Seven Ways to Host Thanksgiving Dinner that Supports Eating Disorder Recovery (Re-post)

I rarely write about eating disorders anymore, even from a counseling perspective; and it's rarer still that I will re-post a secular article on the subject. However, this article from blogger Allison Epstein is so spot-on that I had to share it.

Personally, I have been "recovered" (I prefer the more biblical term "transformed") for so many years that these days, quite honestly, I don't even think about these things. From the very first sentence, I was taken back in time - to the childhood holiday tables of my youth, where, for some inexplicable reason, my weight and my brother Phil's grades were the hot topics of conversation. (My other brother, Jay, who was on Ritalin before it was fashionable, usually got a pass - his volatile temper generally exempted him from his misdemeanors being scrutinized at family gatherings.)

Stop commenting on peoples' weight. For the love of Pete, just STOP it. It's unnecessary. Seriously. who cares?

Anyway, excellent article with helpful advice  that lets non-sufferers into the mind of eating-disordered people, and lets them know how they can be helpful to folks overcoming the ED mindset. Please read.



It's that time of year again: Thanksgiving. A time for food, family, friends, and football. Or, at my place, the National Dog Show, because puppies > football.

Actually, puppies > almost everything.

But for people dealing with an eating disorder (ED), the warm fuzzy aspects of Thanksgiving are often overshadowed by the looming threat in the middle of the holiday.

The giant meal, and all the emotional baggage that goes with it.

If you're hosting Thanksgiving for a guest with a history of food-related issues, you can't eliminate every single trigger from your table. But there are some small things you can do that will have a huge impact -- for them, and for all your guests.

1. Stop asking people if they've lost / gained weight

Say a relative you haven't seen in a year walks through the door. Within about 30 seconds, you can bet someone will exclaim, "Oh wow, you look fantastic. Have you lost weight?" (Weight gain could be remarked on, too -- though fatphobia tends to make people wary of doing so.)

This is a "don't" for three main reasons:

a. You're essentially saying, "Weight is the very first thing we notice in this house." I'm sure you can see why this isn't super-relaxing for guests in recovery.

b. You're not telling that person anything they don't already know. Obviously they look fantastic, whatever their weight. And if you aren't 110 percent sure their weight changes are intentional, not from stress / depression / chronic or invisible illnesses, just steer clear.

c. Weight is boring as hell. You're basically asking "Has your gravitational relationship with the earth altered slightly?"

*Yawn*

Ask how their job's going. Ask about their kids. Ask about that surprise twist last night on Scandal. Anything.

2. Talk about things other than food

"Isn't this turkey delicious?" might sound like a polite conversation-starter to you, but for someone with food-related stressors, it sounds like this:

"You aren't eating the turkey. I noticed. We're all watching you."

or

"You're eating so much of that turkey. I noticed. We're all watching you."

If food were the point of Thanksgiving, we could make an extravagant meal and eat it by ourselves any given Thursday, but we don't. The day's about togetherness and reconnecting with family (or friends, depending on how you choose to spend the holiday).

I'm not here to tell you what to talk about. You know your invitees better than I do. For example, at my house, I can guarantee you someone will shout "democratic socialism" at least once. And whatever your opinion on that, it's at least more interesting -- and less triggering -- than food.

3. Stop rationalizing your food choices

Stop me if you've heard this before:

"I skipped breakfast this morning, so it's OK if I have another slice of pie."

"Oh, I really shouldn't eat this! I'll go to the gym tomorrow morning."

Though you may not have a personal history with a restrictive ED, for someone who does, you're echoing the same kind of disordered thoughts they experience regularly.

And not only is this stressful, but it's also dangerously validating. "Normal" people think this way, they can reason, so it must be right, and I should keep doing it.

Newsflash: You can have dessert, and the world will not end. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Also, no one really cares when you go to the gym.

Just eat your pie and carry on.

4. Put your bathroom scale away

This takes 30 seconds, and could save your guest so much stress. Why wouldn't you?

I could ask you why you need a scale anyway, since the weight-health correlation is sketchy at best, but that's an article for another day.

5. Don't use ED-specific language as a joke

"I wish I had the willpower to be anorexic -- I can't stop eating these rolls!"

"Ugh, I totally binged on sweet potato casserole."

I hear these things all the time. Please do not.

A simple "yum" or "I'm full" will suffice, thanks.

6. Offer something to do before and after the meal

It's not just the meal itself that can cause stress. Before and after dinner, negative thought cycling can really get out of control.

And while it's not your responsibility -- or within your power -- to make your guest think positive thoughts, you can offer distractions. By giving your guest something else to do, they can replace obsessive thoughts with more neutral, task-based ones.

Fortunately, this is Thanksgiving. I'm sure you have tons of things that need doing.

Ask for help doing the dishes. If they like kids, enlist them to entertain younger siblings and cousins. Go for a leisurely walk after dinner and talk about whatever comes to mind. If they know origami, have them help you make elaborately folded napkins for the table.

(This may just be part of my dream to have elaborately folded napkins at every meal. But the point stands.)

7. Don't make observations about what they're eating

Yes, even if the person is on a recovery-geared meal plan. There's enough food-related stress around Thanksgiving without someone reminding you to get XX carbohydrates on your plate.

Of course, if you're worried about the person's immediate well-being, don't ignore that. Thanksgiving shouldn't be an excuse to engage in disordered behaviors.

The National Eating Disorders Association has a toll-free helpline your guest can call if needed. And if they're on Twitter, they can use the #Thx4Support hashtag all day on Thanksgiving, where people are standing by to listen and offer real-time support.

But if that's not the case, and you're just concerned they're eating a bit too much or a bit too little, don't make a scene. They'll be fine. Trust that they're doing the best they can under unusually stressful circumstances.

---

You might notice a lot of these tips sound pretty general.

Don't engage in diet talk. Don't weigh yourself or judge others by your weight. Don't treat food as a moral indicator.

That's because the key to throwing a recovery-friendly Thanksgiving is simple: create a body-image safe space, and the rest will follow.

