, towards food, and points the reader towards the only One who can satisfy, comfort and perfect us: Jesus Christ.

While she recognizes that outside causes can sometimes lead to eating disorders she clearly teaches that that is no excuse. We make our own choices and we’re responsible for them. She discusses root sins (like vanity, anger, bitterness or unforgiveness, jealousy, fear of man, pride, selfishness) that can lead to one’s disordered eating and that they need to be dealt with and repented of. She also discusses how this sin (like all sins) is rooted in idolatry – the worship of something besides God and teaches what true repentance is and how we should walk in repentance on a daily basis. There’s a chapter dedicated to seeking godly counsel (how to know who to go to, who to seek counsel from), and she discusses the role of the church in counseling and the sufficiency of Scripture to give us the answers. She talks about what the Gospel is and what it means practically for the Christian that we are “in Christ”. There’s a chapter on the importance of our thinking and what it means to put off sin (or wrong thinking), and put on righteousness (or right, Christ-centered thinking). There are two chapters on the importance of forgiveness (not holding on to bitterness), a chapter on the practical side of things (like health problems that can be the result of eating disorders), and another chapter on why it’s important to tell someone about the struggle you have.

To share a few quotes:

“I had to deliberately choose, over and over to lay my wrong thinking (preoccupation with food and weight) down on the altar and reprogram my mind with the truth of God’s Word.” (p. 52)
“ ’In Christ’ clearly refers to our justified position, and carries with it the implication of obedience and being conformed to the character of Christ – not seeking to find ‘meaning’ or personal fulfillment.” (p. 99)
“Take comfort in the fact that the same Lord Who was willing to heal the lepers of Judea is also ready, willing and more than able to cleanse you. In fact, as He works in your heart, you will conquer this sin because He has already conquered it.” (p. 153)
“Throughout His Word, God assures His Children that if they will change their thinking and attitudes toward sin, He will enable them to turn around and change their ways.” (p. 175)
“God wants us to change and to bear fruit for His glory (John 15:8). The Gospel, not ‘self-help’, is the key to change (Rom 6:11, Isa 55:1-2), and we, His redeemed children, are responsible to exert effort in our sanctification (Phil 2:12).” (p. 193)
“Effective counseling grows out of discipleship, the mentoring necessary for a new Christian to grow to maturity.” (p. 199-200)
“…the best-equipped, most doctrinally sound facility in the world will not be able to help someone who does not truly desire to forsake her sin.” (p. 204)
“Just as one sin very often leads to another, disciplined training in righteousness (learning to forgive, even though it goes against our wills) can likewise lead to changed behavior and ‘putting on’ of self-control in another (overcoming food addiction).” (p. 249-250)

Testimony from a Russian Reader

It is e-mails like this one that made the years of study, writing and struggle to market my book all worthwhile. I corresponded with the following reader a few years ago, as she was unable to find biblical counseling resources in her homeland of Russia.

Hello Marie!
I don't know whether you remember me... about 2 years or even more ago i wrote you an email and you answered straight away.

My email was story about my struggles with bulimia and asked for helped and encouragement.
After that i sort of disappeared.. so a year ago i graduated and went back to my hometown to stay with my parents and to figure out and pray about my future.   

I still had bulimia and i definitely knew by that time that no one but God could free me from this bondage.. I shared with my mom. she helped me in many ways too... 

I was reading a lot of books, articles, blogs, served in church, worked and was praying that God will open doors for me, that He is willing to open. At the same time i started working on my applications for a Master's degree to several universities. My elder sister has been studying in America for 2 years and I decided to try too. I was accepted, God provided finances and after certain complications with the visa documents I came to California.  

Several days ago I was in the book store of my college and saw your book "redeemed from the pit". My heart was filled with joy and gratefulness to the Lord for what He has allowed in my life and for people that had been helping me. You were one of them!And the most exciting thing for me is that currently I am a student of the Masters of the Biblical counseling program in the Master's College (MacArthur College).

I wrote you to say thank you and to encourage you to continue your ministry! I would be happy to keep in touch! and to learn!
yours,
I.
p.s. oh,i think i didn't mention, but i don't struggle with bulimia for half a year now)

C.S. Lewis, Bulimia, and Pornography

Great post from Brad Hambrick and shared by the Biblical Counseling Coalition....apparently I'm not the first to draw the parallel between lust and eating disorders. Whenever we seek pleasure for pleasure's sake, we are operating outside of God's will...and will wind up emptier and more despairing than before.

“The Christian attitude does not mean that there is anything wrong about sexual pleasure, any more than about the pleasure of eating. It means that you must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself, any more than you ought to get the pleasures of taste without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again (p.105).” -- Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

This quote alludes to a connection between bulimia (the desire for food but not calories; chewing but not digesting) and pornography (the desire for closeness but not vulnerability; having but not belonging). But as the parallel is developed, it should be construed as the male (lust) and female (body image) version of the same problem. In recent years the struggles of men with eating disorders and women with pornography have both risen significantly.

Read the whole post here:

C.S. Lewis, Bulimia, and Pornography

Disappointment in Course (or, At Least there's a Market for My Book!)

Nothing. In over 600 pages,
there's NOTHING HERE!

It was with great anticipation that I looked forward to the arrival of my current course in the biblical counseling tract I'm taking, "Medical Issues in Counseling 1 and 2". The course syllabus promised a 12-lecture course dealing with "specific medical issues i.e. anorexia, bulimia..."(sic) among other things.

Even though I have spent the last several years researching, writing and informally counseling women with eating disorders, according to biblical principles - to the best of my knowledge -naturally I was quite eager to see what the "experts" had written about this pervasive subject afflicting millions of Christian women. I was greatly looking forward to learning how top biblical counselors approach the whole subject of food addiction, bulimia in particular.

The 12 DVD set just arrived in the mail, along with the required text: "The Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference" (a $40 book, by the way). Including appendices, this tome is nearly 500 pages. IT DOES NOT CONTAIN ONE SINGLE WORD ABOUT ANOREXIA, BULIMIA, OR EATING DISORDERS. Neither do the more than 100-pages of lecture notes provided with the video lectures. (There is, however, an entire lecture devoted to "sleep disorders"). If anorexia and/or bulimia are even touched on at all in the lectures, the subject must have been so parenthetical as to not even warrant mention in the lecture outlines.

I am deeply disappointed, to say the least. My only explanation for this is that these books/lectures are written by men, and eating disorders tend to be a female-problem. (In biblical counseling, men counsel men and women counsel women, unlike in the psych fields). Broadly speaking, biblical counseling tends to be a very male-dominated field (and I say that as a complementarian...I strongly uphold male leadership in the Church); but more than half of Christian counselees are women. How could such a huge issue as eating disorders be so completely overlooked in a course like this? Especially when it is listed, on the course syllabus, as being included? If, after I have viewed all of the lectures it turns out that anorexia or bulimia was discussed, I'll write a retraction. But based on this (very expensive) material, there's nothing there.

I suppose there's one positive way of looking at this oversight: there's a definite market for my book! There is virtually nothing, written from a purely biblical perspective, on the subject of eating disorders.

Well...that's about to change. As soon as the publisher gives me an approximate publication date, I'll share and let you know how you can pre-order "Redeemed from the Pit".

