Encouraging Letter from Reader

One of the most encouraging parts of being a Christian writer is the e-mails I receive from all over the world, telling me that something I've written or said has been helpful to someone. The following came last week from an American living in Spain, who struggles with an eating disorder

".....I hate my struggles, but know it is a necessary thing. Paul had his thorns in the flesh so that in his weakness The Lord would be glorified. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (II Corinthians 12:9 NKJV)

I just still am trying to get to the point of boasting in my infirmities and relying on Christ more. And I do see that the food is an idol in my life and that is the main problem, so I just have to put that idol where it belongs (in the trash) and draw near to The Lord. These things easier said than done.

You showed me the book and I bought it, already in Chapter three and loving it. It is such an insight and a help. I have been making sure that when I wake up, the first thing in my morning is 5 minutes with The Lord instead of 5 minutes with my food. And then when I struggle, I am taking your advice, walking away from the kitchen and talking with God, praying, reading and knowing that he has been through what I am going through and through Him I can overcome.

Of course, I am only a few days in, and the road isn't going to get any easier, but I thank you for your encouragement and your help. I will keep you posted on the progress (not because you necessarily want to know, but because I want you to know the impact that you are having on other's lives.)

Keep throwing and planting your seeds in the lives of others and working for His kingdom.
His beloved,
[Name removed]"

A Testimonial: How Biblical Counseling Helped a Woman Struggling with Bulimia (Courtesy of the Biblical Counseling Coalition)

Folks,

From the very beginning, my blog has served as a platform to share hope: specifically, hope that one can be fully and irrevocably free from eating disorders, through the Lord Jesus Christ. It was through His grace and power that I myself was set free from bulimia back in 2003, and my book, "Redeemed from the Pit", lays out the process of repentance. I have shared the testimonies of others before here on this blog, as well as posted articles about biblical counseling (and how it differs from psychology-based counseling). This summer, the BBC blog  published an anonymous testimony from a woman who had been greatly helped by biblical counseling and also overcame her bondage to bulimia. I find her story very inspiring, as well as informative. Women like her are the reason I pursued certification as a biblical counselor, and now have the privilege of opening the Scriptures to them in the counseling office.

If you are struggling with anorexia, bulimia, or any food-related bondage, please read her story prayerfully. Be encouraged that with God, all things are possible.....and Christ's words as recorded in Matthew, "I am willing. Be clean!" are as applicable to you and me as they were to that first century leper.

Here is her story....

An All-Consuming Desire

Sin takes you further than you want to go and keeps you longer than you want to stay. At the age of fourteen, my desire for approval and affirmation manifested itself in the beginning of an eight-and-a-half-year battle with bulimia. The desire to lose weight became the driving force of my life as I was willing to go to any lengths to get it.

My heart’s desires were evident in my behaviors. Binging and purging, counting calories, obsessing about my size and weight were all outward manifestations of a heart that was insecure, fearful of others, and longed for comfort from life’s circumstances. My security, confidence, and surety as a person waivered. When I was fearful of others’ opinions or desired to gain their approval by a “thinner” appearance, I would flee to binging and purging. When the circumstances of life brought pressure, heartache, and pain, binging and purging became my comfort.

Read the rest of her testimony here at the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog. To God be all the glory!

Note from a Reader

Marie,

Thanks so much for responding to my email. I reached out to you at a point when I was feeling very low -- finally, after so many years, I thought that my life of idolatry to food was over, then I had a relapse and was very dismayed. At that moment of temptation I failed to use the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word to fight my battle - and I failed! Kind of funny to think that I could depend upon my strength!

Please know that your book was a great blessing to me, I also read Banquet in the Grave and Made to Crave -- praise God, I know that I am healed and redeemed from this pit. God has truly changed me and I am so grateful to you for sharing your struggle with other women.

Amazing, now that the chains of addiction are broken, I truly feel that I can love the Lord and share his grace with others.
My path of destruction began when I was 18, and did not end until recently, age 51. This is probably a record!

Have a very blessed and Happy Easter. He is risen, we are forgiven!!!!

In Christ,
"P"

Testimony from a Soul Set Free by Christ

Dear readers: following is the story of a young woman who was granted repentance from her eating disorder. After putting her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, she was able - in His strength - to walk away from the deadly snare of bulimia. She was just baptized this past Sunday. To God be the glory! Visit her blog at: http://sweetlybrokenblog.blogspot.com/

On November 15, 2007 I found myself alone in my room contemplating the unimaginable. After a 12-year battle with bulimia and anorexia, I was left defeated and hopeless. I was done living my life prisoner to an eating disorder and wanted to end it all. As I held a bottle of pills in my hand, I thought for sure this was the answer to my pain. I would just go into nothingness, I thought. I didn't believe in God at that time. After all, if there was a God why would He let me suffer so much?