These tips aren't just for Thanksgiving -- they're for everyone, every day of the year.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there are puppies I should be watching.

___________________

If you're struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

Follow Allison Epstein on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AllisonEpstein2

Hir ungjilli për gratë me çrregullime në të ngrënë, Pjesa II

Note: This is an Albanian-language translation of Part II of my article for the Biblical Counseling Coalition, "Gospel Grace for the Eating Disordered Woman". 

Shkrimtare:  Marie Notcheva

Përkthyes:    Juxhin Alia

Fjalë hyrëse nga ekipi BCC : Ju po lexoni pjesën e dytë të një blogu me 2 pjesë te miniserive Hir & E vertetë  mbi çrregullimet në të ngrënë nga Marie Notcheva. Në pjesën e parë të kësaj serie, ne trajtuam mendësinë e gabuar dhe “idhujtarinë” që qëndron pas çrregullimeve në të ngrënë. Në të dytën, do të trajtojmë disa dallime të përqëndruara në ungjill, mbi mënyrën e këshillimit të grave anoreksike dhe bulimike. Pjesën e parë mund ta lexoni këtu …

E pranuar nga Hiri

Në librin e saj, Good News for Weary Women (lajm i mirë për gratë e shqetësuara) Elyse Fitzpatrick  heq një paralele interesante mes këshillave ekstra-biblike që gratë e krishtera marrin mbi të qënurit “të perëndishme” dhe Galatasve të cilët Pali i qorton pse i shtonin rregullat e tyre besimit në krishtin.Fitzpatrick me të drejtë vë në dukje se përpjekja për të jetuar sipas standarteve të tua në një tentativë për ta bërë veten “të pranueshëm “ për Perëndinë do të çojë drejt fajita, dështimit dhe dënimit të vetes. Disa shembuj të këtyre rregullave të pashkruara qe injektojnë fajin përfshijnë presionin për të qënë meuese shtëpiake, për të mësuar femijët në shkollën e së dielës, dhe të ushqejë familjen e saj me vakte organike, të gatuara në shtëpi rregullisht. Të gjitha këto janë zakone të mira por as nuk janë urdhëresa biblike dhe as na fitojnë “pikë” me Perëndinë. Ajo çfarë Fitzpatrick po thotë është se kur ne(gratë) I shtojmë barra të tepërta listës sonë te “vet-përmirësimit” ne po e vendosim veten sërish nën  “robërinë e ligjit” , duke u përpjekur që ta bëjmë veten të dukemi “mirë në sytë tanë” dhe duke refuzuar nevojën për hir.

Për një grua anoreksike ose bulimike, robëria prej rregullave dhe ritualeve të vet-vendosura, rritet në mënyrë eksponenciale. Ushqimet “e lejuara” bëhen gjithmonë e më pak, regjimet e ushtrimeve të detyrueshme, bëhen më të gjatë dhe më të vështirë, dhe marrja e kalorive bie në nivele drastike mos-ushqyerje.

Për një bulimike, të hash “më shumë seç duhet” (edhe një kafshatë më tepër) e bën atë të justifikohet për ta vjellë të tërën : “Unë tashmë e bëra lëmsh këtë punë… më mirë po i shkoj deri në fund”. Kjo mënyrë e të menduarit “të gjitha ose asgje” nuk lë vend për hirin, gruaja ndihet e ndotur, e dobët dhe fajtore kur “dështon”.Michelle Myers, ish-anoreksike, shkroi se u ndikua nga fjalët e një miku të vet ndërsa kishte ngecur në mëkat si kurrë me parë “ bën stërvitje apo jo, Perëndia të do njelloj”. Fakti se nuk je më pak “e vlefshme” kur nuk ushtrohesh njëherë apo kur ha karbohidrate, është një koncept i vështirë për tu rrokur nga një subjekt qe këshillohet për çrregullime në të ngrënë dhe eshte një shembull konkret se ku ka nevojë ta aplikoj ajo ungjillin në jetën e përditshme.

Dallime në këshillimin e klienteve anoreksike dhe bulimike

Ndërsa diskutoni “rregullat” e të resë që keshilloni, dhe çfarë ndjen ajo se mund të arrijë duke i mbajtur ato, ju mund të hasni një larmi përgjigjesh që varen nga sa thellë janë ngulitur sjelljet e çrregullimeve në të ngrënë tek ajo. Gjithashtu vini re se anoreksiket janë përgjithsisht raste më të veshtira këshillimi sesa bulimiket për një numër arsyesh:

• ·        Shpesh(por jo gjithmonë) ato janë më të brishta fizikisht, puna e rëndë e ndryshimit biblik mund të kërkojë më tepër energji sesa ato kanë.
• ·        Niveli i të gënjyerit të vetes është më i madh tek anoreksiket.
• ·        Frika nga ushqimi dhe idhurjtaria e dobësimit është bërë shteruese për to.  Anoreksiket shpesh fillojnë keshillimin me pak shpresë për tu transformuar.

Nëse po këshilloni një femër që është diagnostikuar klinikisht me anoreksia nervosa (çka do të thotë se ajo është  të paktën 20% nën pëshën ideale trupore të saj), unë do të sugjeroja seriozisht për ju të kërkoni që ajo të kontrollohet të paktën çdo javë nga një mjek dhe të bëjë analiza laboratorike rregullisht. Mungesa e balancës së mineraleve elektrolitë janë fenomen i zakonshëm si mes bulimikeve ashtu edhe anoreksikeve, por rreziku i mos-funksionimit  te zemrës apo veshkave  është më i madh në anoreksi kronike.