Abstaining and Dealing With Food Temptation

Ladies, the following article appeared online today courtesy of The Reader's Digest. For those of you in the beginning stages of turning away from an eating disorder and particularly if you find it necessary to practice abstinence from certain types of "trigger" foods, the advice may be quite helpful. At least you know you are not alone - it's not only bulimics who have to be on guard against gluttony!

11 Ways to Deal With Food Temptation
by Reader's Digest Magazine, on Fri Jul 23, 2010

Let's be honest: Improving your eating habits is hard, even when you are doing the shopping and cooking. But what do you do when you are constantly being tempted to eat more by the people around you, or the situation you're in? Relax. While resisting temptation is never easy, we've come up with stay-in-control strategies for 13 of the most common situations in which temptation might call. If there's a common theme, it's this: Be prepared! By having a plan (or merely a script for what to say) you can make smart eating choices in every situation that life throws at you.

1. It's birthday-cake time at work

Passing on your colleague's cake looks as curmudgeonly as refusing to sing 'Happy Birthday,' but it's hard to celebrate the 300 calories, about half from fat, packed into a simple slice of store-bought frosted yellow cake. The socially acceptable way out is to ask for a thin slice, and then eat a small number of bites you've decided on beforehand, says dietician Elizabeth Somer, author of Eat Your Way to Happiness. You're most likely to keep your promise to yourself, adds Somer, if you've eaten right all day, without 'saving room' for cake. Another calorie-saving trick: leave the icing on your plate and just eat the cake. And while most office parties involve soda, skip it and bring a full coffee mug.



2. The only food at the picnic is hamburgers and hot dogs

Most barbecues leave dieters trapped in the great outdoors. Meat grilled over a fire does tend to be less fatty than pan-cooked, but most grillers still depend on fatty burgers and dogs to feed the masses, while the traditional sides like potato salad and slaw are filled with high-calorie mayonnaise. Worst of all, you can't get away from the deliciously wafting smoke. Go ahead and smell the burgers, but eat the hot dog. A dog on a bun with a smear of ketchup will set you back about 250 calories. That's as many as the burger has in fat alone. Load up your plate with the low-calorie burger fixin's, like lettuce, tomato and onions, to round out your meal.

3. You have only a few minutes to grab a meal

Don't assume a fast-food drive-thru is an automatic no-no. True, a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese clocks in at 740 calories, more than half of them from fat. But the big boys have begun to grasp that customers want some reasonable options: '395 calorie meal for $3.95′ read one sign outside a fast food franchise recently, and Taco Bell brags of its Fresco menu, including a 160-calorie grilled steak soft taco wrap with just 4.5 grams of fat. At McDonald's you can get away with a salad, even one with meat, as long as you 'avoid anything with the word 'crispy',' says Somer. Just as important, choose a no-fat dressing. Also remember: no burgers bearing mayo-heavy sauces; skip the french fries; and low-fat milk or water rather than soda.


4. Your friend insists you meet at Starbucks

In diet circles, Starbucks has come to be regarded as the evil empire. It's not just 'all that caramel goo' in those ventis, which turn a cup of coffee into an ultrasweet high-calorie dessert, says New York University nutrition professor Marion Nestle. 'Their stores are set up to make it convenient and entertaining to choose larger portions and more foods.' Treats — like the 410-calorie lemon poppy loaf — are sumptuously displayed in eye-level glass cases, while the more wholesome chow languishes below. Look down. Starbucks now offers sensible snacks like fruit rollups and paninis that swap out chili spread for mayo, but they're going to make you find it. As for drinks, begin any order with the word 'Skinny' and you can cut the calorie count by up to a third. The best choices: a steaming 16-ounce grande Pike's Roast black coffee, 5 calories or a grande Tazo Full Leaf Tea, 0 calories.

5. A date takes you to a hot restaurant

At a casual meal, say a Denny's or a Red Lobster, paring back the calories by skipping sauces or having them on the side is a good way to turn a fat fest into a square meal. Plus, many family restaurants now offer low-cal meals. But a meal in a top-flight restaurant is all about the sauces and special preparations made by a chef who is closer to an artist than a cook. 'I don't recommend trying to diet when eating out,' Nestle says. Instead, order less food, confident that the intense flavors will satisfy you. Pick appetizers as your entrée and share them; after all, it's more romantic to make the meal a shared exploration of flavors. Also sample the creative broth-based soups or salads. And if you must have dessert, share that too, and order the one with the most fruit.

6. Your lover surprises you with a big box of chocolates

First, a quick lesson in love: your lover doesn't bring chocolate in hopes of watching you eat. Before surrendering to the temptation of what's in the box, think about this: A concerted half-hour of sex can chew up 85 calories, and the longer you linger, the higher that number. [edited to note: this refers to your HUSBAND. Under no circumstances is sex outside of marriage okay. - Marie] Then feel free to enjoy a single piece of chocolate — a Godiva truffle tucks a lot of sweetness into 105 calories. If you limit yourself to one chocolate a day as a snack, you'll be fine.

7. You're shopping and are fading from hunger

Shopping marathons are like any other kind: you need constant, small boosts of energy to keep going. And keeping going is key. Avoid settling in at the food court; pick up a hot pretzel, a small bag of roasted nuts from a kiosk, even a chicken taco, and nibble on the move. Portable meals, of course, can still seriously weigh you down. At Aunt Annie's Pretzels, a pepperoni pizza pretzel twists together 480 calories with 8 grams of saturated fat. The original pretzel is no bargain at 310 calories without the butter sauce. But with less than a gram of saturated fat and 2 grams of fiber, it's a good choice, particularly if you eat it in small amounts over time.


8. You're dashing for an early morning plane

The best place for breakfast in an airport may be…Starbucks. A venti latte with soy milk or skim is 9 ounces of milk, a helpful shot of caffeine and just 170 calories, note Heather Bauer and Kathy Matthews in The Wall Street Diet, which provides tips for people too busy to plan healthy meals. Add a banana and a yogurt to get your day started for less than 400 calories and in under ten minutes (depending on how many other frequent flyers have missed breakfast at home and are lined up in front of you).

9. Your best pal wants to go out for ice cream

Remember when the two of you used to gorge on late-night sundaes? That was back when your metabolism could shake off 1,360 calories and 89 grams of fat — the going rate for a banana split at Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shops. Liz Brenna, the self-described 'p.r. chick' at B&J headquarters, points out that the premium-cream pioneer has beefed up its line of fruit smoothies. While their 20-ounce 'Life's a Beach' mango smoothie is made only with fruit, sorbet and fruit juice, it still clocks in at 360 calories. For true nostalgic glow (and a few more grams of fat), choose a 3-ounce kiddie cone. At that size, most of the 30 ice-cream flavors hover around 220 calories. Better yet, go with frozen yogurt or sorbet, which range from 100 to 160 calories — and little or no fat.

10. It's 3:30 pm and you're hungry

The energy drop that hits in afternoon is likely a combination of perfectly natural factors: the result of a light lunch, mild dehydration, a momentary lack of iron, or a crash off that coffee you had at the late-morning meeting. Before wandering to the cafeteria or fridge, start your recovery with a tall glass of water, which boosts your blood flow and, as a side benefit, makes you feel full. Ideal snacks for clearing your cobwebby head are hummus or almonds, but if your only option is an office vending machine, look for any hint of protein — those orange crackers with peanut butter, at 200 calories, are better than a sugary cookie. Wash it down with a cup of coffee doused in iron-rich cinnamon.