Any time I denied God I would recall my "Divine Intervention." My eating disorder started when I was 16. At 24, I decided I needed help. Still living at home with my parents, they never knew about my problem and I knew I needed to tell them. I sat on the couch with my confession on the tip of my tongue, but the words wouldn't come. I tried several nights in a row. I had lost my voice.

Finally, after another failed attempt, I went down to my room, fell on my knees and cried out to God. "God, I need your help! I can't tell them on my own. You've seen my try. Please show them. I'll even leave a book out on eating disorders for them to find."

I never did get that book out of my closet, but God heard me.

The next day my mom confronted me. She asked me if I had an eating disorder. Shocked, I told her I did and asked how she knew.

My mom was doing laundry when she heard a crash in my room. She went in to see what it was and found that the rod in my closet had collapsed. She decided to fix it and started pulling clothes, shoes, and books out of my closet. She found the book, the very one I told God I'd leave out!

God answered my prayer with no help from me.

I did get into therapy, but it didn't help. Each year I grew sicker and farther away from God.

But, despite my resistance to God, I believe he had his hand on my all along. I see this in some of the dangerous things I did, like abusing my thyroid meds to lose weight. I did it for so long I ended up with an irregular heartbeat. Doctors told me I was a heart attack waiting to happen. This still didn't stop me.

I imagine God holding my heart in the palm of his hand during those difficult times. He wouldn't let me go.

So, on that day I held the bottle of pills and considered ending my life, those memories made me wonder about God.

I thought of my friend Michelle, who years earlier told me with confidence that if she died right then she'd go to heaven. I knew Jesus had changed her life. I saw it. I wondered how and why?

A spark of divine curiosity entered my soul. A wonder to know God and a desire to seek Him.

I put down the pills, told my husband, and ended up spending 4 months in different hospitals and programs. During that time I chased after God, in all the wrong places at first-like Buddhism and (the Oprah-endorsed) "The Secret." Although those things made me feel a little better, they didn't change me. I could never get a handle on the eating disorder.

So one day in March 2008, while watching a movie on Buddha, my thoughts kept going to Jesus. I remember thinking "OK God, I want to change completely. I'm done living my life like this. I'll give this Jesus guy a try." I was truly genuine when I said it and an indescribable, perfect peace washed over me. I was also filled with a huge desire to know Jesus and I read the Bible (and understood it for the first time!) and read anything Christian I could find.

God needed me to surrender 100% to Him. I believe that is why I needed to be so badly broken. I couldn't have been freed from my eating disorder without Christ. I know this because I tried everything-therapy, meds, groups, programs, hospitals. But the moment I accepted Christ my life did a 180. I had freedom.

What my life is like today.

It's hard for me to even recognize the person I just told you about. My life is so different today! I once abused food as a way to cope with the world, now I use God to help me cope! I love learning about Christ and being in God's word. I cherish being among a body believers at CCC. God has blessed me with this church! God has also blessed me with my wonderful husband and a happy 9 mo old baby boy!

I just want to thank God for saving me! There is no place too deep or too dark that God can't reach! Thank you to everyone at Tues night bible study for helping me to continue to grow. Thanks to my husband for sticking by me; my parents and family/friends for always listening. Thanks to my in-law for being godly examples. And thank you Michelle, for boldly sharing the gospel with me.

*read at my baptism on 7.10.2011

Guest Post: Stephanie's Transformation - Free in Christ from Anorexia

This week, I am writing the theology section of the NANC exam and don't have a lot of extra time to blog. However, there are several amazing stories in my inbox which I would like to share with you. One young woman has recently come to Christ, repenting of her addictions and just beginning her Christian walk. Another is beginning to make strides in seeing her food obsession as sin, and wrote to thank me for my counsel and encouragement. Stephanie, (below) is sharing what Christ has done and continues to do in her life. Stephanie used to be enslaved to anorexia. Thanks to God's loving-kindness and patience, she was able to be transformed in her mind and spirit and now lives for God. With the help of the loving nouthetic counselors God brought into her life at Vision of Hope (a NANC-affiliated biblical counseling center in Indiana), she is now free and is able to use her testimony of God's faithfulness to encourage others. I hope her story blesses you.
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My name is Stephanie. I am twenty-nine years old and I struggled with anorexia form the age of twelve until about two years ago. I struggled growing up, trying to fit in as part of a small community where most people strove to look perfect, thin, and to “have it all together.“ I also believe the anorexia was affected by abuse I’d suffered in the past.