Së dyti, jini të pregatitur për rezistencë nga subjekti anoreksik që keshillohet kur pëqrpiqeni ta bëni atë ta shohë sjelljen e saj si “mëkat”. Kjo është një nga dallimet më të mëdha që kam vënë re gjatë këshillimit të grave me çrregullime në të ngrënë : një bulimike tashmë e di se sjellja e saj eshtë e gabuar dhe vetë-shkaterruese, dhe i vjen zakonisht turp nga  “humbjet e kontrollit” që ka. Në kontrast me këtë një anoreksike ndihet e fuqishme kur arrin të privohet. Ajo beson se sjellja e saj e ngurtë është vetë misherimi i “të shëndetshmes”, e justifikon si “vetë-disiplinë”, dhe ndjen përbuzje për pëshen normale (që në sytë e saj është shëndet I tepërt). Kur ajo sheh veten në pasqyrë, pavarësisht se sa e dobët mund të jetë, ajo sheh një person obez përballë saj. Një bulimike mund të ketë një pikëpamje idhujtare mbi peshën(duke dashur të jetë e dobët aq shumë sa është e gatshme të mëkatojë per t’ia arritur) por zakonisht pesha e saj është afer normales dhe pamja e saj nuk është aq e shtrembëruar. Anoreksikja krenohet me “mbajtjen e ligjit” te vet, kjo është bërë identiteti i saj. Dëshira për të qënë e dobët me çdo kusht mbizotëron deri në atë pikë sa frika e saj nga ushqimi është bërë e pa-arsyeshme. Vetë natyra progresive e anoreksisë bën që subjekti I këshilluar të ketë frikë të gëlltisë ushqim.

Përveçse e ndihmoj atë  ti përballë këto frikëra në mënyrë biblike, unë kërkoj nga subjektet anoreksike të takojnë një dietolog(duke supozuar që sjanë të tillë) dhe këtë takim e inkurajoj edhe për rastin bulimik.  Takimi me një dietolog ndihmon anoreksiken të fitojë besim për të konsumuar ato çfarë trupi i saj ka nevojë në mënyrë të ushqyeshme, ndërsa përball bashkë me ju, këshilluesin biblik, mashtrimet që ajo ka përvetësuar.

Si rregull, unë nuk ju kërkoj as subjekteve anoreksike, as atyre bulimike të mbajnë ditar ushqimi, megjithëse dietologu mund ta kërkojë diçka të tillë. Të shkruajturit e çdo gjëje që ajo ha përqëndron një vëmendje të panevojshme tek ushqimi, sesa tek zbulimi i motiveve të zemrës së saj dhe tek ripërtëritja e mendjës së saj.

Duke i dhënë shpresë dhe duke i mësuar asaj ta çmojë Krishtin

Sido që të shfaqet sjellja e çrregullimeve në të ngrënë  të subjektit që këshilloni, ti japësh shpresë në sesionin e parë është vendimtare. Ajo mund të ketë përvetësuar shumë mite rreth çrregullimeve në të ngrënë nga “psikologjia e popit” siç janë “Ti kurrë nuk shërohesh, gjithmonë në përmirësim” përballeni këtë me 1 Korintasve 6:11 ku Pali këshilloi ish- grykës, pijanec, homoseksual, dhe të tjerë “të varur” nga mëkatet e tyre se ata janë “Larë… shenjtëruar… drejtësuar në emrin e Zotit Jezus” Ndihmojeni atë që të shohë se po e përdor ushqimin në një mënyrë që Zoti nuk e caktoi, dhe se po dëmton trupin që Ai i dha asaj për ti shërbyer dhe për të nderuar vetë Zotin. Një prej ngjashmërive mes anoreksisë dhe bulimisë është se në të dyja çrregullimet, kjo sjellje po shërben si “shpëtimtar i rremë” – Ato e bejnë të vuajturin të ndihet mirë (përkohësisht) prandaj është e vështirë të rreshtësh. Kur rehatia dhe Dobësimi janë prioritetet kryesore të saj, mendja e saj nuk “është vendosur tek gjërat qiellore” (siç vërejtëm në pjesën 1), dhe zemra e saj priret drej vetes (Mateu 6:21). Në mënyrë që të transformohet, ajo duhet të mësojë të ripërtërijë mendjen me Fjalën e Perëndisë dhe ta kthej zemrën e saj drejt Krishtit (Romakëve 12:1-3 , 2 Korintasve 3:18) Si në gjithë mëkatet jetë-zotërues, besimtarja duhet të mësojë ta shohë Jezus krishtin si më të bukur dhe më të dëshirueshëm se “idhulli” i saj. Detyra juaj është ta ndihmoni të dallojë cili është vullneti i tij I menjëhershëm për jetën e saj( një mendje e transformuar, shëndet, kthimi i ushqimit në rolin e vet jetik)  dhe ti besojë Perëndisë dhe atyre që ai i ka vënë pranë për ta ndihmuar(Proverbat 3:6)

Duke përballur tundimin

Të kapërcesh një çrregullim në të ngrënë nuk është e thjeshtë, edhe për një të krishterë që sinqerisht dëshiron të ndjekë Krishtin. Femrat shpesh mund të kenë drojë për t’i zbuluar “sekretin” e tyre dikujt kur vijnë për herë të parë tek ju, me turp për sjelljen e tyre, dhe me dëshiren e dëshpëruar për të ndalur por të tmerruara se Fjala e Perëndisë nuk do të “mjaftoj” për to, dhe ato nuk do mund të bëjnë kthesë nga çrregullimi i tyre në të ngrënë. Pregatituni të ri-vizitoni ungjillin ( Personin  dhe veprën e Jezus Krishtit për to) shumë herë dhe të tregoni, shpirtërisht, hir për çdo dështim (Luka 17:4 është një varg i fuqishëm për mëkatin që jep varësi, po ashtu Romakeve 7). Mësojini asaj ti kthejë sytë nga Krishti për ndihmë dhe ngushëllim në kohë vështirësie(Hebrenjve 4:14-16, 1 Pjetrit 5:6-7, Mateu 11:28-30) çdo herë që ajo është e aftë t’i drejtohet Perëndisë në momente dobësie dhe t’i rezistojë tundimit për t’iu përmbajtur ushqimit apo për të vjellë, ajo do të fitojë vet-besim dhe do të fillojë ta shohë veten duke kryer një fitore shpirtërore.