11. Your family forces food on you when you go home

Food is love, and when Mamma tells you 'mangia' and you don't, she acts like you're rejecting her, not her pot roast. The answer: Have some of everything pushed at you during the holidays or a weekend visit home, but only a spoonful. That means your plate will be more of a tasting sampler than a full meal. Remember: Just one bite of a dish, preceded by a loud 'I can't resist!' will do your parents good and won't kill you. Another strategy: make yourself useful serving people and cleaning up. It gets you away from your plate, but still makes you a vital part of the meal. Most of all, 'focus on what's important,' says Somer. 'You're there to visit with your loved ones, not to pig out.' If you can transfer your emotions from the food to those around you, you'll live a long and happy life.

...And most importantly, remember to pray, seek God in every moment of weakness, and practice the spiritual disciplines of worship and Bible study. You live to glorify Him; not to focus on your weight!

Six Years Today Free of Bulimia...and a Few Good Quotes!

Today is the six-year anniversary of the last time I binged and purged, although I rarely keep track anymore. Far too much to do living for Christ's glory and helping those He's sent me to dwell on the past....and I hope the same will be true in your life soon, as well.

Here are a few quotations from well-known servants of Christ that a reader sent me. I hope that you will be able to draw application to your own walk with God from them.

On gluttony:

"Luxury and gluttony is a sin exceeding contrary to the love of God: it is idolatry: it hath the heart, which God should have; and therefore gluttons are commonly and well called belly-gods, and god-bellies, because that love, that care, that delight, that service and diligence which God should have is given by the glutton to his belly and his throat." --- RICHARD BAXTER, English Puritan and writer

Our surrender and God's deliverance:

"Deliverance can come to us only by the defeat of our old life. Safety and peace come only after we have been forced to our knees. God rescues us by breaking us, by shattering our strength and wiping out our resistance." -- A. W. TOZER

On true repentance:

"True repentance has a distinct and constant reference to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you repent of sin without looking to Christ, away with your repentance. If you are so lamenting your sin as to forget the Savior, you have a need to begin all this work over again. Whenever we repent of sin, we must have one eye upon sin and another upon the cross; or, better still, let us have both eyes upon Christ, seeing our sin punished in him, and by no means let us look at sin except as we look at Jesus. A man may hate sin just as a murder hates the gallows but this does not prove repentance. If I hate sin because of the punishment, I have not repented of sin; I merely regret that God is just.

But if I can see sin as an offense against Jesus Christ, and loathe myself because I have wounded him, then I have a true brokenness of heart. If I see the Savior and believe that those thorns upon his head were put there by my sinful words; if I believe that those wounds in his heart were made by my heart-sins; if I believe that those wounds in his feet were made by my wandering steps, and that the wounds in his hands were made by my sinful deeds, then I repent after a right fashion. Only under the cross can you repent. Repentance elsewhere is remorse, which clings to the sin and only dreads the punishment. Let us then seek, under God, to have a hatred of sin caused by a sight of Christ's love.

...Go as you are to Christ, and ask him to give that tenderness of heart which shall be to you the indication that pardon has come; for pardon cannot and will not come unattended by a melting of soul and a hatred of sin. Wrestle with the Lord! Say, I will not let you go except you bless me. Get a fast hold upon the savior by a vigorous faith in his great atonement. Oh! May his spirit enable you to do this! Say in your soul, here I will abide, at the horns of the altar; if I perish I will perish at the foot of the cross. From my hope in Jesus I will not depart; but I will look up and still say, savior, your heart was broken for me, break my heart! You were wounded; wound me! Your blood was freely poured forth, for me; Lord, let me pour forth my tears that I should have nailed you to the tree. Oh Lord, dissolve my soul; melt it in tenderness, and you will be forever praised for making your enemy your friend. May God bless you, and make you repent, if you have not repented; and if you have, may he enable you to continue in it all your days, for Jesus Christ sake. Amen." -- CHARLES SPURGEON

From My Inbox...

I hope this heart-felt letter from a reader blesses you as much as it did me:

Subject: I Love Your Blog!

Hello Marie,
I came across your blog while searching for testimonies of Christians who have been set free from the bondage of bulimia. I loved reading the few entries I have so far. Your story gives me hope, and your perspective is (refreshingly) Biblically sound.

I have been struggling for 13 years now with bulimia. I developed anorexia at the age of 15, gained some weight back to please concerned people, and then quickly became addicted to the binge/purge cycle. I was in secular counseling for years, along with residential treatment on various occasions as a teenager. I learned tools to cope with emotions, but nothing that worldly psychology had to offer penetrated to the core of the problem. I always resorted back to eating disordered behaviors after leaving treatment. The longest I've gone (apart from treatment centers) binge and purge free has been three months. I white-knuckle it through intense cravings to binge on most days. It feels like I am merely controlling my behaviors; my mind is still enslaved to rigid thoughts about food, image and exercise. I have been married to an amazing, Godly husband for almost two years now, and I am desperate to be set free in my mind and (subsequently) in my behavior! My bulimia hurts my marriage and prevents me from having an intimate relationship with God. I've been a believer in Jesus for 10 years, but live a defeated Christian life due to my idol worship of food. I am a perfectionist and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The world tells me that I will never fully recover. I refuse to believe this.

I would appreciate any counsel you have to offer. Thank you for promising to pray for me. I am feeling particularly discouraged today. I so badly want to be walking in freedom, but seem to be unwilling to endure the discomfort of life without the numbing effect of binge eating. I truly cannot do this on my own, and I don't know how to fully surrender it to God.
Thanks for listening/reading,

(Name Withheld)

Review: Ed Welch's "Crossroads"

"Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction" is the best resource for Christians with addictions (including eating disorders) I've seen yet. Written by Ed Welch, who holds a PhD in counseling psychology and serves as counselor, faculty member, and director of the School of Biblical Counseling at CCEF, "Crossroads" is a 10-part study guide rooted in his earlier book "Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave" (see link to the lower right on this blog).

What makes this book so good is that is speaks directly and yet compassionately to the heart of life-dominating sin. I have read many books dealing with the issue of habitual sin or behavioral addictions from a biblical perspective, but none which cut to the heart of the matter as effectively as "Crossroads". While unflinchingly unmasking the lies and sin inherent in addiction, Welch avoids spiritual-sounding cliches, polysyllabic "Christianeze" terms, and endless lists of verses to look up and memorize.

Are You Still in the Pit? Look Up!

Since "Crossroads" is geared towards individuals still controlled by their respective vices, such exercises would probably scare the reader away rather than help them. (The average bulimic, with wildly fluctuating blood sugar levels, does not have the attention span to complete a lengthy homework assignment anyway). One residential treatment center director recently wrote me: "...when the body is going through that much stress medically most young women's brains are not functioning very adeptly. A lot of the thinking and processing required to fight sin and build new lifestyles are beyond what an anorexic is capable of doing." This book is a valuable first step to help the desperate anorexic or bulimic get to where she IS functioning at peak capacity, and can do the hard work of biblical change. It is assumed that the reader is at the critical or crisis stage, still living as a slave to sin, and looking for hope.

Welch gives that hope effectively, and shows the wanderer how to come home - step by step.

Realizing that you are double-minded is one of the first steps to repenting of an addiction. If something about your drug of choice were not attractive, you would not have chosen it. Welch describes this tension in the addict's heart:

"On one side, you feel powerless. Your world feels out of control, and you are sick of it. On the other side, you think that your addiction helps you manage your life so you have more control. That's why you hate it and you love it. You hate it and you need it. Your addiction is not the friend it once was because it has messed up your life."