I don’t want to go into any details about my particular eating disordered behaviors except to say that they completely dominated my existence. I had no time, energy, or love for anything or anyone else. My life was me, me, me. Starving and losing weight was my way of life. If the scale read a low number, or I could fit into a certain size of jeans, it meant I was okay, I was accepted, and I was safe. It meant that I could control my life and keep myself from getting hurt in any way. Of course, I had to isolate myself so much in the lies I was living that by the time I was full-blown into the eating disorder, I had no true friends. I was hospitalized several times and told, “Stephanie, you may as well get used to dealing with this--anorexia is a lifelong struggle, something you’ll never fully overcome.” Even my Christian friends would tell me that.

What a hopeless way to think! I knew there had to be a better way, and I knew I needed to find the truth about all of this. I was blessed to have some amazing Christian women come alongside me and help me search the Scriptures for truth that was lasting truth--God’s truth.

I’d believed in Jesus for a long time…I did grow up in a church, but I didn’t fully understand God or God’s character…..I didn’t KNOW him as my Savior, my Provider, my Protector, and someone who LOVED me more than I could ever understand. I saw God as just having another set of rules I could never perfectly follow.

What I’m learning now is this: My life is not just mine to live. I have a purpose--and it is to glory God and enjoy Him forever! I have a Savior who has done what all those doctors told me could never be done--He set me free from anorexia and showed me a new way to live. He loves me SO much--way too much to let me stay far from Him and in a life consumed with lies. I can choose to obey what my sinful mind tells me is okay….I can skip this meal…..or lie about that one…..OR I can choose to follow God’s Word, which tells me, “Do you not know that your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).”

Do you get that? God bought you with a price! You are of value to Him. You are worth too much to Him for Him to let you continue in a sin that could ultimately destroy your body, your mind, and your relationships with God and others.

God also wants me to love and serve others, even those who have hurt me (Luke 6:27-36). I cannot truly and fully love others if I am spending all my time obsessing about food, my weight, and looking a certain way. And I certainly cannot really love others and serve them when my body is broken down and unhealthy.

I realized that the main lie in the middle of my anorexia was that it would keep me safe. Safe physically, safe from disapproval, safe from abuse. And lies, they are! The eating disorder did not keep me safe from any of these things. In fact, it put my life in danger. It gave me more anxiety. It alienated me from everyone around me. And it kept me from serving the Lord with my whole heart. I was too busy serving myself, though I didn’t see it that way at that time. I was living in life-dominating sin.

God is slowly teaching me more and more about who He is, and I’m realizing that I want to love and obey Him--and not like a “set of rules I have to follow perfectly“--but obedience out of a heart that loves Him and values Him more than anything else in this temporary life.

I am purposefully studying God’s character--His love, His goodness, His sovereignty. I want to be able to obey him in all areas of my life--not just in the way I care for the body He’s given me, but the way I reach out to love and serve others, and the way I live every minute of my life.

If you’re struggling with any kind of eating disorder, please remember these things. God is good. He is merciful. He is love. He stands ready to help you through this. And it is not a life sentence. There is TRUE FREEDOM from eating disorders.

My Article in "Christeenianity Magazine"

This month's issue of "Christeenianity" magazine features the original testimony I wrote in 2004, after God granted me repentance and completely freed me from eating disordered behavior and thoughts. They also included a nice plug for my upcoming book, "Redeemed from the Pit", and the glowing endorsement Olympic gold medalist Laura Wilkinson wrote about it. You can check it out here (go under Magazine tab on the right; the June issue on the drop-down menu is dedicated completely to eating disorders).

It's refreshing to see a Christian publication covering the subject from a biblical perspective. The issue features testimonies from former ED suffererers (like mine and Stephanie's - see p. 28,) proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that complete transformation from this life-sucking pattern is truly possible in Christ!

Free of Bulimia and Giving God the Glory! (Video testimony)

This is a 2-part testimony a young Christian lady, Bethany, posted on Youtube. Bulimic for 5-6 years, she courageously tells her story and unabashedly credits Christ for breaking the chains of that addiction. Please listen to her story (and give grace - she's nervous).

Interesting point of note: at about the halfway mark, she mentions the first time she broke her diet to purge - she got the idea from a TV show calling attention to bulimia. I "got the idea" from an article in Young Miss Magazine, an autobiography written by a former runner entitled "Alive Again". This was in 1982, long before bulimia became a household word - and I was 11 years old.

I have often wondered what would have happened if I had never seen that article.