Shërim në trup, mendje dhe shpirt

Sapo subjekti që këshillohet ka filluar të hajë rregullisht, vakte të shëndetshme dhe te zhvillojë modele të reja të menduari, nevoja për t’u përmbajtur apo për të vjellë priret të largohet brenda pak muajsh. Anoreksikja tashmë e ka përballur frikën e saj më të madhe, të shtuarit peshë, dhe sheh një përmirësim në shëndetin e saj. Shtimi në peshë do të rrafshohet shumë shpejt, por këmbëngulni që ajo te vazhdojë të ndjekë planin e vakteve “të mirëmbajtjes” si pjesë e një detyre shtëpie. Shih kapitullin 13(konsiderata praktike) te librit tim, Redeemed from the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration from the bondage of Eating Disorders( Shpengim nga bataku, pendesë dhe ripërtëritje biblike nga robëria e çrregullimeve në të ngrënë)

Një bulimike sheh se dëshirat e papërmbajtura të saj largohen teksa mendja e saj ripërtërihet, pjesërisht edhe sepse ajo po mban ushqimin që trupi isaj kishte aq shume nevojë. Energjia dhe përqëndrimi i saj përmirësohen drastikisht, pothuaj ne te njëjtën kohë që rresht së vjelli, pasi niveli i sheqerit ne gjakun e saj nuk leviz pa fre cdo orë. Emocionalisht, anoreksiket dhe bulimiket priren të jenë në të njejtin nivel sapo të ngrënët e tyre normalizohet, dhe nuk fiksohen aq shpesh tek ushqimi.

Eshte jashtëzakonisht inkurajuese, si për gruan që kalon çrregullimin në të ngrënë, ashtu edhe për këshilluesin, të shohë transformimin të ndodhë ndersa ajo mëson t’I mbajë syte në Krishtin dhe ta lërë robërinë e saj perfundimisht tek këmbët e kryqit.

Bashkoju bisedës

Kur i referoheni vështirësive me çrregullimet në të ngrënë, qoftë në jetën tuaj apo të subjektit që këshilloni, si mund ta aplikoni hirin e ungjillit të Krishtit?

"The Look that Kills" Points Reader to the God Who Redeems

“The Look that Kills: An Anorexic’s Addiction to Control” by Michelle Myers (Crossbooks Publishing; 109 pgs.) is a moving first-person account of a young Christian girl’s rapid descent into an eating disorder, and the steadfast faith that pulled her out. Michelle, now a pastor’s wife and graduate of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, serves in young adult ministry and is a certified fitness trainer – two of her passions. “The Look that Kills” is her memoir, but it is more than an autobiography: it is a helpful, biblically-solid resource. Young women who struggle with eating disorders will see themselves through Michelle’s candid revelations of what was going on in her heart during her anorexic years, but the book is also helpful to girls with body-image issues or exercise obsession.

The daughter of loving, Christian parents, Michelle took up an interest in sports and began dieting to lose a few extra pounds. Initially, her pride was fueled by compliments and envious stares at her figure. What started out as a healthy interest became a dangerous obsession, as Michelle purged every calorie by over-training at the gym and running marathons. As others’ concern grew, she began entering – and winning – beauty pageants. Over the next several years, Michelle’s health deteriorated; her weight at 84 lbs, she blacked out while running one morning. At this point, she cried out to God – realizing she desperately needed help – and began the hard work of renewing her mind to overcome this life-dominating bondage.

I originally purchased this book for a counselee, who, like Michelle, developed “exercise addiction” as part of her anorexic behavior. As someone who had experienced this, Michelle’s angle – describing what goes on in the mind of an “exercise addict” and how to work fitness back into her life in a God-honoring way – is a unique and helpful one.

Michelle points the reader to the principles she found in Scripture at her lowest points, and as her spiritual life improved, so did her health. Immersing herself in the Bible, she was able to compile numerous passages that directly combatted lies she had believed for years; and re-found her identity in Christ. After struggling to eat her first meal in months, Michelle turned to the Word:

“Glancing at the daily reading plan outlined in my Bible, I turned to the suggested passage of Romans 8:1-17. I could hardly believe my eyes when they fell on the very first verse I read: “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” My tear-stained journal from that day reads: “Simply because I have confessed belief in His Son, God has wiped my life clean. No questions asked, no guilt-trip. He sent His Son to die so that His Spirit could live in me, and now, I can follow Him instead of calories. If I continue on this path, I am only harming myself, but living in Him will fully restore me to the girl that I used to be.”

Woven throughout Michelle’s testimony are Scriptures defining the biblical view of beauty; reminders of God’s faithfulness; and lessons learned about perfectionism (an attribute common to anorexics and bulimics, which is a contradiction of the Gospel. Perfectionism is, in essence, trusting in one’s own merit, works or abilities as a “false savior”; a means of feeling good about one’s self – rather than resting in the finished work of Christ. Michelle underscores the importance of Scripture in combatting the self-absorbed thinking behind eating disorders, and, as I did, overcame her life-threatening eating disorder without inpatient or psychiatric treatment. She demonstrates beautifully that the Great Physician is the only Healer of our hearts and souls – where the problem of sin lies.

Another good point Michelle makes in “The Look that Kills” is that pop-psychology and self-help literature does not adequately address the root cause of eating disorders, and cannot provide soul-care solutions. She points out that every book (secular or religious) she read in the early stages of her transformation blamed the media for the proliferation of eating disorders; yet as she dug deeper into the Bible, she saw that human preoccupation with beauty went back to the beginning of time.

“That was when I decided to take the self-help books back to the library. Even my resources that claimed to be “Christian” relied more on secular teachings than biblical foundations. The very problem with these books was revealed in the genre of literature and the root cause: self-help and self-esteem…..Rather than looking inside myself to discover who I was, I needed to look at who the Bible said I was. I won’t lie to you; I was discouraged at first. If you search Scripture trying to find value and worth within yourself, you will come up empty-handed every time.”