This is a man who gets it. He empathizes with the inner torment a bulimic (for example) feels, but he does not coddle the sin. He does not minimize, nor allow the reader to stay stuck in despair or self-pity. He takes you straight to biblical principles which force you, the addict, to make a choice - which kingdom has your allegiance?

Welch immediately unveils the compelling attractiveness of God - "the only One more beautiful than your addiction" - while exposing the Christian addict's paradoxical relationship with Christ: "You know you need him, but you don't necessarily want him - at least not on his terms, which is total surrender." Rather than just prescribing the pat (yet accurate) answer, "repent and pray more", Welch acknowledges how difficult and awkward it is for the addict to talk to God, and coaches her* through it. Discussing the importance of bringing sin out into the light, which the Word does by exposing hidden motives, he notes that the reader's interest in the Bible will be a gauge measuring her desire for change.

Welch emphasizes God's infinite patience with the repentant believer, citing Romans 2:4 early on: "Do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?" This is a key life verse for any of you who know the pain of trying to break free from bulimia and failing, again and again. Through the first 4 of 10 steps (I would have preferred he call them "stages", to avoid the connotation with the unbiblical 12-Step programs), Welch takes the reader through the "folly" of addiction; exposes it as idolatry that has mastered the reader by tracing her descent from life before the addiction; notes that the reader has chosen independence from God by her choices; and examines God's gracious response.

He forces the question: how does God speak to the purposes your addiction serves in your life? This is an extremely crucial point in repenting of bulimia or other food-related bondage. Until you submit to God's sanctioned means of responding to pain, disappointment and fear of man, your default mode will always be to turn to the food. The probing, penetrating questions Welch gives under each step's "Take Action" section are designed to help you see your sin through God's eyes, and renew your mind with His Word.

There is a fine line between gentleness and compassion, and sympathizing to the extent that you tolerate or even rationalize sin. Ed Welch never crosses that line.

The Lies We Tell and the Truth of God

In Step 4: Go Public, Welch identified 8 different types of lies addicts tell to cover up their sin, as well as lies they believe about God. "God doesn't care about one binge...it's not like I am killing anyone." (Does that one sound familiar at all?) Tracing this defense mechanism back to Genesis 3, he shows how speaking and believing lies not only displays loyalties to Satan, but leads to the "voluntary slavery" of addiction. Once this is established, the groundwork is laid for confession to God (which Welch describes as feeling "like a cool shower after working all day in 100-degree heat"), and repentance - turning away from darkness and the false kingdom to Jesus and the true kingdom.

From emphasizing the trustworthiness of God, Welch then moves seamlessly to a fuller exposition on the attributes of God in Step 5: Know THE God. The addict's ultimate goal is to be transformed into the image of Christ. Since this is only possible if one knows Christ AS HE IS, Welch builds the case that knowing the Person of God is key to victory over addiction. He rightly identifies addictions as idolatry, and encourages the reader that God wants to free her of these idols in His great love and holiness.

God is Not Ticked Off

Step 6: Follow Jesus marks the second half of "Crossroads" and Welch starts to get into some theology - without overwhelming the reader. A right concept of God is crucial to sound doctrine, which, in turn, determines whether changes made will be either biblical or lasting. He opens the chapter with this rhetorical question:

"Have you ever thought that Jesus is good, the Father is ticked off, and the Spirit is a thing - an impersonal force?"

It's okay to admit it. I used to think that way, too. I was a bit surprised to see that impression so succinctly articulated, but Welch then goes on to explain both the mysteries of the Trinity and the Atonement - and why the addict's tendency to minimize sin is so toxic. Welch doesn't just "go there", he camps out there. He owns real estate there. He calls food binges (and related addictions) "expressions of false worship and misplaced loyalties". The only thing I don't like about that sentence is that I didn't think of it first.

Bulimic sister, you need to repent. God gives you hope, grace, and provides strength. Ed Welch is happy to help spell out the implications of your freedom and how to "let the cross have the final word" in this convicting chapter.

Step 7: Have a Plan lays out proactive means the reader must take if she is truly serious about leaving the addiction behind, and Welch highlights the importance of getting your thoughts under control (see 2 Cor. 10:5, although he didn't cite it). As Jay Adams has noted, often people will seek counseling for a life-dominating problem, but when asked what they have done about it, they will simply respond "I prayed". Prayer is a crucial first step and remains "your most powerful weapon", but Welch points out that practical changes in behavior are necessary. I would suggest that such a strategy as he suggests for a repenting bulimic would include avoiding driving to doughnut shops; grocery shopping with another person; refusing to have junk food and "binge foods" in the house. Accountability by including people in your plan - avoiding privacy - is another weapon Welch advises.

Moving Forward in Love

The final two steps of repentance Welch outlines include loving others and restoring relationships where you have hurt people (biblical confrontation and forgiveness is a critical part of restoration), and responding well when you err. While meaningful repentance will always preclude a true "relapse", a temporary slip back into your old ways need not spell total failure. Welch is realistic about the ongoing reality of sin and the spiritual battle a Christian must face. This is true all the more of one repenting from an addiction - how will you respond the next time you seek comfort in Krispy Kremes instead of fellowship with God? "Failing well" eliminates despair as an option. Welch warns the reader against blaming God (see James 1:13-15); reminding her that everything she does is either leading her from Him or toward Him.

In a thorough section on confession and knowing you are forgiven, Welch explains the danger of interpreting guilt (over failure) to mean, "God is mad at me". This is an important point, and I have never known a bulimic woman who didn't think God was angry and/or disgusted at her. My jaw actually dropped at how accurately Welch described the thought process and proclivity towards self-punishment typical of eating-disordered Christians:

"You impose your own punishment; you stay out of his hair and go to bed without your supper. You decide you'd better not talk to him until you have figured out some way to get your life back on track."

"Was this man reading my diary?" you're thinking.

Welch then goes on to show the folly of this thinking: it leads right back to the path of "pursuing your own kingdom". The subtlety of this lie is one ALL bulimics (and other addicts) need to spot and renounce, long after they have stopped the actual behavior. He spends the remainder of the chapter re-cultivating hope, refining the plan developed in chapter 7, and defining where Jesus is in it. What makes this chapter so helpful is the fact that Welch doesn't pretend that once the addict sees some success in abstaining from the behavior or enjoys a measure of spiritual victory that life is suddenly blue shies and fluffy clouds. Pious-sounding platitudes are notably absent from Welch's writing, as is the idealistic formula of self-help books. While he states from the outset that Christ is the answer and the addict's goal is to live to glorify God, Welch never diminishes the reality of ongoing sin in the believer's life. We're in a battle; and we need a plan - turning quickly to Jesus while feeding on Scripture is a long-term strategy; not a quick fix.

In Step 10: Welcome to the Banquet, we see the object of our hope: the joy that is found in Jesus. By this time, the reader should be able to see fruit that her addictive behavior is giving way to seeking Jesus, and she should be convinced that the battle is worth it. Welch highlights "crossroads" of key Scriptural passages; examples of when God's people had to choose to seek Him in the midst of the desert of exile. He relates this to Christ's temptation in the wilderness, and that His "passing the test" on our behalf enables us to follow Him. He concludes with exhortations to fight temptation by expecting it, maintaining hope, countering it with the Word, and praying continuously - good advice for ALL believers; not only those who happen to be struggling with addictions.