Lately I have been thinking that the media attention focused on bulimia, cutting, and similar behaviors actually exacerbates the problem - it plants ideas in young people's heads that they might otherwise never have conceived. (Cutting has become quite trendy among the middle school crowd...I doubt that without the media's "help", that fashion would exist). This may be the topic of a future blog post, but for now, rejoice with Bethany in her Savior!

Part 2:

Does God Use Our Failure?

You bet He does. As the Steven Curtis Chapman song goes,

"You took the hopeless, the life, wasted, ruined and marred
And made it new ....You redeem and You transform,
You renew and You restore
You make all things new!"

This morning I received a testimony from a sister in the Lord who is struggling both with her eating disorder and with believing she still has value to the Lord. Interestingly, she touched on an issue that has real and lingering effects on how we see God when we've failed: her relationship with her earthly father.

With her permission, I am posting an excerpt from her letter to me, as I believe it will edify other readers who struggle with the same feelings. The book she references, pictured above, is a slim volume Gospel for Asia's president K.P. Yohannan wrote (the ministry often sends me freebies, which I love to pass on to those who may benefit). Of course, "When We Have Failed - What Next?" is not specific to eating disorders, but discusses the intense feelings of self-condemnation we all experience when we "disappoint" God in any way. Yohannan counters these instincts by presenting the biblical model - how God gently forgives, redeems and restores His children when they fall. The book can be downloaded for free at Gospel for Asia's ministry website, along with the other books in the "Journey with Jesus" series.

"I can't remember when I first began believing that I was garbage. I was young. I think I never understood what redemption and forgiveness was really like. When I dissapointed my Dad especially with sin, I could never figure out when his anger ceased. I once read that many girls develop their notion of what God is like,(wether right or wrong), through their relationships with their fathers and the examples they set. It made sense to me. I love my father and he is a good man but he was human and not without flaw. It was not his intention to do so, but his words, "I don't know when I'll ever be able to trust you again.", left a mark on me as deep as a whip would have. "I am not to be trusted.", were words that were etched into the foundation of my growing being. His inability to visably show love toward me from the first signs that I'd hit puberty and was pining after a boy (even though he was from church), never feeling I pleased him or made him proud until I got married (at 20) and showed him I could be a good wife and a loving mother, may have been a catalyst in whatever warped my relationship with God. I thought my father's face was a reflection of His. I thought He must feel the same way about me as my earthly father. " I must prove myself to God to re-gain his love and countenance.", were more words that resounded in me, Whenever I failed, I wanted to hide until I was strong enough (in what? I don't know) to get it right again and face God. My father rarely looked me in the eye while I was an adolecent, so I actually envisioned God with his face turned away from me in disgust, back then , and even more intensely, later when I first began to battle post pardom depression with my second child. This wrong perception of God carried on with the torrent of unhealthy coping mechanisms I learned and used (unsuccessfully) to try to replace my pain and despair over not being able to be a happy mother.

I know it must have pained God to know I thought he'd be so cruel, as to turn his back on me when I needed him most. I've realized this as my relationship with him renewed over the years, through my rises and falls but there is still a part of me that automatially feels the old lie when I fail. But I know that I'll never be good enough and I DON'T HAVE TO BE. This book helped remind me of that and how I need to throw the old vision away.

I want to keep letting him take hold of and fix all my twisted, broken parts....especially my ED. I have been struggling in vain to rise out of this all time low wt. for some time now but since I'm not ill or much under my BMI, I keep letting the deciever convince me that I am fine. I know I'm not and that I am chosing to remain in this sinful sickness.

I feel ready and strong today. Tomorrow I may feel weak and afraid but I will try to let him fill me with His strength and resolve over and over. I know i will probably make some mistakes, but I do believe that I will finally be fully delivered. I surrender all. I will recommitt myself and keep giving over my will as many times as it takes if I fail. I will no longer insult God by considering myself to be rubbish and treating my body and mind as such.

I remember the love I saw in my father's eyes as a child when he'd wake me from a nightmare and read the Bible to me till I could go to sleep. I felt his love. Llikewise, I remember as a child, knowing that I was special and unique to God and that for Him, no one could replace me. There was nobody like me. One day, (I think I was 5), I stood in my front yard, yelling up to the clouds, "Jesus!", over and over, unabashedly, gleefully wondering if He'd reply. The fact that I barely remember any of my childhood, but that those 2 beautiful memories, remain vivid, makes me feel that in his timlessness, He did answer me that day. I'm just now hearing Him 27 years later, "Remember how you you knew my love for you as a child. You knew me then and I have not changed. I'm still watching you shout to me and waiting for you to start calling my name again unashamed, with the innocence that I have bestowed on you with the shedding of my blood. You are still my child. If you've ever dissapointed me, I don't remember it. I have you now." . That's what I feel him telling me now and I am weeping with warmth and a bit of sadness at all the wasted years "that the locusts have eaten.", but I am not really sad. I know "He will restore..." He has called for me by name.