As she brings us through her years of restoration, which ultimately meant marriage and children (a future she doubted possible), Michelle beautifully pulls together encouragements and lessons God taught her along the way. Her fears and the deliberate work of renewing her mind with the Word are things any woman battling an eating disorder will relate to, and Michelle tells her story with a touching honesty and vulnerability that points all glory back to God. Her writing is empathetic and touching, and every point she makes is doctrinally-sound. She includes questions for reflection and discussion at the end of each chapter, and describes godly modifications she made to her daily life in the final chapter to assist the reader in “putting on” new disciplines to replace eating-disordered rituals. “The Look that Kills” is an excellent book to encourage women preoccupied with weight and fitness, as well as those with full-blown anorexia, turn to God and leave this slavery behind permanently.  

Freedom from Eating Disorders (Laurie Glass)

Freedom from Eating Disorders

Dear readers,

I often refer you to God-honoring, biblical books or online resources to help you in your walk of repentance away from anorexia or bulimia, and today I would like to feature one such ministry. Laurie Glass, who I met online, is a sister in the Lord who also ministers to Christian women struggling to leave their disordered eating patterns behind. Laurie has an excellent website "Freedom from Eating Disorders" which has many links, articles, and helpful resources.

This morning's post (actually, I don't know when it was written but she shared the link on Facebook this morning) is an excellent exercise in renewing your mind and seeing this life-dominating sin for what it really is - an enemy. "Your Eating Disorder - Friend or Foe?" demonstrates Scripturally how when we choose to believe the lies that ensnare us in addictive behavior, the addiction to food and "weight-idolatry" takes center stage in our lives. Where is the Lover of our soul in the picture? Lie #6 rung especially true to me, as I remember my life a decade ago: "This enemy causes us to doubt God’s love for us. It makes us feel so ashamed before Him that we are too uncomfortable to even pray in regard to the eating disorder."

Oh yes, my sisters. Make no mistake about it: shame in a powerful weapon in Satan's arsenal.

Included on her site is Laurie's own testimony, as well as that of others; helpful Scriptures, and links to Christian counseling resources. I encourage you to check out some of the great articles she has posted, as well.

"Body Gossip" Clip

Motivational recovery short from British celebrities about walking away from an eating disorder and rejecting the lies the obsession causes one to believe.

Counseling Anorexic Girls - From NANC 2011

Last month, I attended the NANC Conference in Walnut Creek, California, at which Martha Peace taught an excellent workshop entitled "Counseling as if a Life Depended on It: Counselees with Anorexia". In her lecture, Martha highlighted the need for a physician's involvement because of the medically fragile condition of the anorexic; the reality of both a spiritual (eternal soul-threatening) emergency and the physical one; and how family members may be involved in a helpful way.

Any woman repenting from an eating disorder needs help from those closest to her. As God transforms her mind and thinking, it is necessary for family members (mothers especially) to know how to give the right kind of "support" and reinforce biblical attitudes (and right behaviors). Martha demonstrated how an anorexic counselee would be instructed to keep a "self-talk" log, contrasting sinful, obsessive and self-oriented thoughts with biblical replacements which focus on loving God and others. For example, an eating-disordered girl will typically fret, "Everyone is watching me! Why can't they leave me alone?!" The "put-on" thought to replace this might be, "Everyone is not watching me, and those that are, love me very much. I don't blame them for being worried."

Naturally, mealtimes are very tension-fraught in households where someone is battling an eating disorder. One question Martha often fields from concerned mothers is, "What should we do if our daughter just sits and stares at her food?" Discomfort often leads parents to excuse, ignore, or over-react (crying; begging) to their daughters' willful starvation. Instead, Martha counsels parents to remain calm, speak to her very calmly and give her hope. They might express something along the lines of, "I know this is very hard for you but the Lord will help you, and I want you to pick up your fork and take a bite of potatoes. Ask the Lord to help you. We are going to pray for you right now and then we are going to continue to eat our meal." Then, she counsels, turn the focus of dinner conversation to something else - the matter has been dealt with compassionately, biblically, and lovingly - but without dwelling on it or focusing excessive attention on the young woman or her battle.

While Martha made many good points and gave helpful advice on giving homework, making agendas and how to approach the Gospel with the counselee, I particularly liked this discussion of parental involvement and thought it was especially practical. An eating disorder, like any other type of addiction (life-dominating sin), affects every member of the family. I especially like her suggestion of praying and bringing God into what is so clearly a spiritual battle - right there at the dinner table. Having "fought" this lonely battle privately for years, I can tell you that having a compassionate, godly parent offering hope during the scariest moment would have made a world of difference. A loving family praying over a frightened young woman as she faces her fear is far more effective than "talk therapy" and secular "coping strategies". The Bible has much to say about dealing with fear, and the fact that God is FOR us and not against. Reinforcing these truths is the best "support" a young woman could receive.

Guest Post: Stephanie's Transformation - Free in Christ from Anorexia

This week, I am writing the theology section of the NANC exam and don't have a lot of extra time to blog. However, there are several amazing stories in my inbox which I would like to share with you. One young woman has recently come to Christ, repenting of her addictions and just beginning her Christian walk. Another is beginning to make strides in seeing her food obsession as sin, and wrote to thank me for my counsel and encouragement. Stephanie, (below) is sharing what Christ has done and continues to do in her life. Stephanie used to be enslaved to anorexia. Thanks to God's loving-kindness and patience, she was able to be transformed in her mind and spirit and now lives for God. With the help of the loving nouthetic counselors God brought into her life at Vision of Hope (a NANC-affiliated biblical counseling center in Indiana), she is now free and is able to use her testimony of God's faithfulness to encourage others. I hope her story blesses you.
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My name is Stephanie. I am twenty-nine years old and I struggled with anorexia form the age of twelve until about two years ago. I struggled growing up, trying to fit in as part of a small community where most people strove to look perfect, thin, and to “have it all together.“ I also believe the anorexia was affected by abuse I’d suffered in the past.

I don’t want to go into any details about my particular eating disordered behaviors except to say that they completely dominated my existence. I had no time, energy, or love for anything or anyone else. My life was me, me, me. Starving and losing weight was my way of life. If the scale read a low number, or I could fit into a certain size of jeans, it meant I was okay, I was accepted, and I was safe. It meant that I could control my life and keep myself from getting hurt in any way. Of course, I had to isolate myself so much in the lies I was living that by the time I was full-blown into the eating disorder, I had no true friends. I was hospitalized several times and told, “Stephanie, you may as well get used to dealing with this--anorexia is a lifelong struggle, something you’ll never fully overcome.” Even my Christian friends would tell me that.