Designed for use in either a small group, one-on-one counseling, or on one's own, "Crossroads" is truly a superb, helpful guide towards biblical repentance from an eating disorder. In addition, Welch himself suggests in the study that you seek counsel from a mature fellow believer - a practice I would always recommend for anyone in the grips of an eating disorder. The shame and secrecy surrounding bulimia, in particular, make it a difficult sin to confess; but the guidance, prayer and accountability another Christian can offer increases your odds of success in walking away from this addiction. (See NANC directory at right for a list of certified nouthetic counselors - plug in your zip code to find one in your area).

The only caveat I would offer about this book is that in the first chapters, it appeared that Welch was not necessarily assuming the reader had a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. The wording indicated he might be writing to seekers, as well as "backslidden" Christians ("If you find yourself shutting down when the conversation turns to God, don't just wait for the conversation to move to something else..." "...you know different, even if you aren't sure what you believe about God.") If he was not assuming the reader was a Christian, I wondered if a clear Gospel presentation might have been appropriate at that point. However, as I moved into the subsequent chapters, it appeared the reader was assumed to be a Christian (just one who had turned from the path). In fact, most of the folks who will seek out biblical counseling DO fit into that latter category, but the possibility always exists that some who profess to be Christians might not actually be regenerate at all.

If using this book for counseling, I would encourage the counselor to ask all the diagnostic questions and collect extensive data beforehand (as one usually does in a first counseling session). Then, if any doubts remain, engage in what Jay Adams calls "pre-counseling" - essentially evangelism - to make sure the counselee has a relationship with God through Christ before going any further. Chapter 6 of this book offers a great exposition on propitiation that would be helpful in presenting the Gospel to an addict.

If you choose to use this book on your own to aid your fight against bulimia, examine yourself to see whether you are really in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5) before turning to the addiction itself. Do you really know Christ as Savior and Lord? Have you repented, and surrendered your life to Christ on His terms? Has there been any fruit in your life?

If the answer is "yes", yet you are still stuck in the foul pit of addiction, Ed Welch's "Crossroads: a Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction" is a wonderfully edifying tool to help you take the next step of faith.

Watch this 5-minute video of Dr. Welch discussing addictions and how to face them Scripturally:




* I always use the personal pronouns "her" and "she", as most people with eating disorders tend to be women. No feminist agenda is implied.

Teenage Bulimia Domain Now Here

I am now the owner of the Teenagebulimia.com domain. The old site now redirects here.

It is my hope that many teen-aged girls struggling with anorexia and/or bulimia will visit this site and find the hope and inspiration needed to walk away from this bondage once and for all.

Freedom is available, and free to all who seek it! Please visit the Archives to read my testimony and articles on repentance and renewal of your mind. As always, I am available for private online counseling at marie4thtimemom@yahoo.com.

The Satanic Trap of Body Image Obsession and "Exercise Bulimia"

I received the following heartcry this morning (posted with permission; my open response is below):

Sister~

My name is Alexa* and I am a Mother of three. Four years ago, by God's grace, I overcame drug and alcohol addiction. I got saved and was on fire for the Lord and had a wonderful ministry to other addicted women. Now that the chemicals are not covering up the real problems, I have found that I actually have struggled with eating disorders since the age of 12. Mostly calorie restricting then binge, then exercise fanatically. I want to thank you for your work. When I ran across your blog and read your words I never felt so understood. To top it off, Christ is your focus. This excites me for freedom again. That whole sugar/white flour article really hit home. Once I start in, I can't stop. Why can't I look at food like a normal person? My husband eats when he is hungry and stops when he is full and occasionally enjoys a piece of pie or birthday cake. I have to write down all my intake and account for all my calories, fat and sugar everyday. Then I punish myself and my family by having to workout @ 20 hours a week sometimes! I also punish them by getting so depressed (about not fitting into my clothes anymore) that sometimes I just stay in bed and cry all day over it. It is self loathing. So much that I cant stand my husband to look at me when I'm in that mode. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Wow. I didn't mean to write this much. My husband has said that I have a distorted view of my body. But it really and truly seems that one week my jeans look great on, and the next week, I'm curled up in the closet crying because I can't pull them over my rear end! Am I just imagining that? Does this sound like dis-ordered eating? Or a unhealthy view of things? Is this common? Should I seek outside help? What can I do today? I do want to continue to workout, I am a dancer and it is part of worship and praise, just not 2 and 3 hours a day. Actually the norm is an hour workout 5-6 days a week, I'd be happy with that. I'm sorry to go on, I just have never spoken to anybody about this and I'm just now realizing how much of a problem it is, so I am "hungry" for information, compassion and grace.
Help.

Alexa*

* Name has been changed to protect privacy

Dear "Alexa",

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your struggle with me. Yes, not only is this painful obsession common, is IS unhealthy both physically and spiritually. Obsessing over our bodies and loathing the way we look is a trap Satan uses to take our eyes off of Christ, our loving Savior and Redeemer. Alexa, God created your body and He knows exactly how it works. Just as he has a plan for your life, He has a plan for your weight and by eating in a healthful, God-honoring way, you will have the health and the strength you need to live for and serve Him. He longs for you to serve Him joyfully as a wife and mother (how will you have the energy to take care of those precious babies if you are exhausting yourself?), but first and foremost He longs for you to turn to Him with this dark obsession that is tormenting you day and night.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29).

Alexa, let that promise sink deep into your wounded soul. Your Lord is a Gentle Shepherd, not a drill sergeant. He is the author of life (Acts 3:15) and the source of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3), a very present refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 9:9; 59:16). You can turn to Him with this burden as well; there is no need to be embarrassed or ashamed. He already knows all about it anyway, so why not run into His waiting arms today?

An idol of the heart is anything we want badly enough that we are willing to sin in order to get it. As Paul points out in Colossians 3:5, greed (or covetousness) is idolatry - and this one of the root sins fueling eating disorders. Wanting to be thin so badly that we are willing to destroy or damage the temple of the Holy Spirit - our bodies - is idolatry. The devil, the enemy of your soul, delights in taking you down any way he can. He has been studying God's children for a long time, and he knows exactly where our vulnerable spots are. For many of us daughters of the King, it is insecurity and preoccupation with the bodies God gave us to house our spirits. This grieves the Holy Spirit within us, and we feel conviction for this sin as well as despair at ever truly walking free from this bondage.

However, there is always forgiveness available - free and unmerited. The great news is what you already know in your heart - Jesus Christ delights in forgiving and restoring! He only bids you come to Him - not only for salvation, but for this day-by-day cleansing and renewal. You may very well be in Him and belong to the Father for eternity, but as you know, even blood-bought disciples may struggle with the sin of addiction. There is NO sin an unbeliever can commit that a believer is incapable of commiting (except for rejecting Jesus Christ). He knew this propensity of ours to sin and anticipated it, long before going to the Cross on our behalf. Alexa, Christ suffered for this sin as well. For me. For you. He didn't just die and rise again so that you could go to be with Him in heaven when you leave this earth; He also died to set you free from the power that this sin holds over you in the here and now.