Now I am excited to see what he can make of me. I hope that someday, I am strong and steady enough in my recovery/repentance of all my addictions, that I can help others suffering in some way too. I never feel more blessed than when I have shared my savior with another. Believe it or not, I have managed to witness in my life, (even if I didn't always have it all staight) between my falls. Thank you for allowing God to use you as a vessel of help and hope for us that are still in the depths of, or trying to find our way out of the pit."

Thank you for sharing your heart, sister. I believe others will also be able to learn and grow from your insights - we're all here to support and encourage one another.

Looking Towards the Great Physician

Without a doubt, the most exciting and gratifying part of counseling is the moment when a woman finds true freedom. Often, I have found that pouring months and months and tens of thousands of words into another's life will yield no discernible fruit; other times, the most severe case will result in such complete brokenness that surrender becomes victory. Things are upside down in God's economy - as Beth Moore says, "In the Kingdom, the way up is down."

In the past few months, three of the young women I have counseled have written me excitedly sharing testimonies of deliverance. As they have found, there are no shortcuts or magic bullets - but a sincere desire and commitment to leave their chains of bulimia behind has resulted in restorations they would never have dreamed possible.

I, personally, am grateful that God allowed me to witness their transformed lives, as I really had nothing to do with it. He let me be the messenger of His love and redemption, and He was their Wonderful Counselor.

No testimony of deliverance could be more powerful than the one that came from a British woman I had counseled briefly last week. This was in my inbox:

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and ALL that is within me BLESS His HOLY name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not ALL His benefits. Who forgives ALL your iniquities, who heals ALL your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit. Who crowns you with STEADFAST Love and Mercy" (Psalm 103)
((((MARIE))))
Thank you for your e-mail. Oh, what a FAITHFUL God we serve - I am so grateful for your prayers and encouragement - now I am able to write to you with news of AMAZING breakthrough, cleansing and freedom - the GLORY all going to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He truely has redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with steadfast love and mercy. By His Grace I am back in a place of TOTAL SURRENDER to Him, safe in the arms of His beautiful and gentle Love, drinking from the living WATER that springs up to ETERNAL LIFE.

One day I will stop and read [my book] through completely. I am so thankful that you have written that book. It will help many people to recognise that repentance is needed from eating disorders. Oh how amazing it is when God washed us clean and removes our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. He has faithfully helped me to turn all over to Him and give Him the reigns. Is it always easy? NO. Is it the only thing I would ever want to choose? YES.

For three weeks I have been attempting to eat three healthy meals a day - even if for the evening meal that means buying healthy eating ready meals for now. Many times the temptation to make food a god again was so strong - to turn to it for comfort instead of running to the loving arms of a faithful SAVIOUR. Some nights I did fall to over-eating, and yet somehow God in His Mercy gave me strength to get up the next morning and once more look to Him and walk the narrow path....I can surely say like Joseph, "What the enemy meant for evil, God has used for good".... for it has been a weekend where I've had to trust in God by Faith as never before - and seen just how strong He is and the beauty and strength found in His sanctuary no matter what the external circumstances.

This Evening I can lift my hands once more to worship and praise Him. i am the richest person alive. We all are who know Christ Jesus as Lord. Oh how He has blessed me - not just helping me back to work and to my place in His body in the church, but also taking me on a journey everyday deeper into His heart. When it is hard I will look to Him and remember this weekend......

Nothing is too difficult for God. His HOLY WAYS are the delight of my soul. HE IS FAITHFUL and has promised to never leave or abandon His heritage. He loves us more than we could ever know. I'm so excited for when the strength in my limbs returns to be able to dance and jump in praise to God once more........I thought the enemy had won, I had totally given up, i thought there was no hope..... but it was a lie, there is always hope in Christ....ALWAYS. Even (and especially) for sinners like me. Today I stand forgiven and justified because of the price Jesus paid in His suffering and pain. What can i do, but give all my life back to Him in worship and thanks.

God is too awesome for words. His kindness truly does lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4), and He sets our feet on that solid Rock. This woman, like other daughters of the King before her, has found her strength in Christ and walked out of her self-inflicted prison. He will restore the years the locust has eaten, and is already turning their mourning into dancing!