What a hopeless way to think! I knew there had to be a better way, and I knew I needed to find the truth about all of this. I was blessed to have some amazing Christian women come alongside me and help me search the Scriptures for truth that was lasting truth--God’s truth.

I’d believed in Jesus for a long time…I did grow up in a church, but I didn’t fully understand God or God’s character…..I didn’t KNOW him as my Savior, my Provider, my Protector, and someone who LOVED me more than I could ever understand. I saw God as just having another set of rules I could never perfectly follow.

What I’m learning now is this: My life is not just mine to live. I have a purpose--and it is to glory God and enjoy Him forever! I have a Savior who has done what all those doctors told me could never be done--He set me free from anorexia and showed me a new way to live. He loves me SO much--way too much to let me stay far from Him and in a life consumed with lies. I can choose to obey what my sinful mind tells me is okay….I can skip this meal…..or lie about that one…..OR I can choose to follow God’s Word, which tells me, “Do you not know that your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).”

Do you get that? God bought you with a price! You are of value to Him. You are worth too much to Him for Him to let you continue in a sin that could ultimately destroy your body, your mind, and your relationships with God and others.

God also wants me to love and serve others, even those who have hurt me (Luke 6:27-36). I cannot truly and fully love others if I am spending all my time obsessing about food, my weight, and looking a certain way. And I certainly cannot really love others and serve them when my body is broken down and unhealthy.

I realized that the main lie in the middle of my anorexia was that it would keep me safe. Safe physically, safe from disapproval, safe from abuse. And lies, they are! The eating disorder did not keep me safe from any of these things. In fact, it put my life in danger. It gave me more anxiety. It alienated me from everyone around me. And it kept me from serving the Lord with my whole heart. I was too busy serving myself, though I didn’t see it that way at that time. I was living in life-dominating sin.

God is slowly teaching me more and more about who He is, and I’m realizing that I want to love and obey Him--and not like a “set of rules I have to follow perfectly“--but obedience out of a heart that loves Him and values Him more than anything else in this temporary life.

I am purposefully studying God’s character--His love, His goodness, His sovereignty. I want to be able to obey him in all areas of my life--not just in the way I care for the body He’s given me, but the way I reach out to love and serve others, and the way I live every minute of my life.

If you’re struggling with any kind of eating disorder, please remember these things. God is good. He is merciful. He is love. He stands ready to help you through this. And it is not a life sentence. There is TRUE FREEDOM from eating disorders.

Disappointment in Course (or, At Least there's a Market for My Book!)

Nothing. In over 600 pages,
there's NOTHING HERE!

It was with great anticipation that I looked forward to the arrival of my current course in the biblical counseling tract I'm taking, "Medical Issues in Counseling 1 and 2". The course syllabus promised a 12-lecture course dealing with "specific medical issues i.e. anorexia, bulimia..."(sic) among other things.

Even though I have spent the last several years researching, writing and informally counseling women with eating disorders, according to biblical principles - to the best of my knowledge -naturally I was quite eager to see what the "experts" had written about this pervasive subject afflicting millions of Christian women. I was greatly looking forward to learning how top biblical counselors approach the whole subject of food addiction, bulimia in particular.

The 12 DVD set just arrived in the mail, along with the required text: "The Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference" (a $40 book, by the way). Including appendices, this tome is nearly 500 pages. IT DOES NOT CONTAIN ONE SINGLE WORD ABOUT ANOREXIA, BULIMIA, OR EATING DISORDERS. Neither do the more than 100-pages of lecture notes provided with the video lectures. (There is, however, an entire lecture devoted to "sleep disorders"). If anorexia and/or bulimia are even touched on at all in the lectures, the subject must have been so parenthetical as to not even warrant mention in the lecture outlines.

I am deeply disappointed, to say the least. My only explanation for this is that these books/lectures are written by men, and eating disorders tend to be a female-problem. (In biblical counseling, men counsel men and women counsel women, unlike in the psych fields). Broadly speaking, biblical counseling tends to be a very male-dominated field (and I say that as a complementarian...I strongly uphold male leadership in the Church); but more than half of Christian counselees are women. How could such a huge issue as eating disorders be so completely overlooked in a course like this? Especially when it is listed, on the course syllabus, as being included? If, after I have viewed all of the lectures it turns out that anorexia or bulimia was discussed, I'll write a retraction. But based on this (very expensive) material, there's nothing there.

I suppose there's one positive way of looking at this oversight: there's a definite market for my book! There is virtually nothing, written from a purely biblical perspective, on the subject of eating disorders.

Well...that's about to change. As soon as the publisher gives me an approximate publication date, I'll share and let you know how you can pre-order "Redeemed from the Pit".

Interview with Former Anorexic, Michelle Myers



Michelle today

 Yesterday, Lucy Ann Moll interviewed pastor's wife and author of "The Look the Kills" Michelle Myers on her radio show "The Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors". This is the same show on which I was interviewed last month, and Michelle talks about her battle with anorexia and obsessive exercising which started her freshman year of college.

Although I have not yet read her book, I appreciate her standpoint and willingness to give God all the glory for her transformation! As Lucy points out at the beginning of the show, motivation is what determines whether a goal of weight-loss is sinful or not. Valuing the opinions of people, or growing in Christ - what will rule you?

Although anorexia is much less common than bulimia, it is a dangerous obsession which still controls many Christian women. Listen to Michelle's interview here, and be edified:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2011/01/25/sisterhood-of-beautiful-warriors

As an epilogue, Michelle is now completely free of her eating disorder, is walking with Christ, and is six months pregnant. Praise God for her testimony!

What Makes Anorexia a "Harder Case"?

Earlier this week, I was chatting with Martha Peace, who is working closely with me on my book and discussing revisions with me as we go. I very much consider her a mentor, and the depth of her experience in the biblical counseling field helps me to learn about how to best minister to young Christian ladies. (Not to mention, as a bestselling author, her writing suggestions are much appreciated)!