Food was given for the purpose of nourishing us - it is morally neutral. The twin sins of pride and idolatry (which have given rise to this frantic obsession) have no power over you, because Christ has already set you free. You are no longer a slave to sin, if you have repented and turned to Him for salvation. However, you need to learn how to walk in that spiritual reality. You cannot walk in freedom and unbroken fellowship with Jesus if you are running and hiding....do you bring this painful scar on your soul to Him daily? Are you searching the Scriptures, in order to let Him renew your mind? (See my article here, "Renewing your Mind with the Washing of the Word"). Learn to rely on HIS strength, moment by moment, to resist the temptation of bingeing and then obsessive, unhealthy exercise...at the expense of your family.

Do you trust your Heavenly Father? Really, really trust Him? Enough to allow Him to shine His light of Truth onto this corner of your heart? Enough to let go of your control, and let Him teach you how to live for Him? This includes re-learning to eat - moderately - in a way that honors Him. Enjoying a meal with your family should be a time of fellowship and thanksgiving - not fear, restriction, or gluttony (bingeing). "If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for? So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Do not let the shame of this or past addictions keep you from the Father's arms (Luke 15). Jesus carried all your shame on the Cross, and He knows exactly how you feel. He knew about this sin before you even thought it, and made provision by redeeming you. He welcomes you back - no matter how many times you fall and need His help to get back up. Remember His words to Peter, before his denial in the Garden? "I have prayed for you... that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22:32; emphasis mine). Jesus, being God, knew in advance that Simon Peter would fail, and He prayed for Him (as He does for us even now, at the right hand of the Father). And WHEN (not "if") you turn back, He is right there by your side -- forgiving, restoring, loving, and guiding.

Alexa, it was this knowledge alone that caused me to take a step of faith - eating without purging- and ultmately walk away from bulimia, that counterfeit trap of Satan. The knowledge that I was truly loved, forgiven and wanted by the very One I had rebelled against (and continue to even now, in many ways each day) motivated me to turn to Him and lay the bondage down. We are so deeply sinful and flawed that we can't even see how corrupted our hearts really are. But Jesus, the Perfect One, does. And He picks us up and loves us anyway. Only He, Who is perfect, can restore us broken and stained addicts to fellowship with Him - and other believers.

We can't do it ourselves, so don't even try...draw near to the Savior and let Him remove the blinders from your eyes and the idol from your heart. He will lead you, day by day, as you let Him renew your heart. Pray about everything - including appropriate and healthful meals (see my post on "Practical Considerations"), and replace the lengthy, frantic exercise periods with time in His presence. He will never fail you, nor let you go!

Your sister in Christ,

Marie

Low "Self Esteem" Does Not Cause Bulimia

I am truly weary of the secular humanist "self-help" stripe of literature that discusses eating disorders in somber, condescending tones akin to the panic over the H1N1 virus outbreak. According to contemporary "wisdom" of self-proclaimed "experts" in the field, low self esteem (not thinking highly enough of oneself) is at the root of bulimia, and the poor victims of this terrible "disease" need to learn to accept and like themselves more if ever they are to "recover".

That's a load of baloney, plain and simple.

The problem is, as I've written before, we who have been down the road of disordered eating think too much of ourselves. It is pride that drives one to long for attention, not necessarily the negative attention that results from the addiction itself - but more likely, admiring glances for being the thinnest. Ah yes; seeking the approval of man (or other women) is a sure snare of pride.

Let me say it a little louder this time: EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT CAUSED BY "LOW SELF-ESTEEM". They are caused by a multitude of sinful attitudes which become a meditation and cause weight and food to become idols of the heart. When our minds are not set on things above (Gods priorities), we are rebelling in one way or another. Bulimic behavior (gluttony), or any other self-destructive activity, is in fact rebellion against God (in Whose image we were made).

Fixation on oneself (for whatever reason) is not healthy, nor is a sign of "low self-esteem". The Word of God commands us, "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." (Phil. 2:3-4; emphasis mine).

Nothing in there about self-esteem; only a command to put others and their needs first.

Some have tried to claim that Jesus' command to love others "as you do yourselves" in Matthew 22:39 tells us to love ourselves, but in doing so they miss the whole point of the passage. Jesus is presupposing that we already, by nature and instinct, have a self-centered worldview and are less concerned with others than we are ourselves; God's Law of love demands just the opposite. This is emphasized again by Paul in Romans 12:10: "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves," and his prophetic statement to Timothy about the last days: "People will be lovers of themselves" (2 Timothy 3:2).

God loves us, and in turn expects our full devotion - first to Himself, then to other people. All of our needs have been met by Him in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). "Self-esteem", or holding a high opinion of oneself, is a trap of the devil that can actually keep us more deeply enslaved to our flesh-pleasing sin (including addiction). Only by recognizing our true, helpless and sinful state can we ever hope to be free. This realization is what drives us to our knees to fall on the mercy of the Savior.

All sin is, in one way or another, rooted in pride. Seeking to be our own master, to live as pleases us, to take refuge in some illicit pleasure - all are ways we put ourselves and our own desires before God. Whether the battle is with an eating disorder or some other stronghold of sin in our lives, what we need is a higher view of God and thus more "Christ esteem", certainly not more "self esteem".

Esteeming ourselves more highly than we ought is what got us into this mess in the first place! (Romans 12:3; Psalm 107:17).

On Second Thought....

Last week, I posted a rather hard-hitting entry about the proliferation of eating disorders in Eastern Europe (Serbia in particular) and speculated on what the reason for that may be. Quite honestly, I was writing off the cuff after stumbling across a Serbian Facebook fan page glorifying the behavior (which now has well over 300 members) and based on my own cultural observations living in the Balkans. Somehow, my post wound up on Twitter, which is really strange as I don't "Tweet". In any event, I was really quite shocked given that eating disorders were completely unknown in Eastern Europe just over a decade ago.

However, yesterday I have begun a very edifying correspondence with a young woman from Serbia, and I have decided to remove the original post. She and I have been discussing the sociological factors (such as commercialism) which lead to idolatry. While my original article certainly wasn't inflammatory, it could have offended any Slavs who were reading by making them think I was unfairly singling them out. The more I reflect, the more obvious it seems that the mind-set that glorifies addictions is the same inner working that causes all sin.

Which, last I checked, is a scourge common to all of humanity.

Whenever we seek to fill an inner void, whatever means we pursue to stoke our own pride, however we attempt to satisfy a legitimate pleasure by illegitimate means, we are sinning. An idol is anything we want badly enough that we are willing to sin in order to obtain it. For the anorexic or bulimic, food has become an idol. (Often, this addiction goes hand in hand with the misuse of alcohol). These snares that so easily entangle us can all be broken by faith and surrender to the One Who made us: Jesus Christ. It goes without saying that He is as active in the lives of His children in Eastern Europe as He is in North America, South Africa, or anywhere else on the globe. A time is coming when every nation will bow at His throne and every tongue will indeed confess Him as Lord, but until then, it is up to us to spread the message of His love and redemption. He is infinitely patient and indescribably gentle with those who seek Him, and will heal you in the deepest places as you daily grow in Him.

There is certainly no shortage of online "pro ana" and "pro mia" sites here in the United States, although broadly speaking EDs have received more negative publicity for a longer period of time than they have abroad. Perhaps in response to the relative "novelty" of this particular addictive sin, it is currently more "trendy" in some corners of the globe. In many ways, rebellion of certain types is more subtle or understated in varying areas, but that does not mean that the underlying problem (the sinfulness of our hearts) is any less.