During the course of conversation, she mentioned a book she and several other recognized biblical counselors, including the brilliant Stuart Scott, are compiling on hard counseling cases. The topic on which Martha will write, for her contribution to the anthology, is anorexia nervosa. (Needless to say, I am looking forward to the book's release - I want to be as well-prepared as possible when I am a fully-certified NANC counselor).

Now, bulimia is quite a bit more common than anorexia, but this project is to zero in on the toughest cases of all.

This got me to thinking: why is it, exactly, that anorexics are more difficult counseling cases than bulimics? This was not a subject I got into in my own book - I did not focus on the differences too much between the two disorders, but rather dealt primarily with the root sins contributing to both behaviors. Moreover, most anorexics end up becoming bulimic at some point, anyway...it is much harder to continue to starve than it is to give in to the urge to eat, and then purge as an "escape hatch".

However, there are women who maintain anorexia long-term without ever giving in to bulimia. I have known of women to go well over a decade as anorexics, while their body tissues slowly disintegrate, still pursuing that elusive "thinness". This scenario is much rarer than the more common one: a low-to-average weight woman who binges and purges in secret, or an overweight lady who habitually overeats and cannot seem to moderate her eating habits.

What is it about anorexia that makes it harder to counsel? Here is my theory (and it is just that; my somewhat-educated opinion): the level of self-delusion in anorexia is deeper.

A bulimic knows that what she is doing is wrong. She feels shame constantly, even when she has been purging for so long her conscience is desensitized. Even before she seeks counseling, inwardly, she knows it is sinful to gorge and vomit up food. She knows the risks of laxative abuse, and is filled with disgust and self-loathing. She wants to stop the binge/purge cycle, but on the other hand is conflicted: 1) the frenzied act of eating/purging retains some sort of "reward" to her that she is reluctant to give up; B) she is deathly afraid of gaining weight. As with her anorexic sister, the bulimic has made weight her idol. Nevertheless, she rarely has any delusions that bingeing and purging is anything less than sinfully self-destructive.

The anorexic Christian, on the other hand, is less likely to really see her self-starvation as wrong. Anorexia seems the more "noble, stoic" of the two eating disorders -- after all, it takes enormous willpower to consistently refuse food. The anorexic is typically very proud of "overcoming" her baser human instinct - the need to eat for survival - and sees herself as of stronger, more self-controlled stock than other women. She has never eaten food only to "get rid of it"; what's the problem? she may reason.

Add to this the grossly distorted body image more common to anorexics, and you would have a hard time convinvcing them that they need to gain weight. I remember when I was anorexic in 11th grade, looking in the mirror (at 5'5" and 90 lbs.) and seeing a normal-weight girl. Interestingly, in photographs of myself I saw how emaciated I was; but anorexics do not see themselves realistically in "real time". For this reason, I highly recommend meeting with a nutritionist as well as a biblical counselor during the re-feeding process. A nutritionist provides an objective, science-based eating plan according to biological, nutritional needs. In my experience, this was helpful in giving me the confidence to eat nutritionally-balanced, if small, meals and to gain weight without freaking out.

A third reason anorexics may present tougher counseling cases than bulimics is the connection between asceticism and "religion". I use " " around the term 'religion' to distinguish this way of thinking from true, biblical Christianity. The ascetics were an ancient group that believed in subjugating the body (believing all matter to be evil, like the Gnostics) in an attempt to reach a higher level of 'spirituality'. This way of thinking was also rampant in Medieval Catholicism (see my post on 'holy anorexia' and the contemplative nuns of the Middle Ages) where flagellants and penitents would beat, starve, and sleep-deprive their bodies mercilessly as "penance".

The notion of "penance" is antithecal to the Gospel, which teaches repentance. Repentance is godly sorrow over sin; trusting in Christ's finished work on the Cross as atonement; and dependance on Him to turn away from the sin. Penance, on the other hand, is self-inflicted punishment or man's attempt to "make it up to God" by performing some act. This is the height of pride (thinking that we can add something to our redemption, on top of Christ's sacrifice); it is also a gross perversion of the true motivation for the spiritual disciplines (including fasting).

A Christian anorexic could easily justify her habit as "holy", by calling it a "fasted lifestyle". The secular media certianly reinforces this mindset, by glorifying women who successfully lose weight through "willpower" (the secular term for "self-control"). Self control is certainly a fruit of the Spirit, and fasting is something Christians are expected to do in seasons of intense prayer, but the anorexic mindset perverts them both. Although she is called, as a believer, to "put on the new self", she is in fact giving reign to vanity and self-absorbtion. Paul writes:

"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:1-3)

The anorexic's mind is most definitely not set on "the things above", nor is she walking in the Spirit. Her mind is set on the carnal desire for unnatural thinness and audulation; she ruminates about food day and night. Her lifestyle and habits "sow to the flesh" (Galations 6:8). However, it is much more difficult for her to see her true spiritual condition through the eyes of faith than it is for a bulimic, whose purgeing habit is more obviously sinful (gluttony; waste; destruction of the temple - 1 Corinthinas 6:19). Anorexia is just as grievous a sin against the body as bulimia is, but for these reasons I believe it can be harder to convince an anorexic that this is, indeed, the case.

What are your thoughts on this? I am especially interested in feedback from some of you ladies who are (or have been) struggling with anorexia. Do you see this as a life-dominating sin, or something that makes you "purer" (even if only in your own eyes)? Do you consider jeopardizing your health by self-starvation as wrong as overeating; or do you see it as "virtuous" (even if only secretly)?

“Holy Anorexia” and Sanctified Starvation

Catherine of Siena was bulimic. So was Theresa of Avila.

Did you know that? I’ll bet you didn’t know that fellow mystic, Catherine of Alexandria, is the patron “saint” of anorexics and bulimics.