For example, last summer I was back in Bulgaria and struck by the extreme, over-sexualized media culture. All along the roads, even in the most rural areas, billboards of nearly naked women in provocative poses were used to sell everything from pizza to latex paint. Newspapers feature full-frontal nudity. AS soon as we drove across the border into Greece, the soft-porn ads stopped - on the surface, the cultuural mindset seemed much more conservative and similar to here in the United States. However, it would be naiive (and inaccurate) to assume that the Greeks are "holier" or less of sinners than the Bulgarians. The Bible says that "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23; emphasis mine) and "All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one." (Psalm 14:3). The entire course of Scripture upholds the fact that we, as fallen humanity, are all in the same boat - and the solution is one and the same. God offers His repentance freely to all.

Whether our sin is adultery, stealing, fornication, bulimia, cutting, lying, or whatever, God wants us to know that He is holding His hands open all day long to us even in our stubbornness and rebellion (Isaiah 65:2).

Which way will you go?

Counterfeit Satisfaction - "Lusts of the Flesh"

"There’s no need to be captive for the rest of your life, if God would so move. Be hopeful and lean on him for help."

So writes David Mathis on Sovereign Grace's "Desiring God" blog. In context, he is speaking to those struggling with sexual sin, but the principle still holds for those Christians caught in the addictive cycle of eating disorders.

We fall prey to addictions because they seem to offer reward. There is some payback; some promise of instant gratification. Moreover, the specific addiction satisfies some particular lust in a way nothing else will. In "Deceptive Diagnosis: When Sin is Called Sickness", David Tyler and Kurt Grady note:

"The hook...is that the behavior gives people a gratifying sensation they are not able to get any other way. The sensation is the payoff that keeps people coming back. It helps them forget their pain and discomfort. It distracts them from the overwhelming problems and difficulties of life and helps them to feel better."

Of course, those of us who have spent any time in the pit of food addictions know how fleeting that "high" is. The Bible calls the insatiable cravings "lusts of the flesh" and repeatedly warns of their dangers. In succinct terms, the solution is summed up by Paul in Romans 8:5: "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires."

Repeatedly both he and Peter admonish Christ-followers to stop pursuing carnal lifestyles and uncontrollable desires and to live lives worthy of their calling. To have the mind of Christ. To be alert and self-controlled.

How can we do that when it's difficult to see past the next binge we are already planning in the back of our minds? When we can't even keep up our end of a conversation without thinking about food, let alone meditate on Scripture?

First, the bad news: anorexia and bulimia are sins. At some point, we willfully chose this behavior, and we put ourselves in bondage by "offering the members of our bodies to sin" (Romans 6:13). Which leads us to the good news: God's already offered us the solution. Christ died for this sin, too. Many who have received secular counsel have been taught that they cannot "recover" from eating disorders without intensive therapy, but this is a logical fallacy. Why would God offer us solution to the sin problem - repentance - if we were unable to implement it? Would He hold us responsible for a condition we were hopeless to change?

The fact is, in ourselves we are hopeless to change our sin condition. Christ has already done it for us - if you have been born again by His Spirit, you are positionally justified before God. However, that's only half the story. By dying for you on the Cross and being raised again, He secured your victory over bulimia and every other addiction. The key is in your identity - as a child of God, sin holds no power over you. If you are in Christ, you are a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). This is a present reality.

It may not seem like a concrete reality when your next craving hits. When you can't see past the vending machine, remember Whose you are. The instant gratification of a binge is a counterfeit of Satan. No "lust of the flesh" can truly satisfy as a vital relationship with the Living God can. It is on this unalterable truth that your hope stands. The first step in turning away from this sin in learning to hate it. Do you truly desire to be done with bulimia, and learn to use food in an appropriate, God-honoring way? He will help you and keep you from falling.

In the next post, we will discuss what it means to humble yourself before God and the difference between regret, remorse and biblical repentance.

Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness | CCEF

Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness | CCEF

Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness

by Edward Welch

In this article, Ed Welch describes how easy it is, in a weight-conscious world that also uses food for comfort, to take the small steps that lead to a full blown eating disorder. He gives a road map for dealing with this difficult problem that includes understanding the thoughts and emotions that trigger destructive eating habits and then encouraging those who struggle with food addictions to take the big step of trusting God, instead of food rules and rituals.

Do you ever wish that you could just forget about food? What started as an innocent diet has turned into a monster. You eat too little. You eat too much. You restrict. You binge. It's getting harder to cover up what you are doing. At first you tried exercise, then vomiting, then laxatives. Maybe you tried cutting too. Who would have thought that food—or the fear of it—would become the center of your life? Heroin, cocaine, and other street drugs lead to addictions. But food?

But for you food is no longer . . . just food.

You know, of course, that you are not alone; many people struggle with eating disorders. It's easy to see why. Advertisers sell their products using only one slim body type; movies show impossibly thin, surgically-enhanced heroes and heroines; high-profile athletes have body fat percentages that can only be maintained with round-the-clock workouts; food is everywhere; and more than half the U.S. is on a diet. In some countries food is nutrition. Here food is nutrition, but it also means beauty, control, comfort, guilt, shame, love, and loathing.

FOOD PROBLEMS START SMALL

You began life with normal eating habits: you ate when you were hungry and didn't eat when you were full. But in a weight-conscious world, where food is used for comfort, you take small steps and “normal” gradually disappears. You want to be thin, so you become more serious about dieting. You like how food makes you feel, so you overeat and binge. Those who are close to you start noticing that food is becoming your obsession. You don't see it because your obsession has tricked you into thinking you are doing better than ever. But the truth is that your struggles with food have gained momentum, and you have become anorexic, bulimic, or both.

WHAT IS ANOREXIA?

Anorexia is all about not eating. It is an all consuming fear of fat that leads you to starve yourself. Your fear might also lead you to try constant exercising, vomiting, and/or taking laxatives. What happens when these things don't make you feel any better? Your next step might be another form of self-punishment such as cutting. When others try to help you, it's easy for you to make them into your enemy. You don't want anyone standing between you and what you believe you need.

WHAT IS BULIMIA?

Bulimia is all about overeating. A lot of food eaten secretly and rapidly is its trademark. In contrast to anorexia's control, bulimia is impulsive and out-of-control. Anorexia wants control, and seems to invite pain. Bulimia feels out-of-control, and wants comfort and relief. The two seem like complete opposites, but eventually, as your struggles with eating continue, they might look almost the same (See Figure 1). If you start as an anorexic, sooner or later you might use the same weight loss strategies as someone with bulimia. If you are bulimic, you might also use the anorexic devices of self-punishment and food restriction to make up for a binge.

Figure 1: A Map of Food-related problems

HOW DID YOU GET STUCK?

How did you get into this cycle? Most people enter this cycle as a way of dealing with troubling, unwanted feelings—anger, pain, loneliness, guilt, self-loathing, and so on (see Figure 2). Without knowing what to do with your emotions, you starve them by restricting food or comfort them by binging on food. You might feel a little better temporarily, but at some point you have to eat again, or purge what you have eaten. So you break one of your many food laws. Then you feel horrible again. So you punish yourself by starving your feelings or soothing them with food, and the cycle continues. Like a hamster on a rotating wheel, you keep running, even though you aren't getting anywhere. You have a sense that there is no way out, but you distract yourself by binging, purging, or restricting. If you stop running, the hopelessness catches up to you, so you keep going, afraid to stop and afraid to think about the future. Without noticing how it happened, you've become a slave to your own food rules.

Figure 2: A Typical Enslaving Cycle for Anorexia and Bulimia

BREAKING FREE

If this comes close to describing your life, don't let hopelessness win. There is a way to break out of this cycle. It starts with you being open to the possibility that deep-down your problem is spiritual. Listen to the voices of two people who struggle with eating problems:

“Success through dieting was the key to my salvation. Success meant a perfect career, perfect control over my life, all of which depended on a perfect me, which depended on me living inside a perfect body.”

“Eating is one area of my life that no one can reach, not even God.”

Doesn't it sound as if they're describing a religion? They have laws, rituals, sacrifice, penance, idols of comfort, idols of control, and the hope of salvation. The difference is that God is not in it. This is a lifestyle that tries to manage life apart from God. Take a moment and think about what your own food rules and rituals are. How are you using your “food rules” to manage your life?

Your problem isn't new. The apostle Paul, in the book of Galatians, talks about how we are always trying to construct our own religion. When Galatians was written, people were trying to use circumcision as a way to make themselves acceptable to God, now we use different rituals, but it all comes down to the same thing—we believe we can be made right by something we do.

You might not be thinking about God at all, but deep inside you there is a desire to be “right” and “acceptable.” It's easy to substitute yourself or other people as the final judge of what it means to be right. Instead of trusting in God, you trust in yourself and in your system of food laws to make you right.

If you are thinking about God at all, you probably believe that you have to become a better person before you can have a relationship with him. You're hoping that your own laws will show you the way. Meanwhile, you are constructing a world that has no room for God. Your food rules are actually keeping God away from you. The apostle Paul explains how this works in the book of Galatians. At first glance, it might seem to you that Paul isn't talking about your struggle at all. But, as you read, replace “circumcision” and “the law” with your food rules and rituals, and you will see that he is talking about you and your struggle with food.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised [follow food rules and rituals], Christ will be of no value to you at all. Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised [follow food rules and rituals] that he is obligated to obey the whole law [every food rule perfectly, never any mistakes, never any failures]. You who are trying to be justified [made right] by law [your own food rules] have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision [neither eating too much, nor eating too little] has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. (Galatians 5:1–6)

There is a way out: “by faith,” “through the Spirit,” and “faith working through love.” It is not rule keeping that saves you; it is your faith in Jesus that makes you clean, holy, and right (Romans 1:17; 8:1).

Sound easy? It is. It's rest rather than work. It's trust in Another rather than independence. But, as you probably know, trust might be the last thing you want to do. Your quest for independence is one reason you dabbled in eating problems. You know that trust means giving up your own religion where food is at the center, and you are not likely to give that up easily. The only way you could trust God is to be absolutely certain that he is trustworthy. And he is.

How do you know that? Find out for yourself by looking at what God did when he came to earth as a man. Pick up a Bible, and read a little bit every day from the book of John. Underline everything you read that shows you how trustworthy Jesus is. Notice especially how he treated people; think about why he died, and what his resurrection means for you. Jesus gave up his life for you. You can trust him with your life today. You can give up your food rules and follow him. You can, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

* * * * *

This article is adapted from the first half of the booklet, Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness, copyright © 2008 by Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. Used by permission of New Growth Press and may not be downloaded and/or reproduced without prior written permission of New Growth Press.

The complete booklet, Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness, including the section “Practical Strategies for Change” may be purchased from New Growth Press at www.newgrowthpress.com (or just click the linked title above).

Edward Welch is a counselor and faculty member at CCEF and holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology with a neuro-psychology specialty from the University of Utah as well as a Master of Divinity degree from Biblical Theological Seminary. Ed has been counseling for over twenty-six years and has written many books and articles on biblical counseling, including the best selling titles: When People are Big and God is Small, Addictions: a Banquet in the Grave, Blame it on the Brain, Depression, Running Scared: Fear, Worry and the God of Rest and his newest release, a curriculum entitled Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction. His written work and speaking ministry, which is characterized by sound biblical exposition and paired with dynamic practical application, is in great demand by today's modern church. Ed and his wife, Sheri, have two married daughters and two grandchildren. In his spare time, Ed enjoys hanging out with his wife, is the glad owner of a growing guitar collection and competes in the Master's swim event where he placed fourth in the country. Areas of interest/experience: depression and addictions.

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Living Up to What We've Already Attained

Six years ago, I walked out of a church where I had gone for confidential intercessory prayer. You see, I had been bulimic for more years than I had professed Christ, and I'd been both a Christian and a compulsive binge-purger for over a decade at that point.

I had decided to fully repent of this sinful addiction no matter what it took several months prior to this particular day.

It was hard. Very hard, as you probably know if you are reading this site. I gave up a lot. I would go for a week or two without a binge, then suddenly, inexplicably, snap - consuming vast amounts of pre-packaged junk food for no apparent reason, only to vomit it away immediately.

The cycle followed a predictable pattern -- numbness would precede crushing devastation. As my blood sugar plummeted, my hope of living without round-the-clock food obsession did as well. I would be depressed for days, even weeks following a purge; wondering if I could really be saved if I were still a "slave to sin", as Paul so succinctly put it.

I wanted out. I wanted Jesus more than the addiction.

(Addictions, by the way, are sins; just in case you've never been told that before. Sometimes Christian counselors forget to mention that little detail, or they relabel them "issues" or "diseases". S'okay. Jesus loves them anyway.)

So I started praying. A lot. And repenting. Several times a day. Falling down. Getting back up. Wondering if I'd ever be "recovered" without counseling. (Hint: one of God's titles is "Wonderful Counselor". Another is the "Great Physician". He came through on both counts.)

I finally found the courage to go for anonymous prayer, realizing that bulimia is a spiritual disorder first and foremost. The prayer team, a small group of very compassionate women, pleaded with God to break the addiction, to enable me to turn to Him instead of the "drug" of food, and even to re-wire the chemicals in my brain. Fourteen years after praying a Sinners Prayer, I needed to get to know God so that I could trust Him. I had never considered what the implications of being His daughter really were before.

As I walked out to the parking lot that fall morning, I felt peace for the first time in......I dunno how long. I felt hope, real hope, that things were going to be different. Immediately, I sensed the following whispered to my heart: "Live up to what you've already attained." At the time, I didn't even know where that was in the Bible (I finally found it - Philippians 3:16).

Five months later, I was completely victorious over this sin in my life. I overcame food abuse through Christ's power, not on my own. (After all, that worked so well for the first 16 years of my eating disorder). As I took thoughts and temptations captive to make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5), He replaced them with God-honoring ones. Never have I relapsed. I am a new creation, and the same is available to every child of God.

I am in the process, God willing, of "living up to what I've already attained". More accurately, Christ has attained it for me. How can I desire to do any less, than to spend my life serving Him, and coaxing His other daughters back from the edge of the pit?

Several months ago, I completed a 17-chapter manuscript entitled "Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the Bondage of Eating Disorders". I am in the process of seeking an agent in order to get published, which, as I am essentially A Nobody of Any Importance, may be quite an adventure. If all else fails, I will self-publish and you can all download the e-book for free. I wrote the book to help other Christian women understand how they can walk away from eating disorders in Christ's power, no matter how long they've been in the pit. God doesn't charge by the hour, and His Book truly does contain all the answers we need.

This blog will explore this journey in more detail. Welcome, pull up a seat, and bring your Bible. I have been counseling women at no charge by e-mail for several years, so feel free to contact me (e-mail is on my profile page).

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." - 2 Cor. 1:3-4