One of the most bizarre chapters in Christian history is that of the Medieval ascetics. Many of these devotees to Christ and the so-called “cult of the Virgin” daily flagellated themselves, starved themselves, wore chains and hair shirts, mutilated their own bodies (particularly their sexual organs), and even purged food as an act of piety and self-denial.

Amy Indyke writes about Catherine of Siena: “This 14th century woman subjected her body to ruthless abuse and neglect throughout her life; these severe practices informed her theological constructs. Catherine does not discuss the extent of her asceticism in her writings, but the eyewitness accounts of her practices are innumerable. Her bulimia was so infamously extreme that she was reported to have shoved “twigs down her throat to bring up the food she could not bear to have rest in her stomach. Other accounts report spontaneous vomiting.” The idea of swallowing twigs and “spontaneous vomiting” denotes extreme pain caused by bloody lacerations, scratches, and the blood vessels that burst from forced vomiting. Rudolph Bell, author of Holy Anorexia, asserts that "not only did Catherine die from starvation but also from her perverse bodily mortification. She was also a flagellant who whipped herself “with chains for an hour and a half three times daily. At one time she wore a hair-shirt, but later replaced it with a chain bound to tightly about her that it embedded itself in her flesh. She reduced her sleep to approximately one half hour every two days, and used only a board for her bed.” Whipping and tightly-bound chains must have left her body bruised and torn. She believes suffering is necessary also because it imitates Christ’s paradigm, embodied by his crucifixion, and facilitates the Soul’s reintegration with God.” (Emphasis mine).
<== A heavily "re-touched" picture of Catherine of Siena

This kind of twisted thinking is difficult to fathom, even for the unregenerate mind. Self-destructive behavior is sinful, and the idea that it was held as a sign of holiness is a perversion, obviously, of biblical truth. Elevating starving and purging to the level of virtue is a twisting, a bastardization of the spiritual discipline of fasting and self-control (which is one of the fruits of the Spirit).

“In the medieval period, the control, renunciation, and torture of the body were understood not so much as a rejection of the physical, but as a way of achieving the divine…Theresa of Avila began frequently to use twigs of olives to induce vomiting and completely empty her stomach. In this way she was able to truly take into herself the Host, which became her unique source of sustenance. From an investigation of the conduct of 170 Italian medieval saints by Rudolph Bell (1985), fully one half of them exhibited symptoms of anorexia.” (Mario Reda,“Anorexia and the Holiness of Saint Catherine of Siena”).

Without getting into a lengthy discussion of medieval mysticism and why altered states of consciousness are demonic, (Ray Yungen does an excellent job of addressing this subject in “A Time of Departing”, as does Dave Hunt in “The Seduction of Christianity”), suffice to say that contemplative spirituality, which gripped the Roman church and thousands of pious young women during the Middle Ages, is a counterfeit trap of Satan. The lure of mysticism arises from it’s emphasis on personal experience, and is essentially a flesh-pleasing form of spirituality. Subtly, all biblical principals are misconstrued or ignored – the soul is seduced with the promise of “union with the divine”. Extreme fasting has traditionally been a part of this practice, which elevates altered states of consciousness to a holy rite.

The TRUE face of anorexia

Since the mystical practices associated with “sanctified starvation” are so clearly demonic – levitation; self-mutilation; demonic attacks – is it not logical that the eating disordered behavior these “contemplative saints” practiced was of the devil, as well? Here’s why:

1. Humans were made in the image of God.

2. Satan wants to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10) children of God.

3. One way he attempts this “revenge” against God is by harming you physically (even killing you, if possible).

When writing my book, I discussed at length the fact that Satan cannot make the believer do anything, but he can tempt you to harm yourself. This is especially effective if he has convinced the believer that the self-harm is a good thing, or has spiritual value (on some level, many women today believe that self-starvation is a noble, if not spiritual practice). One of the main ways the devil has operated from the beginning is by twisting God’s words and thus brainwashing His children.

<==A "holy woman", or one desperately in need of help?

I am convinced this is what happened among the medieval mystics, secluded in their austere convents. They were not reading God’s Word, which was forbidden at the time, but instead were relying heavily on their subjective, ecstatic experience. Furthermore, the notion that they, as sinners, could participate by physical suffering in Christ’s redemption of humanity belies an almost incredible hubris on their part. From the scant amount of research I’ve done on these Catholic ascetics/contemplatives, I am convinced that many of them were demon-possessed (or at least suffering demonic oppression). Out of body experiences are one of the characteristics of occultism, and combined with the unscriptural practices of the monastic life, demonization was the natural result.

“….a certain level of pain and suffering through careful dieting may be required. Women are not forced to do this by male religious authorities. This is not masochism either. On the contrary, young anorexics and bulemics believe that their pain brings them closer to God, for self-inflicted suffering imitates Christ’s own pain and suffering on the Cross. Saint Catherine is therefore the patron saint of anorexics. Modern women have a tendency to suffer guilt and remorse when they diet, instead of regarding it as a healthy spiritual process. Such suffering is unnecessary if modern women can learn that through the pain of the Eucharist and fasting that they can attain that higher mystical state. Women must learn to renounce food while the men must renounce power.” (“Voices and Saints”, emphasis mine).

How food and spirituality became intertwined is an interesting historical subject, but the spirituality ascribed to self-starvation did not begin with 20th century Western culture. I like to think, though, that no woman today purges in the Name of Christ. It is inconceivable to me that these “holy” women are canonized as saints; their purging and cutting given sacred value.

As a Christian counselor, it is particularly bizarre to me seeing how the concept of faith and holiness has historically been perverted to sanctify anorexia and bulimia. “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.” (Isaiah 5:20). Ladies, self-starvation, mutilation (including cutting), induced vomiting, and excessive restricting is not God’s will for you, and it never was. It is a false idol, an impure practice and is destructive to your body – the temple of the Holy Spirit. There is NO virtue in this practice, and it makes so one one iota holier – only progressively enslaved to sin. You cannot live the abundant life Christ promised – which includes obedience to Him and service to others – if you starving and purging yourself to death.

Catherine of Siena starved herself to death, by the way – in “atonement for the Church’s sins”. Look it up – it’s historical fact.